Pale Face

I didn’t mean for things to get so out of hand. It was supposed to be innocent when it started but it’s spiraled so far out of control that I don’t know how I’m going to ever escape this.

After two months of bland summer August finally hit and I was completely done with the hot sun. I had just finished college in the spring and there wasn’t much to do in my hometown. I spent most of my days hiking in the woods and hanging out with my few friends. At night I enjoyed drinking and listening to real life horror stories. I don’t know why but real-life scary stories always fascinated me. The idea of what you see in horror films occurring in our reality was so heart pounding it always perked me up and put me on edge. I loved that feeling more than anything. Being scared and full of adrenaline made me feel like I was fulfilling my life’s purpose. Some people spent their whole lives trying to find their passion and at the age of 14 I already knew mine was fear.

My days got so boring as it was particularly hot, and I had no desire to go out in the sun. I began to think more and more about the videos I watched and how I felt when I saw them. I had just watched one about the scariest real life stalker experiences and it really stuck with me. I thought the feeling of being followed like that or following someone would give everyone involved such a rush. A real feeling of being appreciative to have survived.

The day it all started I woke up late and had to get out of my house for a bit. I drove around for hours in the hot late summer sun with my AC blasting until I needed a break. I pulled over for a second in a neighborhood about 15 minutes from my house. The neighborhood was quite large and the houses were some of the biggest in the whole area. I let out a big sigh and thought about what I should do the rest of my day. It was only 3 even though it felt like 7 and I was so sick of being bored. I wanted to be truly scared like the stories made me, or I wanted to truly scare someone that same way. That’s when it finally hit me.

The only fun I could see myself having was doing this as nothing else seemed even remotely enjoyable to me. I decided to pick one of the houses in that nice neighborhood and watch it for the rest of the day. It made me excited just to think about it. Knowing the people had nothing to worry about because I’d never hurt anyone but still mixed with the fun of giving them a bit of a scare was the greatest thing in the world to me in that moment. I loved the idea of making one of those stories in real life, and the thought that maybe this family would write about what happened made me practically giddy with excitement. I started driving down the street debating which house to pull up close to. I chuckled to myself as little did the family in the house I was going to pick know, but they were about to be in for quite a scary time. Then I saw the house I knew was the one. There was a family of four playing wiffle ball in the front yard. A daughter, a son, and a kind looking mom and dad. I knew immediately that this was the perfect family. The children were very young, and the parents only looked around 40. The ideal choice for a horror story that people would want to tell their kids one day to scare them when they’re bad. I pulled up across the street from the house about 15 feet back from being directly across from them. Then I waited and watched and waited and watched knowing that if this was going to be a story that day one wasn’t going to be anything special. From their perspective it would just be that brief moment in time where you eventually notice the car and say to yourself, “huh that cars been there for a while I wonder if they know the neighbors.” The first little appetizer of terror, the calm before the storm.

I waited until it got dark and then I got out of my car. I was nervous at first but as I crossed the street and approached the home, I gained more confidence. I stepped onto the sidewalk in front of their house and checked my watch. It was 8:56 and the only light that was on was in their living room. I envisioned that they were watching a movie and thinking nothing of the car they briefly noticed earlier in the day. I took a few steps across the sidewalk until I was in the very front of their yard. I could see them now in the living room and it was clear they were watching something. I got nervous again once I felt the grass beneath my shoes and looked everywhere to see if anyone was around. For a second I snapped out of my trance and realized how messed up what I was doing was. I quickly jogged back to my car and opened my door. I glanced back at the house for a moment and then got in and drove home. When I got home, I went straight to bed and admittedly I was happier than I had been in a long time. The adrenaline I felt that night was more than I had the entire summer before that. I finally drifted off to a very calm sleep. That night I dreamed I had walked across their yard, opened their living room window, and sat down with them and watched a movie. They all welcomed me like I had known them for years and we had a great time.

The next morning, I woke up around 9 and tried to shake the idea of going back to the house. After the dream though it was impossible. I couldn’t resist the idea of returning and following the family’s activities. Maybe they would invite me in if they saw me all alone in my car enough. I could finally have a family that enjoyed spending time with me. I watched TV until about 3 in the afternoon and then I decided it was time to head to the house. There was no point in fighting it, I wanted to keep watching the family and, on some level, I think they wanted me too as well. We were all meant to be together, they just didn’t know it yet. I could see it clearly, and I knew it was up to me to make sure they learned the truth. I got in my car and drove the 15 minutes to their street. I slowly crawled up the road and parked in the same place as last time. There was no car in their driveway, and it didn’t appear anyone was home. I turned my car off and glanced down at my watch. It was 3:22 and it wouldn’t be dark for hours. I didn’t care though; I was just happy to be back on that now familiar street. I sat back in the seat and really examined the house. It was a large white house with four windows that were visible to me where I was. I knew one was the living room as that was where I had seen them the night before. The upstairs two were likely bedrooms I thought and the other one appeared to be the kitchen. There were also two small windows above their garage. All of the lights appeared to be off and there was no movement in the house. The calmness was fascinating to me, and I stared for hours at the house and yard studying every inch. They had a pretty big yard for a house in this neighborhood which meant a lot of potential for me. Even at this point I fantasized about watching the way I was now from much closer, and a big yard was helpful for that. At around 6 the family pulled back into the driveway and the two kids jumped out bouncing around excitedly. I practically pressed my face to my window to watch them, after waiting for so long finally seeing the family made it hard to stay in my car. They walked into the house without even glancing in my direction, which was good. I continued to watch as lights turned on and it was clear that they were heading to the living room for another movie night. Just the idea of watching a movie with them made me want to run to their front door, but I restrained myself. It wasn’t time for anything like that yet, I had to be patient. I decided I’d get out of my car and go farther into their lawn than last time as soon as their movie was over. I watched them on their couch sharing laughs and enjoying some movie that I wish I could have seen.

At around 9 the movie ended and after a 20-minute process the living room light shut off and the lights in the two upstairs bedrooms turned on. They were only on for about 10 minutes though until both shut off. I looked now at the dark house that I knew had a sleeping family inside. It was fascinating to think how easily I could harm them now if I chose to. The perception of a fallacy of safety in a house is something that will likely get many people hurt. The walls are not steel, and the windows are not unbreakable. If I wanted, I could enter their house right now. I didn’t want to though; I couldn’t do such a thing until they wanted me to. But my plan was to get closer tonight, much closer than yesterday.

I waited another 15 minutes and then I got out of my car. I slinked across the quiet dark street and onto the sidewalk by the house. I quickly walked into their yard making sure I went about 10 feet past where I did last night. So close that if someone was in the living room, they would be able to make out my facial features. Luckily no one was though, and it appeared no one was awake. I decided to basically dare myself to walk all the way up to the living room window and look in. I glanced at the upstairs window one more time and then I quickly but quietly approached the living room. When I was right next to it, I looked inside and examined the dark room. There was the couch that I was used to looking at. I saw another chair that was blocked by my view and a lot of pictures on the walls of the family that I couldn’t make out before. They all looked like such nice people. I loved just studying the details of their living room. Suddenly a light turned on by the stairs and I quickly hid in the bush by the window. I leaned up some so I could just barely see what was going on. The son looked like he was coming downstairs to get something to eat or drink. The kid reminded me of myself when I was younger. So many options and potential ahead, a feeling that I had grown more than bitter towards at this point in my life. He ran back upstairs with what looked like a glass of water and the light turned back off. I decided that I had more than overachieved for just my second night and I began to head back to my car. It was easy to forget but the chances that a neighbor noticed something strange was always there. If I planned to be here daily, I would need to be smart about how I progressed my watching of the family. I did a light jog back to my car glancing up and down the street as I did but luckily, I didn’t see any movement. I got in my car and took one last look back at the dark house. I glanced down at my watch and saw it was 10:17 and I realized I was by their window for even longer than I thought. I smiled to myself as I turned my car on and headed home.

When I got home, I went to my room and laid down in my bed immediately. My adrenaline was pumping, and I laid wide eyed staring at the ceiling reflecting on what I had just done. It was such a rush; the family was literally in a scary movie, and they didn’t even know it. I loved the idea of a real-life scary movie and the thought of one that was safe but still real made me so excited. I couldn’t even imagine sleeping but after what was probably two hours of staring at the ceiling thinking about ideas of what to do next to watch the family even better, I realized I fell asleep when I woke up at 6:30 the next morning.

When I got up it was just barely light out and a rolled over trying to get comfortable. I knew though that there was no way I was going back to sleep and then I opened my eyes wide as a thought hit me. I should go back to the house right now. I could watch the process of them slowly getting up and beginning their daily routines. Maybe they were leaving early today to do something fun, and maybe I could see that firsthand. The idea was so exciting I had to at least sit up in my bed. I looked out my window and saw the neighbors must have had someone stay the night. The view from my room on the second floor made it just barley possible to see the unfamiliar car and it creeped me out. I knew it was likely normal but the idea of a strange car on our quiet street was a sketchy thought even with a valid explanation. I got out of my bed and got dressed with a smile on my face. If that family ever did see my car, they would need a lot of time to really believe there was actually anything dangerous about it. Even if it scares you, I felt like there would need to be a lot more “evidence” before most people would actually make the fateful 911 call. I quickly tip toed down the hallway to my car trying my best not to make any noise as the last thing I wanted right now was to wake anyone up. I got in my car and began the now routine drive to the neighborhood. I got to their street and headed down it, parking in roughly the same exact spot as the night before. I put my car into park and checked my watch. It was 7:01 and just barley light outside. All the lights in their house were still off and I got comfortable as I stared at the house studying all the details just like I had the last two days. The yard was really nice, it got me every time I looked at it. The grass was really well kept, and I definitely gave props to the dad for doing such a good job mowing. After about 45 minutes the mom and dad’s light turned on. It was 7:47 now and seeing the bright light illuminate the dim house was an incredible sight. I saw clear movement in the room and to my delight the light in the kid’s room turned on as well as I realized the mom was waking them up. Quickly all the lights in the house seemed to turn on and it was like the holy grail for me. I watched with a huge smile on my face as all 4 members of the family appeared in the living room, just as I hoped earlier, it seemed they were all going to do something. As I stared, I heard a loud banging on my passenger’s side window.

I jumped out of my skin as there was a man in a robe who looked angry glaring at me through the glass. I quickly rolled down the window with an intense panic overcoming my entire body. “hello” I muttered quietly. The man seemed to realize I was on the younger side and appeared to take a breath, “look man I saw your car here for a few days straight and I just watched you stare at this house for almost an hour, like what are you doing here are you staying at their house or something?” I panicked as my worst fears appeared to be coming true. He seemed to not know the family though as he didn’t use their last name, so I figured I’d try and make up a story. “Um yeah sorry it’s my aunt’s house and I’m staying with them because my mom basically made me, but I’ve been sneaking out to my car a lot to watch stuff on my phone because I can’t handle being in there all day.” I paused for a second and read his face, which seemed to be receptive to what I had said. I kept going as I knew I could convince him, “I wake up early to work out every day and I guess I just got distracted watching videos to motivate me and then I saw they woke up, so I admit I spaced out for a minute watching them, my bad.” I finished my defense and watched the man process what I had just said. He stood silent for a moment and then responded, “alright I understand, just don’t park in front of my house, park next to theirs I don’t get why your over here” I quickly answered him “sorry my bad I just didn’t want my uncle to have a hard time backing out apparently he’s been having vision problems.” The man’s face softened at this, and he simply said “alright” and gave me a nod as he turned and walked back into his house.

I knew I had to at least move like he asked to avoid suspicion, but I couldn’t believe my story had worked. It’s amazing what people will believe, no one seems to want to have to put in the extra work and time of thinking deeper about what they may have seen. I turned my car on and pulled closer to the house as quietly as I could. The family all seemed to be in the back part of the kitchen as I couldn’t see them, so I put my car back into park and waited. My adrenaline was through the roof. After getting away with my story to the neighbor but then also having to move closer, I was both excited and terrified. I loved that blend though which is something I had never even realized before that moment. I felt so alive, and it gave my life purpose as I realized then that there was no way I could ever stop this. Nothing, not a big paycheck or a hot girl could beat the feeling I had at that moment. The family then opened their front door, breaking me out of the trance I had been in. I quickly slumped down in my seat and continued to watch. They walked towards their car and all of them glanced over at one point, but none seemed to take any interest. Obviously, I couldn’t have known this, but it certainly seemed like there was no connection made to the fact that my car had been there before. They turned on their car and backed out slowly disappearing down the road. I thought about where they may have been heading and the different options were so fun to think about. Maybe they were just going for a walk or getting breakfast. Or just maybe they were driving to an aunt or uncles for a few days, and they were going to have an amazing time. I glanced towards their house with this thought in mind as something occurred to me. Maybe they were going to be gone for hours, or days, or maybe even a week-long vacation to Florida, who knew? There was an extremely high chance I could enter their house somehow; it seemed like a bad idea, but I couldn’t resist it.
I looked around again and made sure the neighbor was back in his house and if anyone was walking down the sidewalk. There was nothing in sight and I actually realized that the neighbor was on my side now and if I entered their house, he wouldn’t think anything of it because he thought I was staying there. I laughed to myself as the brief confrontation with the guy scared me so much, but it actually seemed like it would help me a lot in the long run. I decided I would wait for 20 minutes and see how much movement there was and if there wasn’t much, I would move closer and at least try the front door. I didn’t notice a ring doorbell or any cameras, so it seemed like I was in the clear to at least give it a shot. Worst case I figured there was a valid explanation for why I was doing so, and the neighbor wouldn’t think twice about it. This was really crucial because the neighbor who had confronted me was the only neighbor who really had a clear view of the front door. The houses on the other two sides were blocked so no one would be able to see me at the door easily. I waited until 8:20 exactly and when I didn’t see anybody on the sidewalk, I opened my door and glanced around. There was still nothing in sight, so I stepped outside and headed up their stone walkway in the middle of their yard towards the front door. It was nerve-racking as I walked but I reminded myself it was the middle of the morning and the odds of someone being so off put that they called the police was a ridiculous idea. I approached the front door scared as I knew it would more than likely be locked. I readied myself with what I would do if I grabbed the handle, and it didn’t move. I figured I would just run back to my car, but I hoped that wouldn’t happen. I walked up to the door, took a huge breath and before I could really think about it, I grabbed the handle and pushed it in. The door swung open to my absolute shock.

This was a family of 4, a son and a daughter who seemed to be so safe. The fact that they left their door unlocked disappointed me as I figured that was something they would never do. I pictured them out wherever they were, not having any clue that a human being had just let themself into their house. It was upsetting but also exciting as I realized it wasn’t like it was my job to monitor how safe they were being. I should just be happy I got entry into their house as the opportunities were endless. I took a deep breath and stepped through the front door and closed it softly behind me. I took another breath and really soaked it all in. Being inside the house was a whole different animal. It was so scary, and I was afraid I could get caught at any moment. That adrenaline I had fallen in love with was pumping and I decided I’d just look at every room and be out of the house in 10 minutes at most. I didn’t want to take any big risks as the idea of getting caught was something I still had to keep in mind. No matter how badly I wanted to spend the entire day in the house, I couldn’t. I walked down their front hallway into the living room that I felt like I was very used to by now. I peered through the glass at my car and the feeling of being on the other side was so strange. Seeing my car from the same view they would have was such a unique thing to experience. It looked so creepy just sitting there so close to the house. It made me feel uneasy even knowing it was my car. I walked through the kitchen next which was only partially visible from the outside. After I got the downstairs layout down, I decided to head upstairs. I examined both the rooms confirming that the one on the right was the parents and the one on the left was the kids. I felt guilty doing it but I laid down in all three beds for a moment as I couldn’t resist the opportunity. There was also a guest room on the other side and a bathroom. After about 10 minutes passed, I decided to be safe and leave. I walked down to the living room and took one last big breath soaking in the whole house and what I had just done. Just as I was about to head out though to my horror, through the living room glass I saw the family’s car pulling into the driveway.

They must have just been getting breakfast and not going away for a week. I looked around in a panic trying to decide what to do. I rushed to their back door and quickly exited quietly just as I heard the muffled sound of the front door opening and closing along with both the parents and kid’s voices. I ran as fast as I could to the tree in their backyard that was right next to the fence and hid behind it. My knees were still visible though and I got as quiet as I could listening to the family inside. I was about fifty feet from the house, and I could just barely make out their voices. It sounded like they had just gone to get breakfast and now they were about to leave again to go shopping. After around 20 minutes of hiding, I heard their front door close and the sound of the car pulling away. When I was sure they were gone, I quickly half ran half walked to my car and drove away as fast as I could without it drawing any attention. I realized in that moment just how lucky I was to get away without being caught.

As I drove home, I reflected on what had just happened and I couldn’t help but smile. I realized too I had been smiling the past couple days more than I had all summer. This was real now, and the family needed to be weary because they were going to be seeing a lot of me. I couldn’t help it, I had to keep seeing what they were doing, the rush was more intense than anything I had ever done in my life. Even booze or heroin could never have matched this. There was nothing like how I felt when I watched that family. The rush made me feel so alive and I couldn’t believe that I had just been inside their house. There was nothing on earth and I mean nothing that was going to stop me from continuing to watch them. I loved that I was in a real-life scary movie, and that I had full control over what happened.
I got home and realized how early it was, so I decided to just hangout in my room and watch a movie as neither of my parents were home. I wanted to watch a scary movie to keep my vibe going and I decided on It Follows. I loved how much I felt like the premise of the movie matched how I felt about following the family. For those who don’t know It Follows is about a mysterious force that can take any human form and it follows a person until they either pass the “curse” on to someone else through sex, or they die horribly if the entity walking towards them catches up. I of course had no intention of killing the family but the vibe of the thing following you no matter what you did really resonated with me as that’s the kind of relationship I wanted to have with the family. I mean I wanted to follow them so long that once the kids went off to college, I wanted to have to decide which one to watch once they moved out of the house. I wanted them to feel uneasy, but not real world rationally scared. I wanted them to have a hunch they were being watched, but never enough evidence to prove it to anyone. I would have to be careful, but I figured I could do what I wanted to and never have anyone able to prove it. Just like a good scary story, a lot of fear but in the end, no one gets hurt so they are able to tell the tale one day. I was in real life creating a horror movie, I was making something that was just a thought a reality and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my time. I was becoming supernatural, that mysterious fear and the thought that you weren’t really safe. Even if I knew they would never get hurt, knowing they didn’t know that made me more excited. To them it would just be a weird itch, suspicion, a fear at 2 in the morning that you know no one would ever believe, but it still scared you just the same.

This is when everything started to go downhill, because unfortunately at that moment a thought hit me for the first time, and it became impossible to shake. After watching the movie and thinking about the fear, I realized that maybe hurting them would be a good idea. Originally, I thought I wanted them to accept me one day and invite me in. That wasn’t really true in my mind though, and I understood that this would likely never happen. I thought that hurting them somehow was the only way to raise the stakes, to make it like an actual horror film. In the beginning something like this was impossible, hurting someone never even seemed like something I would want to do. But after watching them and getting away with it, I felt like it was my destiny to make this into the kind of scary story that people would tell for years and years. Those kinds of stories don’t have to be told by the people who were involved because what happened was so dark that other people will recount the tale. In cases like that the people involved are so traumatized that they have no desire to speak about what happened ever again. It pained me to think of, but I knew deep in my core that a story like this was what I wanted and not only wanted, but I truly believed was meant to be. I felt like it was fate at this point, something like this was bound to happen one day in my quiet town and it might as well be me who did it.

I wanted to push these ideas out and just be a normal person. I knew though I was meant for much more than that. I had to continue watching this family, and one day I had to do something I would consider to be messed up. I wasn’t sure what, until after only a few minutes it occurred to me. I had to kidnap one of the children, I had to watch the family and then take one of them. I was frightened at the prospect of taking such a big step but as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I couldn’t get rid of it. I couldn’t help the idea of stepping up the game and going from the subtle itchy fear to the true primal terror of never seeing your kid again. That was the only way to move up to the big leagues and have your story remembered for as long as I wanted it to be. I didn’t want to take one of the kids though, the boy and girl both looked so happy that it seemed like actually taking one and making them sad may ruin the fun. I felt like it wasn’t even up to me though and it was simply fate. I ultimately decided that this was all new and that I should wait and watch before I even considered anything like that.

I had finished the movie and thought about this for a while after and my thoughts were broken by the sound of my dad getting home. I quickly locked my door to avoid having to talk to him. It was crazy how badly I didn’t want to talk to my parents while I spent my time thinking about the family. It was like telling a group of people about a fetish, I just didn’t want to be near either of them while I was in this mindset. I listened to my dad walk around for about 20 minutes before he left again. I let out a sigh of relief and then laid down on my floor staring up at the ceiling. I couldn’t shake this family out of my mind. I loved being in a scary story, I never knew how much I could love anything until I started having that feeling. Everything else in life now felt second best, and there was no getting around it. At that point even getting caught seemed worth it as long as it had been for a good reason. I loved the thought of being involved in the scariest story ever, having people fear it at night and having it be passed down at a campfire to terrorize your friends. I had to make this real-life horror story; all of the ones I have watched honestly seemed so fake that the thought of a truly real one was too tempting for me to ever forget. In that moment I decided for sure, it was destiny. I studied the white paint on the ceiling and accepted my fate. I was the villain in a scary movie, that was me now and I think I always knew it on some level. Even though I never really thought about it like that before. I had to be the real-life monster because no one else would and I cared about the story happening more than I cared about getting caught or hurting someone.

I just laid there like that for a few hours staring at the ceiling before I finally sat up as my parents both got home. I thought about what to do then as I heard them talking downstairs and didn’t want to stay in the house for much longer. I glanced at my car parked on the street and caved to my desires and decided to go back to the house. I figured I could just watch without going too in depth and there wouldn’t be an issue. I didn’t expect anything other than catching a few glimpses and watching until they went to bed, which was totally fine with me. Just because this was going to end with their suffering, doesn’t mean we were even close to that point yet. A good story builds suspense. All the worst scary movies and stories have the ending rushed, and I always found that so frustrating. You can’t sleep on the subtle details, the slow progression that leads to a big finale. I doubted the family even suspected anything or thought something was off. That wasn’t good enough for a big finale, not yet. There had to be more of a build, more fear of being watched and the irrational feeling that something was off. I had to have the family be on edge before going through with my final plan. We weren’t close yet; we were still so early in the story that if I went for something crazy now it wouldn’t even be remembered. It would be a sad tale with the emphasis being on the child going missing, but it wouldn’t be a true horror story. I needed the family to fear me in order to achieve what I wanted. In fact, I didn’t need them to fear me myself necessarily, but just the idea of the unknown and the feeling of not being safe in your own home. It gave me some peace to know that even though I was eventually going to do something dramatic, it wasn’t going to be that day, or the next. I had to let the feeling of fear grow before I could strike. That was the only way to make this the kind of story that would be worth it in the long run. Sure, it was fun to scare people, but in order to be a level above just scaring people, it had to have a true narrative. A beginning, middle and the kind of end that would make it live on in infamy for hundreds of years to come.

As it got dark, I left my house and slowly headed back to the neighborhood. I was nervous at this point after being so close to being caught and the confrontation with the neighbor, but I knew I was still in the clear. I think knowing what my long-term plans were made me more nervous too, but I was aware those feelings were irrational as no one alive had any idea what my intent was. I arrived at the neighborhood as it was just starting to get completely dark outside. I slowly crept up the street glancing at each side to see if there was any movement. There wasn’t much other than 2 people walking their dogs who didn’t pay my car any attention. I approached the house and saw that only the living room light was on. I looked at my watch and it was 8:14 and only going to get darker still as it was only a bit past sunset. I glanced at the house of the neighbor who had seen me and saw that many of his lights were on. I was nervous about this, but I reminded myself that he thought I was a relative of theirs and didn’t think anything suspicious was going on. At least as far as I knew, but that seemed like the kind of situation where if he was suspicious, he would have just asked them about it. I crept up to the previous spot and barely breathed for about 20 minutes as my nerves were at an all-time high. After those 20 minutes of nothing though I relaxed and really got into watching. The family seemed to have movie nights a lot and that night was no different. They seemed to laugh and smile a lot during the film. As the movie appeared to end and it seemed like everyone was going to bed the dad walked up to the window and glanced outside. He seemed to be looking at my car and I got nervous again and slouched down in my seat. I averted my eyes for about 30 seconds and then glanced back. To my horror the dad was still looking at my car and he even seemed like he was squinting to try and see into it. My heart dropped and I looked away again before I ventured to glance back after about a minute. He was still looking but less intently and while I was glancing, he walked away into the part of the kitchen I couldn’t see.

I remember how scared I was in that moment. The dad was clearly looking at my car and he seemed to notice that it had been there before. I wanted to drive away but I calmed myself down as there wasn’t a big enough need to panic if he hadn’t done anything else. The downstairs lights all turned off after another 15 minutes and I let out a huge sigh of relief as the upstairs lights then came on. After another 10 minutes the kid’s bedroom light shut off and then only the parents was on. I watched intently for another hour until their light also turned off. I stared at the dark house and realized that this was my favorite part of the whole experience. The black still house that I knew was full of people invited so much opportunity for a scary story. If I was a worse person I would likely have broken in and made them play some kind of sick game, but that wasn’t something I was capable of. I just liked the feeling of watching and considering all the different things I could do. It occurred to me too they must not have had any kind of camera at all not just at the front door. I had been in their yard and house with my car’s license plate clearly visible, but nothing had happened. This only helped to relax me and make me more excited to keep watching. As I looked on for two more hours, I really considered all my options. I still wanted to keep my previous plan of taking one of the kids, I just felt like that would be a true “quiet neighborhood not safe after all,” type of story and that’s something that could devastate a community for many years to come.

I remained looking at the house like this for a few more hours before I decided around midnight that it was probably time to get going. I turned my car on and slowly pulled out of the neighborhood with such a feeling of being alive that it was impossible for me to go home. I decided to get on the interstate and drive for a bit as fast as I could to keep the adrenaline going. I hopped onto the freeway and started flooring it and really reflected on what I had been doing, and what I planned to do. I loved my new life, my old life had problems and girl drama and the knowledge that I failed my parents in their mind. But not this one, this life was full of excitement and the promise of being remembered. I flew past other cars on the highway and felt more alive than I ever had known was possible. I understood why serial killers did the horrible things they did. I didn’t condone it, but I got why they would do something like that. The rush must have been insane, and I was determined to have that same feeling. I drove for about two hours on the highway as fast as possible before it dawned on me how much of a risk I was taking for no reason. I got off at the closest ramp once it really occurred to me and I figured it was time to head home for the night. I had been getting into a state almost like a trance where a different part of me took full control. That part wasn’t scared of being caught, or the police, or any human being. I liked this part of me, I believed he was capable of violence even if I wasn’t. I backtracked to my house and when I finally got home it was around 5am and just barely beginning to look like morning. I laid down in bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

I woke up late, around 10am and both my parents had already left for work. I sat up and stared at the ceiling as I thought about what I should do that day. Obviously, the only answer was going back to the house even though I truly did try and think of something else, it was just impossible now. I wanted a good plan, something creative that would provide me with some real excitement. I made the choice to wait until sunset to go do whatever I was going to, in order to let the situation cool off some and to really build my anticipation. I decided that I would sneak into their front yard and watch the house through the kitchen window. Even though I would just see a dark house, knowing how scary it would be for the family made it worth it. I also decided I would watch horror movies all day in order to really get in the mood. The idea of someone right outside your house all night without anyone knowing creeped me out so much that I knew I had to do it to them. This was the progression of the fear that would ultimately lead to a disappearance. The tension really has to build, and the paranoia has to begin. It made me smile to think that the paranoia actually may have started already based on the dad’s reaction. Tonight, I thought was the perfect storm for some noises and tapping on the window, just enough to put them on edge and maybe investigate what caused it. Enough to be scared but not enough to call the police. If anyone did investigate, I figured I would hide behind their tree again as it would be so dark back there that I wouldn’t be able to be seen. The neighbors wouldn’t be an issue for that either as the view from all of their houses was blocked like I said before and where I would be hiding had bushes obstructing the road. I decided I would arrive there at 9, around when everyone was going to bed. I figured at the very latest the parents would be asleep by 10 so I would only have to wait a little bit before I could creep into their yard. Besides I really wanted to watch the process of all their lights going out, and that beautiful view of their dark completely still house. I planned to watch the inside from the window until around 3am, when I would then start making some noises on the glass. I would keep that up for about an hour or until someone wakes up. I also planned to park a bit away from the house after I watched it for a while, and they went to bed. I figured having the car there if they were investigating the noise may lead to a police call and that would still be way too early. I didn’t want to risk being sold out by something as dumb as my car’s license plates.

My plan seemed good and once I was sure of it, I began to watch scary movies. I started with A Nightmare on Elm Street and it made me want to put on a mask to scare them. I thought about that for a while but figured the scariest thing was a person’s normal face. No mask means they have no fear of being seen and that is a terrifying prospect. Plus, every person’s face being so different is almost scarier on its own than famous faces from a scary movie like Freddy, Jason or Leatherface. Those masks and faces are so famous that it doesn’t create the same fear as a face you don’t recognize at your window in the middle of the night. To me, nothing is as scary as that. The realization that some random stranger is watching you for whatever reason. Your mind could go anywhere in that moment, are they here to rob or kill me? Thinking of all of those factors I decided not to wear a mask as my own somewhat pale unattractive face would scare them far more if they ever ended up seeing it. I watched a couple more movies that worked only to get me more ready and by the time it was 7 and my parents had come home, I was anxious to get going. My mom forced me to talk to her for about twenty minutes about my day, which I hated. In this moment I didn’t want to even remember I had parents to disappoint, I wanted to be completely free of the feeling of letting anyone down. They were the one thing that didn’t work for my plan, and I began to consider that they may have to go. After I talked to my mom, I watched one more movie and once 8:30 hit I couldn’t even sit still. I decided to leave then and just take my time getting there. I walked down the hall and briefly told my mom and dad I was going to a friend’s house. They seemed to believe it as they had no reason not to and I shook my head to myself trying to forget how badly I wanted them gone.

I got in my car and slowly headed to the house stopping for gas on the way just to kill some time. I arrived on their block a little after 8:50 and crept up the street as slowly as possible. As I got closer, I didn’t even see anyone walking a dog which I took as a sign that it was going to be a good night. I approached the house and saw only the parents’ light was on. I parked in the new normal spot and only had to wait 5 minutes before the light turned off. It was awesome, lights out early was so encouraging on a night like that. Even though I was excited I was also very nervous, I didn’t forget how much a risk all this still was. I drove down the street for about 2 minutes and parked on the opposite side of the house. After I stopped, I glanced around but didn’t see any movement. Just a couple of lights on in the houses on either side. I wasn’t worried about that though as I was far enough down the street that these houses wouldn’t have seen my car before. I cracked the door and slowly stepped out and crossed the street. I walked as normally as I could down the sidewalk doing my best not to draw any attention to me. I liked knowing that I didn’t have a weapon with me either so in the absolute worst case there was nothing like that to worry about. I approached the house after a couple minutes and paused for a moment examining my favorite view. The house just had such an aura too it now. I slowly walked up the sidewalk until I was facing it head on. I examined all the windows and didn’t see any movement at all. I checked my watch, and it was 9:16 and the neighborhood was quiet. I jogged as quietly as I could up to the kitchen window, and I adjusted myself between the bushes and the house in a way where I was sure I couldn’t be seen from the street. I had to move a big rock as it was right in my way. I set myself up so if I stood up from the angle I could see into the kitchen. Once I was squared away, I got up and looked inside for the first time. It was dark but I could see the room and there was no movement at all. It was clear that the room was very clean as well and it was nice just to look at. I crouched back down and got comfortable as I planned to be there until at least 3am. I didn’t want to do too much at first as a lot of people were definitely still awake and I needed to be as cautious as possible. I planned to wait until 11 to even look in again.

While I sat there completely hidden from view I felt almost as if I was part of the family. I touched the wall and pictured all of them asleep in that moment. I didn’t even mind having to wait until 11, just being there was the best time I could imagine possibly having. I couldn’t explain the feeling, but it was better than sex or getting drunk. I wasn’t bored at all; I was just running all the potential options through my head and pictured being filmed by a movie crew. I thought about how we were probably at about the halfway point in the film, when the tension was starting to really pick up. I sat there like that until I realized how long I had spaced out for and checked my watch to see it was 11:06. I couldn’t believe how fast the time had passed and I eagerly glanced into the window seeing everything still in the same place it had been the last time I looked. After five minutes of just staring into the kitchen and trying to make my face look as frightening as possible, I crouched back down. It was such a rush to look in and I couldn’t wait for it to be 3am. In fact, I thought smiling I should do one little tap right now. I reached up and as lightly as I could knocked three times on the window quickly, pulling my hand back as fast as I could. I was so nervous but more alive than I’d ever been. After 10 minutes of no sound and no lights coming on, I peeked into the kitchen again and nothing was different or out of place. No movement at all. I got back into my hiding spot with my adrenaline pumping. It was hard to settle in again, but I did after a bit and went back to my thoughts from earlier. A car or two drove past but for the next three and a half hours it was dead silent and still. It was a strange feeling to be in total quiet for so long. The time humans sleep and forget that there are creatures out there that are coming for them. I liked the idea of being a creature of the night. A nocturnal predator that spends the day inside and the night outside. My thoughts were broken by one more car driving by before I glanced down and saw it was finally 2:50. I figured it was close enough and I peeked inside. Still nothing at all, no movement or sound or indication that anyone was awake. I took a deep breath and knocked on the window three times, louder than before and then waited. After a couple minutes of nothing I did it again and waited again. I glanced up and took a long look, but no lights came on, no sound, no sign that anyone had heard it. I knew I should be done, I was pushing my luck, but I had to do it just one more time and then I could leave knowing I had really amped up the plot of the movie. I couldn’t help it; I was fully consumed by this now and I wanted to go inside so badly that I figured this was a good compromise. I banged on the window again and immediately realized it was too loud. I dove back behind cover and felt my heart drop. It was so much louder than the others I was sure someone would have heard it. I waited tense for 10 minutes but still nothing happened. I ventured to peek up and survey the kitchen.

There was still nothing, no one seemed to have heard anything. I crouched back down and looked up at the street to where my car was. It was time to go, I knew it was. I figured one last look and then I would creep over to the street as quickly as I could. I checked my watch one last time and it was 3:16, I couldn’t believe I made it this long and somehow wasn’t going to get caught. With a smile on my face, I peeked up at the window one more time and saw the daughter standing in the kitchen holding a teddy bear in her hand staring right at me with the widest eyes I’d ever seen. Before I could react at all she let out a deep blood curdling scream and it seemed the dark house illuminated all at once.

I probably could have run. I likely would have gotten to my car and never been found out if I didn’t go back. That wasn’t going to work for me though. In a moment like that fight or flight really does kick in like people say and unfortunately for them my response was fight.
I heard movement and yelling upstairs and knew I had to act fast. It was the only way to save the movie without it being a huge let down. I looked around and saw the big rock on the ground a couple feet from me. The wide-eyed little girl had stopped screaming and now was cowering in the corner of the kitchen. I threw the rock through the window as hard as I could shattering the still silence. I climbed through just as the dad made it downstairs. He also had incredibly wide eyes and he screamed at his daughter to run. My adrenaline was in full control of my body at this point, I didn’t even feel like myself anymore. I grabbed a knife out of the sink just as he approached me. Before he could say anything or attack me, I whipped the knife out of the sink and planted it into his chest. He stumbled backwards and fell to the ground gasping for air. This didn’t snap me out of my trance though, it only made me want to continue. I ran towards the stairs just as the mom was rushing down and I grabbed her, throwing her to the floor before she could react. I raced up the stairs and saw the kid’s bedroom was locked. I knew I didn’t have much time before the police would come and I threw my whole body against the door. It collapsed and I jumped up quickly looking around the room. The two kids were hiding in the corner, the boy in front of the girl protecting her with a baseball bat. I wasn’t worried though, I was in too deep at this point and the little league bat wasn’t something that concerned me. I ran at the kids surprising the little boy and easily knocked the bat out of his hands. I pushed the little girl into the wall knocking her down too and examined the scene. It was time to put up or shut up, I had to take one of the kids and run and I had to decide right at that moment. I picked the boy because of how much he reminded me of myself. He was knocked out, so I picked him up which was easy because he was super light, and I ran down the stairs away from his knocked-out sister. I stumbled down the stairs as quickly as possible and saw his mom at the bottom motionless. As I ran by her, she didn’t seem to be breathing but I wasn’t sure. I saw the dad in the kitchen though and he was definitely dead. I pushed the front door open and ran out expecting a sea of attention, but I didn’t see anything different. Some lights were on, but no one had done anything different than normal. I realized I still had the son in my arms, and I turned and sprinted towards my car. I was approaching it when I finally heard sirens coming from the other direction. I realized the police were at least coming so I began to rush. The kid woke up and realized what was happening and tried to push me off of him. I quickly grabbed him tighter and hugged him into my body to try and calm him down but after 5 minutes of struggling in the street, he went limp in my arms.

I glanced down at his face that I had been trying to avoid and it seemed cold and expressionless, and I realized he had suffocated in my arms. It was too late for sympathy, and I laid him down in my backseat as I glanced around and saw nothing. I got into my car and looked back at him, but he wasn’t going to move ever again. I looked at my watch and it was now 3:31 and it didn’t seem like much had happened other than the sirens in the distance that were getting a bit louder. I put my car in drive and left the neighborhood. I debated going home but it was too late for that now. I just drove and considered crossing the border into Canada, but I decided not to. I opted to go over to the next town, and then the next, and the next until I crossed state lines and realized my best bet was to hide the boy in the Adirondack mountains. I buried him deep in the woods feeling a sense of regret for the first time. I continued to drive worrying about whether the police were after me. Plus, I wanted to escape the guilt of killing two people, I knew for sure that the dad and son were dead, and the mom may have also been. I continued driving west and I tried to push these thoughts out of my mind. I couldn’t though, every time I cried for them it turned into a smile. I had really made a scary movie with real stakes. The neighborhood would be talking about it for 100 years to come. The town now had a legend and I felt more accomplished than I ever had, but it still kept coming back. I had murdered people, at least two for sure, and I thought the police were definitely going to find me. After weeks of traveling across the country though, nothing happened. I even saw a news clip talking about the missing boy and they said they had no leads. I realized I loved the feeling of knowing the boy wasn’t missing, he was dead and hidden deep in the forest. The rush of being the only person alive who knew that mixed with knowing I was the mysterious suspect made me decide to continue. It was scary at first, but I knew I wanted to.

Over the course of the next eight months, I followed and stole kids from 4 more families. I had to murder two more dads and a mom in the process. I got really good at it and I always knocked on the window three times before I broke in. The part that I regret is once I had the kids, I didn’t know what to do with them. The first one I tied up, but she wouldn’t stop screaming and I realized she wasn’t going to. Regrettably, I ended up having to kill all the kids as each time I tried a different approach, but none made any logical sense. If I took them somewhere and let them go, they could tell someone, and if I kept them with me, they would make it impossible to break into any more houses without fear they would try and escape when I wasn’t around. I went state to state like this leaving a trail of bodies across America until I reached Washington where I’m writing this from.

I finally snapped out of the trance; I regret everything I did. The kids especially, I didn’t want to ever kill kids, but I didn’t think ahead far enough. Plus, after that first time I felt like I had to keep it up. I’m wanted across America, and they credit me for five murders even though the number is actually eleven. I’m sure they’ll find the rest one day, but I made it a difficult task for them. I’m also apparently known as the “pale faced killer.” I always knew I was not very attractive and pale, but I didn’t realize it was that dramatic. I regret what I did, but I do not wish I hadn’t done it if that makes any sense. I won’t kill again I don’t think, but what I did needed to happen. Excitement for the whole country, a scary movie for the ages. I felt bad about how out of hand it got, but I came to realize that it was the only way to do it. I feel terrible, but I don’t wish I could take it back. I’m going to drive to Alaska now and hopefully live a life of no more fear and death, a life of reflection and calm. The thought of being arrested terrifies me now so hopefully this letter will be found, but not lead anyone to find me. I’m not sure what will happen, or if I will end up killing again, but to whoever finds this I really am sorry to the families that I destroyed. Just know it wasn’t really me, it was fate. This park is beautiful, and I apologize to who’s day it ruins that reads this. I want to be free of being this person, but I think it is who I am now.

I always wanted to go to Alaska, I think the quiet nights will be good for me. I really don’t know what will happen though so if anybody ends up getting hurt, I just want them and everyone else to know I am sorry. What keeps me going is knowing that one day they will likely make a movie about me, and I can’t wait to watch it.

This letter was recovered from a park outside of Seattle Washington and serves as the best evidence of a man referred to as the “pale faced killer” who’s confirmed to have murdered five people. Two of the murders occurred in Vermont, one in Ohio, one in Iowa, and one in Montana. He is also responsible for the disappearance of at least six children who are believed to be deceased as well. The disappearances occurred in the same four states as well as Wyoming. Alaska is in the process of being searched but we want people everywhere to be aware of the potential danger. Lock your doors and if you see a strange car on your street, take notice of it. If you have any information about the whereabouts of the individual who wrote this letter or think you may know his identity, please contact your local police department. Photos of the six missing children are provided below and if you have any information about them call the number listed beside the photos. Even though the letter states he does not plan to kill again he is not of sound mind and his word cannot be trusted. It is imperative that this individual is found and brought to justice for the safety of all Americans. Once again please lock your doors and report strange activity, thank you.

Credit: Calvin Levitt