I have dreamed more than once that a man may attain immortality by assiduously avoiding daylight, for it is only by the light of the sun that he ages; knowing this secret, one might go on living indefinitely. Only a few hundred people in the entire world take advantage of this arcane knowledge, moving anonymously by night among the larger cities, and actively shun the attention of those who would expose them to the curiosity, or worse, of the masses.
If you have seen one of these extraordinary beings it was without knowing it of course, there at the periphery of your view one evening at an out-of-the-way tavern, eyes half-shut, cigarette dangling from shadowy lips, sweeping the change before him on the bar into his pocket just as you arrived. You didn’t consciously mark him as he shuffled out of sight with the slow determination of a sleepwalker, but something in you did note him, and his memory returns so quickly and sharply because this is so.
Now that you acknowledge you have seen him, study what little remains to you of his profile, his peculiar slouch, for you will never see this individual again, or rather, he will never let you see him. No matter where you search through the blurred end of the night, he will always have left a few steps ahead of you, leaving behind some ashes, a drained bottle next to a sudsy glass, a layer of smoke on the stagnant air; his will be the joke at which the nodding drinkers still laugh, but you will never hear his voice.
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Vampires?
This would make a lovely poem :)
I don’t get it ???
It’s not creepy. Nothing really happened.
Hey, man. I actually really like this. I see where the criticism of lacking plot is coming from, but I really like the imagery you’ve got going here. Seems to me like it’d be a really cool intro to a story. I’d love to read the rest.
How did this get on Creepypasta? It’s not creepy. Great idea, but it seems that no real effort was put into this story. 2/10
Why dose this not have a higher rating?! This is brilliance!
I think the creepy factor was inside, hidden if you will, only if you’ve seen someone like the author was describing. Quiet, you don’t really notice them, and they slip away into the night. It doesn’t scare anyone that there’s a gaggle of people walking around who will live forever? Or could this be an alternative for vampires? I like that it’s so short because this doesn’t have to be fiction. If this were real, which its impossible for any of us to know if its not, then that would be pretty freaky right? Maybe it’s not appreciated as much because its so short, but that leaves more for my imagination, which I like. To each their own.
OK, I guess I’ll be the jerk whose going t poke holes in the logic of this story.
1. They are people, real people, who have an allergy to sunshine. They literally cannot live in direct sunlight and they age just fine. I forget the condition’s name, but it’s real.
2. Just describing a guy’s walk as being like that of a sleepwalker does not mean that’s how all sleepwalkers move about. In fact, check out these stories on YouTube, people have done some crazy things while sleepwalking, and it’s not until people see their face up close that they realize they’re sleeping because they move so naturally.
Therefore, your story is nice, but it just doesn’t feel right. There’s Michael Bay sized holes in your logic, and I don’t get scared or creeped out by this story at all. I agree with Valerie in that you need a plot, something along the lines of a random encounter, an obsession of getting answers. Otherwise the story seems like a warning in a newspaper or a bathroom stall. I’m sorry for being mean, it was a well-made piece, but it’s severely lacking.
I don’t think you know what the phrase “plot hole” actually means. Neither of those things are plot holes.
Interesting idea. Well-written little snippet of … something? I think people get a little grumpy and feel a bit gyped when the ONE pasta of the day is something so teeny-tiny. It’s like we can smell a pasta (and it smells marvelous!), but it never makes it to the table. I suppose we will remain hungry… until tomorrow.
This is like an extended version of a one-sentence horror story. While it has it’s place, it’s just not what we’re used to here.
Unless I’m really missing something… I’d say the author is a talented writer, but could use some improvement in the story-telling department. I agree with the others, it needs a plot. A beginning, a middle, and an end. This pasta has potential. This version, however, is rather lackluster. Sorry :(
Nice imagery, decent writing, no plot. 5/10.
There is nothing creepy about this story. There is nothing about anything in this story. I mean, the idea of someone becoming immortal because they don’t see the sun, it’s kind of a cool idea. But none of that idea was used. I say if you like, rewrite this story as a… story, one with something actually happening, and maybe it could be good. But it’s like we get one paragraph of a concept and then the rest is useless. Maybe it’s about how the random drunk is always going to be an ever-living “being”, but that doesn’t really do anything for anyone. At least the spelling and grammar is good. I mean, dude, totally write more. But if you make another story, I say write one with a plot. It works out better for a type of situation like that.
This is just a shorter version of “The Man of the Crowd” by Edgar Allen Poe