Advertisement
Please wait...

Donkey Lady



Estimated reading time — 4 minutes

This is another entry in the Modern Monsters series.

So I heard you wanted to hear the story of the Donkey Lady? Well, grab a beer; you’re in for a tale.

It started back in the eighties, in a little town outside of San Antonio, Texas. I was a senior in high school back, just after moving out of the worst school I’d ever been to in my life. Ever since ‘the incident’ with a kid named Larry I just had to leave then. This town was much better, well, most of the time anyway. Living in this town was a girl named Maria, we didn’t know each other very well, never talked much, but we didn’t hate each other either. She had a long face, and crazy buckteeth. One of her flaws was her stubbornness and lack of hindsight, she always saw the best in people even when it wasn’t there.

One example of this was when she married to a guy named Tyrone, huge brute of a guy, a thug even. He abused her and drank a lot, and yet she was still madly in love with him. (even though a couple of drinks for herself always helped keep this loyalty alive.) Everyone in town knew, the police just couldn’t find enough evidence to ever convict him, or make her change her mind. It was just a dirty little secret to this town, almost like finding a huge wad of cash in a bush, a skeleton in the closet. Nobody has to know.

They eventually had two kids, the older grew to five and the younger to three. No children at that age should have to endure this kind of parenting. I only ever saw them once or twice, but their eyes, for the love of God their eyes. They went dug into my soul, they had a look to them, like they had seen things they didn’t want to see, heard things they didn’t want to hear.

Been things they didn’t want to be.

Eventually, during a drunken rampage, Tyrone burned down the house and trapped the entire family inside. That was a horrific night, the flames slowly consumed the house and the faint cry of children, and the grotesque cry of Maria. It sounded like a wild horse, getting put down. We all stood outside, waiting for the ambulance, screaming support and for help. Nothing we could do. Maria had barely managed to escape herself, and according to the police, whatever was left of Tyrone, had been dead just earlier than the fire.

We all visited her in the hospital, with flowers and gifts. We nearly puked when we saw her, and you may think that’s an over-exaggeration, but the fire had deformed her greatly. Her hands had fused together, leaving a revolting little gap in the middle, and even looking a little like hooves. Her skin loosened, it dangled under her eyes and aged her by a hundred years, and it was as pale as the moon. Her hair had turned grey and lifeless: It gave her the appearance of a monster, or a mule.

I’d sat next to her for a second, telling her we were all sorry for what had happened to her. And then, she turned her head around to face me, and my heart sank. Her terrifying features were close up, and she gave me a look of such pure contempt and hate for humanity, a look that made her hate the human races very existence. Her eyes were surrounded by black, and they looked at me with a look of hatred and even sarcasm.

Advertisements

“Seriously Maria, we honestly are.” I said, trying to reassure her.

“We’ll, we’ll see. We’ll see.” She faintly mumbled. She barely sounded human. She barely was human. We left then, and so did our hope. Maria would never be the same again.

Fast forward to about five years later and Maria had moved away a long time ago, or at least we assumed she moved away. We never heard from her again, and she was nowhere to be seen. A couple buddies and I went driving to the Old Hickory Bridge, that’s what we called it back in those days, before the next ‘incident.’ We were pissed drunk, drinking and honking our buddy’s car horn. The horn sounded like a donkey guffawing wildly.

Advertisements

“Sounds like a freaking jackass!” I chuckled groggily.

“Maria you mean of course?” My friend has replied. In any other circumstances, that would have been offensive and cruel, but when drunk of course, I found it damn hilarious.

“Dude, I’m serious,” He continued. “She looked like a freaking donkey!”

I heard the horn again, except this time it seemed louder and had a bit more tempo, like it was more natural.

“Man, stop screwing around with the horn.”

“That wasn’t me, man.”

Advertisements

It went silent then, and the mood changed. It had went to funny, to indescribably eerie. Then, in a moment of realization, we looked out the windshield. Some eyes appeared from the darkness. The eyes, those eyes are indescribably horrible, glaring yellow orbs glaring from the shadow, giving a look of pure hatred and madness.
Suddenly, some mule like creature pounded on our roof, giving a look of an animal, but a slight sense of humanity to it. It smashed the windshield, and we screamed until our voices were hoarse. The beast was screaming with a rage about its lovelies, how she lost them to a “demon”, and raging about a flame. Then it strode off on all fours It was all very rushed, and seemed to be over in a second, and it left us in awe and suspense.

The meaning of the creature’s rant had flown right over my head at the time. The beast fled over the bridge and back into the woods. A day later, one of the more fearless and stubborn guys went out with a 22 to take care of whatever attacked us after we went back to town when we thought it was safe. We warned him to be careful, and I guess we didn’t warn him enough. He was never seen again.

From then on, we called that the Donkey Lady Bridge, and try our best to keep this to ourselves. After a few others were found dead, there was an attempt to destroy it, but the destruction crew were found dead and mutilated, and the problem is, the problem is the forensic crew said there was no way that one thing could have killed them, and that it must of had help from about two, two beings that seemed to leave the same traces as the main creature, but seemed much smaller, almost like two offspring.

So there you go, I bet you’re glad you heard it now. Sweet dreams.

Credit To – YOU CAN’T HANDLE USERNAME, tytiger10, and Bradandale

Please wait...

Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

41 thoughts on “Donkey Lady”

  1. Nice ideas on this whole series, but you desperately need a proofreader. Bad grammar/spelling, no flow. 5/10 at most, but could be drastically improved by a rewrite. Maybe tie the stories together just a bit more, too. It’s like the first 2 have have no real connection to 3 & 4. Good try overall, keep working! (:

  2. I am curious. Did you actually visit the bridge or is this just a story?
    The bridge itself at night is creepy, if anyone lives in San Antonio I would recommend to go visit it. Everything that happened on experience had logic behind it but just being out in a Forrest area with a few creepy houses can give anyone an eerie feeling without the bridge and legend there.
    But it was a very good story, well written.

  3. The description of the donkey lady was really creepy, but the parts at the end about people disappearing and her kids suffering the same fate as her were somewhat rushed.

  4. I thought this was very good. There were a few simple things I would edit, but I thought this was very well done and honestly a little chilling. Well done.

  5. I’m sorry but this…this was hard for me to get through…it wasn’t creepy in the slightest if i was sitting there listening to the mans tale i would have laughed.

    i do have to give you credit for this though it was interesting to read ^^

  6. Since this has its roots in an existing legend, I think it’s OK, because otherwise I would ask why, for creep’s sake, a donkey of all things. It’s like the deer woman in an episode Masters of Horror, it doesn’t matter how you put it, it cannot be scary.
    On a side note, how did fire change Maria’s hair colour instead of just burning it?

  7. The story was alright in my opinion.It was creepy,to be honest though,more or less just strange.It could have been more better if it had a little bit more depth,something to make the donkey lady more menacing and less ”well,she’s a monster now,oh well”.The story lacked suspense,it was more of a scrawled out story that someone did in a hurry,although it did make me want to at least see how it ends,which is good.Not trying to sound offensive too much,this story sounds like it was hard to pull off from the start,and you did do a good job since it’s on here,not any story gets creepypasta.Also,he picked a .22,really?These are my criticisms/praises,I’ll check out your next one when it comes out,cheers.

  8. Im looking back on the comments and I apologize if I offended you. Was just giving my honest opinion. If I’m not honest then that means I don’t care :)

  9. While I really and truly appreciate your attempt to create an original monster in a modern setting, I have to say, this is kind of ridiculous. And while I don’t believe in a hopeless concept, I could tell this one was going to be pretty difficult to pull off from the get go. There wasn’t much suspense, no real hook that kept me reading (though compared to some of the pseudo-novels on this site, it was blessedly short. Serious kudos there). For one, I’d say make your monsters a bit less obvious from the get go. Just like the werewolf, I could tell exactly where this was going from the first few paragraphs. Deformed person undergoes serious trauma, becomes a monster.
    I may sound a bit harsh, which is why I didn’t really want to write a review in the first place, but I really do like what you’re attempting here, and I want to see it work. Keep at it, there’s serious potential here. Just…ya know…surprise me next time.

    1. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE USERNAME!

      Sorry sir, if you could read the other comments, I did not write this. I helped. Plus, my one after the Frankenstein pasta will hopefully surprise a lot of you, its a twist ending.

  10. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE USERNAME!

    Um, bit of confusion in the credits. tytiger wrote this, I just edited it and added some extra tidbits. But still, this was an interesting project. The Frankenstein pasta by the Miracle City author has been a bit delayed, so that might be coming next.

      1. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE USERNAME!

        Well, its either the Frankenstein or the Banshee pasta coming next, its up to the other author. :)

  11. There’s something vaguely racist about naming the deadbeat abusive husband Tyrone. Also, burned skin will not “hang loose.” This was ridiculous, honestly.

  12. Shit Tyrone. Get it together.

    Sorry, had to say it. In all seriousness, it’s not a bad story. It could use a little bit more, well, mystery to make it seem creepier.
    It feels like its just missing that little bit of scariness to really give it that “Monster Legend” feel.

  13. I live in San Antonio, and no this isn’t originality. This tall tale has been a part of our city for many many years. I love how you added your own twist to it though.

  14. I saw this same creature in Tijuana outside the bars on Avenido Revolucion. I didn’t have my rifle so I threw some pesos at it and she went away.

    She was sure walking funny, though.

  15. judging by the other comments on this story my opinion is not the popular one but I thought this was crazy cool.

      1. Daniel Lopez-Hollingworth

        I felt like this was more of a comedy than anything. The descriptions of her in the hospital made me, quite literally, piss myself (only a little) as I pictured some weird parallel between a woman and a donkey, mohawk and all.

        It didn’t really feel sufficiently creepy for me and, as sepia pointed out, the encounter with her seemed to focus more on action (a slightly more than half-crazed horse-woman slamming herself on the roof of a car) than scariness and subtlety.

        Don’t lose heart though. It was a good read and given revision it could be a scary piece. I hope to see your future attempts :)

  16. ẠbracadaveЯ

    … A .22? You’re gonna “take care of it” with a .22? Are you shittin’ me? No wonder he didn’t come back. Good riddance, he was obviously a dumbass.
    Wasn’t too impressed by the first “Modern Monster” tale, and this one just… nah. Sorry. Things are going downhill for you here, and considering where you started from, there’s not much room left. Actually, the “donkey lady” sounded kinda… cute. And reminded me of that FiM episode with the old mule. So yeah not so much creepy, and I don’t think this site changed its name to sadpasta.com while I was sleeping.

  17. Ok..I couldnt even finish this story. So sorry but it was just way too ridiculous for me. I WILL, however, give you a 10 for originality. I thought reading about a haunted toilet was something but this REALLY takes the cake. Next time please put some actual effort into your stories…

    1. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE USERNAME!

      That’s un-called for, what if I told you this story went over 3 rewrites? Tytiger tried damn hard in this, criticism I can take, but pure insults with no truth or too far.

  18. I love retellings; stories come alive because people spread them and add slight variations: new perspectives, embellishments or somesuch. This piece tackled a rather modern urban legend and tried to put that little spin to it.

    I thought the most noteworthy addition was the Donkey Lady’s characterization. This piece came close to casting the Donkey Lady as a distraught mother, some tragic heroine cast down under the weight of her crippling virtue: undying faith in humanity. The scene with the children took welcome steps in that direction, but they never came close enough to fully make her sympathetic. IMO the story should’ve spent more time with her.

    While the prose had that campfire feel to it, I felt that it was hesitant to really take that route. The character telling the story should have his/her own voice and experience coloring the narrative. A scene or two where the narrator actually meets (pre-burning) Maria would’ve been worth a hundred lines of exposition, of which this piece had an overabundance.

    The climatic encounter also could’ve used a bit of polishing. The image of a mule pounding a car while ranting was hardly subtle nor sufficiently creepy IMO. That said, I was pleasantly surprised by the sting at the end, though again it could’ve been a deal subtler.

    In the end, I thought this piece had the right plans, but couldn’t break out. As it stands, the pasta largely reiterated the myth whilst only tentatively putting its own spin to it. 6.1/10

    1. Thank you for some criticism with reasoning. I defiantly felt I needed to keep it shorter. With it being one my first pastas I tried to keep it shorter. I defiantly like the idea of having the narrator actually have a conversation with Maria to add more character. But, unfourantly as said by ẠbracadaveЯ not everyone likes the idea of that. But, I’ll defiantly use that in the rewrite.

      The encounter was always ruff like that. Whether I wrote it, Brandle, or even YCHTU wrote it I never felt that satisfied with. It’ll be a top priority during the rewrite.

      1. Hmm, I would actually make it a bit longer, given the amount of story you could fit in. It’d actually be interesting to have two narrators, giving different sides of the story with different voices; hard but awesome to pull off.

        Maybe the encounter scenes could’ve been done gradually? Like, instead of one big scene, you could have the Donkey Lady stalk the town’s inhabitants like you implied with the worker deaths. I liked the offspring spin you gave to it.

        Anyway, I thought you had a lot of promising ideas there, so mull over them before your next entry.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top