I’ve been laying down on this couch watching TV for what seems like hours. I can hear my dog barking downstairs. I glance up at the wall clock. It’s 9:00 already, and I still haven’t had dinner. My parents are out for the night, so I’m home alone with the maid. My stomach grumbles, and I decide that it’s time to have dinner. I turn off the TV, and as I slowly get up on my feet, all the lights go out.
I flick the light switch several times. Nothing. It must be a power surge. They’re pretty common in our area. I’ll have to go downstairs to the kitchen and turn the power back on from the power box.
In the darkness, I can’t find my slippers, so I just decide to do without them. Using the walls to guide me, I reach out my hand, searching for the banisters. As I make my way downstairs, I notice how quiet the house is. I don’t hear my maid’s radio or even my dog barking. Nothing. All I can hear is the sound of my feet against the stairs.
The house is absent of any light or sound. My house suddenly feels unfamiliar, and I feel lost. Unable to see or hear anything, my fingers tighten their grasp around the banister to prevent myself from feeling completely disoriented.
The silence is really beginning to get to me. “May! May!”, I call out to my maid, just wanting something to break the silence. No response.
The silence is unnerving, and the Creepypastas I’ve been reading have made me paranoid. My head darts from left to right searching for any signs of a monster or serial killer.
I use the wall to guide me and slowly make my way to the kitchen. My chest tightens as I begin to pick up on the smell of raw meat. The smell gets stronger with every step.
Fear swells in my chest with every breath that I take, and my heart begins to pound harder and harder.
‘It’s natural for a kitchen to smell like meat’, I try to reason out to myself, letting out a nervous chuckle.
I grope around until I find the smooth metal surface of the power box in the kitchen wall. I open the hatch and place my fingers on the master switch.
I hesitate.
I can feel my heart hammering in my chest. Do I really want to turn the lights back on? Horrific possibilities of what I could see race through my mind.
I take a deep breath and flick the switch.
The lights blaze on, and I’m blinded for half a second. My eyes quickly adjust to the brightness, and I stop in horror at the sight that beholds me. My heart feels like a leaden weight in my chest.
My dog’s corpse lay in a corner of the kitchen. His body is a mangled mess and looks as though it has been savaged by a pack of wolves. He lays in a pool of his own blood, eyes wide open and his mouth agape. His innards are emptied out into the puddle of blood, littered with his shiny black fur. The smell is sickening.
A set of bloody footprints, if you could even call them that, led straight from his body to the maid’s room.
The footprints were vaguely human but were large, far too large to belong to one. Their shapes were contorted, twisted almost beyond recognition.
The door to May’s room is closed. There’s a set of bloody claw marks on the door, perfectly complementing the footprints by her door. The scene is all too much, and the little food I had left in me quickly finds its way out of me. My vomit and the blood quickly pool together on the shiny white surface of the kitchen floor.
I run out of the kitchen, into the living room and up the stairs. The house is as quiet as when I came down, but I can hear the pounding of my heart to accompany the sound of my footsteps. Tears of fear swell in my eyes, clouding my vision.
I run into my room, close the door and dive under my blanket. My breathing is fast and heavy. Beads of sweat stream down my face. I stare at the door. My mind is so overcome with fear that all I can do is stay put and await my fate. I’m expecting the door to be brought down any moment.
Seconds pass. Nothing.
Minutes pass. Nothing.
After awhile, it begins to seem odd that nothing has happened, but I decide that it would be best to just stay put.
It’s not long before I start to feel sleepy. My eyelids start to droop. With every passing minute, I get sleepier and sleepier. I try to fight back, knowing that staying awake is a matter of life or death, but my efforts are in vain.
I doze off.
I am jerked awake by the sound of my parent’s car pulling into the garage. It’s still dark, so it must still be very early in the morning. My heart suddenly lightens and I leap out of my bed. It was all just a bad dream! I’d run downstairs, hug my parents and we could all have a good laugh at the ridiculously frightful nightmare I just had.
I flick on the lights and my heart freezes.
From the door, there’s a set of bloody footprints that circle my bed and disappear under it.
Credit To – Andrew Kim
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9/10 from me for suspense and overall creepiness. Found it weird how the dog got all ripped up but didn’t make a sound. The ending a bit anti climatic but still good.
Weird…:o so is he ok? The things under his bed? Why didn’t he leave? Im assuming it’s a he lol
some of these comments got me thinking… What if someone wrote a creepypasta where the narrator was tense and creeped out, but nothing ever actually happens? Like, for example, in this story; what if they turned on the light and it was just raw meat on the counter instead of a dead dog in the corner? ….it’s probably a dumb idea, but I think it might be a good exercise on learning how to build up tension over time, and keep the tension throughout the story. Just a thought.
the ending would have been better if like when he turned on the light the monster grabbed his foot and dragged him under the bed or when he saw the foot prints he ran downstairs and found his parents dead in the car so 710 but still a very yummy pasta with just enough scary sauce but not enough spooky seasoning
Oh, the person just stepped in some red paint guys, dun worry. Plus, the maid could’ve been a hallucination, and probably the dog, too. :3 Don’t mind the crazy, crazy person, who stepped in paint. ^u^ Continue reading random creepypasta’s, random people out there. ^3^
Can I just say that I really appreciate the author of this. While reading the comments I was pleasantly surprised with how honest and kind the ciritsism was, but even better how the author reacted. I’m so pleased that I can finally see a community of people helping each other and learning from each other so positively. I thought I should just say that. Keep up the positivity and well done author!
alas i apologize in advance for my sudden epiphany that i couldnt begin to fathom as how i didnt realize this before i posted my comment due to re reading and showing others i now conclude that this monstrosity is a crappy pasta.. no suspence is really given since the following events are quite transparent in each sitiation good read though
jk this isnt sepia sounded good tho lol
ps this is a one time joke from me i do not intend a trend
The maid could have turned into a werewolf read the part before the lights went out ”dog barking”
Hi Dude nice story but can you tell me how can i type my horror story on this site?
Umm..why didn’t he call the police , or run the frack out of the house?
i did not get the ending so it was a nightmare
I never get why in these kinds of stories, in these kinds of situations, the character doesn’t just leave their house and stay outside, or call the cops, or go to their neighbors house, or go to their friends house, or go out and drive to like a local Safeway or whatnot.. No. Every flippin time, the character stays in his own house, and does the dumbest shit… hide in his closet or in his bed.
Good atmosphere, but with a few flaws in logic and context.
I don’t get the moster behaviour (or its very existance, it seems to be there because it has to) of hiding under the bed. What for? But even less I get the protagonist behaviour. It’s not like he’s spooked by something he cannot name, there is a very physical being in his house, and he runs to his bed? I would have called the police and fled the house, possibly not in that order.
Another odd thing, how did the werewolf kill the dog and possibly the maid in complete silence?
why….why have so many stories mentioned Creepypasta…just…just stop it. It’s not scary after you mention a scary stories website. Is this a sub genre?
It bugs me too. Seems creepy, not spooky creepy but the other kind. Not making much sense. Going to lie down….
Please don’t take offense to this but truth be told, this story read like some sort of fill-in-the-blank pasta maker. :S
It’s not terrible, but it just seemed so generic to me. It also moved incredibly quickly, and the fact that he was expecting everything, made it less surprising when he found his dog dead. Basically, “Oh I bet there’s something spooky in the dark. *lights* Yup, there it is.”
As for the ending, it seems I’m one of the few who understood it to mean the monster hid under the bed.
Overall, not terrible, and I’d like to see more, so keep writing. But next time, remember, if the power is out, chances are you won’t be able to hear the maid’s radio anyway. :P
That was very good, but I cant help but wonder what it was that was in the house…
Talk about cliffhangers!
I am intrigued as to whether or not the narrator is the killer or not. The footsteps lead under the bed, which makes me think the narrator isn’t, but then again, they also decide to go without their slippers so their feet are bare… Regardless, this is the best creepypasta I think I’ve ever read and it’s gonna keep me up tonight. Excellent work.
*cough* werewolf
Thanks! I explained in a reply to a comment above what I was really picturing when I wrote this pasta.
Stopped reading after the mention of “creepypastas”. Please don’t do this in your writing.
Alright. Thanks for your comment! Is there anything else that you think I could improve on?
Could it be that he is some kind of werwolf or is the monster really under is bed?
Always running up the stairs when you should be running out the front door… tsk, tsk. If I thought there was any chance a killer anything was in my house, I would not hide under the sheets of my bed, just sit there, and then fall asleep! There wasn’t even any attempt to contact their parents. That part really ruined it for me. That might be a fine reaction if they were spooked by something, but their dog was butchered. It was a fine story up till that.
I actually didn’t think of that! Thanks for the comment. I’ll try to rethink the story and submit an updated version if I have the time.
hi
LOVE it! The ending was fantastic! I like how you mentioned reading Creepypasta c:
Thanks! If you have any constructive criticism though, please don’t be afraid to comment them.
This creepypasta was bred for tension; everything from the horror just shying away from a grand reveal to the sentence structure utterly reeks of suspense. The reader is effectively baited and reeled in.
I was also struck by the commonplace but effective device used to set up the whole thing: blackouts. I felt that few creepypastas really plumb the full horror of being suddenly, helplessly plunged into darkness while unspeakable things lurk by – this piece masterfully used it to set the stage and ramp up the tension.
The descriptions too point unerringly towards suspense: never egregious and just enough to keep the reader imagining. The emotions were well conveyed through the use of pauses and clipped sentences, the pacing evocative of the heartbeat-by-heartbeat fear just before a jump scare. The scene where the character hesitates before turning on the light was IMO one of the high points.
Ultimately, the plot never reveals the full mystery; content with baiting the reader through a few false reveals. Combined with the monster only being ‘revealed’ through a trail of aftereffects and indirect descriptions, I felt that this pasta essentially leaves a lot to the reader’s imagination (what happened to May?) It might put off some readers, because the author essentially shies away from ‘paying’ the tension in full, but personally I thought the cliffhanger left a lasting note of creepiness.
That being said, I thought the ending parts were quite rushed. The sleepy bit came out of the blue, and I felt at this point the author didn’t exactly know how to resolve the scene; it felt like a bad transition. The ending too struck me as a bit weak, like the story skipped over a few scenes.
All in all, a dyed-in-the-wool tensionpasta that petered out a bit in the end. 8.0/10
Thanks for all the feedback Sepia! It’s always so helpful. I’ll take your comment into consideration and try to rewrite this pasta. Thanks again.
The cliché is strong with this one…
Hey i loved the story but im not sure i understand the ending… Did the main character do the dog in or did the monster hide under his bed?
i’m with you. Kind of wish it was her who did the thing…would have been cool if the lights went off as her parents came in or something leading to her being a shapeshifter
The way I pictured it when I was writing was that the monster snuck in while he was asleep. I left it to the imagination of the readers to picture what would happen to the protagonist after he realized that the monster was under his bed. I see now that the ending isn’t that easy to understand. I’ll try to rewrite it. Thanks for the feedback!