The Time Paradox
A baby girl is mysteriously dropped off at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. “Jane” grows up lonely and dejected, not knowing who her parents are, until one day in 1963 she is strangely attracted to a drifter. She falls in love with him, but just when things are looking up for Jane a series of disasters strikes: First, she becomes pregnant by the drifter, who then disappears. Second, during the complicated delivery doctors discover that Jane has both sets of sex organs, and to save her life, they most surgically convert “her” to a “him.” Finally, a mysterious stranger kidnaps her baby from the delivery room.
Reeling from these disasters, rejected from society, scorned by fate, “he” becomes a drunkard and a drifter. Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well. Years later, in 1970, he stumbles into a lonely bar, called Pop’s Place, and spills out his pathetic story to an elderly bartender. The sympathetic bartender offers the drifter the chance to avenge the stranger who left her pregnant and abandoned, on the condition that he join the “time traveller corps.” Both of them enter a time machine and the bartender drops the drifter off in 1963. The drifter is strangely attracted to a young orphan girl, who subsequently becomes pregnant.
The bartender then goes forward 9 months, kidnaps the baby girl from the hospital, and drops the baby off in an orphanage back in 1945. Then the bartender drops off the thoroughly confused drifter in 1985, to enlist in the time traveller corps. The drifter eventually gets his life together and becomes respected and elderly member of the time traveller corps, and then disguises himself as a bartender and has his most difficult mission: a date with destiny, meeting a certain drifter at Pop’s Place in 1970.
so it’s a never ending cycle then?
hm.
Wtf… This seems so silly and redundant. It’s not even scary or creepy in any way.
WHHHHY would Jane/Joe even want to continue this cycle? It’s not even like his life is going to get any better, and ‘him/her’ existing in the first place doesn’t make sense because… well, you know.
Its amazing the problems people make for themselves.
PIME TARADOX
OH SHI-
Amazing? Not really.
Even if we could travel in time, no such thing would be able to happen.
She (or he) basically became out of nothing.
I think it would be better without the last paragraph.
Robert A. Heinlein’s “All You Zombies”. Just paraphrased.
I think the last paragraph wrapped it up a bit.
Also, my head hurts.
This is actually based off a short story. All You Zombies by Robert A. Heinlein
This is interesting but really wierd. Why would you do this?
Strange… Jane, the drifter, the baby and the bartender are all different versions of one person.
she/he had sex with her/himself? thats creepy and disgusting at the same time
This creepypasta has divided by zero…
OH SHI-
@ Comment Leaver.
This isn’t one of those instructional pastas. It’s more or less a mind****. Which it indeed did do to mine
I thought this was fantastic. Reminded me of that episode of Futurama where Fry becomes his own grandpa. But it’s this X 1000 
Wow, I like this one. Not all pasta is ment to be scary (whoever thought the Holder series were scary?), and this one is a prime example of a good helping of pasta. Thanks for sharing it.
Snake? SNAAAKE!
so many things to remembeeer!
This made my brain hurt.
Good story,however, the title is copyright off Artemis Fowl:The Time Paradox.
All You Zombies.
Gah. My head.
But other than that, it was okay.
so, he slept with himself?…that’s totally gross!…and if you were born with both sets of organs wouldn’t it therefore be impossible to have kids?
it did make my brain hurt a bit, but it was easy enough to follow
i didn’t get why he bothered to disguise himself as an old bartender…it’s just a bit pointless if you ask me
omg, self-impregnation!
Character Vs. Self
So wouldn;t it be considered masterbation? And if this particular case of masterbation impregnated this one person shouldn;t it be possible for anyone?…*puts hand in pocket*
it would be better if the “time maschine ” would be just in bar
WHO WAS HERMAPHRODITE?!
I like this one. Hilarious.
this story was very sexy
not creepypasta
i find this story beautiful because unlike most “time travel”stories it shows that time cannot be changed
in some stories people try to change the past - but this is not possible if we could change the past it would smply become our future and we would gain new memories and probably have never visited the past
this one sums all that up in a nutshell
amazing
Meh… that wasn’t creepy; more of a your head a splode kind of thing.
This one made me rofl. I mean seriously…wth? Sex change, betrayal, illegitimate children, sex, and a bar.
This is a daytime soap opera, not a creepypasta lmao.
LOL this one was more funny then creepy
This is All You Zombies.
Jane/Joe divided by zero…
Isn’t it much pretty impossible for a human to be a TRUE hermaphrodite…the person can have both sets of genatalia, but the chances of them having both testes and ovaries is 1 in 25,000.
Somehow, the time travel seems more feasible.
this is pretty much my FAVORITE story on here.
hahaha, i mean where else is someone their own family?
ive never heard of anyone else being their own mother, father and daughter-son.
pretty much awesome.
so wait, this person had sex with him/herself, gave birth to him/herself, kidnapped him/herself, then helped him/herself do all that again? GAAAAAAAHHHHHHH *head doesn’t explode*
Clearly this is what Jack Harkness did in his spare time…:p
BUT WHO WAS…..WAIT…..WAT?
Long story short, every character in this pasta is the same person.
ehh… this is terrible. nobody cares about how they are all the same person. you should not have paraphrased the book. surely it would actually be interesting because it would be written better than this crap.
Not creepy, but quite clever. I like the idea of every character being the same guy/girl.
lol, confusing.
@42:
OMIGAWD THAT IS THE FUNNIEST COMMENT I HAVE EVER SEEN ON CREEPYPASTA AND I VISIT IT EVERYDAY
XDXDXDXDDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD
Jane/Joe! You can’t do that! The future will be changed! You’ll create a TIME PARADOX!
It was fine until I read “Time traveler corps.” I knew exactly what was coming from there.
Fun.
Jane was the daughter of her future self and her future-er self, making her his own father and mother.
Deep, but pointless.
“Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well.”
um ur doing it wrong. it should have been:Not only has “Jane” lost his parents and his former lover, but he has lost his only child as well. also, the ending was a shat bricks moment, but not in a good way. bricks of disapointment
i liek luv mais3lf.
8D
Good god, my head hurts now. That all made perfect sense but ow. Seriously
@14
It certainly has.
lol, he impregnates, gives birth to, and screws himself over.
pwnd himself.
BEST INCEST EVAR.
@ 17
Fucking communication towers. Now I have to start over. FUCK.
Summary : She gets left at an orphanage by her dad witch was also herself with a sex change, then when she grew up she got knocked up by herself with a ‘manhood’. Then she gives birth to herself and gets a sex change and meets up with himself to go back in time. Then he knocks up his past self that hasn’t had a sex change yet, grew up and time travels with himself
to get the other himself to knock himself that hasn’t had a sex change yet!
MINDFUQ
GAHHHH.
too much thinking.
BAD CREEPYPASTA!
BAAAAD.
lulz, Jane divided by zero.
MY GOD! The early comments on this article show that people have no clue how time travel works.
… Wow, that’s so awesome. The cycle would be so annoying to do over, and over… and over.
And they don’t even know they have to mean themself! Amazing! xD
Wouldn’t that mean she/he gave birth to herself?
Well, that was most certainly a brain fuck.
THEN WHO WAS PENIS?
I’ll tell you, the story is kinda cool. But the undeniable logic breaker here is: how can someone live up to 18 and NEVER realize she/he/it has both sexual organs? Specially when they’re BOTH functional? I mean… Jane would probably realize, someday, that having balls isn’t normal…
Other than that… not exactly a paradox, more like a stable loop. A cool one, indeed. But the hermaphrodite just blew my mind…
The original is a lot better, I must say. Especially the end line, from which the title is drawn.
“I know where I came from—but where did all you zombies come from?”
I agree, really not a paradox. As far as I can see, they lived a closed loop, where the events do not go back to the start, rather onwe lives them out and continues with life. A messed up, crazy life, perhaps…
Would s/he not have noticed having both sets of sex organs, before the surgery, no?
he was attracted to a young orphan girl (himself) and despite realizing she was a heraphrodite (How the **** could how not have noticed) after he dropped her panties, banged her anyway, and obviously knowing that he was the one who fucked his ownself over, STILL did it anyway!? After realizing somehow I was the drifter I would have stayed the fuck away from her, just let her get on with her life as a dickgirl and make money in porn. Better than mind****ing yourself into a constant divide by zero with no end or beginning.
MY OWN CLONE
NOW NEITHER OF US WILL BE VIRGINS
This wasn’t really scary, but it gave me chills nonetheless. Great job.
Poor Jane, having to go through life as a woman inside a male body. Must’ve been/is/will be awful for the poor girl.
THEN WHO WAS…
Wait, what?
not creepy in the slightest although i did like it
BUT WHO WAS DNA
copypasta.
seen it 5 years ago.
Incredibly confusing. Not creepy, but I sort of like it..
People are missing the true disturbing factor of this.
HE DID HIS/HER MUM
Oh you suck. You stole that from the Robert A. Heinlein story “All You Zombies”. You didn’t even change the names! Goddamn, you suck.
that first paragraph had just too much medical bull shit for me to be able to enjoy the rest of it.
the girl is her own mother and father.
not creepy but fuckin awesome
This is All You Zombies, by Robert Heinlein
WE KNOW that it’s All You Zombies by Robert fucking Heinlein, as you may have noticed, every single fucking retard who reads this pasta feels personally obliged to tell us.
What kind of danger was he/she in that removing one set of genitals saved her/his life? It makes no sense!
HAHAHA I LOL’D SO HARD AT COLONEL CAMPBELL!!!!!
This story should be called “The Incest Paradox.”
I just divided by zero! OH SHI-
–All You Zombies– is one of the BEST science fiction stories I have ever read. This version, albeit paraphrased, still manages to get the gist of it and still accomplish the mental explosion that is sure to follow.
You people aren’t getting it, though. Jane doesn’t have both male and female external genitalia, she just has both male and female internal organs.
As for Joe not noticing that the girl he’s fallen in love with is actually the past version of himself, well, he just traveled backwards through time. I don’t think he would notice that small detail.
And, technically, this wasn’t incest. For it to be incest, he would had to have had sex with one of his relatives. But, technically, he did have sex with his mother and daughter at the exact same moment, so maybe it was incest. But wait! She was a past version of himself! So he wasn’t having sex with a relative, he was having sex with himself! And everyone does that. But wait! If those past versions of himself were also technically his mother, daughter, grandmother, granddaughter, great-grandmother, and great-granddaughter, then it must’ve bee–oh no ive gone crosseyed
This isn’t incest!
It’s masturbation!
What happened to the original bartender in the story? He just disappears…
Also, how can you have sex with yourself, kidnap yourself, and…Wait, how is this even possible? Where did the DNA of that baby come from? Is she/he a hermaphrodite because she only has one set of chromosomes?
The universe explodes when you touch yourself…
wait, no, I said that wrong…
I meant coming in direct contact with yourself in the past…
if you need me, I’ll be here digging a hole.
HOLY SHI-
Although I’ve read this somewhere before, it’s still mind blowing.
And to everyone who’s trying to nit-pick the story apart, just stop. Just take it as it is and enjoy it imploding your brain.
Now i’m off to read “All You Zombies”.
On one last note: This is why we shouldn’t own a time traveling machine. I do not want to be my own mom, dad, lover, child, and random bartender. Me does not equal whole family.
I kind of saw a mindfuck coming, and yet I was still not prepared for it…
OhMyGosh this is probably the best CreepyPasta I have ever read! It’s creepy in an amazing way! This could not be any better!! My friend (Author of We Danced here on CreepyPasta!) introduced me to this website and i immediatly fell in love i now go on everyday and look for some delisious pasta! Thanks for a wonderful dinner! <3
so kind of like asexual reproduction? :/ lol I am confused
Wait, id seriously hit that, tap that, its not rape and its not incest because its yourself (for the idiots who dont know the meaning of incest, look it up before you hurt yourself) apart from that, not creepy, but freaky.
This person is remarkably narcissistic.
Fear The Darkness
-Nex
gkjvrbskg vrekagao boagerthgABGBA B-B-B-B-BAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW *face implodes*
OH MY GOD. SHE/HE HAD SEX WITH HER/HIMSELF?
HOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
both he, and the author of “all you zombies” must not realize that, the bartender, the most futer version of himself, would realize what he did and take the “drifter” (jane becomes john you twits) to the futer, breaking the cycle and erasing both of them from the time stream, obviously one would speculate that after doing this that part of time keeps looping yet the rest continues on, remove the link of the chain you have two chains, toss the removes link and attach the two chains.
light thinks itself the fastest thing, yet darkness is always their first - unknown author
MIND = BLOWN.
…
MIND = STILL BLOWN.
…
See what the f_ happens when you mess with time travel? You get pregnant with your own baby, kidnap yourself, meet yourself in a bar, get yourself’s baby kidnapped by yourself’s self, and… and… and…
Pretty neat.
So, she screwed herself so she could be born, all so she could screw herself again and then subsequently allow herself to screw herself again and again?
MIND BLOWN
Why, Robert A. Heinlein! I didn’t know you were on this site!
Seriously, I recognized “All You Zombies” by like, the second paragraph.
Guys its simple.
He met herself to fuck herself and then gave birth to herself then had to have a sex change then went back in time to fuck herself. Then went forward in time to meet himself to lead himself to have sex with herself and then give birth to herself. Time travel is so easy as long as you have it written down.
So Jane had sex with himself, captured himselfed, and then helped himself capture himself?
So the time travel agency is trying to break the universe?