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The New Year



Estimated reading time — < 1 minute

New Year’s night is a time of bliss and celebration
Joy to one and all, but one for the duration
But all through the night till the morning after sedation
The lowly eyeball man finds a different sort of elation

Ragged clothes and face bathed in shadow
A thousand eyes of empty sorrow
No nose no ears and no mouth to swallow
But he sees and he knows and he devours what he follows

In the icy winter night a handful of eyes do glow
On a black decayed street your fate they sow
A hundred blinking empty eyes and all that they know
An unforgiving moon watched by a thousand dead eyes below

When you and your friends are out having fun
In the cold and black his plan is spun
In the wet and the dark nobody has yet outrun
The eyeball man faceless in the midnight sun

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But if you stay out late into the night
Walk home not by the sparse ambiguous moonlight
Stay under the glowing lamps but in spite
You may not be in luck tonight

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The eyeball man might follow you home
Slip in with you from the night he roams
In the sodden streets and the hanging brome
It’ll all be over once it’s just you and him alone

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So this New Year let this be a warning to one and all
From the sparse green country to sombre the urban sprawl
Do not walk at night while only melancholy moonlight falls
If you wish for a lonely peculiar death to be forestalled

Credit To – CreepyZalgo

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13 thoughts on “The New Year”

  1. You guys saying this is a good pasta have bad taste. This didn’t flow, or make sense. I don’t think poems belong on this site honestly. I’ve yet to read one I like. 3/10

  2. Poetry is more than just vague rhymes at the end of each line. If this had been presented as prose, it would be rather good. But if you are going for poetry, please don’t be half-assed about it.

    First, more important to poetry than rhymes, is meter. I don’t expect anyone to wreck their mind to try for, say, iambic pentameter, but show some consideration for the syllables and their stresses. Heck, even if you just made you sure had a standard syllabic pattern, that would have greatly increased the poetic feel of the piece (your first stanza, for example, has 13 in the first line, 12 in the second, 14 in the third, and 16 in the fourth: your second stanza has its own and unrelated lack of pattern).

    Second, your overly simplistic rhyme actually takes away from the poetics. In your first, third, fourth, and fifth stanzas, your rhyming pattern is A, A, A, A (meaning every line ends with exactly the same rhyme). Without variety, though, you are just producing a droning beat. Also, variety helps keep reader attention and can highlight particularly important lines.

    Regardless, if you are going to establish a rhyming pattern, you must stick with it. The second, sixth, and seventh stanzas all break with your pattern, and they do not do so in a manner that creates their own pattern. The second stanza has lines 3 and 4 as direct end rhymes with each other, but approximate rhymes with the 1st line, and a different approximate rhyme with the 2nd. That pattern (B, B’, B”, B”) isn’t repeated anywhere else. The sixth stanza has the second line only as an approximate rhyme with the rest (“roam” is a direct end rhyme with “home”, but “roams” is an approximate rhyme to “home.”) And the seventh… well, that’s just a rhyming mess.

    Also, keep in mind your word choice. “Brome” is a fine word, but entirely out of character for the rest of the piece, and a bit misused (brome is a kind of grass and thus doesn’t “hang”). Likewise, as I said above, “roams” is not a direct rhyme with “home,” and nor is “forestalled” a direct end rhyme of “fall.” Sadly, if you had that last line as “to forestall” rather than “to be forestalled,” your end rhyme would have worked.

    Finally, punctuation still has a place in poetry.

  3. I honestly think this was a wonderful poem. And, there are different ways to devour one than with a mouth. Also, he doesn’t need to say what he’s describing, it gives it mystery and depth. And finally, all poems don’t need to flow perfectly, it adds a nice touch.

    P.S.: If you forget about the beast in the 9 long months ahead of you, then you’re fucked, so stop complaining and enjoy the pastas.

  4. It was ok I guess I would give an 7/10 because the concept was not clear and I would actually wanna challenge that guy and see what he can do. LETS SEE WHAT YOU GOT!!

  5. Great poem, I don’t get into it as much as I would have liked and it wasn’t very creepy, but over all it was well written. 7/10

  6. If you are going to write in a rhyming style, make sure the lines have a rhythm and flow. Otherwise, like this piece, it is choppy and hard to follow.

  7. I liked it as a peom, it flowed, but one major problem. He has no mouth to “swallow” but he sees and he knows and he “devours” what he follows?

    This is clearly impossible since he’s just a mass of eyes covering the entirety of his face.

    I honestly want to just go outside at night and challenge this guy cause obviously he can’t eat me.

    COME AT ME BRO!!!

  8. Was this suppossed to be a Slendy poetry pasta? I give it a 6/10 because it was hard to tell what character you were trying to portray, but you did use great imagry.

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