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The Lady Behind The Door



Estimated reading time — 4 minutes

It was night and two guys in classic car traveled down a lonely stretch of I-95 in Pennsylvania. The one in the passenger seat had a pensive look about him. The driver reached down to fiddle with the radio. They slowly pulled ahead of me. Squinting through the darkness and the bug-dotted windshield of my eight year old Isuzu I observed a blue bumper sticker with the words in white “Hilary ‘08” on it. “God damn it. I hate those guys.”

Gabe looked at me inquiringly, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “You mean guys who look like they’ve been pulled out of some teen drama on basic cable?”

“Huh? No. Guys who leave bumper stickers up from previous elections. For fuck’s sake Hilary didn’t even win the primary.”

“Where are we anyway?” Gabe stretched out until his hands touched the car roof. Admittedly that wasn’t that much of a stretch, he was one of those shaggy looking wiry fellows.

“Just out of Jersey. You think you can help me stay awake? The Blush Twins back there aren’t much of a help.” My sister Prissy and her friend Claire were passed out in the back seat. When they drank more then they were used they had the tendency to turn as red as tomatoes. That limit was two glasses of red wine.

Gabe mumbled something that sounded like “alcohol camels” and responded, “Yea sure. There’s not much to talk about though, Jack.”

“Well it’s night and Halloween is a day away. You ever seen anything that could be considered paranormal?” That was always a good topic if two people need to stay awake through the night. I did not even need to worry about a “no.” Even the most logical human being has had that one weird experience, whether it was a bad trip or one of those waking nightmares experienced during sleep paralysis.

“Well, uh, no. But I swear to God, Jack, this one time when I was five I remember flying. This isn’t paranormal, but I had this one reoccurring nightmare back before my father left. Haven’t had it recently, but I remember it pretty clearly.

“I was about eleven and remember lying in bed listening to a shouting match in the living room. My bed room was on the second floor, so I couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying except for the occasional ‘Fuck you.’

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“Then I dunno, time passed, I fell asleep. The hall lights were out and screaming stopped. The doorway to my room was half open. Next thing I know I can’t move, not even blink. But I could see things moving on the walls, man. It was trippy.” Gabe was rubbing that scraggly blond thing on his neck he called a beard as he told his story.

“Don’t stop there. What kind of things?” I said.

“Shadows, man, shadows. But not like those stories on the internet. They had hair, like people hair. They were flat to the wall except for the hair. It was like the hair was three dimensional and the rest of them was two dimensional. They had different color hair too. I mean black and brown, normal people colors, but some of them weren’t people shapes. They did have people hair though, they all did. I could hear—

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“I could hear them say, ‘Carry on my waywar—” The radio turned on without warning. Prissy had left the damn thing on at max volume, the girls in the back stirred with a bunch thrashing thumps.

I shut the radio off. “Sorry about that, my elbow must of hit the dial.”

Gabe gave me a weird look before he went on. “I was saying I could hear whispering and feel tingling on my toes. It felt like when a dog licks your toes. That’s when I saw it, the big it, or her, I really don’t know. All I know is that thing was boss and all the rest of them were bitches, ‘cause they all scattered off to the corners. She had really red hair, Christmas present red, and curly too. Its thin shadow was stretching out from behind my bedroom door.

“I didn’t hear her voice, dude, I felt it. Not like telepathy, like felt it reverberate in my skull. Almost as if it were that loud nagging voice in your head when you’ve done something real bad. She said, the voice in me said, ‘Dear—

“John on DVD this Friday at Wal-Mart.” Blared the radio again.

I shut it off again. “I guess I should get that looked at, sorry. Go on.”

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Gabe went on, “It said, ‘Dear soul, you have grown so much. Why you’re so pink and cute, how’d like to come home with me? I could just dress you up with gravy. Look at those crinkles on your forehead you look just like a juicy jelly donut. The powdery dough is always the best part of a fresh baked donut.’

“I didn’t see a hand, but it felt like she pinch my cheek. Then the licking would not stop!” Gabe pounded the “would”, “not”, and “stop” out on the passenger side of the dash board.

If I had not been focusing on the road ahead of me Gabe would of seen the wide eyed bewildered look in my eyes. It was not over the dream, I have had weirder. The bewilderment extended from the clearly unresolved issue that were clearly bubbling beneath Gabe’s Chewbacca-like surface. “It was just a dream, Gabe. I’m sorry I asked. Relax, I‘ll drive the rest of the night. One of the girls can take over in the morning.”

The night after our chat in the car we spent the night in some shit motel in northern Georgia. In the morning we found Gabe feet up in a garbage bin behind the Waffle House next door.

//
Credited to Tower.

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146 thoughts on “The Lady Behind The Door”

  1. RoseByAnyOtherName

    Eeek! Well, the story itself was mildly creepy (liked the nod to Supernatural, btw) but what is really creepy is that my radio, which is across the room from me and OFF just gave off bursts of sound three times!

  2. This was a piece of genuine crap. Didn’t make any sense for the ending. Compared to the one before it, this is like that trash can, full of garbage!
    #SoulaZoulhatens

  3. You have good potential, but you need to check your grammar and put more effort into the ending. Pasta never tastes good when you drown it in ketchup.

  4. Interesting. A little confused though. One question; Why were the ghosts about to start singing Kansas? “I could hear them say, ‘Carry on my waywar—”

    CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOONNN
    THERE’LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DOOOOOONEEEE
    LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD TO REEEEEEESTTTTT

    Don’t you cry no more.

  5. Mark of the Bun-Bun

    Had potential, not descriptive enough, very random, very little atmosphere, ‘monster’ idea was good- even if it did make me think it was the ghost of a thousand Grandmothers and their little poodles named Poopsie. Here to pinch cheeks and lick feets.

  6. I came to this story because of the low rating and went right to the ending. I can honestly say that the last line made me laugh so hard I cried.I went back to actually read the story, thinking I’d missed something really good, but no such luck. Even so, I have to say; not a good pasta, but a great laugh!

  7. Buck-Toothed Varmint

    I shut the radio off. “Sorry about that, my elbow must of hit the dial.”

    This kind of stuff drives me crazy. It’s “. . . my elbow must’ve . . .” or “. . . my elbow must have . . .” not “. . . must of . . .”

    1. Lol, I was thinking the same thing! It never actually says he died; maybe he was just going for some early morning dumpster diving?

      1. I dont know the whole story was stupid confusing and ended hilariously. Please can you come up with a more serious place then a waffle house?

  8. 3/10 decent storyline… But the ending, made
    no sense… Was it because he talked about this strange enitity and it came after him? I don’t know, but it would’ve clearly made a good story if you would’ve revised it more but hey overall I have to say you have some talent just continue writing and you will go far

  9. 3/10 decent storyline… But the ending, mad no sense… Was it because he talked about this strange enitity and it came after him? I don’t know, but it would’ve clearly made a good story if you would’ve revised it more but hey overall I have to say you have some talent just continue writing and you will go far

  10. I have to agree… the ending was awful. I actually did like the story, other than the whole donut part…. that was a little… off? I think with a little help, this could end up being a horrifying story.

  11. I thought it was pretty funny, but you could make it a proper pasta by cleaning up the grammar errors and making it less vague.

  12. awsome at first good start but the ending couldve been a lot more grousome like the girl shadow was comparing him to food he couldve been found half eaten in his bed.
    and the character telling the story couldve had a simmilar dream that night.

  13. i think i know what the raidio part is all about, maby the ghost is trying to stop him from telling the story but the death wow

  14. i don’t exactly understand the ending. you could have taken the story out a little more and said that Gabe was dead and then they checked the security cameras and found the shadow thing with red hair that Gabe went on to describe the night before in the car. Then maybe it took Prissy next. And then Claire and before you knew it you were in California about to jump because the thought of that… thing.. getting you was too much to bear and you’re going to take your life and then the story cuts out to a woman who found your laptop on the bridge before you jumped and that’s all you wrote.

    sorry. got a little carried away there,
    anyways,i genuinely laughed at the parts where the radio kept blaring back in and finishing Gabe’s sentences. good story to a point..

  15. I thought the interrupting radio adds a little humor and creepiness to the pasta – “I can hear them say… CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON!!!” or “I can hear the voices in me say, ‘Dear… JOHN ON DVD THIS FRIDAY!'”

    Then, Gabe died. Did the radio have something to do with it? Was the radio interrupting him on purpose as some sort of divine intervention to keep him from telling the story and, perhaps, keep him from meeting his end?

  16. Ummm was there a door somewhere in this? Also the “the next morning he was in the dumpster” ending was pretty damn funny

  17. actually thought this was going somewhere great (i was actually a little freaked out), then i started laughing when gabe told jack what the scary woman said. that was it for me.

  18. Oh,I thought when It said,’in the morning we found Gabe feet up in the rubbish bin next door to the waffle house’,I thought he was still alive.Man that is confusing……

  19. hm…the dream was really cool and interesting but the story had no structure to it…it was just random and…lol dumb. not very good pasta -spits it back out onto the table…yuck

  20. The radio was obviously flipping on randomly as he was trying to repeat what was said to him, because these shadow monsters did not want it to be repeated. And I believe that he ended up in the waffle house dumpster because a.) He shouldn’t have repeated what was said, and the monsters ate him and tossed him in the trash, or b.) he committed suicide because of his underlying issue. Which sort of makes sense, but I’d much rather believe he had been consumed by the shadow witch.

    And also, the grammar sucks alittle, and the spelling is off, but hey, the writing is nice, and people make mistakes. No big.

    Ultimately, this was a very good Pasta, in my opinion.

  21. After reading the sequel, it’s clear this was Lovecraftian.

    In fact, I believe one of those gods was an actual god in the Cthulhu mythos.

    It’s starting all over again.

    CTHULHU FTAGN!

  22. Hmm… good, gave me goosebumps(although it’s cold in here), but was lacking something.

    4/5

    Would order again.

  23. wait, he was dead at the end..?

    ._. i thought the drunk girls woke and and threw him in there, but he was sill sleeping and somehow didn’t notice that he was in a trash can…

  24. The radio actually does make sense, but the development of the story, especially revolving around the radio, is poorly executed. As far as I could tell, the radio turned on to try and prevent Gabe from finishing his story. It was his insistence to continue telling the story of the hairy shadow people that summoned them up again and killed him.

    Overall, this pasta was simply disappointing. With better writing this could have been a much tastier story, although likely still cliche as heck.

  25. CHEWBACCA-LIKE SURFACE, FTW!

    I’ve sent in dozens of stories that may not have been the next great America novel by far, but were ten times the story this is, and this is the quality of writing that gets posted here? It’s not just the pasta that’s leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

    The editorial vision on this site has gone to shit. It’s not longer “who was phone,” but “who was just phoning it in.”

    /post

    /site

  26. Weak.

    Building a strong story is like building anything else. You don’t just dump your bucket of Legos on the ground and start stacking pieces.

    Also, it helps if your “Legos” are functional. The grammar in this pasta is like those cheap off-brand bricks that just fall apart when you try and build anything.

    Legos > this pasta

  27. headcrabzombiegirl

    can I just give props to the one commenter who made a full-life consequences reference? because that was the best thing on the page.

  28. In addition to everything else, there aren\’t really any lonely stretches of I-95 in PA. The only point at which 95 crosses into PA is around the suburbs of Philly.

  29. “I could hear them say, ‘Carry on my waywar—”
    That line alone made me love this pasta.
    Guys, it’s probably a parodypasta. It’s a parody of the pastas that have so many loose strings, it’s hard to even know wtf just happened.

  30. @Snuzzled: Read again. It doesn’t say “two guys in a classic car.” It says “two guys in classic car”, which is not correct. It’s the sort of thing you get from someone who’s speaking English as a second language, when their first language doesn’t include articles like “a”, “an”, or “the.”

    @Everyone: For everyone hoping reading the sequel someone linked will make it better… don’t bother. I only skimmed it, but that was all I needed to tell that the two stories don’t read like a continuous narrative. They read like entirely separate stories clumsily rammed together by claiming they involve the same characters. The tone, style, and metaphysics are entirely different, and the two accounts of the events that Gabe was talking about are so different that it’s impossible to imagine them coming from the same person, as is claimed.

  31. Gabe sounded like Shaggy in my head

    As such, my theory:

    They left the Scooby Proxy at home. He tracked them down, pissed that Shaggy Proxy ate the last of the pot brownies. He then found Shaggy Proxy and murdered him

  32. Fucking terrible. Either Gabe died or got fucking trashed and decided to crawl INTO the trash – who knows? It doesn’t even mean it has anything to do with his stupid ass dream. I don’t even know what Gabe’s “CLEARLY unresolved issue” was supposed to be.

    Also, writer needs to learn the difference between “of” and “have.”

  33. This reminded me too much of Supernatural to take seriously. With the “Two guys in a classic car travelled down the road” and the “Carry On My Wayward Son” coming on the radio.

    Lame pasta is lame. 3/10.

  34. ITTY BITTY BABY
    ITTY BITTY BOAT
    I DON’T BELIEVE IT
    HABEEB IT
    WAFFLE HOUSE

    That pretty much sums up this horrible pasta.

  35. Hey guys, the first sentence makes perfect sense. There are no dropped words. The “in a classic car” is just there for description.

    “The apple on the table is red.”

    “One cat in the house yawned sleepily.”

    “Two guys in a classic car traveled down the road.”

    All sentences are perfectly correct and complete. Sheesh. English 101 here.

  36. @ Undefined: The ending fit. It was that lady behind the door ate him, just like he was explaining in the “dream” I guess either it had continued to happen, and he just lied, or talking about it brought her back, and she was like “oh your so yummy nomnomnomnom”

  37. If this was a parodypasta, if fucking sucked. If this was a creepypasta, it fucking sucked.

    In all, this story fucking sucked.

    The end.

  38. (Sarcasm) Hey, obviously the radio in the car was from his father’s car, and in both cases said radio picked gabe up and put him in a dumpster. No explaination for the dog though…

  39. (Sarcasm) Hey, obviously the radio in the car was from his father’s car, and in both cases said radio picked gabe up and put him in a dumpster. No explaination for the dog though…

  40. You did a good job with the characters. I felt like Gabe and Jack were real people and not just fancy words. The descriptions were pretty okay, too. Really the only things that sucked were the grammar mistakes and the stupid ass ending. As a story it’s aight, but as a creepypasta it’s not very good.

  41. Wait, wait, I think I got it. They’re on a cheap road trip, so probably getting a bit smelly by this point, right? And the music keeps coming on randomly?

    No soap, radio!

  42. Let me channel my inner-Simon-from-American-Idol: “That was the most stupid thing I’ve ever seen…”
    1/10. Not even sure it deserves THAT much.

  43. “Someone else”, I also noticed the shift from third person to first person. It bugged me even more than the bizarre ending.

    After reading a comment pointing out the ‘Supernatural’ references (it was just the “carry on my wayward son” lyrics that gave me SPN tingles) I gotta say… I’m even more disappointed. Reminding me of a network show that is scarier and more interesting doesn’t help this story. Like at all. And I’m glad there are no Waffle Houses in my general area. (IHOP all the way!)7

  44. “Would of” is my most common mistake. When I speak, in my wonderful half Queens accent, the contraction “would’ve” sounds like “wu-dov.” Somehow my brain translates that to “would of.”

    I was trying to incorporate comedy into a creepy scenario. Given I’m not all that creepy. Thanks for the feedback folks.

  45. Interesting read but rather abrupt in the ending and not really creepy. In fact, the only really creepy thing wasn’t even really in the story. I was listening to music on low and reading at the same time and just as I got the part with Carry on Wayward Son, the song started playing on my iPod. Or…I noticed it was playing, anyway, because it was a few minutes in. It gave me quite an effective jolt of surprise.

  46. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been reading actual books for a while and not things born and bred from internetters, but the way this was written totally distracted me from the story. Not that the story itself was much better. This was a little bit like the first time your kid tries to tell a scary story around the campfire without reading it from a “Scary Ghost Stories 8” book. “Then, my friend Doug was telling me about this scary dream he had, about shadows. But they had hair. And one of them could talk. And it said I looked like a donut. Then he died. OOH WEEEE OOOOOHHH”

    Actually, it was pretty much exactly like that.

    I was still entertained, though, so I guess a thumbs up on that. Too many cliches pounded into one story to be good, but I don’t regret reading it.

    It’s a solid 7/10.

  47. OB-1: uh, no? It goes “I hear the voices when I’m dreaming, I can hear them say”, and the second time “I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say” etc etc.

    But yeah, it’s one crappy pasta you got going on here. What was with the ending, man?

  48. Wow…. that was more like some weird acid-trip, Tom Waits ballad than a creepypasta; with some tightening it could be an ok story on its own, but it’s not very creepy, just trippy. Shadows with hair, man.

  49. “It was night and two guys in classic car traveled down a lonely stretch of I-95 in Pennsylvania.”

    AND THE PANTS WERE DEAD.

    Sorry, I don’t know if I can take the rest of this pasta seriously after the author accidentally an article.
    But I will TRY.

  50. What is with all the Supernatural(TV show) references in this pasta? Two guys in a classic car, ‘Carry on Wayward Son’, crap motels, mentioning the CW (“You mean guys who look like they’ve been pulled out of some teen drama on basic cable”). I don’t think anyone else on this site will get those, but man, what is your issue?

    Overall, crap pasta is crap even for a joke.

  51. tower? just no. first off you screw up the lyrics of wayward son (its “i can hear the voices say”), second dear john is a walk to remember meets boy meets world so it sucked, and lastly the ending. i love waffle house, it would never kill anybody. and don’t say waffle house didnt kill him cuz you never gave the force that did kill him! also the main guy is waaaaay too nonchalant about finding his friend dead in a garbage can. also i dont think they would’ve made it from jersey to georgia in that time…i think thats everything except a rating, so…
    2/10 at best. fire the chef please

  52. Shiver Down Your Spine

    The beginning sounds like an eight year old kid wrote it. I\’m sorry but this is just awful in my opinion. I saw there was some new content which made me smile. Until I read this.

  53. Everything Undefined bitched about was pretty much what made this story good. I liked the flow of it, just wished his death would be a bit more connected to the story, like his head was shaven or something. Great detail, great potential, definitely a step up from the crap that’s been around lately.

  54. Lolwut.
    Okay, so some guys are driving around with one guy’s passed out sisters in the back, one decides to ramble ’bout dogs licking people’s feet and creepy women pinching people’s cheeks, the radio is broken, and then one guy decides it’s a good idea to go sleep in the trash can.
    …Or die, whatever.

    It’s like the pizza came right at the end xD
    0/10 for creepypasta, 8/10 for humor x3

  55. It was fairly hard to follow. It almost seemed like you were going to reference the White House at the end instead of the Waffle House. You did a good job of creating a visual approximation. I could just imagine the guys talking. What kind of name is Gabe anyway? I’ll give you a 5/10.

  56. A lot of that story was pretty good, but the ending didn’t really tie anything together.

    The way the victim died didn’t really match anything in his ghost story, nor was it clear why he died then as opposed to any other time, nor was the radio thing tied in at all.

    Overall I feel that the writer has a lot of talent, I thought the idea for the story and some of the dialog and descriptions were pretty good, but as a whole this story really needs some work.

  57. Probably was a tasty pasta…till it that ending was prechewed for us.

    The setup for the final paragraph is also poor-

    “If I had not been focusing on the road ahead of me Gabe would of seen the wide eyed bewildered look in my eyes. ”

    No comma to break it up.” wide eyed bewildered look in my eye” is repetitive and breaks focus.

    “It was not over the dream, I have had weirder.”

    I guess you mean a semicolon here. But this is the unclear. Who exactly is having the weirder dream?

    “The bewilderment extended from the clearly unresolved issue that were clearly bubbling beneath Gabe’s Chewbacca-like surface.”

    “issue that were”? Likely you meant “issues that were”.

    I almost get that you are trying to say that “Hey, Gabe has been fucked up because of this. His repressed issues are finally coming out, which will soon cause his demise.”

    This last paragraph is key for framing us understanding Gabe’s death. But it is pretty poorly written and thus distracting.

  58. Yeah, up until and then we stopped and then Gabe was dead this was going pretty good.
    It shouldn’t have ended like that.

    Also, you can’t just put in the radio switching itself on for arbitrary creepiness. It’s too disconnected from shadow monsters that kidnap people and eat them.
    I mean, why would they want to switch on a radio at people?

  59. Who do people who lack basic grammar skills even bother to \"write\"?

    Not only is the grammar bad, but the actual story too is retarded.

  60. I thought he was found feet up in the waffle bin because he was fat, liked waffles and was going through their garbage?

  61. Ending made me lol. “Then suddenly, he was dead!”

    Also: “Gabe would of seen…” This ruins so many stories that would otherwise have potential. It’s “would’ve seen”.

    Otherwise it was a nice read.

    1. I actually read the ending as “he got drunk and fell into the bin, then we found him alive the next day”

  62. What was that. That was the most random thing ever. The ending didn\’t fit with the story at all. This was quite a disappointment, especially right after that last, fantastic one. Nothing made sense in this pasta. The radio was never explained and why the hell did Gabe end up dead? Too many loose strings, too many arbitrary details. I really thought it was going somewhere just about the time when the radio first turned off, but I was sorely mistaken. A gross pasta overall.

    3/10

      1. That made me laugh.. Just he decided to go trash can diving cause he remembered it all. “We all knew Gabe was a bit off from the very start.”

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