This story was one of the scare stories my grandmother used to tell me as a child. I cannot verify its authenticity or provide any proof of it having originated from a real experience, except from the fact that nearly everyone in my mother’s family knew of the story and can relate it to me accurately to the slightest detail.
The story goes that there was a man of around 25 years named Paato, who was my maternal grandfather’s great uncle of some sort, or a relative in any case, and he used to live in a village somewhere. I should remind the readers that this story is from a time in when the subcontinent was still ruled by the British, and villages were few and far between, separated often by thick sub-continental jungles, and the roads network was nothing of the sort we are used to.
Paato was once invited to attend a wedding in another village once. He travelled to that village on foot during the day, and unfortunately, due to some delays it was already getting dark by the time he was only midway back to his own village. The path was a narrow one, winding through thick jungle and travelling on it after dark was quite dangerous, so Paato was getting quite nervous, aware of his surroundings more and more by the moment. Robbers and highwaymen were about the best he could hope to meet on the road, since tigers and other beasts often come out to hunt in the dark. He could not even run properly if that were to happen, since the dress he was wearing had pants that would surely trip him over (a ‘Dhoti’).
It was then when Paato came across a house in a sort of clearing in the middle of the jungle. There was a woman sitting outside the house, cooking something on a large pot and she called to him as he passed.
“Traveller! Would you like some food and a place to stay for the night?”
Paato was somewhat taken aback, since it was strange for a woman to be living alone in the middle of the jungle, and stranger yet, that she would invite a complete stranger passing by into her house for the night. However, these were times when people were often very hospitable, and grateful of having someplace safe to stay at for the night, Paato took up the offer.
Paato was fed a fair meal and the woman seemed to be friendly enough. The food and the warmth of the night put him at ease, so he started to become quite drowsy. The woman made a bed for him on the floor, choosing to sleep on the farther end of the fairly large room herself. Paato’s bed was made right up against a table on which rested the only source of light in the dark: A brightly burning candle. As he lay down he felt much too exhausted from the day to even get up and blow out the candle himself. He tried covering his face under the sheets, but that still did not help since there were tiny holes in his sheets through which he could still see the candle. He could also see the woman sitting down on her bed through a similar hole, still sitting up, so he asked her to kindly blow out the candle for him.
What he saw next quickly pushed out any semblance of drowsiness from his eyes and replaced it with gut wrenching, sickening, and petrifying terror.
His eye grew larger under the sheets as he saw the woman, sitting down stretch her arm slowly, steadily to cover the distance from her bed to his bed to the candle above it, and smother the flame. If the sight of the snake-like stretched out arm had not been frightening enough, the last view of the woman’s face as the light went out definitely was. Her face was twisted, terrible, with wide hungry eyes under which her wild hair that gave her the impression of a wild animal. She was looking right at him lying with as he lay there when the lights went out, with a wry smile curled on her face. It was the face of his death.
Paato lay there in utter shock for a little while, at loss of what to do. He could not simply run. He would never make it out of the house. The creature would be onto him in an instant with its stretching limbs. He could also not lay there for much longer. Who knew how long it would be before the creature did whatever it had lured him there for? So Paato thought up a plan; the best plan he could come up with given his situation.
“I … need to pee” he announced, hesitantly.
“Ok, the toilet is at the back of the house” said the thing.
“That’s ok,” he said “I can just do it in the bushes outside.
Saying this, he got up and went outside, squatting behind the bushes. The creature meanwhile, was at the door, looking at him each moment.
“Can you give me some privacy? I can’t go about my business like this!” he half-yelled, half pleaded from behind the bush.
The woman went back in the house after hearing that, which was lucky, since Paato needed every moment’s advantage he could get.
He quickly took off his pants—his dhoti to allow himself to sprint, quietly slipped out of the bush and started running as fast as he could. The thing realized what had happened though and came after him quickly enough. But Paato kept running, never looking back once even though the thing kept shouting at him to stop and come back. Finally, just as he seemed he would give up himself, the thing stopped chasing him. But it shouted something at him which re-froze Paato’s insides just before he was out of its earshot:
“You can run Paato! But my sister will be waiting up ahead to greet you! And she can run much faster than I can!”
This however was not true. Paato ran for what seemed like hours to him, but, there was no ‘sister’ lying in ambush on the path ahead. He made it back home just as the roosters were screeching. He was breathless, feverish and quite delirious.
I would like to say that it ended well for Paato, but it did not. He is said to have died of the fever he got that night, never recovering from the terror. But not before letting his family, and the village, know of the terrifying danger lying in wait for them in the dark jungles.
Recounted by
Salman Shahid Khan
Credit To – Salman Shahid Khan
(This is a part of a collection of real life horror stories and memoirs currently being collected and compiled by Salman Shahid Khan. For more, please visit and follow the writer’s blog here! )
Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.
This story creeped me out! I don’t know what I would have done in this situation if it were me! :/ Good story man. 7/10
It’s an okay pasta. Some of the word choices are vague, and the creature isn’t very frightening…….wait. I feel a philisophical moment coming. She said her sister would be waiting for him, and he died of a fever. Could her sister be Death? Could her intentions be benevolent, and the reference to a sister be a warning to stay inside to avoid fever? Please reply for your thoughts on that development. And as always, do try to avoid Jeff.
Haha. I like the way you’re thinking.
But, it was heavily implied by my gran that the creature was making a last-ditch effort/bluff to either scare or confuse Paato, or at least slow him down. There a story from my paternal side as well where a very similar creature (woman in a forest with elongated limbs… legs in this case) tried to ambush someone on a horse, and these sort of characteristics are typical of the subcontinental version of a witch or ‘churrayl’ (woman with limbs that get longer at will, feet turned the wrong way, usually quite beautiful but turns hideous when showing its true colours).
PS. I love the Ghost hunt reference. It’s definitely my favourite horror anime.
It’s always cool to hear a creepy story that has been passed down through generations. But I have to wonder if the main character simply had a nightmare and took off. Even the stupidest evil entity wouldn’t let him escape for a bathroom break. I did enjoy reading it, though!
I would definitely prefer the real story over something that is “based on a true story”
It leaves you wondering what actually happened and how much of that version of the story actually is true. I understand someone wanting good ratings for their work. From one Lily to another, I agree that better word choices would be best for it rather than tweaking the story.
Interesting pasta overall.
I like this website. :)
This story wasn’t bad, but I just want to point out a few things:
The first thing is that some of your dialogue isn’t punctuated correctly. There’s end punctuation missing and in one case there’s no closing quotation mark. I know this doesn’t seem like a huge issue, but you’re job as a writer is to make sure the story comes through as clearly as possibly, and punctuation is very important.
The other thing is that I had issues with some of your word choice. E.g. “What he saw next quickly pushed out any semblance of drowsiness from his eyes.” The word semblance means an outward appearance that doesn’t necessarily reflect reality, sort of like a facade I guess, but you said he was drowsy and too exhausted to blow out the candle. See how the word doesn’t quite fit in the context?
I see how you’ve said this: “Like I said, it’s a story told to me by my grandma and therefore it is a direct translation of the words I remember her using…” so I understand how this can affect your word choice, however, a word-for-word recount isn’t always as riveting as it could be with some careful editing. This is why movies “based on real events” often stray from said real events. You need to make a decision: do you want to tell the story exactly how your grandmother told it to you and risk not engaging your audience, or do you want to tell a memorable story? You don’t need to change the story to do the latter, nor would I ask you to, but a spicing up the language a little can go a long way.
“but you’re job as a writer” you know what? I would absolutely love it if I could stumble upon one story, where people aren’t complaining about grammar in the comment section. Seriously, STFU. & if you’re gonna complain about grammar, then proof-read your comment next time, ffs.
scarry
the “pee” thing ruined it for me. Even the snake beast wasn’t that scary to me. nagas usually are for me too because I hate snakes with a passion.
I think thts some crazy stuff and IM a 12 yr. Old lol alex is still alive but im srry for matt
@Danielle Like I said, it’s a story told to me by my grandma and therefore it is a direct translation of the words I remember her using. Unfortunately she is not alive today, or I might have asked her the first question myself. A possible explanation is that ‘morning’ means 4:30 am, and if it was summer (hence he was wearing a ‘dhoti’) the evening would fall at about 7 pm. Plenty of time for travelling to and from two small villages given that muslim weddings can be done within one or two hours.
Secondly, as with direct translations, ‘toilet’ means a hole in the ground at the back of the house, therefore an open-pit or a chamberpot sort of toilet. She used the word ‘Ghusl Khana’ which can be translated even to a bath-house, so she was using a broad term and/or an euphemism.
You must know this before you comment that Indian monsters just don’t work that way. They have fetishes and almost always a monstrous appetite as in Indian cultures most of the beings and entities are super sentient undeads rather than plain hideous looking ghosts;hell we even have our own slenderman who hangs upside down and has a fetish for stale fishes and with fine dressing made out of little kids. It’s just that monsters in this subcontinent have not yet been discussed in websites like creepypasta.
6/10
A point of confusion for me was, if the villages are “few and far between” and he was attending a wedding (a celebration that usually takes a full day to complete, sometimes longer depending on the region of India) then how would he walk all the way to the village through the jungle, stay for the wedding and then be halfway home by the time it was getting dark? Also, given that you said “this story is from a time in when the subcontinent was still ruled by the British”, they did not have indoor toilets 1900 third-world India. If you are going to present a “true” story then the details like that need to be carefully planned out, those inconsistency completely took me out of the mood.
It was written quite well, with only a couple grammatical errors. But there were errors in the story that disrupted the flow and distracted me from the story.
Plan out what you are saying a bit more carefully in the future.
This entity did not seem too much of a danger to me. The creature gave Paato food, a warm place to spend the night, put the candle out when he asked, gave him privacy when asked. It probably never intended to do him any harm. If it really wanted to, it could have done it just as he entered, not wasting time to make him comfortable. I’d say just because someone looks like a monster does not necessarily mean that it is hostile or planning something evil.
Haha. There’s always someone who thinks like that till they claw your horse to pieces or cause a death in the family. And i’m not just saying those things randomly, because this is actually only the first of three stories I have about these forest beings. Hope Creepyadmin publishes those in the future as well!
it was cool but not scary at all!
I just read this the other day on salamans blog. Gave me a chill when I read it. Glad to see it on creepy pasta !!
And i thought the Rake in the woods was bad! Now a muntant Snake Hell Beast?! Well looks lik im in a whole lotta hell. I live Right in front of a big forest. Who knows whats in there…
Worship Talos