Dried husks scratched their arms as they squeezed through the narrow isles of corn. Finding the entrance was a miracle as the pathways are barely discernable from the rows of planted corn.
Every year, Old Man Hanky builds a corn maze for the local kids, but hides the entrance. The farmer never had any children of his own and started the maze tradition as a way to bond with the neighborhood children. It was bragging rights in this town to find and complete Old Man Hanky’s maze before the corn is harvested.
“Anna, you know how quick it gets dark now! This is taking too long.”
“We have plenty of light and plenty of time. Besides, we can always follow someone else out.”
“Who, Anna? We’ve been in here over an hour and I haven’t seen anyone, or heard anyone for that matter, in the last 45 minutes.”
“We could always call Charlie. I’m sure he’d come find us and show us out.” Anna suggested.
“I already tried calling him twice. He didn’t answer. I texted him and told him to call me back.”
Anna looked around at the sea of corn stalks. It was impossible to tell where they’d already been and which direction was out.
“Just climb on my shoulders and see if you can figure out which direction we should be going.”
Sydney’s cheerleading skills were finally of practical use. She took a boost from Anna’s clasped hands and hopped onto her shoulders. Sydney could hardly see over the corn, but the smoke from the bonfire billowed as a beam of hope.
“Anna, I can see the smoke from the bonfire. I know which way we need to go. And, I think I saw some corn moving. Maybe those people know the way out!”
Harvest time was only a few days away. The girls did not want to be the only ones not to finish Old Man Hanky’s maze. Finding the entrance alone took hours, now if they could only find their way out. As they headed for the smoke, voices became audible. The other last minute maze goers must be nearby.
“Hello! Do you know the way out of here?” Anna yelled.
No response.
“I do.”
The meek voice materialized behind them with no warning. A small boy, no older than nine stood just inside the corn stalks staring at the girls.
“Hi, there. We’ve been in here almost two hours. Can you help us get out?” Anna asked the boy, as Sydney shot her an angry gaze.
“Sure. My daddy doesn’t like when I cheat. But, I like helping,” the boy chirped.
“You’re a sweet little boy. Do kids get lost in here a lot?”
“Yes. Most people get lost in our maze.”
“Our maze? Is that why you know your way out so well?”
“Yeah, my daddy built it. I helped. I like helping.” Looking more enthusiastic, the boy took Anna by the hand and started on his way.
“Um, Anna,” unmoving, Sydney called out. “Can I have a word with you?”
“What’s up, Sydney?”
“That little boy just said his daddy built this maze. I thought this was Old Man Hanky’s farm. He doesn’t have any kids.”
“So what? Maybe the kid and his dad helped out. What’s it matter anyway? He knows the way out.”
“He gives me the creeps, Anna. Didn’t you notice how he came out of nowhere?”
“Did you just watch Children of the Corn or something? You’re trippin’,” Anna smirked.
“Whatever. I just want out of here.”
Anna walked back to the boy and asked him to lead the way. He continued on silently, walking slowly and methodically. Without hesitation he made turn after turn down long stretches of barely visible pathways. The zigzagging seemed to take the girls further and further from the plumes of smoke still faintly visible in the darkening sky.
“Are you sure you know where you’re going?” Anna asked the boy. He looked over his shoulder with a demented smile.
“Of course I do. We only have a little further to go. Daddy will be so glad to see you.”
Sydney noticed the drops of sweat forming on Anna’s forehead and reached for her phone again. This time Charlie answered. She turned around and whispered into the phone.
“Charlie, where have you been? We’re lost and need you to help us finish this maze. We’re following this kid and we’re not even close to being out. He’s freaking me out.”
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about. What maze are you at?”
“What do you mean, Charlie? Old Man Hanky’s maze. What else would I be talking about?” Sydney asked, shooting a confused look over to Anna.
“Old Man Hanky has been in the hospital for a while now. He wasn’t able to do a corn maze this year.”
Sydney quickly hung up her phone and turned around, but the boy was gone. Sydney turned and ran through the corn back where they came from, Anna at her heels.
They ran until the cramps in their sides forced them to stop. Then they heard the boy’s voice again and saw his shadow just inside the corn like before.
“You can run girls, I won’t stop you. But I know the way out, you’re the one who’s lost. Besides, Daddy doesn’t like when I cheat. He likes when you find him on your own, it’s more exciting that way.”
Credit To – S.E. Helsinger
Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.
I didn’t find this one to be all that creepy. Was the little boy standing in the maze supposed to help that? Because guess what, it didn’t. Now, if it was a little girl, then most people might find it unsettling. Double standards everyone.
This story was really undeveloped. A solid rough draft at best. There were a lot of random things you included in the pasta and would be great if you tied them into the story. Like one or both of the girls being cheerleaders. I mean I get it explained why she was so able to see over the hedges and see the bonfire but the bonfire served no higher purpose either. I recommend either tossing those to minor details and replacing them with something a tad more bone chilling. Overall, a solid 3.5/10. Continue writing though. I truly enjoyed your diction, but felt pretty iffy about the tone.
Underwooked indeed.
Cooked** lolololol
“what was that ‘ Do do do do La do do do Da
sound”
That was the cellphone.
“Who was the little boy”
I would say the ghost of Hanky’s son.
I agree with the sentiment that earlier phrases made it clear that other people finished the maze. That wrecked the story for me.
What was this I read ( undercooked)
I quite enjoyed this one. with some work it could be excellent. it has a great finish just nothing really sinister enough as it goes along to give the end the impact it should have. I gave it a 7 for potential though :D keep working on it!
So 2 girls wandered into a field where there is usually a maze, but there wasn’t one this year…BFD. That’s not scary, that’s an unfortunate turn of events. Pasta belongs on the Crappy site, not the Creepy site.
This story felt fragmented. Almost like it was a couple different stories that accidentally got glued together. It just left me with too many questions and not in the good sense. Questions like “What’s Charlie doing out here if there is no maze?” and “Why are the girls under the impression others have completed the maze if there is no maze?” and “Seriously, what’s up with the boy?”
I almost feel it would be better to set this at the beginning of harvest season instead of at the end, with the girls trying to be the first to complete the maze. That way, we’re not sitting here wondering how Old Man Hanky could be in the hospital for weeks and the girls not know.
Still, I enjoyed this all the way to the end. It just seemed so predictable and not scary enough. There was hint, a whiff, of danger with the realization that there is no bonfire. It makes you ask the good sort of question “Just where was that boy taking them?” But with nothing to go on about the boy except that he appears out of nowhere and he and his dad built the maze, it doesn’t feel creepy enough. There are too many non-scary explanations for our imaginations to latch onto the creepier ones by default. If we could just get a little more about the boy and where he was taking them, I think it would punch up the creepy factor on this. Keep writing, this was a promising start.
No corn maze…so it was just normal harvest time? This story sounds like a yo mama joke. Yo mama so dumb she got lost in a corn maze made out of rows >_<
Uh…This was just dumb. I don’t understand why something with such little substance and absolutely no sense to it-or creepiness-is on here. There isn’t even any implied danger to the characters. Ugh.
I had to dig for this but I thought maybe the kid was Hanky’s son who was buried in the corn or that died… Either that or Satan was hosting the maze this year. On top of that it needed more dialogue and better setting. How come they didn’t just push through the corn until they found the boarder?
Anonymous just nailed my thoughts, so one additional question and I am gone: why do creepypasta writers love the “Anna”, “Annie”, “Anne” etc. names so much? WHY?!
Maybe beacuse of the game “Anna”?
It’s just a name that comes into your mind when you have to think about a name for a character in a short story.
Um what?
Thanks for commenting. I made some edits based on some comments. I submitted a request for an update. So please check back and rate/ add more suggestions. Thanks!
I already mentioned it two times but I like the updated version much more than the original one! You changed the ending and this was a very wise decison^^
I like that twist at the end but what confuses me is, what was that ‘ Do do do do La do do do Da ‘ Sound, Who the hell was the boy and why in god’s name was that kid in the middle of a corn field if there wasn’t any corn maze? Also BUT WHO WAS CELLPHONE?
It was supposed to be a cellphone ring.
Pretty good. Very predicable ending. 6\10
This story had a good idea,but I couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t thought out as well as it could have been. The ideas and events of the stories were a bit dodgy and seemed disconnected and almost random. The descriptions of the characters were minimal, if not non-existent, and just left the story lacking. Not only that, but the ending didn’t leave me feeling frightened nor creeped out, as they didn’t truly find any real danger in the maze.
My only advice would be to be a bit more descriptive, and perhaps connect your thoughts and ideas a tad more. Work on your scare a bit more if possible as well. Other than that, good writing as far as I could see, and an interesting premise as I have worked in a corn-maze before and know that it can sometimes become very disorienting. I give this a 5 out of 10.
Refine yourself a bit more Helsinger.
Thanks for your feedback. I made some changes based on several comments please read the updated story and I would be glad to hear your thoughts on the revision.
Where can I find it?
Right on top of the page^^ He changed the old one and did well with this changes.
Oh and FIRST!
Note to self- stay away from any Maize related crop fields, actually make that ANY crop field.
I don’t get this? When there was no maze, where have they been? Did they dream this or what exactly is going on there?
Please don’t get me wrong, I just don’t understand the story. To be honest I don’t like the spelling style either. Just dialogues, no descriptions or anything my mind can work with. Sorry
I see you updated the story^^ I didn’t like the first version, but this one is much more consequent in it’s development. I already mentioned my problems with your style of writting but that’s just personal preference :-)
I really like the story now^^ It’s creepy right the way it should be!
The sentence at the beginning is a little detached. I think that it either needs to be non-existent or you need to put 1 or 2 more sentences following up just to make it mean something.
That was creepy! Delicious pasta! :)
Ugh! There were SO MANY DIFFERENT directions you could have taken the story that the one you chose cheapened/wasted the FANTASTIC writing before it. Some questions that popped up in my head immediately was if they saw the glow of the bonfire coming up in front of them, how were they no where near it? And if the girl had a cellphone, wouldnt they have used it to try to get help to get out?
Also the boy was so underdeveloped in the story it seemed like he was just added to it to make it “creepy.” Take the boy out of the story and you have an extremely well written dumb blonde joke. If you took the time to further develop this story, the ending and the kid character with the skill you displayed in your writing, then this has the potential to be a 9 star creepypasta. I WANT MORE! :)
Hmmm …
This is a good story idea for sure.
The end didn’t really make sense though, why is old man hankley’s hospitalization causing kids to stay and the maze, and creepy children to say he’s thier dad?.
5/10
Thanks for your feedback. I made some changes based on several comments please read the updated story and I would be glad to hear your thoughts on the revision.
sometimes, pastas won’t let me rate them. :(
There was an update recently which causes ratings to show up at the top. So if you select the stars at the bottom you’re change will be noted at the top of the page.
only a little creepy. Not creepy enough, though I enjoyed it. The writing style reminded me a bit of the Goosebumps books I grew up on, but lacked the distinctive creepy vibe. you had the twist ending nailed. But it could have been much better. 4/10
Maybe I am just missing something here, but I really don’t understand the point of this story. The “shocker” was that Old Man Hanky didn’t actually make a maze the year this story takes place – THAT would have been creepy by itself. However, the author chose to give a perfectly good reason as to why there is a maze. The child and his father made it. So what is the big deal? The story doesn’t give a sense of danger and it is too ambiguous to derive any sort of plot. Is the kid and his father evil? Are they trying to kidnap kids? To me, it was just a sweet little story about a guy who helped out Old Man Hanky by making a maze for him during his time indisposed at the hospital. I suppose the “creepiness” is supposed to come from the fact that only Sydney and Anna knew about the maze? But then how would they know about it if all their other friends knew that the maze wasn’t going to be there this year? Surely they would have told them? Also, the story gives the premonition that Anna and Sydney are “late” in finishing the maze as if other children have already completed it. It even says “Harvest time was only a few days away. The girls did not want to be the only ones not to finish Old Man Hanky’s maze.” That makes it seem like they already knew of other children who completed the maze – but that makes no sense if Charlie knew that there wouldn’t be a maze this year. This story just was total let down. I was expecting something a little bit more with the child, but it ended up just being some sort of micro-fiction sweet tale. The best I can give this is a 3/10 because it was utterly confusing and has way too many plot holes.
Felt more like a comedy to me.
“The farmer didn’t make a maze this year”
“Derp, so we just walked into corn for no reason.”
“Oh well. At least nothing creepy happened, right?”
“Yes. What a nice day.”
Thanks for your feedback. I made some changes based on several comments please read the updated story and I would be glad to hear your thoughts on the revision.
Definitely creepier, but the majority of the plotholes still remain, sadly.
ALRIGHT! This is something I can work with. Your revision is solid and it is just ambiguous enough to really get the mind to start thinking.
The writing style stills seems a little forced and the general flow of the plot is a tad quick – but nothing major.
I think you write very well, but you could definitely benefit from fleshing-out your narratives. This easily could have been a VERY long pasta, but you chose a simpler route instead of adding some description that could turn this story from good to great. I enjoyed this version more, but as Tsugirai already stated – some plot holes still exist. However, they are much less noticeable.
Some definite improvements – it’s much better, now. It’s admirable that you fixed this, most people just rage over criticism. Thanks for good pasta :P
BUT WHO WAS LITTLE BOYS DAD!?
Me of course
Alright story. Not very creepy though. It seems like one of those things that would be weird and a little creepy to experience but, the creepiness doesn’t translate to story easy.