He and his girlfriend weren’t the most romantic couple – their idea of spicing up their relationship was making out in the dark. He came over to her house late one night, when her parents were out of town, and they lay down on her bed together. He turned off the bedside lamp, held her hands in his, and began kissing her gently. The thing about the darkness is that it heightens your other senses.
The sound of her gentle breathing, beginning to quicken.
The sweet smell of perfume at the base of her neck.
The taste of her lips, and the salt on her skin.
The feel of nails beginning to dig into his shoulders.
Despite the darkness, his eyes snapped open as he realised that both her hands were still clasped firmly within his own.
Credit To – September Derleth
Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.
I made a reading of this :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aG3VEcCAm5w
Nicely creepy. Bonus for the simple name and anime thumbnail (though those sure weren’t thumbs!)
very sinister love it! 9/10
I read this one like a hundred times and then I understood it. It gave me chills o.0 xD
OMG it’s her dad
The structure was off towards the end and it felt more like a really cheap scare with an obvious twist. You’re descriptive writing is however, very good. The structure at the start was great and i sort of wished you’d carried it on. Looking forward to seeing how you develop :)
Really good and chilling micropasta. The build of the tension is really smooth and not too quick or choppy, and the imagery of it was amazing. Well done. :D
I really liked it! It was quick and got to the point. I’m a bit paranoid now though.
Haha this was well done
I definitely had to re-read this over 3 times before I was like ‘oh, wow okay that’s what happened.” Don’t worry, that’s just how I am. Like it though. Short and sweet. :)
I still don’t get it
Both of their hands were on each other and another set of hands came out of nowhere. Basically.
I get the basic idea, but, it seems easy to write (writing comes easy to me) and simple. I know it’s just a micropasta but, dang…
bravo. short and creepy.
The structure could have been better, but i got a chill or two at the end. Good work.
this was stupid and not scary! :(
You need to work on your parallelism. None of the final sentences “go together” because they are not similarly structured. You should have done something like
The sound of her gentle breathing, began to quicken.
The sweet smell of perfume at the base of her neck intensified…
The taste of her lips and skin became salty…
No.
maybe he was making out with Sheeva from mortal kombat??
Probably her dad. You dun fucked up!
lol
I dont understand at all what happened, can someone please explain??
Someone or something else was in the room with them and clawing at his back.
WTF is that
I don’t get it.
If he was holding her hand then whose hands were on his shoulders
This was really good!! It left my spine tingling :) Well done!!
wait what happened I don’t get it!! what happened?
His ex was in the room and was pulling him off his gf (she was jealous).
LMAO, its just the fact that hands were on his shoulders when his hands were in hers that is scary
This was a pretty decent micropasta… one of the better ones have seen.
Really good in my opinion – I love short creepy pastas. 10
Hand on heart, the working title for this was ‘Valentine’s Day’.
Love your work, derpbutt.
Short and sweetly chilling. Well done with the imagery without getting too graphic sexually.
not bad, the ending was a little cliche, but it was certainly unexpected. overall, not bad :)