“Getting laid is overrated anyways. My first time was the quintessential fantasy. An older quirky party girl who would show me the ropes. It was awkward and fumbling and we kept clacking our teeth together. You know what I got out of it? HPV,” my friend Eduardo said with a rousing laugh that drew the attention of everyone at the cafe.
I didn’t find it amusing, his attempts to comfort me only made me feel worse. At least he had a story he could laugh at.
“Look, moping around isn’t getting you anywhere. You’re 19, no one thinks it’s weird. All that shit you see on TV is fiction. Plus everyone gets laid at this sleazy campus. Give it time and stop being weird. Anyways bro, gotta get ready for Reese’s thing. You should come and unwind a bit.”
With a half-hearted “sure” I sealed my fate. I’d find her at that party, or more aptly she’d find me. Dozing off at a pool table, half-drunk with a cheap light beer in my hand, the girl of my dreams tapped me on my shoulder.
“I’ve never seen you around,” she said, smirking and with eyes crinkled.
“Yeah, first time I’ve shown up to one of these…”
“Aubrey.”
“Luis.”
“I have a confession to make. I don’t know these people all that well. I just wander in occasionally when I see the lights and music, free booze you know?”
I laughed at her boldness, eased by the mild buzz that had come over me and we talked for the next hour. She must have had an instinct within her to recognize loneliness from body language alone, that must have been what drew her to me. There was a hunger in her glare.
“Want to get out of here and head back to my place?” She asked.
My ears burned and my heart skipped a beat, I had resisted the urge to sound too eager. I tried playing it off and said I had nothing better to do so why not? A hand on my shoulder and that ravenous look once again disarmed and drew me close. Black cherry-stained lips parted to reveal the unnaturally white childlike teeth within. They were saliva-slicked, and she was salivating. My bluff had been called and I was too stupid to realize it. “Good” was all she said before motioning with her head towards the door.
It wasn’t a short walk didn’t drag on either, just long enough to fill the silence with idle talk of our past and dreams. She had started off as a psych major but changed her mind halfway through.
“Social work? That’s pretty noble.” I said.
“I wouldn’t say noble. Plenty of people are suffering or lacking any lifelines or nets. I’d say it’s the bare minimum of what it takes to be a half-decent person.”
“Can’t argue against that.”
“So, do you think I’m a good person?” she asked, swiveling her head toward me, locking eyes with me, so close her breath warmed the skin of my clavicle.
Her eyes were the color of honey and the dark makeup that lined them made her look mystical. Her hair was neck length and two-toned – half was bright yellow and the other half raven black and glossy. Her proximity, the rising pace of her breath, the wide-eyed look of madness creeping through. None of it dissuaded me. The rush of blood and endorphins created a haze that blinded me to everything but an itch that had never been scratched.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Good,” she said and pointed to her flat.
We stepped inside a spartan living room. That surprised me, I’d thought that someone like her would have a much more decorated dwelling. I had a cup of tea and I stumbled through a nerve-fueled casual talk before Aubrey asked me if I wanted to head upstairs. The time for chitchat was over, I strode towards her and took her hand as she led me to her room. Once again eerily barren except for a bed and a nightstand, but I quickly overlooked it as Noami unwrapped herself from her coat. Her shirt had a deep v-shaped neckline that caused something deep within the pit of my stomach to stir.
“Nervous? Don’t be, I’ll show you the ropes,” she said.
She pirouetted around behind me, skillfully sliding me out of my coat and her hand was upon my bare flesh. My skin tickled and goosebumps blossomed at the delicate dance her fingers performed as she traced them up the nape of my neck. I closed my eyes, threw my head back, and exhaled as I let myself sink into her touch. Eduardo had been right, it was awkward and stumbling the first time. There was some vague sense of guilt but not quite that lingered in the minutes after it was over. I didn’t feel complete like I thought I would, didn’t feel different.
“Hey, now that you’ve tried the vanilla stuff, wanna get a little… experimental?” She asked.
I felt something like excitement, not entirely sure but I nodded eagerly at a second chance.
“Follow me,” she said and we stood in unison. As she led me into an adjacent room I couldn’t help but notice her excited breathing. It tugged at some rising emotion once more and as we came to a stop at the center of the empty room she threw herself over me in an abrupt embrace. A breath hissed out of me and I closed my eyes and reciprocated.
The peace shattered as my eyes fluttered open and another breath was forced out of me so fast I couldn’t even scream. Fire was in my veins, boiling my blood and hammering into every nerve ending until I crumpled into myself and fell to the ground. Aubrey was dragging me toward her closet and I tried to stand up and fight back but once again she pressed something against me that made my world go white and every part of me lock up in agony. When she finally pulled her taser away I saw that she had positioned me directly in front of her closet.
“I have a confession to make, I lied to you. I’m not interested in you romantically or sexually, you don’t interest me at all. And even if I was, I’m already taken, speaking of which, that’s why you’re here.” she said flinging the closet door open.
Within was a corpse, bone white and had the top half of his head cleaved off so that his bisected brain and skull were fully displayed, what used to be brain matter now a sickly greenish-blue hue that made my stomach lurch. He wore a ceremonial robe, maroon and gold inlaid with complex geometric sigils. On his skin were ink strips, running along the center of his arms, to his palms, from his chest, up his neck, and resting on his chin. I could see him as nothing more than a corpse but something within my mind couldn’t recognize him as dead, as if my psyche rejected that this thing could die. A scream tried to worm its way from the pit of my stomach into the open air but the chokehold of resignation gave voice to only a meek whimper.
“Don’t be afraid, he’s actually pretty nice once you get to know him. Prone to jealousy but no one’s perfect, I can attest to that.”
“Why are you doing this?” I asked, body frozen in place
“God, why are all of you so fucking boring? The last 3 all said the same thing verbatim. Anyways, Mark meet… hey what was your name again?”
I was silent, refusing to meet her gaze, as I tried to stand up but the sound of her taser discharging a staccato of noise froze me in place. I looked up to see that she had her lips pouted and her eyes mid-roll as she seemed more annoyed than anything.
“Tell me your name bitch” she hissed
“I-I”
“Luis,” a voice rasped but with no discernible origin
“Thank you, Mark. What do you think? A bit of a plain Joe but surely far more appealing to the eyes than the last one.”
“Luissssss, is that your nature? To covet what does not belong to you.”
The voice was coming from inside my head. The way that Aubrey bit her lip, the way her eyes widened, she heard it too. Something broke loose within me and I scrambled to stand up to push Aubrey aside, to get away from that thing that was in her closet. I got halfway up before my vision exploded and the world became red. Pain worse than I had ever known wracked my head, there was a pressure expanding, pushing up against my skull, threatening to shatter me.
“You made his eyes hemorrhage, ruins the experience when he can’t see.” Aubrey was saying
“The blood will leak out and he’ll see, even if he doesn’t want to. Even if I plucked the eyes from his head, still would he see.” The corpse responded.
“Hey Luis, wipe the blood from your eyes, don’t you want to know why I chose you, or what’s up with Mark?”
“Please, let me go,” I said as I crawled weakly, whether it was towards or away from them I didn’t know.
“That! That’s why! Because you’re a cliche. I didn’t even have to try that hard you’re so fucking predictable, all of you. You reeked of desperation but you tried to play it off like you were this deeply experienced person, set apart from the rest because you had a variable here and there. That’s the funny thing though, Luis; you’re shallow, you never knew me or cared that much to get to know me before I dangled the concept of me in front of you.”
“That’s why? Because I was superficially attracted to you? Fuck you.” I said and stilled, laying my head across my arms hoping that it would be over soon.
“God you’re stupid, no that’s not why. Most people act on desire alone, I don’t resent that, it’s the way of the world. No, I chose you because you were easy, you practically delivered yourself here with a ribbon bow.”
I brought my hands to my eyes, the headache had dulled slightly and I took the opportunity to start rubbing my eyes until the world was visible again through a blurred pinkish tint. The corpse, Mark, was there in front of me, still unmoving.
“What the fuck are you?” I asked.
“Finally asking something interesting. I thought he was a God when I first found him, but he explained to me he’s more like a demi-god. I took to calling him Mark because his real name is long and complex. He was already like that, in an alleyway, the top of his head missing. Assassination attempt he tells me since he’s royalty. He changed what it meant for him to die. Because he was already dead he got stuck like this, but trust me he’s just as lively as any person. In this world of menial labor and trivial people, he’s the most exciting thing I’ve ever come across.” Aubrey said.
I tried to prop myself up and wipe away more of the blood from my eyes but the second I laid eyes on Mark my mind was assaulted by an image superimposed onto my vision. A city that looked ancient with polished stone towers that dwarfed skyscrapers, of endless corridors, and alleys. Where strange sigils and symbols were carved into every crevice and the strata itself. No cars, no powerlines, a Babylon left to fester and grow for tens of thousands of years buried deep in some recess of existence that had never known the human world. Yet I know that somehow it was occupied by malaligned man. It expanded in every direction, high into the sky, stone structure upon structure until it was a cluttered mess of strange geometries and impossible architecture. I tried closing my eyes to shut it out but the darkness it brought only made the picture intensify, and I screamed for it to stop.
“That’s the city where Marks is from, remarkable, isn’t it? I asked him to take me there but as things are it’s impossible. So I lavish away in the horror of the mundane that is this world. Or that was until I brought home a friend who had a bit of a crush on me and Mark burned him from the inside out, like I said, he’s prone to jealousy. I’ve been bringing him my dates ever since to see what he does to punish them. It’s funny seeing their reactions to what he is and where he’s from. And now I’m left wondering what he’ll do to you.” she said.
“I tire of your games, I have half the mind to collapse your lungs and let you drown in your own blood.” Mark rasped.
“Half a mind because you’re not as smart as you think you are or because you’re literally missing half your brain?” Aubrey retorted.
The sound of bones pulverizing to dust and flesh and muscle tearing to shreds resounded throughout the room. Aubrey’s left arm twisted, bent, and collapsed into a mangled heap of flesh, the shock delaying her agonized scream for a moment. My ears rang at the sound of her wail, interlaced with expletives in between each gasping breath.
I took the chance to pivot around and bolt out of the room, half stumbling as I launched my body up and forward out of the room. “You’re just gonna let him get away like that!?” I heard Aubrey shout but she made no attempt to pursue. My vision was still blood-stained, heart palpitating, working to fuel my flight down a set of stairs.
The front door was mere footsteps away when an explosive concussive force knocked me off my feet and I was sent sprawling end over end. A hand was thrown towards the doorknob in one last desperate attempt as if opening the door was all I needed to dispel this nightmare. My fingers brushed the cheap metal before the world around me melted away like wax, revealing a starry black space. He was in the center of my vision now, Mark before his death. A corona of purple plasma surrounded his head, his crown. His gaze bore into me, the pupil consuming most of his iris a bizarre combination of concentric rings and interweaving lines that drove me nearly mad trying to decipher their meaning. The flesh was albino and his lips were drawn into a deep scowl, the scorn of a God.
“Did you think you’d be able to escape your punishment? I’m not the only one you’ve tried to steal from. In your self-centered pursuit of desire, you’ve ostracized so many. Did you know that your mother still thinks of you? Every time it brings her pain beyond reconciliation, and yet you’ve done your best to expunge her from yourself. In Cradle, the city that bore me, to deny the divine mother is the greatest of sins, so I will take from you that which has fueled sin. Never again will you know satisfaction, pleasure, or joy. The concept of it will be struck from your existence.”
A sensation blossomed within, a searing tearing pain that caused a scream to ring out in the void of this world. The strange being watched on as tears poured from me and he grew to encompass everything around me until all was a sea of the configurations mirroring his pupils. I drifted there for an unknowable amount of time. When I finally washed up on familiar shores it was to my horror the floor of Aubrey’s living room. She towered over me, her eyes dead but her mouth pursed in disappointment.
“Is it that it? You could have swapped all his organs around, made him have the intelligence of a goldfish, turned his blood to mercury and you chose to give him depression? I say you’ve lost your touch, Mark.” Aubrey said.
“It’s much more than that, the concept of happiness, fulfillment, all of it a concept foreign to him now. It’s like a color you’ve never seen and can never see. You can have it explained to you and might even conceptualize it but you’ll never know it truly. Desire without satisfaction.”
“He won’t even know what she’s missing out on… understated but diabolical. I would have preferred something more visual.” Aubrey said.
I rolled over to my side and tried to stand. To my surprise Aubrey was there to help me up, I was too exhausted and too numb to stop her. Her mangled arm was now held in a sling. She walked me toward the door and even handed me a tissue for the crusting blood on my face. As I was leaving she reached out to stop me and flinched away but she was only interested in speaking.
“That was kinda lame, wasn’t it? Sorry, he’s been a bit upset with me recently. He’s usually much more lively than this, must be tired. If you wanna do this again sometime you have my number.” she said with a wink and closed the door.
I’ve been in a haze in the days since. I don’t feel sad or like I’m missing something but Mark or whatever the fuck he was, is right. I can’t remember what it was to be happy, I feel fine but I can’t even begin to understand what those days I once treasured meant, they’re just days now. I don’t know if I have much left to lose but curiosity pricks at my heart. I don’t doubt I’ll find myself in the presence of Aubry and that thing sooner than later.
Credit: Santiago Del Mar
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