Gateway
Supposedly there are 7 gateways to hell scattered across the Earth. These infernal entrypoints can, it is said transport you to the Underworld itself at certain times of the year, or if particular conditions are met. Why am I telling you this? Because I have a distinct feeling that I may have stumbled across one of such places little more than a month ago.
It was around 9pm and as I often do I was walking along the rural path which connects between the centre of my town and the outlying residential areas, when I noticed something quite mysterious. The sky was darker than usual it seemed to me,but more concerning was a strange light piercing through the trees which ran parallel to the path. I stopped and looked hard towards the ethereal glow which whilst relatively dim was clearly visible.
After a short time my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to search for the source of the light. Trudging through ever thickening grass and foliage a strange feeling of panic flooded over me, the most bizarre feeling as though something truly horrific was about to occur. I stood still and caught my breath, and then- reasoning that it was merely a panic attack I continued in the direction of this captivating luminous glow.
No more than two minutes had passed before I came upon the origin of the beacon. What I saw there my mortal mind can never erase, and I feel duty bound to forwarn you never to allow your pangs of curiosity to lead you into such a ghastly situation. If something appears amiss and malevolent in some way give it a wide birth lest you suffer my fate.
I say this happened little more than a month ago of course, but I no longer keep track of time. I simply count the number of times I awake in this pure whitee room to the sound of my own blood curdling scream, before I am heavily sedated by the orderlies once more.
Credit To: Lozzaboi
Gateway,
I have to do this, BUT WHO WAS LIGHT?
it was the gateway to hell
kira was light.
OHHHHHHH! REFERENCE!!
Oh. Uh…It was me. Sorry about that.
Oh sorry. What is it you want.?
Amazing!
are you insane!!!!!!!!!
So…there is a LOT missing from this story.
Just couldnt get into it
Give it "a wide birth?" You mean berth? Don’t try to use fancy British spelling if you don’t know how to spell. 2/10 not creepy
Didn’t know the term wide berth was ‘fancy’ =P
But yeah, this story seemed like a concept at best, not a full story and definitely not scary.
It was horribly written and has a shit ton of mistakes. But it was a decent concept. Learn how to write, obtain a better command of the English language and then try again.
I agree
It was…okay, I guess. I mean, there was potential to this story, but you left a whole lot out.
Plenty of potential, but between the lack of details and the grammar and spelling errors, it was hard to get into this story.
laaaaaame
What the hell was that?
No sir, I didn’t like it.
"Merely" a panic attack? Have you ever had a panic attack in your life, author? Know about things before you write about them. It doesn’t take much research to know that you can’t just brush off panic attacks.
i thought EXACTLY the same thing.
maybe use instead, “i figured i was just feeling anxious”..
ok? ok. (ok.)
IT wasn’t THAT bad. It wasn’t that good either. It was….meh. Keep writing, you have potential. Don’t give up. 2/10
*typing
Lol
This story needs a bit more…eh…story.
Then WHO WAS PATH?
How did he type this if he is now always kept sedated in a room?
Haha. That’s exactly what I came here to say.
themain thing here, is develop thesory more, and research thethingsyouwrite about:)
right.
ive actually spent some time in hospitals (not that im proud of this)
and they dont let you anywhere near electronics such as computers.
maybe change it to where you’re out of the hospital now and are telling your tale (which truthfully needs some work)
ok:) that is all:)
Been there too, dude, no electronics. I couldn’t even have my ipod. And this was an inpatient psychiatric hospital for depression/anxiety/addictions/etc. This ward the narrator is in would be electronics free for sure. Perhaps the narrator is “telling” his story to a delusion?
You know you’re writing a shit story if you stop halfway through and put your character in an asylum.
“Some shit happened, it was really bad, and I didn’t want it to, but it did anyway, and now I’m here and I hate it. “
Add more detail!
Spelling mistakes ruin it
That’s ironic, Jeff thfem killer.
So guys, I totally saw something that was really scary and I can’t tell you about it because it would creep you out too much, just take my word for it dudes!
If you want to scare people, please show and do not tell. Saying you saw something scary is not creepy in the slightest. It’s a decent idea, you just need to flesh it out a lot more.
Agreed, the only time you should tell instead of show is when there is a deliberately ambiguous entity or force used for creating suspense, and there was non.
It was good, but could use some more development. I would like to know what exactly he saw in the light as the gateway to hell, but other than that I liked it.
Okay, Okay. But what happens next? 2/10
If this was monopoly, you would have landed on the chance space and gotten the “go directly to jail” card. You had something good, but you failed. First of all, learn to use grammar. Second, be more descriptive with your story and make it more coherent, as the jump from the gate of hell to the asylum is terrible. To be blunt, anyone who said “BUT WHO WAS PHONE” as a comment is right because this story was just… lacking. Given the right transition and description, you could have made the twist amazing. But you didn’t.
This one didn’t have enough detail and went by way to quickly!
i’d give it a 2/10