Scary Paranormal Stories & Short Horror Microfiction

Creepypasta

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Rating: 7.6/10 (509 votes cast)

I’m bawling my eyes out as I type this, locked in my closet. For those of you who think this is one of those internet ghost stories, then I envy you. After this you can just continue on with your lives, but it will catch up with you soon enough. And it’s your fault for reading this. Don’t try and stop now, it’s too late. But if you read on, you might be able to defend those around you. Get away from your loved ones. Don’t tell anybody. Embrace death.

My story (and soon to be yours) started early in the morning. I checked my mail to find bills, junk and a small package. I opened the padded envelope from the bottom and a flash drive fell out. I picked it up after it bounced on to my mat. “What’s this?” I wondered aloud as I examined it. It was a plain, black USB stick. I asked my wife in the kitchen if she has ordered anything but she was just as puzzled about the drive as me. I looked up at the clock – I was almost late for work. I put the mail on the table and dashed out the door.

When I arrived at the office, I kept wondering about what could be on the flash drive. Was it some marketing idea? A prank that just contained some stupid video? I decided to check it out once I got home. The day seemed to drag after that, as I curious to find out what was on that stick. When I finally arrived home, I found my wife’s body in bloody ribbons across the living room floor. I was about to scream hysterically, when I noticed a faint glow. I turned to see my wife’s laptop turned on with a blank screen. With tears in my eyes, I crossed the room, over the bloody mess on the floor, to the computer. I tapped the spacebar and the screen lit up. There was a file named “Torture.avi” in a folder named “Removabledisk:E”. I looked down, and sure enough the USB stick was in the USB port. Without thinking, i clicked on the file. A video automatically started playing.

A black and white video of a 7, maybe 8 year old girl in a bed. After 20 seconds or so the girl suddenly sits up in bed. Her eyes snap open, revealing wide, pea-green orbs. Her body hovers a few feet into the air, then an earth-shattering scream issues from her mouth. It sounds inhuman, not even animalistic. It is the scream of something too sinister to even register. Suddenly the scene is a street that looks familiar to me. The camera man walks down the street until he reaches a house, that also seems familiar to me. Suddenly, my heartbeat quickens. My mouth turns dry as I realize that the camera man is walking up the path to my door.

I jump as there’s a knock on my door. I look through the frosted glass and I see a dark hooded figure. Without realizing it, my legs are carrying me through my hallway. As I was locking the door of my bedroom, I heard my front door being flung off the hinges. I barricaded the door as best I could and grabbed my laptop. I climbed into this very closet and here I am.

I am about to die. I know that. I can hear whoever or whatever the thing is banging down my door right now. I just wanted to tell my story before I pass. Soon, you will receive the same flash drive. DO NOT watch it. Dispose of it. Oh God, it’s in the room. It’s in the room. It’s in the room. It’s i

Credit To: This is my first creepypasta, and yes I realize I have used the video-tape cliché but I just wanted to write SOMETHING. Please criticize on what I need to work on.

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Rate This Pasta
Rating: 7.6/10 (509 votes cast)
Torture.avi, 7.6 out of 10 based on 509 ratings
  • PastYourBedTime

    It was fairly well done, but the whole thing seemed to fast for me to comprehend. “You” barely felt any emotion to your wifes death, and the fact that there was a man coming to kill you. Your pasta was filled with cliches, but it did give me some pretty disturbing imagery. So props writer. 6/10

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    Rating: +29 (from 29 votes)
    • Anonymous

      when did it say the wife died

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      Rating: -3 (from 3 votes)
      • Anonymous

        “When I finally arrived home, I found my wife’s body in bloody ribbons across the living room floor.”

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        Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Max

    I’ve got an advice for you, don’t tell us that it’s fake. It sounded cool until the very end.

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    Rating: +34 (from 38 votes)
    • Anonymous

      I’m with you, bro.

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      Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • http://CreepyPasta SaladFingerss

    Nothing. I think it was awesome. Very descptive. Good job (: suspenseful.

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • Aral Gamelon

    Not bad at all really, a little rushed for my tastes but with the ‘last message’ paradigm it worked rather well.
    Bravo.

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • Len Lye

    I’m glad you’re self-aware of the recycled cliches you used (videotape that kills you, creepy little girl, hooded figure, the whole “I’m about to die so listen to my story” format, et cetera) that are relatively loathed by creepypasta veterans.

    The story was however somewhat redeemable, had more detail been added to… well everything, it might’ve been slightly chilling. But reading the entire story it’s clear you were rushing to the juicy videotape, I mean the guy pretty much ignored his dead wife to watch it! Little set-up with little reward, such is regrettable but understandable to green writers such as yourself.

    In the future, be more original, add more detail, be more original, create more setup, don’t rely on the climax, be more original, be more original, be more original (yea yea you get it). Don’t rely on some “formula”, write something entirely of your own.

    By the way… a fuckin’ scary picture is always a good touch…

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    Rating: +15 (from 15 votes)
    • AL1

      I will never take anything you say seriously because your pic is a fucking anime dude

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      Rating: -5 (from 5 votes)
    • Len Lye

      ='(

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      Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • Anonymous

    Main complaints are the insistence that the story is true. We all know it isn’t. Thinking it’s true doesn’t add anything but the assertion that it is true just takes us out of the story more.

    Aside from that, the “now this will happen to you” stuff doesn’t make sense. How does the character know this? There is no mention of him reading a similar story or anything. What would make more sense would be advice that if you ever receive an unexpected flash drive to dispose of it immediately, since nothing bad seemed to happen until after it was played.

    Decent first effort.

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    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  • blah

    I thought it was freaky

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    Rating: +4 (from 6 votes)
  • AthenaH2SO4

    It had some good imagery, but it was definitely rushed-feeling. I would say just go ahead and take the time to go back over it and fill things in.

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Harold

    Well, my wife was just brutally murdered, better watch a video before doing anything.

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    Rating: +28 (from 28 votes)
  • Anonymous

    I agree that you definitely have a pacing problem. It’s okay to take time to setup and discuss the emotional trauma of your wife’s death. Maybe try discovering the laptop after cleaning your wife’s flesh from the floor? Also, don’t worry about asking for feedback, because it ruins any realism you were trying to create.

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    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
    • LeV-lee

      If he didn’t ask for feedback, instead of giving him actual feedback people would be raging about all the cliches in one story.

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      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Ryan

    Let your writing flow a little more. I am not sure why, but when I was reading it I found myself pausing after almost every sentence. It seemed kind of monotone and emotionless. It’s good for your first Pasta, keep it up.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • Soupaface

    Candlejack strikes agai

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    Rating: +10 (from 12 votes)
    • RedBloodRedNeck

      I just read the Candlejack story yesterd

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      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • BlueBeans

    To me this was good and creepy. post more:)

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    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • corpulent

    I liked some of the imagery, like with the little girl. The very start (you’re already completely fucked, die die) prevented it from being anything more than laughable, see TVTropes ‘Darkness Induced Audience Apathy.’ Also the fact that right off the bat you insist it’s true – we know it isn’t, you need to slowly and subtly ease us into the feeling of “OMG BUT WHAT IF??” The cut off ending is always stupid (if you couldn’t finish typing how did you post it). Those are my main gripes.

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  • chenmo

    Ow no there is a man outside the door who is probably the killer of my wife lets not call the police because i have to post this shit!

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    Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
  • Sam

    Not a bad pasta.
    I feel like the video is too vague, then abruptly changed into something impossibly specific. The screaming girl thing is just too cliched the way you used it, and it bore no relevance to the rest of the story. Then, it changed and became like a livestream, whivh bothers me because that’s not how USBs work. He shouldn’t be able to look out his window and see the camera guy.

    I would’ve changed it one of these ways: the girl screaming was like his wife/daughter or something like that, or, the video is his wife getting killed, then the file is left open for him to see. That would justify all the images you wanted to have in the pasta AND justify the name Torture.avi – subject was tortured, torture to watch, etc.

    tl;dr Not bad, a little stale and too familiar. 4/10

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    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  • Nick

    Nice of you to click ‘submit’ before getting murdered.

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    Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
    • Extra Tooth

      I firmly believe with all of my heart, the killer was kind enough to find this website and post it for him. What a nice person!

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      Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  • Anonymoose

    Entertaining read. I think the quick pace worked pretty well, considering the about-to-die ending. What sticks out to me, however, is the dead wife part. Either add more detail and emotion to that part, or find a way to cut it out. Maybe “you” didn’t come home to find her murdered, maybe “you” came home to find some sign of intrusion, some other sign of impending doom? Overall, quite enjoyable, it was just the wife part that seemed off.

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  • ForTheThrills

    Yeah, very cliche, but it had potential. A bit too rushed, and maybe add a bit more detail. But for a first try, it was alright. Try and think of an original idea next, because that makes it so much better. 7/10.

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  • Britney

    Goood.

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  • Chuck Greene

    Try not to make the USB drive in the story so important. If you received an innocent looking flash drive, you probably wouldn’t care or even remember it again until you got home. And the sentence “Sure enough, the flash drive was in the computer,” made it seem like this was to be expected. Other than that, I liked it quite a bit. 8/10

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Pastamancer

    Laidies and gentalmen, I believe we have a new Creepypasta righter in the wings. Welcome to the crew, son

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    Rating: -2 (from 8 votes)
  • The Awkward Dancer

    Thanks very much guys :)

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • ORLY

    And somehow you where on creepypasta describing it while it was all happening…

    Cool story bro’ !

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Yes Man

    1st of all “now that you started it’s too late to stop” or something is really a thumbs down. At the end of the story you never explained why it’s too late. You never mentioned you read something like this before of how reading this will endanger the reader. Also when you say something like “I just wanted to write this before I die” sort of thing, please don’t span the story out within like an hour of the event leading to the typing. I mean really, who the hell gets that long of a time limit to describe their whole day in detail, grammar check, and still manage to post their story when they didn’t even live long enough to type out the last sentence. You need to make it somewhat logical.

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