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Chat



Estimated reading time — 3 minutes

It was a regular Friday night and I was up late chatting to my friend Bradley on this virtual chat room we had found online. He told me and the other guys who we had just met, that he was able to stay up as late as he wanted, because his parents were away until the weekend and he had the house to himself. We stayed on there for a few hours having fun with these random people, and I noticed Bradley had taken a liking to one girl in particular. Soon enough, my mum began calling out for me to go to sleep. As I was about to log off, I asked Bradley what he was doing tomorrow, thinking he might want to stop by my place. He didn’t reply for a while, until:

“Bradley is typing a message.”

Then it went blank.

“Bradley is typing a message.”

Nothing again.

“Whatever man, I’m going to bed we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” I said. It was strange for him to just stop replying like that.

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I didn’t hear from him again until the next day when I logged on to the chat site and he was on. He apologised for not replying last night and said he had just been busy. We had a brief exchange, and he said he would come over soon, saying it was urgent. That was fine, but queried him why he didn’t want to wait to see his parents first, who would be home any minute. He insisted there was no time because he had something really important to show me, and then logged straight off. I thought that was out of character for him, as he usually put his family before anything, and I grew curious at what he wanted to show me so badly.

I expected him to be over soon, as he only lived about twenty minutes away, when I received a disturbing phone call. It was Bradley’s parents, who had just come home and were sounding extremely worried. They asked if I knew anything on Bradley’s whereabouts, to which I told them not to worry, because he was in fact on his way over. The phone fell silent for a moment until I heard a deathly scream from the mother in the background on the other end of the line. The father drew a deep breath, and bravely strung together a sentence that I’ll never forget.  “Get out of the house now. Bradley’s here… He’s dead.” They had found Bradley’s lifeless body hung up like a coat in the wardrobe. I ended the call in shock, as it became apparent why he had asked if I would be home alone, when suddenly I heard the back door creak open.

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Instinctively, I did the first thing I could think of and quickly crawled under my bed to hide. I heard the sound of footsteps coming closer, ever so slowly. I dared not to open my eyes, but when I dreadfully peaked through my fingers, I saw these pale white, cold, bare feet coming in to my room, almost in slow motion. I would hate to see the person such feet belonged to. As they slowly approached the bed, you could hear the dampness of the footsteps peeling away from the floorboards; my heart was pounding in my mouth and I held my breath. Just when I couldn’t possibly get any more scared, my phone let off a loud beep to notify me that I had received a message. It was from Bradley’s phone and read: “Where are you?” as the feet stopped abruptly, dead in their tracks…

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Credit To: Jack

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121 thoughts on “Chat”

  1. ok, so u guys might hate me after reading this comment but imma do it anyways…..ahem..ahem
    DAMN DANIEL!

  2. Really good, packed a good chill for such a short story. The one criticism I have is simply that Bradley never asked him if he was home alone. Other than that it’s great.

  3. Does anyone know who actually wrote this? I am only asking cause I’m a film student and I would love for this to be one of my class projects. I just wanna get the writers permission.

  4. There are way too many criticisms from people who clearly didn’t understand the story very well. I do agree your writing needs a bit of work, but mostly just the redundancy of some of your words. Also, I think the the mentioning of the girl Brad like was a bit insignificant unless you meant for the killer to be pretending to be that girl, in which case more hints should have been provided. The story was excellent, but a little more build up from when the killer entered the narrator’s house to the end would have made the story much better, in my opinion. Still, a very good pasta. Keep writing please! :)

  5. jeff-the-killer

    It could of been the girl Bradley liked what if Bradley told the girl hid address and killed him

  6. I think if the ending was explained better, people would understand better. :) I think it was an okay story. I’ll favourite! XD

  7. So the first thing you do when a killer comes through your back door is to corner yourself in your bedroom ? some people just deserve getting killed .

  8. Don't ask me that

    I love this pasta.It was perfectly cooked and to make it even awesomer, this was posted on my birthday!!12-12-12.

  9. DAMN good. The only reasoin i see this not having a 10/10 is that some people didn’t get it.
    Hell of a job man, cheers.

  10. Did anyone consider the fact that the girl Bradley was interested in was his killer? It would be a very nice way of tying that tidbit to the ending. Either way, 8/10. Great pasta, would possibly read again.

  11. BUT WHO WAS GIRL

    sad part is that actually fits… It was good and all but there were too many loose ends. In the scene where he types, stops, types, and stops, I think would have been more menacing if it had gone something like “he typed, and stopped for a moment, then he typed again, sending only ‘jwkrnfh'” which I felt would’ve maybe implied a struggle or something. And the dampness of the feet, what’s that about? Water spirit? Or sweaty guy? What. Overall the pasta was good though I’d give it a 6

  12. Actually really liked this pasta. Pretty creepy.

    Only real issue I had with it was that it was written in first person, past tense… But we’re lead to assume the narrator is killed off at the end, so how did he write this?
    And if he survived, which would make it less scary, why does the story stop there and not give an explanation as to what happened next?

    Otherwise, this was a very tasty pasta.

  13. Hmm, I’m not really happy with the phone call between him and Bradley’s parents. Much more realistic when his father would say something like, That’s impossible or would try to teach him, that his friend died instead of instantly assuming, than it must be his ghost or killer or whatever who called him. This part doesn’t fit right.

  14. This is an okay-ish pasta. The issue I have is that in any story this short, every element has to mean something, or tie in. As somebody else has commented, what did the girl Bradley had taking a liking to have to do with anything? It distracts and slows the story down without contributing to the narrative. Same with the ‘Bradley is typing a message’ issue. If that had been the last he’d ever heard from Bradley and we were left to assume it had been the ‘killer’ making it seem as if Bradley were still there, then fine. But Bradley (or something) got in touch again the next day. Lastly, I’m never very keen on these first-person narratives which end with someone in mortal peril – yet it wasn’t perilous enough because they clearly survived in order to recount the story. And if they survived, the ‘what happened next’ bit would make up the narrative too.

    1. I think that the “girl” was really just the killer pretending to be a girl in order to get Bradley to give him his adress sinse his parents weren’t home

  15. I vaguely remember a classic pasta that does this same “IM from a dead friend” thing, albeit in a purer manner, and I honestly prefer that one. This stopped making sense halfway through the phonecall with the guy’s Dad.

    And then I skimmed it again and realised the first scene had basically nothing to do anything, and if it was supposed to, well, that didn’t come across. So another point for the classic pasta.

    Why would the father be panicking about getting out of the house because he found his son’s body? I mean, sure, he’d panic or whatever, but why would he specifically want to get out of the house above all other things?

    1. Pretty sure the dad was telling the main character to get out of his house, since who (or what)ever impersonated, and killed, his friend was clearly dangerous and heading his way as they spoke.

  16. The Llama Amalume Sama

    Lol im always gmail chatting with my friends and occasionally that same thing will happen… This gave me the chills a bit. Nicely done pasta!

    1. Exactly! Hell, turn off vibrate as well!
      When I read he heard his phone beeping, I though:”You poor sod.”

      Nice story though, I’d say it’s a 7/10.

  17. The intro was crap, I saw the ending from a mile away, and I STILL enjoyed this pasta very much! Don’t know how you did it, but it worked for me – sent chills down my spine.

    Also… the main character didn’t really die in the end, right? Since he’s telling the story.

  18. I normally don’t comment on pastas as to not offend the chef but damn jack, I could nom on this pasta every night and still get cravings.

  19. Pretty good, although “you could hear the dampness… ” sounds really amateurish. “I could hear the dampness…” Would work so much better.

      1. Yes really. The rest of the piece is written in first person, so “I” is appropriate. And “you” would be referring to the reader, who is not in the story, which seems inappropriate. Even if “you” were being used colloquially, in place of “one” it seems strange for the first person narrator to stop telling us what they are experiencing in order to relate what another hypothetical observer might experience were they also there.

        1. Well considering the fact that the rest of the story was written fairly well, i think you could simply overlook the error instead of making yourself look like a no life loser who sits and over analyzes creepypastas

        2. Hash-Slinging Slasher

          You clearly don’t understand the point of creepypasta. It’s not to scare yourself by reading, you’re offering feedback to aspiring authors.

  20. I liked the end, but the intro just seemed unnecessary. And the way in which he died was never explained. Did he kill himself? If so, why did he abruptly stop typing? Why did he hang himself in the wardrobe? How does that even work?

    Still, pretty good. 7/10

    1. You probably didn’t read it thoroughly. It was explained in the story, the monster, who was actually the one messaging, was also the killer of Bradley, who was hung in the closet.

      1. But how the narrator knows. they found him in the wardrobe? The parents didn’t say this in the phone.

        At least, cool story, bro. :)

  21. Hated the intro with the whole chat room thing~

    The rest was pretty solidly creepy, though, I’d say 8/10 is pretty fair. Nicely done.

    1. hated the intro? dont listen to him. this was a great piece. every story needs a builder and space for clarity. Loved it 8 out of 10 as well for me.

    1. The reason Bradley stopped responding was because he was dead and the killer, or ghost I guess, was actually the one who was messaging him.

      1. NO NO NO c’mon guys :( Whoever had the “white feet” was using Bradley’s computer and phone and was communicating with the narrator. Obviously he/she killed Bradley, went over to the narrator’s house and texted the narrator. AMAZING pasta, you just ruined it for yourself.

    1. I don’t get it much either, why is the killer going out of his way to go to the narrator’s house when he could of just told him to come over and kill him and Bradley’s parents?

      1. Think about it. Why would he need to have the narrator alone if he could just kill him with multiple people there? He killed Bradley alone, as his parents weren’t there. “They had found Bradley’s lifeless body hung up like a coat in the wardrobe. I ended the call in shock, as it became apparent why he had asked if I would be home alone, when suddenly I heard the back door creak open.”

    2. The one thing I don’t get is the narrator’s phone’s location. Is it in his pocket or is it somewhere else in the room? Because if it was in his pocket, he has a chance.

      1. Seriously, think about it; how would he know who the text was from and what it said if he didn’t have it under the bed with him? He probably grabbed it when he heard the intruder, thinking he’d need to call the cops or his parents.

    3. at the beginning they’ve montioned that Bradley was talking to a girl in that chat room more than everyone else, so in this case there are 2 possibilities :
      1 – there is a bunch of monster killers [pale ,white …] that kill you use your phone , then find the other victim, and use the victim’s phone and goes on, but a monster wouldn’t use a chat room ! or a phone !
      2 – most likely , it’s something paranormal that brings your body to life with the goal of killing people close to you, so we can say the girl was killed , here soul found it way to bradley’s home, killed him , they both come to kill this dude and so he will also help kill others ….
      But here comes something confusing, if his phone beeped next to them, the narrator wouldn’t be alive to tell us the story ! this creepypasta is awesome but needs an end

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