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The Monster Is Coming



Estimated reading time — 3 minutes

Thursday night. Everyone was blissfully asleep. Reports had spread of a serial killer in the area, but he would only strike on Fridays, so there was no need to worry.

The serial killer had been labeled “The Monster” and his M.O. consisted of first sneaking into a house, drugging the victims, and then slowly killing them in their beds. The Monster always left behind a signature, a photograph of him in disguise, resembling a black-hooded figure with a blank mask.

Susan casually walked home from a party. She was dressed in a white suit and had her wavy blond hair in a pony tail. She passed by a lit house and saw a couple sitting on the front porch and enjoying the stars. “They’re so innocent,” Susan said with a soft voice.

The next night:

“Make sure you lock up tight tonight, Ed,” said Diane.

“I locked every door, shut every window, and secured every bolt. We’re safe tonight.” Ed got in bed and kissed his wife tonight.

A few hours passed, not a sound was made. Ed and Diane were fast asleep. A high pitched scream woke them both up. It was silence as fast as it came.

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“What was that?!” Ed asked in fear.

“Ellie! Go check her room!” Diane yelled.

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Ed ran out of his room and darted down the hall. Before he could make it to his daughter’s room, he froze in his tracks to see a dark figure step out of there. The figure had a pale white faceless mask on and stared at Ed. Ed choked on his own scream and ran away as fast as he could. He didn’t get far until he fell due to a piercing pain in his foot. He looked and saw that in his panic, his bare foot had stepped on a knife that was planted for him. He grabbed the hilt, trying to take the knife out of his foot, ignoting the blood that slowly made a puddle. The Monster casually walked towards him, not making a sound in those rubber boots. The Monster put one hand over Ed’s mouth, and Ed slowly felt his vision blur as he drifted into a deep sleep.

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Ed woke back up, covered in sweat. He looked around and saw that he was in his bathroom, naked, sitting on the toilet, hands tied together under the bowl, and with a piece of barbed wire deep inside a cut in his stomach. He saw his wife in the bath tub, also naked with her hands tied to the spout. A white string was attached to the hot water knob. Finally there was his daughter in her pajamas, standing on the sink. The white string was tied to a board behind her feet, while th barbed wire made a noose around her neck. It didn’t take Ed long to figure it out. Turning on the hot water would drown and burn Diane, this would trip the string and make Ellie fall off the sink, hanging her with the barbed wire and tearing out Ed’s vitals. Ed struggled, trying to get free. However, the Monster returned. In the light, everyone got a good view of the disguise. Black boots, black pants, a black trench coat, a hood, white gloves, and a white mask with two black sockets being the only facial features. They gasped in panic as the Monster observed them. The Monster walked to the tub, making them frantic. Not listening, the Monster sprung the trap…

Walking away from the bathroom, Susan removed her mask. she had a disturbing smile, as if she were talking with an old friend, as if the moment in the bathroom didn’t happen. She grabbed any evidence and put it in a bag. “This is what they get for relying on those spare-key hiding fake rocks.”

Susan was no beast, no ghost, no demon. Susan was only human. But her eyes, those lovely blue eyes, were the eyes of a complete Monster…

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33 thoughts on “The Monster Is Coming”

  1. alright, well…. i mean, bravo for writing a pasta, but i must say.. there were too many errors, too predictable and um.. well, for the message of the story it was a bit gruesome.. the story itself wasn’t exactly scary enough for such gore. the reasoning “The Monster” gave for the murder was too…. well, it didn’t have much in it. it was too.. well, i, personally, would not use it, myslef. bit of advice, spellcheck! and double and triple drafts. the only reason i say this all, is because the last paragraph is BEAUTIFUL and has such potential!

  2. This story wasn’t great, it failed to build suspense and had too many plot holes(the spare key rock? Really?)and that picture really didn’t add anything for me. However I really like Susan/the monster she seems like genuinely nasty piece of work, hopefully the next piece wont be so rushed, there’s a lot of potential here.

  3. Alternate, American style story.

    As Ed saw The Monsters in Ellie’s room, he grabbed a gun and shot it in the face. It died.
    The end.

    1. I have to say, I was thinking that if a father saw someone unidentified in his house coming out of his daughter’s room on a night that a serial killer is loose, chances are he would attempt to fight the killer to ensure the child’s safety :/ Bit of a bad father.

      Also, is there a reason I can’t see any picture?

  4. The story was good. It needs a little more description with the people tied up in the bathroom. I loved the mask to the killer in the picture. I think it would be better if the killer was wearing all black with boots. Just my opinion.

  5. Commendable for a first attempt and the inclusion of a picture was a nice touch, but I would recommend better defining the line between gore and emotional terror. You described the torture they were experiencing without depicting and sharing the EMOTION

  6. There was no twist, and the picture wasn’t scary, but I liked this. The way she killed that family was horrific and disturbing.

  7. Hey, guys. I’m the author. I’m sorry for all the spelling mistakes and general errors. I’m normally pretty good at writing, but this is my first attempt at something scary. Obviously I failed, but I’m currently writing a new Monster story which I promise will be much better.

  8. I thought this was rather mediocre. There was no scare factor and it was obvious that Susan was The Monster the moment she made an entrance. Also, how was the dad sitting on the toilet, but also had this hands tied to the bowl? If he was bent over double, you should make a note of it. There we some small things that you could build on, such as the mother tied to the spout in the bath. Until you mentioned that she would drown if the water came out, it wasn’t clear that she was even laying down. Definitely needs to be revised, but good effort.

  9. ahahahahahhaahhahahahahhahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhahahhahhahhahahahahahahhahhahhahhahahahahhahahhahhahhahhahahhaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-breathahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-breath-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-breath-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  10. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE USERNAME!

    Pretty odvious it was susan, and the picture isn’t very scary. However, I liked it. And how could a little kid be so heavy when falling rips out organs?

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