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A Long Detour



Estimated reading time — < 1 minute

The hitchhiker Andy picked up on that July afternoon was one of the stranger people he had met. She had, after warm thanks for stopping, and a moment or two of silence, proclaimed herself to be able to grant a wish. The conjuration she had performed in support of this was quite remarkable- once the sound of the cymbal had stopped ringing in Andy’s head, he was quite impressed.

Now Andy, good Christian that he was, was always of the opinion that you should do a good deed for its own sake, and not for material reward. He lightly waved away the images of wealth or power that the girl suggested. “My one wish, young lady, is to get you to where you’re headed!”.

The girl’s face contorted with fear as darkness fell outside.

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96 thoughts on “A Long Detour”

  1. Fasterpussykat

    OMG!!!I’ve never felt compelled to write. Don’t ya’ll know that sometimes stories are supposed to get you to use a nifty little thing called your imagination?!!!

  2. Simply awe insipiring this was so simple yet amazing short and amazing the thing I love is that it takes a minute to realize what happend

  3. That’d be like if I said, “Once upon a time I was sleeping in a dark room. All of a sudden I heard the closet open. I looked to see a dark figure coming at me…”
    Ooh, I set it up for your imagination! Surely, you can think of something creepy! Great pasta, no?

  4. I hate when people can’t tell the difference between a good kind of vague and a stupid vague. If you repeated this to 10 people, most of them would be wtf.
    It’s like you get wrapped up in “my imagination provides me with a good ending” to make you feel deep. No.
    My first thought was Hell too, but this story still leaves something to be desired. There could be more detail without being too much longer or too vague. For example, the author has time to say the guy’s Christian. Overall, that’s less important to the ending.
    There are still questions such as, “Wouldn’t she go there even if he didn’t make a wish; just afterwards? If not, why? How do these wishes keep her around? Just because she feeds off the greed? Is this meant to be similar to a demon having just been exorcised, now it must go back?”
    It seems infantile. AND cliche. For a group who’s so into originality, you fail to realize your mind’s assumption is “predictable and cliche” for this setup. If you all think you’re so creative though, come up with a better ending.

  5. I had a dream about where she might go.
    Basically she didnt have a destination and would disappear after granting a wish. So the road disappeared and they “drove on into the night”. she kept begging him to make a real wish but he simply said “I wish to get you where you’re going” the car disappeared and it was just the two of them still sitting in nothingness. she begged him once more and he wished to get outta there but ended up leaving her behind in the nothingness.
    whats worse is that in the dream i was her.

  6. It was a nice story, and for those of you who didn’t understand it you have to notice the title. A long detour because the lady was heading no where. So now both of them are granted a wish, which is like being bound to fate, to journey to no where. I believe the author is making a point that in no where nothing can exisit or else it would be somewhere. The creepy part is I believe, that even the abyss is something, so much worse is nowhere.

  7. \"is to get you to where you’re headed!\"

    How does no one get the joke. He didn\’t choose his words carefully so that means hes taking her to a place where she shall be \"beheaded\".
    Its not that complicated lol.

  8. “is to get you to where you’re headed!”

    How does no one get the joke. He didn’t choose his words carefully so that means hes taking her to a place where she shall be “beheaded”.
    Its not that complicated lol.

  9. Yeah sure okay.

    “LOL I GETZ A WISH!?”

    “BUT I’M A NICE GUY SO MY WISH IS TO TAKE YOU WHERE YOU ARE GOING WHICH IS WHY I GET A WISH”

    “OH NOES WISH PARADOX! D:”

    2/5

  10. A perfect example of good creepypasta. Why people are confused or need any sort of elaboration is beyond me. Explaining every detail would ruin the mystery of it.

  11. What is there not to understand? There are only 2 possible interpretations:

    1. Like someone above me said, he sent her to where we’re all headed: to her grave, meaning the darkness is them suddenly being underground and she’s afraid of drowning.

    2. She made a deal with the devil to get her wishgranting powers and is therefor headed to hell, where his wish took her prematurely, explaining her fear. And the darkness…well, no one said hell is all fore and brimstone…

  12. Meh. I understood it but I still didn’t like it. It was just too awkward and a bit on the blunt side for me. 3/10

  13. I think that since the girl was heading nowhere then the only true destination she had left was death. But once again…what type of \"human\" grants wishes?

  14. Hm.

    HMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

    That was interesting. I’d like to see a bit more exposition near the end, though. She got scared, the sky got dark, and then… what? She spontaneously combusted? The car drove down the road, AND INTO HELL?

    Hm. Anyway, I really liked the story in HooFlungPoo’s comment. That was a gooooood one. This was too, but a bit more vague than it could have been.

  15. Now I can’t help but see this:

    “I wish for proof of God’s existance”
    “…HA! You actually think one of those exists!? Let me guess, you also believe in souls, right?”
    “D:”

  16. I didn’t have any trouble understanding it. He got his wish. He wasn’t clear enough with his wish though, so she went where we’re all ultimately headed: to her own grave. At least that’s my interpretation.

  17. At first I assumed she was a demon and his wish was to take her to where she was going (hell).

    Then after I put thought into it I figured \"Hey what if she has NOWHERE to go\"

    The darkness was the absence of everything (or as the author see\’s nothingness which is impossible to describe).

  18. I believe the hitch-hiking girl was the Devil. It talked about Andy being a good christian. The Devil fought Saint Anthony (Andy?) through tempting him and the Saint defeated him through prayer. It speaks of wealth and grandeur, but it shows the good Saint being truly earnest and denying those things. I believe it is a battle between a Saint and the Devil.

  19. This was my first pasta and the reason I programed it into my fav list. It was flawless and creepy and I loved it… and I totally HATED short stories in school, so I was not going in with an open mind. This is just splendid, in my opinion. She was in limbo, now has to go to her judgement, I think…? His reflexive “nice” answer ends up being the worst scare the ghost has faced in years, or perhaps decades, which is ironic. The intensity of the moment described is enough… we don’t need a plot, any more than we need a bio of the couple to enjoy an “oh, Baby, I love you!” rock song. It’s all about capturing that intense moment where everything comes to a head. 10/10 plus a gold star ;-)

  20. I’m going to have to agree with the Anon after Creepshow. Personally, “as darkness fell around them” made me think it was getting dark…. AHHHhhhh~….. Okay then…. Turn on the headlights….

  21. I’m gonna have to agree with “creepshow crooked” on this one, although I don’t think I hated it as much as they did. To me, it feels like the first bit of one of those “circle” stories, where one person writes one part and passes it to the next person in the circle, who writes the next part and so on…

  22. 5/10 – Neat pasta…but why the hell would the girl be afraid of where she came from if she’s obviously cool with living there?

  23. I would say this is a prime example of a campfire story.
    Exactly enough is known to get your imagination going, but not enough not enough to immerse you into the story beyond the initial chill.

  24. Sorry, but the story fails in the simple fact that the reader, instead of sharing in her fear, is left to wonder what she\’s so afraid of. There is nothing in the story to lead us to draw a conclusion as to where she\’s going, so we\’re left shaking our heads.

    Stating \"as darkness fell around them\" means even less. Is it supernatural darkenss, or did the author simply mean it was light.

    Overall, the story is to convuluted to make much sense at all.

  25. Creepshow Crooked

    Wow… I think I finally get how this site runs now.

    When something is good, they hate it. When something sucks, like this clearly does, everybody calls it “brilliant”.

    This is bullshit, terrible pasta. It feels like the opening to a good story, but nothing is happening. It’s too short and too vague to build suspense(you know, the stuff that makes creepypasta CREEPY?) and what it does tell just falls flat without supporting details.

    It read like an incomplete story. I have no clue why anybody finds this drivel good, just because it’s short. Do you monkeys not like reading or something? Then rent a fucking movie.

    Fail pasta is fail. Not scary, not even interesting. -5/10

  26. I was very wary when I saw how short it was, but I love it!
    Not really creepy, but I’m not picky.
    I am happy with the extreme lack of detail. If you added anymore, I think it would have taken away from the story.

  27. It was alright, as other people have said. It could’ve used a little more detail. The open ending was good and had the potential to be very creepy if there was a little more build up. 7.5/10

  28. It’s good to see short pastas again. Many of the people who go “what?” and “huh?” are probably newer ones that were around when stories used to be vague and short.

  29. I think that what happened was, he wasn’t actually going to take her anywhere. She was supposed to take him to a place where his wish came true. And so since ‘the place she wanted to go’ didn’t really exist, they ended up in nothingness.

  30. Where were they headed? I don’t want speculation. You don’t want a reader to have to think very deeply at all during or after consuming the pasta, because it ruins the flavor…

    Even though it was short, it was very well crafted (except for the !@&$#^!@ ending)!

    5/10 though, cause the ending didn’t really ‘end’ the story, it just kinda left it hanging, and that is one of the worst mistakes you can make, ever…

  31. I’ll preface this by saying I’m a fan of the tl;dr pastas. The longer, the better.
    I was just getting comfortable when…it ended. I read over it again, and it elicited no emotion, certainly not “creepy”. I understand how I have to “use my imagination to figure out the rest”, but that’s an excuse. I like to delve into the author’s imagination, in all its detailed, tl;dr goodness. This pasta…it may grow on me, though — who knows?

  32. i can\’t believe the amount of people who can\’t understand this story. This belief is going off the fact that this isn\’t the first scary story people have read.

    > face contorted in fear and darkness fell.

    imagination.jpg

  33. I liked it. She seemed like a nice wish-granting girl, but when he makes a polite wish that she get to where she is headed, then it seems like she was headed to hell, or the underworld, or some such place, implying that she was some kind of demon or evil entity.

  34. Needs more detail, otherwise it\\\’s too short and doesn\\\’t inspire much emotion and the ending is just \\&quot;wait wut?\\&quot;. Feels way to rushed and confusing.

  35. OMG I’M *bleep*ING FI- NOOOOO

    Does not understand ending. ;;
    I love short pastas for their creepiness, but for some reason I can’t wrap my head around it. What is she… Ohhhh wait, does this mean that they’re forever stuck in the car? Or she’s some sort of demon that only turns into a demon at night? Or what?
    I like the originality though<3
    7/10

  36. Hmmm…not quite scary, and I’m not sure if it’s implied that she went to hell, or if she was already a demon…

    But, all in all, a good amibigous story. Not creepy though.

  37. would it have killed him to be a little bit more literal? I mean, hasn\\\’t he ever even heard of a wish situation gone bad before? Dumbass!

  38. wow, I really like this. short, sweet, and a nice subtle implication of a deal with the devil gone horribly wrong…for the devil.

    still, though, wishes usually have a price. i wonder what the price he has to pay to “get her where she’s going”?

    maybe he has to take her.

  39. It’s been awhile since I heard such a short Creepypasta. These can actually be quite effective as this one was decent. It works that it tells you nothing about what is happening. You are left to yourself to think about the implications afterwards. While not that creepy, still fairly decent. I give this a 7/10.

  40. Wow, I expected WHO WAS PHONE???!?!?

    This was eccelent, for a short story, and to those of you who didn’t understand the ending:
    I believe that the girl, would probably vanish after the wish was made, meaning, that she had no destination, and that if she were bound to her wish…
    Well, you get the point.
    7/10
    Pros:
    Good Writing
    Short
    And a little eerie.

    Cons:
    A little too short to get into, therefore the ending lacked luster; however, it reminds me of this one:

    An elderly man was sitting alone on a dark path. He wasn’t certain of which direction to go, and he’d forgotten both where he was traveling to and who he was. He’d sat down for a moment to rest his weary legs, and suddenly looked up to see an elderly woman before him. She grinned toothlessly and with a cackle, spoke: “Now your *third* wish. What will it be?”
    “Third wish?” The man was baffled. “How can it be a third wish if I haven’t had a first and second wish?”
    “You’ve had two wishes already,” the hag said, “but your second wish was for me to return everything to the way it was before you had made your first wish. That’s why you remember nothing; because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes.” She cackled at the poor man. “So it is that you have one wish left.”
    “All right,” he said, “I don’t believe this, but there’s no harm in wishing. I wish to know who I am.”
    “Funny,” said the old woman as she granted his wish and disappeared forever. “That was your first wish.”

    Good one though.

    This is probably going to be the longest comment that this story gets.

  41. Sounds like one of those good ol’ short creepypastas. Long time no see, it’s appreciated, though very vague.

  42. I don’t really think I understand this one… Somebody explain? :/
    Andy’s also my boyfriend’s name. Great. -_-

    1. The lady was going to hell but she didnt expect him to say what he did so they both are going to hell

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