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I am writing because I now realize that our relationship is fast approaching its end. While I’d love to believe it could go on forever, I’ve (reluctantly of course) grown tired of our silly routines. The spark has simply faded, and I can’t help but hold myself responsible. From the very first time I peered through your window, I knew that you were special. You were different from the rest, and I still believe that. There is something so interesting, so… desirable about the way you carry yourself. The things you do when you believe you are alone. Watching you is what has kept me here for so very long.
In fact, I remember vividly the first time I watched you sleep. You were so peaceful, yet right when I feared I was wrong about you, that I may grow bored of you so early… A laugh. You surprised me, love. You were never like the rest. There is no way you could’ve been. That is why I fell in love with you. You intrigued me. Nothing made me happier than to spend time with you, To see you in your natural state. Did you know that people are most themselves when no one else is around?
Yes, things were so magical then. Now I’ve taken to watching you carry out the same routine over and over. You go to work, buy groceries and that is it. What has happened to you? You were once so full of life, now you’re reduced to chores and hiding in bed. I have not heard a single laugh in months. Do you realize how much I miss it? I don’t think you could ever understand how much you mean to me. How it pains me to hear you cry like that.
I told myself you would never hurt me. That you could never even try. Unfortunately, dear that is where you began to resemble the others. What a pity. Tell me, do you remember the first time we spoke? That day was meant to be so special. I followed you to work that morning, hardly able to contain myself… The excitement of speaking with you that day was far too great. This was at the height of my love for you, in my eyes you could do no wrong. I meticulously planned our meeting, you would never know that I had followed you, and watched you all of these months.
Although when I gathered my courage to speak with you on the train, I was simply disregarded by you. I doubt that you remember our conversation, or the fact that you attempted to ignore me to begin with. I could wager anything in the world that you could not even recall my name if asked today! The conversation was nothing like I had imagined, you dimly passed my attempts at starting it with short answers. Every part of you seemed to reject me, before you even knew me. That hurt, darling.
When I realized that, I let slip a few things I knew from our time at home. Of course I know about your social life, your quirky habits, and even your favorite drinks. I expected a warmer reaction to say the least, I was the one who went out of my way to see you, wasn’t I? I knew I understood you in ways that no one else could! That was when you stopped going out. You seemed to want to close yourself off from the world. As if to take your rejection one step further, your whimsical nature seemed to go missing once you knew about me. Did you want to hide all of yourself away from me, to even take away our time at home?
I didn’t mean to startle you, or scare you away… I love you. I can now say that possibly going to speak with you a second time was my own mistake, and for that I apologize. I was foolish to come to your doorstep, even though it felt like such familiar terrain. You have to understand how lost I was. I had let my emotions escalate, soon it was not enough to see you. To watch you. No I needed more of you than that. I needed to interact with you once more!
Having said that, our painfully short conversation, and a door in my face… Well doesn’t sit well with me. I would simply love an apology for that. What disappoints me the most is that just like the others, you will apologize, though you won’t mean it. I know this because a weapon is a great persuader. After that everything you will do will simply be out of pity. You will see me as crazy, and reject me all over again. You will comply simply to make me feel better. I can’t stand pity, and I don’t want yours.
That is why we must bring this to a conclusion. That way you will be mine forever, we can skip through the usual process as I’ve done all of that before. I will end this before the restraining orders, before I begin to get bitter. While good memories are still young. Even now that I know things are going awry, I can still look at you with no contempt.
You may wonder now, what will become of you? I can assure you darling, just as in life you will be treated nothing like the others. I think I’ll tie ribbons around cut off locks of your lovely hair. They’ll make great decorations for my bedroom. Perhaps I’ll put a tack through them so that they may hang above my bed. Your ribs may find their way onto my living room wall, especially close to the fireplace. That way, I will always know that your bones are warm there by the fire. Finally, I found an antique tear catcher so that your final tears could be encased in it, and that I may have you with me always.
Don’t mistake me, my pet… I’ve never treated anyone, or their remains with such reverence. You are special, and you are mine. Even when I am done with you and we are separated more… permanently, I will still be yours. I will always be yours, with each victim that comes subsequently, even if there ever were a person who could return my affections… You will remain special among all of those who have fallen by my hand.
Your not so secret admirer
Credit To – Kaitlyn