Moonlight

Add this post to your list of favorites!Finally, after a day of boring canoeing and fishing I get to go to sleep. I can’t believe I got dragged along on this camping trip. I take one last look at the sky before I go into the tent, I can see through the trees that there’s a full moon, but it looks like the clouds are about to block it. Not like I care, I just want to go to sleep, so I crawl into the tent, get into my sleeping bag, and throw my head onto my pillow. Jake, my so called friend who is responsible for bringing me out into the middle of this lame forest, climbs into the tent, after me. We chat for a bit and then say goodnight, but I lay awake. I can’t help but notice just how quiet it is, I don’t even hear any bugs, I’m still thinking about it as I fall asleep.
I wake up, but it’s still dark, in fact it’s darker than when I fell asleep, then I remember that the clouds were going to block the moon. I can’t figure out why I woke up, but then I hear it, a rustling. I look over towards Jake; he’s still sleeping soundly, not moving. The noise isn’t coming from him, but then I realize it’s coming from below the tent. I couldn’t feel it because I was on my air mattress, but the entire bottom of the tent was writhing. I wonder if an animal had pushed itself down there, I reach out to touch it and when I do I feel something thin, long, and moving, and there are a lot of them. I yell and yank my hand back, had we sent up our tent on a snake’s nest or something?
My yell wakes up Jake, he begins to ask what’s wrong then he sees the issue. He lets out a yelp as well; he then calls out for his parents, who were in a separate tent a short distance away, but no response. We’re both staring at the tent floor when we hear it, the sound of tree branches moving, but the tent isn’t being flapped around, there’s no wind, so what is it that’s moving the trees? Suddenly the bottom of the tent stops moving, so do the tree branches. We both sit in complete silence, too scared to say anything.
Then, right by me, directly outside of the tent, I hear a giggle. It shatters the silence, so do our screams. Once we calm down we hear more giggling, lots of it, more than one person could ever do on their own. At that moment the clouds clear, allowing the moons light to shine again. What it shows is the silhouette of a short, two foot at most, figure hunched over by the tent. We can see more of them dropping from the trees, all of them giggling manically. Then, all at once, the giggling stops, the one closest to the tent holds something up, it’s about the size of a soccer ball. Then, with a horrible sinking feeling, I know what it is, the head of one of Jake’s parents. I try to stifle a sob of pure terror, as the hunched figure, in complete silence, slowly walks around the tent, reaches the door flap, and begins to open the zipper.
Credit To: Kyle
Moonlight,


Sounds like something from the Wrong Turn movies series haha! Good though
Kyle(Quote)
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I like this one
DerpDeDerp(Quote)
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I liked it, but it shouldn’t have ended there.
Nighttouch(Quote)
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The last six words kind of ruined it for me…
AssHat(Quote)
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the last six words are there so you don’t learn more
Someone(Quote)
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Hmm more creepy than scary. There wasn’t much suspense and the ending didn’t really shock me. Good description though, especially for such a short pasta :) Not bad! 6/10
LilMissCreepyPasta(Quote)
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could’ve had a better ending, but i know those are hard xD i love the story, very scary :) goose bumps broke out all over as i read it. nice job
alice(Quote)
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Goblins! …Right?
Redman(Quote)
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They’re goblins right? or maybe imps? Good short pasta :)
Redman(Quote)
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Just when it was getting good!
ceepalicious(Quote)
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Ahhhh its the evil lepricans
sentrylegend(Quote)
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BUT WHO WAS SNAKES??!?
Freaky Fred(Quote)
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I was going to go into that more, but this was my first creepypasta and I didn’t know if there was a length limit or not.
Kyle(Quote)
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Damn that was good.
WhatisthisWinter(Quote)
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Thanks for all the feedback everyone, I thought I’d leave the ending like that to keep it in the "unknown" category, I guess that wasn’t the best decision. =p
Kyle(Quote)
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So… what the hell was under the tent? Too short!
StoneH(Quote)
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"The noise isn’t coming from him, but then I realize it’s coming from below the tent. I couldn’t feel it because I was on my air mattress, but the entire bottom of the tent was writhing. I wonder if an animal had pushed itself down there, I reach out to touch it…"
Up until that point I was impressed that you had stuck to the present tense so well. Then right there you switch it up to past, and then back to present again. I don’t know why I bother to correct grammar on these. Hopefully you take that into account on your next writing.
I won’t comment on the story itself except I got bored. Maybe I’ve just been on this site too long.
Anonymous(Quote)
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Thanks for the feedback!
Anonymous(Quote)
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Maybe tree roots under the tent ?
Anonymous(Quote)
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Actually, that was what I was planning on doing with that, but I wanted to keep it short so I thought I’d leave it "unknown"
Kyle(Quote)
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creepy, sounds like a tale my grandmother used to tell of "pine men" little troll like creatures that live in pine forests (which she grew up surrounded by) my grandma used to say that when she was a kid, their dogs and cats would go missing, only to show up days later in the front yard half rotted and badly mangled.
O3O
Pasta was very creepy, I liked it
bob(Quote)
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I really liked the essence of the story, and it did have a good creepy feel. I feel like the writing could use a bit of polishing though, just be careful of your past and present tenses mixing themselves up.
Also, be careful of how many sentences you start with I (as in I run, I yell,etc.) It can get a bit too repetitive and the sentences lack creativity. How carefully you choose your words and sentence structure will only add to the creepiness of a story.
Aside from some grammatical errors, this is a wonderful first creepypasta. I hope you keep at it!
Heather(Quote)
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Thanks for the tips! It’s my first one, so my writing could do with a bit of work.
Kyle(Quote)
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One of the good pastas i have ever read! Nice job kyle!!
Smokeduck115(Quote)
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