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Darkness



Estimated reading time — 3 minutes

You open your eyes. An endless ocean of black fills your vision. You blink, trying to cast the darkness away. But the veils of blackness still loom over your body. You try to move, but a cold wall -inches away from your face- pins you to the ground. Distressed, you stare into the empty void pressing down on you. Questions start to form in your mind. Are you asleep? Have you gone blind? Are you dead?

Seconds become minutes and minutes become hours. Or so you think. You have completely lost any concept of time. You put your hands against the firm wall on top of you, trying to push yourself away from the darkness. You manage to move your body a few inches, your nails clawing at the hard wall and your legs scraping against the cold floor. But the top of your head hits another hard surface and you are forced to stop.

Suddenly, you hear a creaking noise coming from above. Something is on the other side. You can definitely hear a squeaking sound, faint but clear. But as swiftly as it started, the sound stopped. You are once again plunged into complete silence.

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Then, a dreary thought sneaks into your mind. You are buried. Buried alive. It seems obvious now. The sound you just heard was your coffin groaning under the weight of the dirt above. You are trapped. A feeling of claustrophobia builds up in your heart.

A cry of utter despair and hopelessness bursts out of your lungs.

“Help!” you shout. But you know it is all in vain. Nobody can hear you. Your eyes wet. A warm tear drops on your cheek. You didn’t want it to end this way. You had dreams, family, friends. You had your life to live. But your cruel fate has stripped everything away.

You close your eyes. You pray that your torture ends quickly.

After an indefinite amount of painful minutes, you begin to drift away, your existence slowly washing off the face of earth. But then, you hear a sound. At first, you can’t determine what it is, but slowly you recognize the familiar whooshing sound of a strong breeze. You must be very close to the surface. New hope is planted in your heart. You start yelling again, hoping to catch the attention of anyone passing near you.

Suddenly, you hear a loud thump. The roof of your coffin bends inwards, the cold surface now pressing down on your face. You turn your head sideways, to allow for breathing space. Something has fallen on your coffin. Is it dirt, about to crush you? No, it can’t be. Whatever caused the bend-in is still moving.

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Maybe you aren’t buried. But if that isn’t the case, then where are you? A shiver runs down your spine. A question you should have thought earlier pops into your mind. How did you end up here? You realize you have no recollection of past events. Where were you and what were you doing? Your memory is completely blank.

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But you can’t give it more thought, as a creaking sound breaks the silence once more. The bend-in above you subsides, indicating that the weight on top has shifted. You can very faintly hear a whimpering sound, like someone is trying to muffle his crying. Suddenly, a flash of light blinds you. You look at your right. A little crack has appeared in the blackness that surrounds you, allowing a sliver of light to invade your world of darkness.

Your heart jumps. This is your escape. You extend your hand, your fingers touching the edge of the crack. You are surprised to find not the hard surface you imagined, but a smooth and soft cloth, that parts under your light touch. You push with your fingers the velvet-like material apart, creating a hole big enough for your hand to pass through.

With another push, your hand exits your dark prison and enters the world of light. The fresh air cools your skin, while you blindly explore your surroundings with your hand. At first your palm lands on a cold surface that seems to extend beyond your reach. But moving your hand up, you again come in contact with the soft material.

You grab onto it, trying to determine how far up it goes. You start climbing up the cloth with your hand. But almost immediately, your fingertips reach the edge of the strange fabric.

Suddenly, a high-pitched screech pierces your ears.

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“Mommy! Mommy!”

After a few seconds, you hear a door opening. “What is it sweetie?”

“A monster is under my bed!”

Credit To – Antoine Dupin

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25 thoughts on “Darkness”

  1. I’m going to disagree with the folks who think this story needs more explanation. Including any more detail after what is currently the end of the story would seriously diminish its impact.

    And as for explaining how or why the monster is there, that’s not necessary at all. It’s a *monster*. They’re supposed to be mysterious.

  2. Don’t you guys get it? The protagonist is obviously just an overly drunk dude that got too wasted and found himself under some kids bed :P it makes perfect sense!

  3. Cute and clever with the twist, but also rather creepy in the build-up. This is executed very well as these things go. My only complaint would be that the ending hits very abruptly. You could have drawn out the monster’s exploration of the bedroom from under the bed for another several paragraphs and the story might have been better for it.

  4. Good set up. You didn’t make the ending obvious, at all.
    But it left a LOT to be desired.
    I understand that the protagonist ends up being the monster under the bed. But it just raises too many questions.
    There is leaving things to the imagination, but I feel there could have been a bit more.
    It feels unfinished.

  5. This was okay but I didn’t find it creepy at all. Whether the protagonist was a monster or just a normal human she thought was a monster, I dunno, But it seemed the way you put it to be a human.

  6. Nope, sorry, I didn’t do any of those things.

    2nd Person is the hardest PoV to work with. It is something that makes even the best professionals break out in terror-sweats. Now, for the most part you did well, but it just isn’t a style that works. It’s like trying to paint using jams and jellies: even the best possible work will still be a sticky mess.

      1. Ah, yes, of course the problem is with the reader being unwilling to suspend disbelief, rather than the author simply not earning it.

        That’s the rub: 2nd person POV has a higher requirement for earning the suspension of disbelief.

  7. Wow, this was a nice spin on the old monster under my bed. For those who didn’t understand it, the protagonist is the monster. Though it really wasn’t that scary, I think it should be continued. 9/10.

  8. The protagonist is the monster… When he reaches his hand up he’s fumbling with the girl’s bed. For her, he is the monster.

    1. I’m sorry that my joke didn’t translate. The ending was obvious to me but thanks for underscoring, underlining and highlighting it.

  9. Amazing twist! Good clean grammar, nice pace… I’m not a fan of the second person in general but it’s not heavy or overwhelming… I had a vaguely similar idea once, but it never made it into a story and I feel like I’m too late… But I really like the twist. Never saw it coming. Precise, concise wording. Bravo. :)

  10. I’ve heard a few monster-under-the-bed stories in my time, but this one was different. A nice little twist at the end. Nicely written.

  11. Interesting twist. Well written, although I wish that I knew how they/me became a monster. Like an explanation that explain where monsters come from.

  12. I don’t think I have ever been so sure of a pasta needing to be continued. I like where your head was when you wrote this.. It’s just not terribly scary to know you are the monster under the bed, what’s scary is who put you there… It was incredibly strong at the beginning and a good use of the narrative style so often abused and misunderstood. But in my opinion I wish it had taken a different turn. A turn to where I’m not so sure. However, thanks for the time spent and the well-written pasta. Just not my favorite sauce.

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