Prominently displayed in the children’s section of the Houston Downtown Public Library, among several others of the same title, My First Cookbook appears as a run-of-the-mill children’s cookbook, complete with large print, simple instructions, colorful, friendly illustrations, and a somewhat disproportionate desert section.
In fact, the only major deviation from this theme is an article near the end of the book entitled “A Recipe for Success”. This is a complex, macabre ritual involving human sacrifice, self-mutilation, and sacrilege, as well as more curious and innocuous practices such as walking down a staircase with a prime number of stairs taking them two at a time and then up it taking them three at a time. It’s written in the same cheerfully simple prose as the rest of the book and accompanied by the same helpful, pastel drawings.
CREDIT: Anonymous
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Wait, you got the one from necronomi-con?
FAIL
The only good part is the last sentence referencing the pastel drawings.
Found It! Checked it out from the library yesterday.
No, thanks. I perfer the cold to desert.
Human sacrifice? HUMAN SACERAFICE!?! WTF!?! Why would a book have that!?!
dessert*
Grammar nazi strikes again! >:D
Then who wrote the book?
Bobble the Clown
I did, Angela.
Yum
I live in Houston. I’m so going to find that book! :D
Well considering I live nearby that downtown library, I guess I might want to give it a look. Hehehe man I live in a F”d up town.
Hmmm… I wonder what other curious practices are in the recipe… Like maybe having to lie on the ground in the \"Aperture submission position\" XD
I saw this book not too recently in my local library since some of my friends wanted to find a few good cookbooks to try over the summer (yes, we are bored like that). I rememberpicking it up and making a few good jokes about it because it showed abolutely ridiculous things, like how to spread jam and peanut butter on toast, or how to make salad by opening a crouton packet and cutting some vegetables. Never went to the last page though.
I need to find this book, dammit. : P
… *blink, blink* … ??? wat??????????
I have the Necronomicon stories for children and the old ones also complete with pictures.
NOt U you said just what I was thinking when I read this!!! XD
Holy Crap. I’m from Houston, and a long time ago bought a book called “My First Cookbook” when I was, like, seven. I don’t remember any human sacrifice, though.
JESUS WAS A BLACK MAN!
BUT WHO WAS COOKBOOK?
yo… strange !
well.. it’s like I said!
well.. it’s like I said!
THEN WHO WAS STAIRS?
Mmm, yummy!
Walkin’ up the stairs n walkin down the stairs n walkin’ up the stairs n walkin’ down the stairs n walking sideways on the stairs!
LOL i think the last recipes or whatever must be for monsta kids or people who it people :P
If the staircase has a prime number of stairs, then how can you go up and down in twos and threes?
hmm… walking up and down stairs?
oh yeah. thats insane.I must go hide under my bed so that the evil staircase monster wont eat me.
It’s a book with a recipe for creepypasta?
I’m from Houston.
This is fucking creepy.
@18
wdf happened?
A monster suddenly jumped out from under the stairs and shouted “BOO!”?
But the recipe must have other instructions other than meaninglessly climbing up staircases.
So you’re just being creeped out for no reason at all.
my stairs have 17 steps and I’ve done this dozens of times… god im genuinely creeped out now.
I’ve never seen an author so preoccupied with the intrinsic philosophies behind occult stair climbing rituals.
Also, I have this book and will provide the Recipe for Success below:
1) Sell crack.
That is all.
Recipe for success, the real deal
1. Be born
2. ???
3. Profit!
Correction
1.Be born to rich people.
2.Have a trust fund so big if you put the money into coins it would be enough to flood mall.
3.murder your parents and get more money.
do you get to eat the recipe for sucess, cause i got the munchies
>>13
Ah, but when you’re working on a Recipe For Success, it’ll work just fine! It’s like when the recipes asks you to find a triangle who’s internal angles are all 90 degrees, you just find it. Like, despite the impossibility of it all, it was just meant to be.
So.
I’m hoping I’m not the only one who realizes that you can’t walk a prime number of steps two (or three!) steps at a time. It is pretty much the opposite of the definition of “prime number”.
Ooooo I live in Houston, I’m definitely going to look for this one!! But, would there only be one copy…? If so, I’m sure someone has already got it =O
Now THAT is going to scar some children for life.
I love deserts. They’re hot dry, and uninhabitable. I guess, then, it would make much sense to put sacrifice, self-mutilation, and sacrilege in the desert section. After all, who would go to a desert? It’s the perfect place.
plus it doesn’t rain in deserts, so mobs will have a 100% of burning in the daylight sun :D
i dont cook well… so i suppose human sacrifice would be a lot easier, especially with the large print and pretty pictures :D
Ahah! This made me laugh. I seriously want that cookbook. xD
I just saw that book on Reading Rainbow.
It’ll give them success, ‘though… I suppose.
teaching children all they need to know about the important things in life such as cooking, human sacrifice and walking up and down staircases like a retard
LOLWUT
How lovely…. In a sinister, yet delicious way…..
You’d think someone would notice this, turn to the nearest person, and say a prompt and proper “WTF!?”.
What the hell? How did that get in there?
Desdes·ert1 Audio Help /ˈdɛzərt/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[dez-ert] Pronunciation
complete with large print, simple instructions, colorful, friendly illustrations and a somewhat disproportionate desert section.
desert
–noun
1. a region so arid because of little rainfall
It’s a cookbook, A COOKBOOK!
Madagascar :D
The Twilight Zone, sir.
WUT DAFUQ.