In The Walls
Last year, I moved into a middle class house right around summer time. The move went smooth, and it seemed like everything was just…working. Nothing broke during the cycle, I had plenty of friends to help me out, hell I even found twenty bucks in my couch! Beer money? Hell yeah!
Anyway, back to the house. For the first day or two, I thought life couldn’t get any better; my girl was beautiful, my friends were happy, and my parents were fixing their relationship. However, I hadn’t realized – until it was too late – that I was doomed to remain in this prison, which I sit in now as I tell you this story.
The first time it happened, I was in my room. I was in the zone on my Xbox. You know what I mean, where you get 10 headshots without breaking a sweat? Yeah, that. As I was kicking fat terrorist ass I heard movement downstairs (My room was on the second floor). It sounded like someone was running around down there. Like, they were running from room to room banging on the walls, just being flat out obnoxious.
“Hey, Jeff! Get out of my house, I said three-o’clock, dumbass!”
The noise stopped.
I waited a few moments before turning back to my game, but it was too late. I was already doomed. I saw it come at me too late…A tank.
“Son of a…” I sighed.
The next few days were normal, there were no more sounds that shouldn’t be there, just the pipes, the heater, you know the sort. Yet, about 3 days later, that idiot Jeff snuck into my house and started beating up my shit.
“Alright, you aren’t getting off so easy this time!” I shouted as I charged down the stairs. As my foot hit the last step, something out of the corner of my eye moved. I looked over so fast that I got whiplash. “Oh, dammit!” I moaned. I didn’t even pay any attention to the fact that whatever was in my house – had disappeared.
After that, it got worse.
That same night, as I layed in bed, the banging started again. Not only was it worse, but it was on my floor of the house this time. I was sure I locked everything before I came up here, so here I was pissing my pants at 900 miles per hour while something destroyed my house. I actually pulled the blankets over me – hey, I was scared – as the noise approached my door. Just as I expected it to bash open my door and slaughter me, it stopped.
The next morning I grabbed my baseball bat as I got out of bed, if whatever that thing is, was still out there, it would regret it. I didn’t find anything, but my house was trashed. Almost everything was tipped over, torn, broken, missing, or worse. I just figured I had been robbed.
I called the police, they didn’t do shit. But the noises stopped for a week or so, and that made things easier. Sure I was pissed that some fuck destroyed my new place, but at least I was ok. But, of course, I know now that it wasn’t a robber, or Jeff, or the pipes in the walls…It was the thing IN the walls.
A week after the incident, it came back.
This time it was pissed. I was startled out of my slumber by the noise of a vase breaking into a thousand pieces downstairs. SMASH it went, with little pieces still breaking a few seconds after the initial smash as if to mock me.
Not long after, I began to hear more deep, guttural banging noises on the walls again. Coming from inside of them, no doubt. As I lie there in my bed, I let out the tiniest, quietest, timidest squeak by sheer mistake, and the noise stops.
Sharpest ears I’ve ever seen, those were.
After several painstakingly long moments of silence, I released the breath I was holding, thinking it was over for now. Big mistake, I realize, as the noises suddenly start to rampage up the stairs. Incredibly fast, incredibly loud, smack, crash, bang against my wooden floor.
The beast, which I could now accurately call it, broke my door open with intense force, thrusting it all the way to the opposite side of the room. Being an intelligent individual, I had already hidden under my impenetrable field of safety known as the common blanket.
The noise of this monster running through my room, it’s footsteps enough to damage my eardrums at this close, was the scariest thing I had ever experienced in my entire life.
With a sudden burst of adrenaline, I threw the blankets off in the direction of the…thing, somehow making a direct impact to its face. Whoever – or whatever – this was, was stunned. But not for long, and I knew that. I frantically moved across my room, attempting to make it out the door, downstairs, outside, where I could attract public attention.
This night, luck was not on my side. I knew this as a large hunk of my hair was grabbed from behind and pulled out with such force that pieces of skins came along with it, along with a shitload of blood. Before a scream escapes my voice box, I’m being held down by a dark, hairless beast that walks on all fours with a face I can hardly imagine again, that then smashes my head with it’s fist, sending me into a dark, welcoming sleep.
…
Someone new has moved in, but they don’t even acknowledge my existence, the jackass. I patiently watch, wait, hear, hoping that they will. But no. Not me. I’m not worth it to them.
Maybe if I bang on the walls.
//
Credited to Zithra.
It was a mediocre pasta.
The writing was poorly done, the concept had great potential, but died with the poor delivery.
Compelling, because it makes you want to know what happens at the end. The problem is that not much happens at all.
5/10
..Meh, bland.
It seemed almost funny at the part where the creature’s nosies were getting louder and louder, and stuff.
this comment may or may not be first
I think I liked the original ending the author had a bit better. Actually it\’d be better if he combined the two. However, I liked it. I mean, it wasn\’t the scariest thing I\’ve ever read but if it happened to me IRL I would piss myself.
The writing was alright. The ending was… acceptable. The monster\’s description wasn\’t great, but it didn\’t ruin the story. The length is good- not too short and not too long.
I\’d say 7/10.
Shitty ending. Writer couldn’t even muster the energy to put a unique spin on the “main character becomes monster” trope. Writing was uninspiring and flat.
Not very good at all. I struggle to believe that he wouldn\’t have realised what had happened in that situation, so the ending, in my opinion, was a pile of wankshit.
meh pasta is meh
this pasta deserves no more than a 5/10
you can tell this guy just said wait, how about, i guy is attacked bya monster
and then he becomes the monster
and he has to attack someone else
and maybe they become the monster later.
and then he put it into this poorly written story.
Great story, decent writing, but an overused and forseeable ending.
I’ll give it a 5/10.
Canned Pasta.
blech. pasta made me sick. that was seriously awful. he randomly decides its in the wall without any proof what-so-ever and the ending is complete shit. screw sendng this back to the kitchen, fire the chef.
One of the least creepy pastas ever.
Twist is easily seen from miles away, especially when you say “hairless beast”.
Rather intriguing until the end, which just murders the whole thing to shreds. This is your stereotypical “Oh, hey, there’s a monster in _____, I’m gonna do ______ and then the monster catches me and I TURN INTO IT AND THE CYCLE REPEATS!!!! >:0 OMG!!!!!” plot. For that, the rating goes down 3 points.
4/10.
It’s a good concept but it took too long to tell. Some details are unimportant.
5/10
I wanted to like it because the concept was pretty cool, but it read like it was written by a jock who pretends to be literate in his spare time.
“Beer money? Hell yeah!” – Really?
“I had already hidden under my impenetrable field of safety known as the common blanket.” I lol’d.
I also thought the “Maybe if I bang on the walls” was funny.
I agree with “the listener” It was predictable but a good plot. Needs work.
I doubt this is a true story.
Rofls, dat was koo
I actually liked it. I think you should have described the monster with more details though. Overall a yummy pasta.
WHOA THAT WAS LiiiiKE THE KEWLEST PASTA EVER!!!! :O
at least you spelled “realize” right
last stories i’ve read on here kept on misspelling that enough, it bugged me.
i liked the story. pretty good pasta. 10/10
I stopped reading after “in the zone with my xbox”. Seriously? Writing like this doesn’t create suspense at all, and I’m getting tired of it. I seriously think all the good pasta has been posted, since there has been a dry spell on this site for months now.
“No, John. You are the demons.”
And then John was a zombie.
3/10
The idea was good but the writing was terrible. Very poor delivery. Its like this was written by a teenager for a school essay.
Shang, if you are serious, I believe you are a bit to generous with your ratings.
Yeah, “Shang”… We spell it “realise” in Canada and the UK.
Sorry, this pasta was just awful. I tried to like it though…
Sweet Jesus, that was terrible. I don’t even know where to begin. Between the beer money and Xbox shit, it became more of a broski story than a creepypasta.
“Being an intelligent individual, I had already hidden under my impenetrable field of safety known as the common blanket.”
This made the whole thing more funny than creepy
Doesn’t help that the sites HTML seems to be busted…
I miss the black background and centering…
I was ok pasta….but the concept has been done before..The ending was a let down….
Please stop trying to write.
The ending was poor, the common \"Now I\’m the monster!\" ending is getting pretty lame. Besides what reason does our narrator have for banging on people\’s walls? And the original monster could clearly run all around the house, why is the narrator considered a prisoner? I don\’t get it.
That was so lame! The writing was that of a 12 year-old and the plot was overly done.
Wow, not only was this the opposite of creepy, but it floundered so much that I honestly can\’t even call it funny. It was just boring, and at times even kind of pathetic.
This is like that “Nails” pasta from a while ago, but dumbed down and narrated by a teenage boy.
I dunno, you killed it with “Being an intelligent individual”. Seems like a lot of self-confidence in such a “scary situation”. It kills the mood. The description of the beast was lacking, lack of imagination covered up badly. “I can’t imagine it’s face” makes it seem so bland. Too many details regarding unimportant things, and too little details regarding what’s actually going on.
I actually liked the parts where you were describing the banging…it seemed like the pace of the description (short, to the point) was good enough to really let me picture this in my head…I realized I would shit bricks if it was happening IRL.
Unfortunately, ending sucks….all in all, you’ve got a pile of shit with some diamond dust in it here.
Decent moments, but this story is marred by unfinished thoughts, lack of important details and pacing problems
Who is Jeff? What of the narrators girl (Who is mentioned in the introduction and never referred to again)? If the entity was doing physical damage to his house why didn’t he notice this the first two times?
This Pasta gave me the craps, too hard to get into, overall crappy pasta
Stupid.
Wait a second, is it just me or does he go from playing Modern Warfare to Left 4 Dead within the space of a few seconds? D:
(“nazi ass” and “tank”. >:U)
Either way, good pasta. I liked it a little. But only a little.
Mediocre at best, in my opinion. Could have been pulled off a lot better.
Started okay and spiraled downward.
‘Sharpest ears I’ve ever seen, those were.’
Did anyone else read that in a Dr. Zoidberg voice or am I the only one?
i really tried to like it, i did. but… it just, is… terrible. the concept is good, but i thought it went too fast for me to enjoy it.
it is dry, unflavorful, gritty pasta. 3/10
How ignorant a comment about spelling something the non-American way is.
Pasta was alright. Nothing different than what’s been circling around lately.
I stopped caring about the story as soon i realized that the “protagonist” was your average unlikeable tard.
Beer money, getting in the zone, 900miles per hour.
Make the protagonist someone not instantly repulsive next time.
I actually liked this story, especially the ending. Yes there are a few flaws that could be fixed to make it exceptional but it was still and interesting story and i enjoyed reading it
“Maybe if I bang on the walls…”
That’s what she said.
Anyway, I think this sucked, mostly because of the “beer money” bit and the overused, gimmicky “twist.”
Blech pasta is blech.
I actaully really enjoyed the ending of this story. the rest was kinda bland though
Well at least I know what to read when I need to be bored to sleep.
The ending was predictable but ths story was overall enjoyable. There are some plot holes though (Who’s Jeff? Where’s the girlfriend?).
“Being an intelligent individual, I had already hidden under my impenetrable field of safety known as the common blanket.”
This made my day.
it finished lamely no offence i did like it but not as creepy as it was seeming at the beginning
Meh. Decently-written, though.
Stories like these are the reason I’m not fond of 1st-person perspectives.
It was alot like “Nails”.
Very poorly written. Lines like: “I was pissing my pants at 900 miles per hour” are a dealbreaker.
The whole story sounds like it was made up and written by a dumb jock – and his only idea was “what if some dumb destructive a-hole like myself actually destroyed MY stuff! Oh no!”
And then the most predictable twist of all time – “now I’M the monster!” Why on earth? If the original character is still alive, why bother hanging around in the house banging on stuff? Just…get out.
Awful. We’ve had a bad run lately.
Oh man pissing at nine hundred miles an hour, SO SCARY =(
way way way WAAYAYYY too predictable.
Sharpest ears I’ve ever seen, those were.
Sharpest ears I’ve ever seen, those were.
Sharpest ears I’ve ever seen, those were.
For 3x the laughter.
Laaaaameeee, new pasta please
“Sharpest ears I’ve ever seen.”
…Unless I’m failing epically at paying attention, he hadn’t actually SEEN the creature at that point.
Wow, stopped after
\"Beer money? Hell yeah!\"
Nice priorities when first owning a home, teenage douche.
shitty pasta is shitty.
Direct question to whomever is running this now shit-hole:
Why do you let these awful, uninspired stories through?
I don’t get it, there are so many other decent things on the forum (sometimes) and then you wait and wait, then this.
You should stop, or hand over the rights to someone else. Please.
The author of this creepypasta has amateur vocabulary skills. The entire first half was lame. The second half was scary and made the entire thing worth reading.
7/10
Hey Archne, I c what u did thar.
The forums are a wonderful place.
I just moved into an apartment so I find this a bit more interesting.
The ending would have been more effective if the original narrator’s statements were abruptly cut off and then continued with the “monster” narration.
I lol’d hard at Bob’s comment for some reason. I think it had some potential but it just cut off into another main character becomes monster as was stated earlier. I see this in every pasta posted now. It has such potential and might have a twist…then bam same stuff just terrible versions.
It was good, but the ending didn’t make sense. Great sauce, but mushy pasta.
this was good! think of it as this ovbiously he’s going to be new to this house because the monster would’ve appeared ealier if he’d lived in the house, ovbiously he’s young he’s playing xbox so this could be a first house? obviously his prioritys arn’t spot on.
i don’t think he became the monster just a ghost with a ironic ending, because the monster was on all fours , he isn’t.
Uh. Why is the writing really awkard on this on?
\" Before a scream escapes my voice box… \"
\" ….little pieces still breaking a few seconds after the initial smash as if to mock me… \"
I\’m sorry, but I feel as though I was reading something written by Stephenie Meyer circa-2oo4.
Good idea for a creepypasta, though.
2/10.
Lol, i enjoyed it. It was pretty f*cking descent.– Just my opinion though ay. — 9/10
OH! And the sarcasim, was pretty awesome (:
re: BUT WHO WAS PHONE
I like the cut of your jib.
I\’m honestly not surprised that we\’re seeing more shit like this getting through given the…tastes of the average commenter on here. I mean the comment section is full of people who lap up shit like \"NARRATOR WUZ DOG THE WHOLE TIME\" and angrily shout \"I DUN GEDDIT\" every time a well-written pasta comes out that doesn\’t end with a monster eating the narrator.
We must keep fighting the good fight and call this lowest common denominator shit out when it\’s posted, my friend.
That was… horrible. Way too cliche. Average plot line of pastas lately: “Narrator moves into new house/does something different/etc. Narrator discovers monster, but doesn’t see it. Narrator sees monster. Monster kills narrator [questionable]. Narrator becomes monster.”
There’s nothing scary about it anymore. It was creepy with Nails, but that’s because it was well executed and drawn out for suspense. This is just… Poor. And, as a dozen or more commenters have already pointed out, it sounds like the narrator [i\'m not going to insult the writer directly] is a dumb jock, just the kind of person that most of us would LOVE to see bad things happen to. So overall, i\’m going to have to say: Cliche pasta is nasty.
“Almost everything was tipped over, torn, broken, missing, or worse”.
Worse? I think you covered pretty much everything that could have happened.
Although the plot is done a lot, I like how you did it.
The ‘beer money’ mention was great, I know a lot of my friends would think that way so it made the character more real to me.
The only part I did not like was how you described the monster. I could have done with a simple ‘the last thing I saw was a fist before going into the sleep’ or whatever.
Also, the creature is in the walls thing just kind of came out of nowhere, especially seeing as the creature was NOT in the walls, which was proved by items in the rooms being broken, not the walls.
NOT GOOD. Poor descriptions, cliche monster, and EPIC FAIL at: Those were the sharpest ears I’ve ever seen. What the ____? You heard them, idiot. Ending was just apalling- Now I’M the monster, now I am out to get the next guy!
But, of course, I know now that it wasn’t a robber, or Jeff, or the pipes in the walls…It was the thing IN the walls.
SMASH it went, with little pieces still breaking a few seconds after the initial smash as if to mock me.
Sharpest ears I’ve ever seen, those were.
Incredibly fast, incredibly loud, smack, crash, bang against my wooden floor.
With a sudden burst of adrenaline, I threw the blankets off
These lines actually made me laugh out loud.
Not a very good pasta, I have tasted better. I think it was mainly the way it was written. Good ending, though. 2/5
Bad pasta, decent ending. I’ve seen too many “becomeamonster” pastas, but it’s interesting to see that whatever the main character just wants attention? Whatever. Interesting ending, but not original. 4/10
I liked the ending well enough with the whole \"INEEDATTENTION\" thing.
It at least gave the new monster motive, but I just really couldn\’t take this one seriously at all…
This was incredibly bland. I would love to see someone with some actual skill re-write this and maybe make it taste less canned. It IS an overused plot, but it could be much better.
I give it a 3/10, and only because I like the premise.
The execution wasn’t great, and the ending was predictable.
how does the narrator have access to a computer to tell us this tale if he is a monster?
An okay pasta, pretty bad ending. I was hoping for something more.
It wasn’t scary at all, but some parts made me laugh (blanket was the best!). This pasta was 7/10, just cause it was entertaining, but not really well-written.
A monster that can type and walk on four legs yet fit inside of walls and have a complete conscience?!
I WANT ONE!
-__-
What the crap… That was kinda weird haha but i laughed a little too much hahaha.
Funny story (: I told it to my friend and shes kinda freakin out so im gonna go calm her down lmfao
The monster ‘in the walls” was never IN the walls. It stomped around the house, broke random decor including the bedroom door, and beat up the protagonist. How does one come to the conclusion that the monster was IN the walls, when all evidence including the finale concede the opposite? What the heck would the relevance be anyway?
I really liked it. Yummy pasta
7/10
Awesome. Well written, incredibly humerous, suspenseful. 9/10!
Haven’t I told you to watch out for ninjas?
I was not aware that there were terrorists in left 4 dead…
Not horrifyingly scary, which is what I go for when I read any pasta. But I have to say, the ending was amazing, it opened a bunch of doors in the story, like perhaps the monster was the last person who had lived there, and it was just waiting for someone to realize his/her existence, and when he didn’t, it would bang on the walls, and the cycle would repeat.
Not horrifyingly scary, which is what I go for when I read any pasta. But I have to say, the ending was amazing, it opened a bunch of doors in the story, like perhaps the monster was the last person who had lived there, and it was just waiting for someone to realize his/her existence, and when he didn\’t, it would bang on the walls, and the cycle would repeat.
I liked the idea, even if it wasn’t pulled off so well. But.
I realise it’s a figure of speech, but given the context…
“Sharpest ears I’ve ever seen, those were.”
… Did no one else crack up at this point?