26 responses

  1. What?
    November 4, 2012

    I did not get it!

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  2. Freaky Fred
    November 4, 2012

    I’m not aloud in the woods; instead, I always remain very quiet.

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    • Freaky Fred
      November 4, 2012

      And "her secretive secret?" That’s irritatingly redundant. Actually, the whole song was repetitive and mostly unnecessary. As was the doppelganger.
      Together, those things took away most of your pumpkins.
      Which is sad, because I was really enjoying the mood the trail of death was setting for the story.

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      • Red Blood Red Neck
        June 11, 2014

        Dopplegangers are redundant by nature aren’t they….?

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  3. Mel
    November 4, 2012

    Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh…

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  4. Endoplasmic Reticulum
    November 4, 2012

    Yeah, I hate when that happens.

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    • jade
      November 6, 2012

      haha cool name bro.

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    • Someone you wish u never met
      November 11, 2012

      Highway of the cell… Nice

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  5. TeslaCoilGirl
    November 4, 2012

    It wasn’t too bad.

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    • shadow
      November 22, 2012

      yay the author of the wall yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  6. Anonymous
    November 4, 2012

    Meh..

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  7. Dantaine
    November 5, 2012

    well it seemed a bit too boring. you follow trail of dead animals that you only found once you found the dead bird from the nest. not many people will go searching for the small bird nor will they care. i love animals and all but its a bird. nature has its will so let it be done and dont chase it.

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    • Alex Villa
      February 14, 2013

      I would follow the bird. I mean its a baby bird. Any inquisitive kid would go after it

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  8. Secret
    November 5, 2012

    Good story, bad ending.

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  9. Someone you wish u never met
    November 11, 2012

    It had some potential… Just needed some major touch-ups….5/10

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  10. Nubcake
    November 12, 2012

    You know, I actually liked this a lot… my kind of weirdness

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    Rating: +4 (from 6 votes)
  11. PointlessUsername
    November 21, 2012

    I love this

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  12. HiddenHikari
    November 24, 2012

    This is the author, thought I’d make a little note about the ending since it confused some people:
    The girl dies.
    The second girl whose singing is a sort of like Death, but she takes the form of whoever is about to die. When you find the path, you are dying, then the girl reveals her ‘secretive secret’, which was supposed to be very repetitive, that she no longer lives, because she is Death, and neither do you, because her song just killed you.
    And now all the creepiness is gone because it makes since…tsk.

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    • Anon
      December 13, 2012

      Who’s*
      Whomever*
      Sense*

      If one is an aspiring writer, one’s grammar should be a little better.

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      • GrammarSoviet
        March 14, 2013

        Actually, whose is correct in this form. Who’s, which means who has or who is, would change the meaning of the sentence. Whoever is also correct, since Hikari’s sentence can be split into “The second girl whose singing is a sort of like Death, but she takes the form of her. She is about to die.” Sense was spelled incorrectly, but even a three year old could have pointed that out. Finally, the use of “one” does not make you sound sophisticated. Since it is a reply to Hikari’s comment, you can and should directly address her with “you”. I despise amateur Grammar Nazi’s with all my heart.

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      • Eve
        March 24, 2013

        Reading this made my day eminentsly better. XD

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      • LHSS
        July 29, 2013

        It’s who’s.

        The sentence is “The gil WHO IS singing…” not, “the girl, whose singing…”

        I despise people who can’t read. :P

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  13. Little E
    December 6, 2012

    The first thing is when you sayed that is a blue bird but it is really called a blue jay. The dead animals then it went to larger animals then it went to the faces that part was scary to me.

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  14. Einuh
    December 26, 2012

    5 things I found unforgivable:

    1. Grammar
    2. Plot
    3. Grammar
    4. Plot
    5. GRAMMAR

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  15. Whisper
    June 5, 2013

    Liked it…few errors. But new, fresh, and original.

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  16. CMT
    September 23, 2013

    The poem at the end isn’t bad (except the “secretive secret” that makes it sound dumb rather than creepy). The story is confused, the beginning doesn’t seem to make any sense, and the ending (before the poem, that is) only makes a little anyway (how is the girl supposed to be dead?)

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