This is such a stupid idea. Why are we even doing this?
Those were the thoughts that arose in my mind on that chilly, eerie evening. Sitting in the passenger seat of the dimly-lit car which belonged to my best friend Matt, I peered out the window and glanced up at the beautiful, yet ominous, night sky. The moon was huge and luminous. I looked at my watch. It was just about midnight, a time when most normal people would already be in bed.
I glanced over at Matt, who was gleefully driving to our destination, seemingly unaware of how stupid this whole thing was. “Why are we doing this, Matt? You know nothing’s gonna happen,” I said, slightly annoyed at the entire situation.
Matt looked at me with aggravation.
“You agreed to come, so stop being a little bitch and try to have some fun,” he snapped.
After about five more minutes of driving, Matt stopped the car abruptly. “Here we are,” he proclaimed with genuine excitement. He then turned to me and corrected himself. “Well, almost. We have to do a little walking.”
I followed Matt as we walked down a steep grassy hill and ended up in the woods. Pitch black. “I can’t see a fucking thing,” I exclaimed. “Don’t worry dude, I brought a flashlight.” He pulled a small flashlight out of his jeans pocket. “Of course,” I muttered under my breath. We continued through the woods for what seemed like an hour. Finally, we arrived in front of a vast, deep tunnel.
I looked at Matt. “What the hell is this thing?”
“The Devil’s Chamber. Here we are. Let’s go.” Matt said, dangerously eager to go inside the death trap.
I stopped him. “Woah, woah, woah, we’re not going in there, are we? We’re gonna kill ourselves. What if the flashlight dies? What if there’s someone else in there? What if there’s–”
“What if you stopped being such a pussy and just walked in?” my friend interrupted in a half-joking tone. “Come on, let’s go.”
I reluctantly followed him into the tunnel. It was cold, dark and damp. Insects were everywhere, not to mention all the dead rats, mice, and of course the occasional decaying cat. There were all sorts of graffiti covering the walls. I instantly felt something very strange throughout my body. It felt as if a bubble of negative energy was trying to push itself into me. I was overwhelmed with a sense of dread. However, I remembered how damn excited Matt was to be here, so I kept my mouth shut and continued to follow behind him.
As we reached the middle of the tunnel, Matt pulled out his camera and decided to take a few pictures. For the next couple of minutes all I heard was the loud snap of Matt’s camera, paired with a flash that nearly blinded me. Suddenly, I felt a small hand on my shoulder. I quickly turned around, but of course, nobody was behind me. I shrugged it off and kept walking. “Maybe it was a bug,” I thought, in an attempt to calm my nerves.
The tunnel became colder and darker the further we walked. “How long is this tunnel?” I asked Matt. He turned to me and smirked. “Would you relax? We’ll turn back in a minute.” I noticed that he was beginning to feel a bit nervous. “You’re right though, we have been walking for a while. Let’s turn around.”
We began to walk back to the entrance. I couldn’t wait to get out. As we were walking, I abruptly heard something that sounded like a young girl’s laughter. Then, I felt it again. The hand on my shoulder. The same small, child-like hand. This time, it was more assertive, like something was really trying to get my attention. Again, I tried to tell myself that it was probably just a bug or something. I just wanted to get the hell out of this place.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, we reached the entrance and quickly walked outside. We hurried through the woods and up the hill, glancing over our shoulders every so often to make sure nothing was … “following” us.
At last, we arrived at Matt’s car. I wasted no time opening the passenger door and hopping in. Matt then got inside after me and started the car. He pulled his camera out of his backpack. “Alright, let’s see what we got,” he said with a radiant grin.
The two of us looked carefully at every picture. Nothing. Just a bunch of concrete, dirt and spiders. Then, we came across a picture of me standing in front of Matt. We both looked closely and gasped.
There was a small child-like hand, gently resting on my shoulder.
Credit To – Jake Grogan
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52 thoughts on “The Devil’s Chamber”
Hello. And Bye.
not bad. you should maybe adjust the ending, though. definitely not anywhere near being labelled “the worst pasta” though. some ppl are overly hard on others. Its unfortunate. I gave this an 8 out for 10.
Probably the worst pasta I’ve read. I was able to work out how the entire story was going to play out the second I started reading, but I guess calling it a “story” would be pushing it.
Generic and bland characters. The “what are you a pussy?” line which has been done to death and one of the most silly ways to push the plot forward if you ask me. Too short and the ending was, like the whole story, predictable.
A little cliche. But still good.
I liked it
Very good and scary i feel so bad for u.i liked it very much but if only it was more scarier like if u saw something. :) 9\10
Not to be offensive but the ending is too generic but the story was good
That I just fucked up. I mean that I just OMG!!!!
True story my ass.
Too short and ended way too quickly.
Its was good at first i think you needed more things to put like a story that gets us thinking i give this a 4.5 just because the begin and middle was good>
Well I found it rather boring. No offence, whatsoever it was okay. but yeah it was rather uneventful in my mind
This was some good writing. With some improvement you could make the ending not so obvious. I was expecting like the han dof a demon or an actual demon which wouldve been unexpected.
where is the pic??
Even though the story itself wasn’t so scary I think if this happened to me I would have shat a large number of bricks
You have a lot of potential!!! :3
Story was great but the ending sucked
Sounds like if if your watching ghost adventures on travel channel
Kinda scary but I’m a 14 year old girl and I love scary things and this didn’t even make me shiver you should come up with a different ending cause you have we an amazing writing style and I see real potential
I’m reading this in a pitch black room while my niece is asleep next to me with her hand resting on my shoulder.-. Anyways the overall story was pretty cliché, you probably could have though up a better ending.
Really good pasta but the end wasnt that scary ,,,,lol well i guees it was if that happens to me ,,,,hell it is creepy
Pics or it didn’t happen
this was okay.
How does a child’s hand reach a teenager’s shoulder?
LOL LOL THATS A REALLY GOOD QUESTION LOL ,,,,GOT IT SHE WAS A FLYING GHOST !!!
Very good 9/10
You have quite a bit of talent, though I don’t think this story did it justice. I eagerly await your next submission.
Honestly,the ending was a bit predictable,but the writing style was great. Keep on writing :D
Ok story, way too many adjectives, I’d cut a lot if them out, also remember if a smaller word fits better use it. Also stick more to “he said” or “she said.” Over complicating that makes it sound like a romance novel. Otherwise I think you are on the right track with your writing.
I liked it. It’s something that would happen to anyone. I know that feeling and I would creep me out if that happened to me. It was believeable. 8/10
I think my comment was fairly respectful Lady Lina. I told the author what I thought was wrong with it. I informed them on how they can improve. If you think that’s rude, head over to Crappypasta.
Really bland story, it seemed cool in the beginning, but just seemed more like a Ghost Lab for new guys story, you check out some long tunnel with a friend, you eventually get tired, take a few pics and than leave just seeing a picture with some girls hand and no consequences. Would be cool if when they turn back, they felt as if it took more than usual, the corridor became smaller and smaller, darker and darker, till’ the point they can’t walk anymore, they look back and see the girl behind them.
Thank you everyone for the feedback and constructive criticism (from some of you). I am hoping to redeem myself upon my next submission. It is encouraging and motivating to know that some of you guys genuinely believe that I have talent, I just need to execute it better. I understand that and will apply your suggestions to my next project. And hell, 5/10 isn’t the worst rating I could have gotten. Thanks guys.
A few things that may enhance your pasta –
1)An explanation of Matt’s reasoning for exploring “The Devil’s Chamber”; especially at night.
2)Some background history about the “Devil’s Chamber”
3)Better description of the tunnel using spooky, otherwordly undertones.
4)A less cliched ending.
You’ve got the premise and the writing skills, now all you have to do is create a better story.
I totally agree with just adam, this was very well written, but, the ending was so cliche!
This sounds like it could belong in the book for elementary and middle school students, ‘Tales to tell in the dark’…not the least bit scary or creepy,sorry. Writing style is good though,kept me reading until the end.
This had so much potential, but then just when I was beginning to get creeped out, it it just ended with a whole crapload of nothing. I kept thinking that when they turned around the tunnel would never end. Or that they found out they were lost. That the “little girl” was trying to warn them. But there was nothing… Just a silly photo. Rewrite it. You really had potential. You just need to think of what horrific rabbit hole this story could have gone down.
Wow… That’s really all I can say.
It would be awesome if when leaving negative feedback, people were respectful and kind about it. Sure this wasn’t my favorite pasta but this had some very redeeming qualities about it, just try to remember that on the other side of every story is an actual human being who worked very hard to think of a plot and gain the courage to submit it. If you didn’t like the story, say why and offer FEEDBACK, not insults. Thanks.
that pasta was good not a 100% at the end but was good and yes not insults ,and more feedback.
Wow… This was bad…
Intresting but the ending was rather dull
It’s quite creepy but not quite creepy enough to warrant a high mark. It doesn’t seem as though your lives were in danger.
I cannot stand the use of the word “ominous” in creepypasta. It’s very over used and tends to be utilised by those who are new to writing and want people to believe that they’re better than they are. This coupled with the “luminous” moon made that opening description feel contrived. Despite this large and luminous moon you’ve informed us that it’s very dark. The moon would light the area up adequately. If you’d made it darker the journey through the woods would’ve been more scary. The return journey in particular could’ve been much more spooky with a darker setting and more of a description.
I gave this a 3/10, it didn’t seem much better than some of the stories I’ve read on crappypasta recently. I expect a much higher standard on this site. The rating probably reflects that.
Kind of anti-climactic, if you ask me.
I can’t help but think that you have based this on the Sensabaugh Tunnel that was coincidentally circulating Facebook yesterday. Sorry to say but not a very good adaptation either, no real plot, meaning or backstory and it seemed rushed. 3/10
Clichéd and bland. 2/10
The ending could not have been more predictable, it was like you ran out of ideas and just decided to try and get a cheap scare in at the last second. Your writing style however is good, I enjoyed the way it was written, but with such a vague plot and predictable ending I can’t give this more than a 4/10
I agree with Just Adam at how predictable the story was. It also didn’t scare me and seemed farther boring at times. But the writing style was good and I believe you could do better
i agree with Just Adam i new it would have to do with the picture also