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The Wall



Estimated reading time — 7 minutes

A few months ago, we bought a new house. It was just down the road from our old house, but it seemed way more remote, and I only had three neighbors. It was a beautiful wooden house, very old, with two acres of land, the house itself, one acre, and a pond of one acre. I previously never got to see the inside of the house, but because the land was so spacious, and it had a large barn perfect for working on my dangerous experiments, I begged my dad to buy it.

We did, and now I finally get to tour the inside of the house. It wasn’t very big, but I liked it. I walked through all the rooms. I chose an upstairs room, because I’ve always wanted an upstairs room. The rest of my family chose rooms, too. But this was a five bedroom house, and we had four family members, and my mom and dad would sleep together. One extra upstairs bedroom would be converted into a guestroom, but there was one room that didn’t get chosen. I had never been in there before.

As soon as I stepped in the room, a sudden heaviness overcame me. The air felt so stagnant and heavy. There was no window in the room. It had a low ceiling, and it seemed like it was more of a storage room than a bedroom. It had a single fan, each blade painted a colorful color of blue, red, yellow, green, and orange. I assumed that this used to be a child’s bedroom. I really felt apprehensive about that room, and I didn’t want to go back in there.

That night, we moved in. My room was comfortable, and repainted a wonderful shade of blue. My old room used to be lavender, but as I grew older, I started hating the color for many reasons. It was a childish color, and also, lavender is a color that has been shown to cause depression in some. I fell asleep rather easily in my new room. It felt quite cozy.

I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. I heard children’s laughter, and a lullaby. My brother often plays creepy games in the night, so I just went back to sleep. The next morning, my parents were out. Out of curiosity, I went to the stuffy room. I didn’t notice something before. Instead of white paint covering the wall, it was wallpaper. Seeing no need of it now, I tore a sheet of the wall paper off. Underneath was a pastel colored wall with floral designs on it. Peeling the rest of the wallpaper off, I noticed that all four of the walls were painted a different pastel color, and the floral pattern circled the room. Drawings of several children playing appeared on one wall, three of them more prominent than the others. They were very nicely drawn. The previous owner must have been an artist. Here and there, there were crayon marks on the walls. I took a brush and scrubbed them off.

This WAS a children’s room. When my parents got home, I pointed out the paint job. They seemed happy with it, so it was left as is. I decided to do some research on this house. I Googled my address. A Wikipedia page popped up. I clicked on the link, and the images on the side showed a grainy old picture of a man, a woman, and three children. The children could not have been more than three in the picture. I read the article.

“George Ashford first built this house in 1926. Planning a long marriage with his soon-to-be wife, Elena Cooper, they built this house in hopes of having many children and raising them to be successful. George Ashford worked as a painter, and earned a living making portraits that sold for over a thousand dollars apiece. In 1928, Ashford finally married Elena Cooper, who then became Elena Ashford. In 1929, they had fraternal triplets, Harvey Ashford, Julia Ashford, and Allison Ashford. The Ashford family went smoothly, until one day in 1934, George and Elena got in a violent fight. Elena had then ran into her room, locked the door, and hung herself. Then the kids, who witnessed the entire fight, and had ran to Elena’s room and hid under the bed, then went to their room. Old enough to process what had happened, all three of them committed suicide themselves. Allison hit her head very hard on the floor, causing severe brain damage. Julia found a blade under a cabinet, and cut herself, and she bled to death. Harvey electrocuted himself. George, suffering from the suicide of four family members, was now alone. He apparently painted a picture of his three children in their room, playing, but the paintings were never found. He painted a commemorative painting on an easel of his wife. He wrote a note, explaining what had happened, and dropped it in a mailbox of one of his neighbors, and kept alongside, his painting, with its own note. He added a third suicide note, and proceeded to drown himself. He was found by his neighbors a day later. The house still remains today.”

I stared at my computer in disbelief. We had moved into a suicide site. I pulled open another webpage, with the more recent details about the house. And what does the article mean when they say the paintings were never found? They are right there, under the wall paper! I guess George Ashford must have changed his mind at the last minute, and then covered the entire room with wall paper. He must have also painted several children before then, too, because there were definitely more than three children playing.
“House last owned 1934. Renovated and repainted 2011. Sold mid-2012.”

This was a very old house. The last owners were the Ashfords themselves. I found it disturbing I now live in a suicide site.

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What time is it? I lost track of the time. It is past midnight now. I didn’t think I was on the computer that long. I decided to call it a night. As I got to bed again, I heard the giggling and the lullaby again. I wondered if the children never left, and the giggling is coming from their ghosts. I decided not to worry much, as even if they were ghosts, they are still children, and can’t do much harm.
The next night, I had a thought. I once again Googled my address, but this time, I added the word “haunting” to it. A list of sites came up. All of them had the same suicide story, but some had one more important piece of data.

“Children, anywhere aged from age eight to eighteen, were seen playing around the house, and then suddenly disappearing without a trace. It has been noted that only the kids that wander in the house disappear. For that reason, the house was condemned for 20 years, but that didn’t stop kids from exploring it. In the 1990s, the disappearances stopped, and it started declining in popularity. Since then, no kidnappings have been recorded. In 2010, the county started renovations on it, and plan to sell it to new owners soon.”
I found a few pictures of some of the missing children, and printed them out. I put them in my pocket for later examination. I went to bed pretty late, with the giggling still there. Is it my imagination, or is the giggling getting louder each night?

I woke up late into the evening. It was about five in the evening, and my parents were out. I decided to wait until they came home, and then I’d eat. So I just sat at my computer, and watched a few movies. They finally came home at nine. When I came down, my dad had a stern look on his face.

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“You could have at least cleaned up, you know? We’re already so busy cleaning up the house and putting things where they should be, and now you make an enormous mess in the kitchen? Clean it up now. Also, you are wasting food.”

I just stared blankly at him, and the mess. There were pots and pans on the counter, flour scattered everywhere, eggs broken on the floor, and more mess that I didn’t make all over the place.

“But Dad! I didn’t do this!” I exclaimed. “I swear!” Now I really made him mad. “You know I can’t tolerate lying. Now clean up this mess. NOW.” I don’t lie. I can’t believe he thought I was lying. “Can’t you at least help me clean up? Honest, I didn’t do this!” Big mistake to say that. That tipped his scales. “That’s it. Either you are lying now, or you are so unobservant, you didn’t notice a break in. Both things are bad. Go to the storage room. NOW.”

“The storage room? No! Not there! Not there of all places!” I shouted. “I’ll go to my room! Just not the storage room!” He just laughed. “With your video games, laptop, and other entertainment up there? No. You have to learn a lesson. A small lie is just as bad as a big lie to me. Go to the storage room. One… two… three.”

He came up to me, grabbed my arm, and dragged me to the storage room. It was empty, except for a few boxes. He tossed me in there, and locked me in. I quickly turned on the light. I gasped. All the painted children’s eyes were staring at me. Not in the way those pictures with the eyes that seem to follow you do, but, they were staring right through me. It wasn’t like this before.

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“Dad… please let me out… I’m sorry…” I moaned. “No, I won’t take the obvious bait. I looked at the door, and then back at the paintings. All of them now carried a smile. I screamed, and started banging at the door. “IF YOU MAKE ONE MORE SOUND, I’LL TRIP THE BREAKER TO THAT ROOM AND YOU WON’T HAVE ANY LIGHT!” He yelled.

I heard a lullaby. It was a pretty clear lullaby, but it sounded tinny, like one of those little old fashioned music boxes. I tried to keep quiet, but I couldn’t help to whimper. I got up and tried to find a way out. The only way out would be the air duct, but I couldn’t reach it, and the boxes weren’t sturdy enough to stand on. Then… the giggling started. It came from all directions. I tried not to scream.
Something cold touched me. I accidentally let out a scream. I covered my mouth. The papers fell out of my pocket. I only had seconds to observe them. Before I could gasp, the lights went out. I started screaming and banging on the door, frantically flipping the light switch, to no avail. He was completely ignoring me. This is too much…

The lullaby and the giggling grew louder and louder. The last thing I heard was “Come play with us…. But to play with us… you have to be with us…” before everything was black.

TEN YEARS LATER
The house is finally being sold again. Our moving van pulled the last load from the house, never to see it again. It was too big of a house, anyways. The new owners have a kid about my age. That is a huge relief to me. It was getting lonely being the only teenager on this wall.

Credit To: TeslaCoilGirl

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76 thoughts on “The Wall”

  1. This story has mountains of potential. However, most of the critisisms are correct. Don’t get upset, don’t try to defend sloppy mistakes or laziness, use these constructive critisisms concerning grammar, tense and proofreading to improve yourself. Practise makes perfect only if you learn from your mistakes.

    1. Haha this pasta is 4 years old. I decided to revisit it to see if I had any new comments on it. Since then, I’ve quite improved upon my rhetoric and grammar (as well as scariness), so I’ll likely produce some new and improved creepypasta.

  2. Contrary to all the idiots on here ranting about how awful this story is, I quite like it. It gave me the creeps, and I couldn’t stop reading! :D Good job!

  3. I honestly really liked this story! I don’t mind the grammar either.. Unlike some people who just have to be rude about some grammar mistakes. I’m all up for constructive criticism (I’m sure the author would like it too) but pointing out flaws and saying it’s awful just kills it. It’s not easy trying to make it a perfect, original and tasty pasta. If you guys think you guys are so great with your grammar, great for you. But don’t get mad at the author because it isn’t ‘perfect’.

  4. Imagine what guilt the dad felt after finding out his son “committed suicide” after he locked him in the room

  5. “each blade painted a colorful color of blue, red, yellow, green, and orange”

    …aaaaaaaaaand I’m done.

    Sorry, but this was bad. If you’re not going to actually try, don’t bother submitting.

  6. It wasn’t a great pasta, but it wasn’t bad, there was just one too many things left hanging ya know? Like the parents reaction to the apparent fact of a missing child, and I don’t remember if it was ten months or years that had passed, but I feel that you should try to have tied that up in the story, like “the next morning my father came into the room, and boy was he upset, saying I wasn’t there and such, although I was right on the wall” idk this is just a bad example, but something to work off. Overall you have potential, so just try to work on it a little more and think a out some plotholes. I did enjoy the read though.

  7. I really like this story and to be honest don’t care about the few minnor grammar mistakes. This is one of my favorite pastas! People are being so critical and pathetic. It’s great :3

    1. That’s the problem: she didn’t try.

      She wrote a story in less than an hour and threw it online. She didn’t try at all.

  8. pPooR author. Of all the bad stories out there this one gets majorly dissed . Yes the grammar had mistakes and the tenses meshed and and some events were unrealistic but the idea was good and there are truly worse stories out there. I do think the author should consider all the helpful points these comments have made instead of making excuses! It seems like every author video maker whatever says the same “half asleep” excuse which doesn’t justify not going back over your work.

  9. Geese people, stop with the grammar mistakes comments. It’s a good pasta and that’s all that matters. Congrats on your story! 9 Stars!

    1. IDon'tNeedAName

      Yeah, I find geese people tend to be the hardest to please. I hate when they just fly away in the middle of an argument…

  10. This story is good, and personally tesla is one of the only authors to reply to good bands bad comments. Its a good story!

  11. “i wrote it in one hour in the middle of the night so yeah, the grammar is crappy”…

    why didnt you spend more than an hour on something before submitting it?
    NOT impressed.

  12. I think the scariest part of this was the dad thinking it was okay to traumatize his son. Child abuse much.

    You do need some more practice with things like tenses and grammar, but I really enjoyed the premise of the story.

    Keep writing!

  13. I’m not sure what to make of this story, to be honest. It has potential, because the story has a thread of originality in it which is, to be honest, quite rare on this website. But it does have a ton of flaws. Just saying, if you want to become a better writer, take in the constructive criticism, and be grateful over the fact that people are trying to help you improve :) If you’re not really interested in writing at all though, if that’s an excuse for not listening to others, I frankly don’t see what you’re doing on this website. Regardless, let’s begin.

    It started of nice, the description of the environment was okay, though you left a little too much to the imagination as the house played the biggest role in your story. There are a lot of grammar errors, as some have pointed out before, and many sentences appear as to have been jotted down quickly as if you were writing down the first thing that came to mind, which is fine, as long as you proofread and improve them later. So to me, the reading experience was a little messy, and actually not very enjoyable, despite my love for reading.

    As someone’s mentioned earlier, there was a lot of unnecessary information going on, like the lavender walls and the extremely long excerpt from the website. They have no real purpose to the story. A summary of what the main character had just read would be more than enough. There were also a lot of things going on that came completely out of the blue. Why would he print out the pictures of the children, did he have a plan as to what to do with them, other than comparing them to the wall? Because I’m pretty sure he was already convinced that the kids on the wall were the same as to on the pictures. What else was he supposed to do with them. Also, it bothers me how he just holeheartedly swallows this information, by reading a wikipedia article on the internet nontheless, because everything you read on the internet is apparently true? Shouldn’t the main character, as a teenager, be wise enough to know that the majority of the so-called supernatural stories are pure bullcrap to make young kids crap themselves and have respect for things they don’t know anything about? Unless this guy is dumb as an 8 year old, he should’ve been more suspicious and not so gullible.

    Anyway, I didn’t get where all the kitchen crap came from. The fact that the dad blatantly refused to believe that the main character didn’t do it, when he had two other kids to question, was really weird on me. And even if he had asked the others on beforehand, he can’t just decide that the last one to be questioned is the guilty one. And he STRONGLY overreacted to some eggshells on the floor, locking his kid in a room with no windows and not even bothering to punish his two other kids. If you ask me, this man sounds like a sociopath. If it had been explained, and if it actually had any relevance to the plotline, it would have made more sense. So now the main character takes out the pictures of the children from his pocket conveniently, just to double check that these are the children. Yes, they appear to be the same children still, the paint has as a matter of fact not morphed into a different face. Okay, now we know for sure. Not that it really did any good, it seemed more like filler information as the guy ended up dead anyway, and the pictures couldn’t really save him somehow. The ending was the only part I enjoyed, so good work on that.

    Also, just a little tip: When writing a supposed newsarticle: try to make the language a lot more formal, and less detailed. The quote from the internet seemed more like something someone from a discussionboard about haunted houses would say. There was a lot of unnecessary information there too, like how they killed themselves and why (because the kids were mentally scarred? How could they know?), and how the wife had been chased around the house if I recall correctly. How do they know this unless they were there?

    Anyway, I do believe you have potential, you just need to keep working on these flaws until you master them :)

  14. There were a WHOLE bunch of really unrealistic things in here (3 year olds killing themselves, protagonist conveniently deciding to print out pics of missing kids, whole wikipedia pages on that one house), but due to how much this creeped me out, I say good job. Also, this part somehow made me laugh: "My brother often plays creepy games at night." LOLOLOL

  15. Your attitude in the comments section is worse than the story itself, but at least it’s more entertaining.

    Do NOT try to justify not proofreading. It’s like saying ‘I don’t care about my readers, I just want attention and praise.’ Acknowledging mistakes and apologizing is a pretty elementary concept, but your ego is reacting for you so you just look petty and rude.

    The story felt like a loose jumble of horror stereotypes plastered together and taken too far. Lots of the information is just useless, like prattling on about lavender paint. In a work this short, every word needs to matter or it needs to be cut out. Just shoving description in because you think you should have some does not work.

    Also, what dangerous experiments? That could have been interesting, but you slacked.

    Try linking sentences together, improving flow and imagery rather than stating things flatly. I personally would have summarized the information found on Google, rather than some awkward extended quote.

    The children killing themselves is what really ruins the story. It’s just so illogical to do that of their own volition. I could see if you used the excuse of demonic possession or mental illness or SOMETHING that would convince me that three naive five-year-old kids living in the countryside would suddenly get the idea to abuse, stab, and electrocute themselves. If you were trying to imply that there were paranormal influences over their actions, you completely failed to do so. There were plenty of ways to kill the children off so they could go on claiming other kids, but it seems as though you were more focused on being original than making sense.

    You set up a lovely environment, I will give you that. A secluded property with a barn and a pond is a fine setup and I have quite the fancy for things hidden beneath wallpaper. I think the core of the story is fine, but fleshing it out created an excess with something left to be desired.

    Do I think you are a bad writer with no potential? Not at all. But the key is to legitimately try, not just churn something out that you won’t even bother reading over until months after you have submitted it. If you’re not going to put in an effort then please do not waste my time by submitting half-assed works, especially if you’re going to protest to those who point it out and smooze up to those who praise you.

    1. The house is a description of the house I live in. The room in the story actually made me a little apprehensive when I first walked in at the start of summer, and I didn’t get to tour the inside before we bought it. There is no wallpaper in that room, though.

      And if you want to know dangerous experiments, it involves high voltage and Tesla Coils, completely irrelevant to the story. I’m sure I could attempt to make a story about that, but my moods only come at night when my grammar is that of an IM. Like right now, it’s 1AM. Damn, I have a test tomorrow…

      Also, the point is that the kids were so disturbed because they just saw their mom die. There are real stories about kids committing suicide or being mentally scarred after seeing their moms or dads abused or dead. The point is that the kids themselves are the reason why the kids that came to play in the area died.

      1. pPooR author. Of all the bad stories out there this one gets majorly dissed . Yes the grammar had mistakes and the tenses meshed and and some events were unrealistic but the idea was good and there are truly worse stories out there. I do think the author should consider all the helpful points these comments have made instead of making excuses! It seems like every author video maker whatever says the same “half asleep” excuse which doesn’t justify not going back over your work.

  16. This was wonderful, Tesla. Don’t worry about what everyone else says. Mr. Anonymous over there doesn’t know what he is talking about, and some of the other comments have more spelling and grammar errors than your short story. =P

    I find your story believable and creepy. 10 pumpkins.

    1. D’aww thank you! :D
      I wrote another story that got on Crappy Pasta. It’s called "Red." That one is a little more cliché than this one, but it was my first attempt at a horror story in 3 years. Can you please read it and tell me what you think?

  17. Seriously guys? The rating for this story is too high. This story was absolutely awful. Definitely one of the worst ones I’ve ever read. For one, the tenses shift literally from sentence to sentence. The grammar was a huge problem, and the quotation makes, at one point, the character say “No, I won’t take the obvious bait. I looked at the door, and then back at the paintings. All of them now carried a smile. I screamed, and started banging at the door. “ The reader must assume you misplaced those quotation marks.

    Also, the kids just randomly make a mess in the kitchen? That’s what causes him to be sent away? And what is up with all the drama that follows? The dad freaks out worse than any parent I have ever seen (I once snuck out of my hosue in the middle of the night and walked over a mile to see a girlfriend, and my parents calmly punished me without flipping out and sending me to a small room). So he locks him in there?

    So many problems, and the ending was basically taken from half the stories already on this site. Bland, boring, and hard to understand.

    P.S. This was written in about 5 minutes. Don’t give us this whole "I wrote it in an hour" crap. Proofread your stuff. You sound lazy.

    1. You try writing a 5000 word story in 5 minutes. That’s one thousand words a minute, or about 16 words per second. Not even the world’s fastest typer can type that fast. I can do 90wpm at my fastest.

      1. Your story is only 1,929 words. That’s about 385 wpm.

        The fastest typist on record was clocked at 285 wpm.

        So yeah. The world’s fastest typist could bang this crap out in a bit more than 5 minutes.

        :)

    2. For the parents thing, different parents do different things. I got spankings as a child. Who’s to say getting locked in a room for a “lie” AND a mess is overreacting? Maybe that’s the parent. Everyone is different. I do agree maybe not having submitted until you were awake, but pretty good story otherwise.

    3. And you sound like a real stand up person. Not. If you don’t like the story, go elsewhere with your unwanted thoughts. People like you make me ashamed for the human race.

  18. THE BOOK WAS BETTER

    The hook at the end of "The Wall" and epilogue really make you feel a bit creeped out. Sure, it could have been a bit more developed but it was a really great read overall. The ending was killer and to die for. Sorry, too early for death jokes?

    1. i’d be more inclined to give the writer a break if she hadnt spent one hour on it, not bother re-reading it, and the submit it just for the sake of submitting something.

  19. If your only going to spend and hour on something and you KNOW there are errors, don’t submit it and try to justify it! Overall, didn’t creep me out, needed something more. Keep trying though, there is potential.

        1. Why is everyone ganging up on this writer? It wasn’t that bad, and I hardly noticed the errors. It’s just a story, try to enjoy it instead of being an A-Class Jerk.

  20. Old enough to process what happened? AND KILL THEMSELVES? And who commits suicide by slamming their head into the floor. That probably wouldn’t even work.

    1. Are 5 year olds actually capable to process what happened?

      Would they know the different ways to kill themselves? I could see them trying to emulate their mother, but for each one of them to find a unique way to off themselves – at 5 years old – it seems really far fetched.

      Also, how did Harvey electrocute himself? I’m not sure how electricity was brought into houses in the 30s, but I don’t think he could have just stuck his finger in a socket.

      The end of the story was the best.

      1. Electricity was introduced in houses in the first decade of the 1930’s. And also, if you witnessed someone die, you know it. Kids are reported now and then to die from witnessing things that could disturb them.

        1. Yeah, the kids would know that she died, but would they be able to know that she killed herself? It still doesn’t explain how they knew so many different ways to kill themselves.

          Also, the 1930s is a decade, so you misspoke when you said "the first decade of the 1930’s" Just because they had electricity doesn’t mean it was wired the same way it’s wired now, and that every room had it. I would have liked a little description of how he electrocuted himself. i.e. "Harvey threw the toaster into the bathtub and electrocuted himself" (Yes, I know that would be impossible in the 30’s, it was just an example of the description)

      2. Deadlynightshade

        I believe there was electricity in the 30s. And he very well could have thrown something into the bathtub while in it. But it’s still far fetched these kids all chose a different method.

      1. Okay, um…"I’ve see worse" is not really a justification. I didn’t even notice too many major errors, but the fact that you did…and just didn’t want to put in the effort to fix them…is really jarring to me. Your comment, trying to rationalize not proofreading, just lost you a pumpkin. Sorry.

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