Scary Paranormal Stories & Short Horror Microfiction

Creepypasta

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Rating: 7.6/10 (293 votes cast)

In 1998, I was in grade 7 of school and undergoing a disorienting move from Manitoba to a small town on the boarder of Arkansas and Oklahoma. I wasn’t used to the lack of buildings, and in turn, lack of places to go. The town’s main road led straight through it’s center and consisted of a few restaurants, a shanty motel, and some shopping centers. Beyond that, the only source of entertainment was a bowling ally and a movie theatre that always seemed a few months behind.

My refuge as an only child from my parents were the mounds of dirt and half-built houses that were strewn throughout my developing neighborhood. I would jump from hill to hill as a giant monster or act like I was on the moon. The houses served as secret lairs, caves, and space stations. Every day was a new adventure and going home was simply a reset. The next day always held new things to discover. I tried to enjoy this as much as I could because I started school the next week. I wasn’t sure why my family had to move in the middle of March break, but at least I got a fresh start.

That Saturday, we invited over the family across the street. The dinner my mother spent an hour on consisted of a roast with vegetables. We all happily enjoyed it. I sat in on the conversations that conspired later that evening. The family involved the mother and father of a recently adopted child, a girl of 12. She stayed home due to the fact that she was still adjusting to her new life. And that was the end of it. They went home without a word more of the mysterious girl as if they were offended in her mentioning. One would think, an adoption is something worth talking about. No such case.

Sunday came about, and church came with it. A morning where silence and good behavior were expected and I had to wear my scratchy, button-up shirt. We sat in the third pew on the left. The family we met yesterday was there. They sat in the back corner against the wall keeping their heads down while constantly surveying the room. Between the two of them sat a third, smaller person. They wore a short yellow dress and little black shoes that shimmered from the light coming in the window. It was the girl, or so I assumed, she was covered by a white, embroidered blanket over her head and face. I continually looked back at them tying to be as inconspicuous as possible to get a good look at them. The couple seemed to be clenching the wrists of the girl, restraining her from getting up, though she wasn’t struggling to break free. She didn’t even seem phased by the sheet that segregated her from the world. She just sat, stone still. I heard murmurings from behind me saying she was a demon spawn, but I disregarded this, it being church and people can be overly superstitious. They didn’t twitch as the congregation left the chapel. They were waiting to see the priest for something. As I walked by, however, I took a final glance at them. The mother was looking at the front of the church, the father stared at the ground, and through the sheet that separated us, the girl was looking at me.

After dinner that Sunday, there was to be another hour of light and my mother allowed me outside for a short time. As usual, I ran to my favorite house. It was different in that it’s spindly frame supported a solid ceiling and thus an attic I could climb up into. There were a few cracks between the plywood boards that sealed the attic from the cooling Spring air, allowing razors of light inside. I had only found it two days ago, but I hadn’t been anywhere since. Upon my initial entry that Friday, it was a little creepy having so little light inside as opposed to the other houses, but it quickly became an atmosphere where my imagination could run ramped.

This day, however, returned me to that initial feeling of something watching me in the dark expanse. This was partially due to the time of day, but mostly the days experience with the girl. Her hidden stare gave me chills from the thought of being seen by one who could not be seen. I would not sleep that night, not because of what happened but what was to happen yet. I went to the attic. It was dark, very dark. There were slivers of soft blue light that entered the cracks and they obstructed my view of the opposite side of the room. However, without the visual evidence, I could hear something  across from me. It was the sound of… squishing, crunching, popping.

At my feet, there were shreds of white cloth crawling around my feet in the eddies of wind. I backed against the slanted wall on my left and began to get closer. My visibility slowly grew stronger as I approached, one by one breaking through the moonlight walls. I couldn’t see fully until I was only a few feet away. I passed through the final beam of light to reach the dark corner. I should have ran away from the start to shield myself from the evil I was about to witness. But how was I to know? The thing that was there in the corner was small, yellow and had long black hair running down it’s back. I call her a “thing” because she did not look fully human. Her face was the most terrifying thing I had ever seen, and to this day. A wide, darkly rimmed mouth was spread across the bottom half of her head. The lower portion of her nose was gone; ripped off and gushing blood. And above this mess, lay two gaping holes where her eyes once rested. Disturbing further was her lower half. Her legs, her legs were gone; torn from her body in a brutal manner. It was horrible that someone would do this to her. At least, I wished someone had done it contrary to the horrible fact that she did it to herself.

That sound I initially heard had stopped the moment I saw her. Between her chewed-off fingers was a leg, one of two. As it dripped and oozed it’s blood in a shimmering pool, the girl was turned away from it. She was looking at me again. Hollow head. Smile wide.

I don’t know how long I stood there, but I ran home. I didn’t utter a word to my parents as I charged by them to my room. I just went to bed and cried. The paper the next morning reported a maimed girl being found.

The story was altered, but I knew the truth.

Credit To – Charles M

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Rating: 7.6/10 (293 votes cast)
The Veiled Girl, 7.6 out of 10 based on 293 ratings
  • Randomguy

    I honestly didn’t like this one much. I was underwhelmed. It was going in the right direction for the first half, then the last half, especially the ending ruined it for me. 4/10

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    Rating: +17 (from 19 votes)
  • Zeir

    Wonderful. I enjoyed this pasta very much, though there were a few cliche metaphors and grammar issues. Overall, a very suspensful and fresh sounding story. Well done.

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    Rating: +2 (from 12 votes)
  • StupidDialUp

    Definitely seemed like two stories wrapped in one. While it took me along for the ride as though I could visualize everything, the buildup and ending was rough for me. The intrigue and curiosity of the child meeting and contacting the “orphan” made me think that he was actually going to befriend this thing kind of like that movie “Let me in.”

    Unfortunately it just seemed like you took a story and tried to turn it creepy :( Flesh it out more and I think i’d like to see where you take it. 5/10

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    Rating: +5 (from 7 votes)
  • Rage_Quitter

    What! This sounds like someone just wanted to have a story with a characters body parts coming off.
    Why would a couple adopt a child, and immediately begin tearing her to pieces. xD

    3/10

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    Rating: +1 (from 7 votes)
    • Potato

      Maybe she ate herself because her parents kept her locked up after figuring out that she is a demon or something….like in ‘One more for the orphan’

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      Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  • lollipop_gestapo

    She literally was what she ate??

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    Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
    • Anonymous

      Badum tss

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      Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  • Bill

    This one just seemed undercooked to me. I feel like there was a good leadup until he left church, then it seemed like we ran out of time and had to find the demon and end the story as quick as possible. Has potential though.

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    Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
    • SketchyGoblin

      The line about people in the church whisperring “demon spawn” made it sound like it was written by someone who’s never even been to church or and gets their impression of religion from /r/atheism too.

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      Rating: -2 (from 4 votes)
  • Anonymous

    No no. This is good.

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    Rating: -3 (from 7 votes)
  • Esper Eatos

    I wasn’t really all that scared. Also, I feel like someone would have called CPS if a child was walking around with a sheet over their child’s head and refusing to let her out of the house.

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    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
    • Anonymous

      I just assumed, at first, she had porphyria or somesuch disease, where exposure to sun/bright lights could sicken and even kill her, so they just veiled her skin in order to take her to church.

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  • Adze

    Ever since Jeff The Killer, I’ve learned to scroll down slowly towards the end of a story just in case someone posted a picture that would jumpscare me.

    This was DEFINITELY one of those stories!

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    Rating: 0 (from 8 votes)
    • Dwight Schrute

      But there wasn’t one…

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      Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  • Kit

    Would have been nice to somehow have all that great detail of ‘the discovery’ spread out a little more instead of all in one big paragraph. The paragraph that ends with “Smile wide.” is good for that reason, short with succinct sentences. Helps the mind digest the writing, thus the terror, better. But great job overall. Well done.

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    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  • Anonymous

    I found this to be quite a let-down in terms of the conclusion. I loved the build-up. However, that seemed to be the entire story. This didn’t have any flow issues (as it is written rather “elementarily” (I mean that in a good way)). The style was pronounced, but it was still lacking in tonal areas. This cold be fleshed-out more, but it is solid nonetheless. Keep writing!

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    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  • Anonymous

    That was kind of lame. The was quite a bit of build up, but pretty much no pay off at the end. 2/10 in my opinion.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • Gilded Thorn

    I realize that this has already been covered, but I thought I could perhaps delve further into it. I do believe this story had excellent build-up, and the imagery was very vivid. This is definitely a positive note for me as I believe the better defined a story is and the more your reader can see through your words, the deeper into the story they are pulled. That is how the simplest scare can become absolutely terrifying.

    However, I agree that you should have spent a bit more time developing the ending. The way it was approached, it made the story a bit (and pardon the pun) hard to swallow. Merely as an example, I had a difficult time discerning what exactly the protagonist saw. Was it the young girl, gone crazy and devouring herself? A demon in disguise? Further details could have helped your readers to understand. A bit undercooked, but the premise was quite interesting. I give a 5 out of 10, and I kindly ask that you continue to write and refine your craft.

    I look forward to seeing more from you, Charles.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • The Reader

    Definitely undercooked. I knew exactly what was going to happen the second it was mentioned she was veiled. It would have been nice for 1) the story to have been more developed and 2) for the story to have had some twists.

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Palpino

    I did not enjoy this one very much. This story started off with good potential, but the foreshadowing was just off. You dropped several clues that the girl is probably possessed, then you blatantly tell us that the narrator heard “murmurings from behind me saying she was a demon spawn”. There is no point in giving us the foreshadowing if you are just going to tell us what is happening immediately after it. I also found it very random that the possibly possessed girl was just eating her own body in one of the abandoned houses. It seems like you couldn’t come up with a good ending, so you just went for a gory attempt at a shock factor. Overall I would call this a crash and burn pasta.

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • Hello Kitty Time Capsule

    I liked it for the most part, however; I thought the ending was a bit too rushed and got almost confusing. It was a fairly good story though. Just a bit hard to follow. 7/10

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Durpina

    What?

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  • Ismael Zuniga

    The ending was okay. It wasn’t as satisfying as I thought it would be, but it’s a good concept.

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    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • EffinBlades

    Yeah, I lived in that town. I’m not kidding, that exact town. I’m pretty sure I went to the same church too. Oh, yeah-

    Pretty good at first, but the ending was abrupt and a bit of a crash and burn. :)

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    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
    • KillJoy27

      it didnt even name the town, you tool

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      Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • Ava

    That’s weird. Child abuse!

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    • PhantomPunk

      Harsh.

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      • PhantomPunk

        Fuck. I replied to the wrong person. I’m sorry, that “harsh” was not directed at you. :)

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  • http://aol **Anna-Lyen**

    What kind of 12 year old would prounce around a field like they were on the moon or on stairs? Take this from a typical American 13 year old. -_-

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    Rating: -4 (from 4 votes)
    • Hello Kitty Time Capsule

      Well, not everybody is like you. I for one have always been that type of kid, always outside in the woods letting my mind run free and pretend to be a wizard or cat or astronaut. As of now, I’m 16 and still enjoy going outside and acting like a child; prancing around on hills and climbing up trees.

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      Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
      • ẠbracadaveЯ

        I’ll admit it. 29 here – much as that still shocks me – and still apparently a bit of a “strange” one, living a great deal in my head. Less likely, of course, to prance around fields pretending I’m a horse these days because that’ll get one an express ticket to a loony bin at my age (unless you’re in latex and leather and accompanied by a lady with a whip, but that’s a whole other side of the internet) but hey, if I’m out in the woods or something and don’t think I’ll be seen I’m quite likely to climb a tree or run and jump around on the rocks like an idiot or just wander the wildlife trails and mess about aimlessly, usually while imagining all manner of scenarios playing out around me, from horror to sci-fi to adventure to fantasy to even pure whimsy “through the looking glass” style… like a single-player mental rpg… Only, I can exercise my brain and my muscles with this one.
        And for those brief moments, I can be whatever I want, wherever I want, I’m in control and the real world can’t touch me.

        It’s not like I set out to play childlike games of make-believe, but where I live I have woods outside my door and all around me, so now and then I simply find myself in the middle of nowhere, no-one but myself for miles, and a sort of shift in headspace might at times take over… and I’ll just gradually drift into these internal stories. Sometimes I used to write some of these down later, though I haven’t had the time or the muse to write much these days. But still, my mind wanders even if the words never get tied down into print.

        I don’t think I could stand existing in this world unless I could escape and disappear back into my own other worlds at times.

        Personally, I think it’s a pity when a person throws out their sense of wonder and creativity, their imagination and the freedom it can give them – even if they can only be free in their minds, or perhaps /especially/ when that is the only place they truly can be free – simply because they’re “too old for such nonsense”.

        The older you get, the more reality wears you down, and the more you’ll miss your childhood ability to imagine, to escape. Cherish it while you’ve got it, and don’t let it go if you don’t have to.

        The first part of this story really awoke feelings of nostalgia in me, from the years I spent in my childhood travelling with a friend and her mother to all sorts of places that were just like the one described, and I would do the very same thing – explore, “take over” some ruins or a cave or a patch of scrub or whatever “my place” might be, and play out my imaginary tales in these places, seeing them for far more than the rocks and dirt that older eyes saw. It was perhaps the best part of my life, and one I miss greatly; the imagery in this story’s descriptive parts was brilliant, so evocative, it took me right back to those days so long past, so that the first part of this story actually kinda got to me in a way so many might not… But that ending, as some of the others have said, just felt… somehow off – out of place, hurried, and somewhat confused. It was quite a let-down, to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, there was definitely skill evident here. It just needed to be given a bit more time and effort toward the end, or something.

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        Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
    • SketchyGoblin

      Do you even childhood?

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      Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • http://MuchGames.com EmoFang

    I like it.

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  • http://creepypasta Rae-Elle

    This isent creepy pasta it’s ghost hunters

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  • Nubcake

    Okay, I have this almost irrational fear of people who wear veils, and while this story could have had a lot more to it, it didn’t fail to creep me out.

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  • Person

    Hmm… Good, but it seemed a little predictable. And it had a spalling error in the beginning… I would give it 5/10

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