Advertisement
Please wait...

The Greatest Downfall



Estimated reading time — 3 minutes

I hope someone discovers this. I write to no one in particular, in hopes that this can be read by all.  I write this with the intention of giving a warning- straightforward, concise, and blatant in meaning.
Perhaps an explanation is due.  I’ll try to keep it brief.
It’s well known that humans have the capacity to comprehend.  We devour layer upon layer of vast knowledge, as if it were the most delectable cake in all the galaxies.  We are powered by the most complex piece of machinery known on Earth, which has yet to be artificially replicated outside its natural environment.  This technology, however, houses a flaw- the more information it takes on, the more viruses it catches.  One startling or bad bit of information, and this magnificent machinery can become our ultimate demise.
I know this flaw exists, because it always has existed.  The more powerful something is, the greater the flaw tends to be.  And I can feel it.  It never leaves me alone.  I can’t get a second of peace, not even a moment of solitude.  For even in my solitude, it’s there.  It’s always there.
It’s not a who, nor a what, but a thing.  The thingiest thing I’ve ever had the displeasure to come across.
This thing appears to be sentient.  I try not to be fooled, but sometimes it all becomes too overwhelming.  It’s right over my shoulder- I know it is- but it hides whenever I glance back.  And though I’ve yet to see it, I dread turning back one day and coming face to face with it.  I’ve heard stories of those who have, and I can guarantee you have as well.  These people are currently confessing their sightings and experiences to licensed psychiatrists, or taking prescription pills to dull the anxious feelings.  The ones more persistent in their quests to release the identities of the shadow lurkers are, in a best case scenario, locked in padded cells and spoon fed twice a day.  I know better than to confess.
It’s always taunting me, straying just beyond my line of my vision.  I can feel it’s claws rake up and down my spine, sending unnatural chills throughout my nervous system.  It’s always making me nervous.  Did I mention that this thing can multiply?  Yes, it takes the forms of many beastly spirits, different in shape but singular in cause.   This voiceless being has many faceless sub-entities- and they all are out to get me.
My room, my most personal space, becomes invaded by darker forces.  They hide in the usual places- under the bed, in the closet, under the floor boards, and even between the pages of my books.  It bides it’s time, waiting for the right moment when I let down my guard.  I know its desires nothing greater than to tear me apart, starting from the inside and working its way out.  Even hiding under the covers does no good- in the half of a second I have the covers lifted, they rush out from their hiding places and go under with me.  For God’s sake, don’t get stuck in small spaces with it.  It’ll try to suffocate you.
Perhaps you’ve felt it, too.  In fact, I know you have. That whisper of the dark forces, teeming with a knowledge of every abysmal moment, every black day in the history of your memory, is very real- and it haunts all of us.  It’s a psychological demand to spotlight the unholiest of ghosts, to drag them from the depths and place them center-stage in your life- and it very well may be our greatest downfall.
This thing… it’s out to get me.  I can feel it at this very moment.  My greatest piece of advice for anyone struggling with this thing is, unless you’re ready to go at war with this thing…
Don’t turn around.

Credit To: Haley René

Advertisements
Advertisements
Please wait...

Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

24 thoughts on “The Greatest Downfall”

  1. ThisIsANameForAComment

    Thingiest thing… love that so much, i could no longer read on with any sense of fear as i was too busy thinking about how awesome of a description that is.

  2. “I write this with the intention of giving a warning- straightforward, concise, and blatant in meaning.” What follows is neither of this, just a general, broad, sometime meaningless rambling.
    If I am to suppose this story is actually the rambling of a madman, well, then it works fine enough. If the intention is to deliver the story of someone who is actually haunted by some kind of nondescript monsters who want to tear him to pieces and suffocate him (but, for some reason, keep failing) then I can only say: no, no, no.
    The whole dissertation on technology is pointless, and doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the “things”. They are said to do many things, yet their effort seem to be wasted, as the narrator is still there, writing his story, in spite of the fact that the things always rush into his bed (guess they just need cuddling, after all). And the whole point is “don’t turn around”? Seriously? All I have to do to be safe is not turning around? Any monster who does me no harm just because I failed to turn and look at him is either lame or terribly shy.

  3. It was an interesting read, but I had to try to reread like four times, considering I lost my shit at ‘the most delectable cake in all the galaxies’ and all I could see was galaxy cake for a while.
    It could use a little brushing up for the creepy value, but the writing talent is good.

  4. It started off with a strong enough concept. The image of our brains as computers susceptible to bad information was particularly delicious. But that was about as concrete as it ever got. After that, it just became another rambling description of shadowy mind beasts, which could be anything from demons to poetic descriptions of schizophrenia. This site is full of vague, evil forces: they’re as common as ending your story with “don’t look behind you”.
    6 for a few good ideas and competent writing, but a serious lack of focus.

  5. you know i actually sorta like this story but i took it differently than almost everyone else here -_- lol i thought he was describing the fear in humanity how unknown demons can lurk in your mind and make you feel as if they are behind you

  6. “Don’t turn around” was a remarkably weak last line.
    Stop using dashes- so often. It’s grammatically incorrect- and they lose their punch- when you can see how loosely the author uses them. Sometimes it even looks like the only reason you’re using them- is because you don’t realize how to use a colon or a semicolon- or that you think a comma doesn’t cut it. Well- it does.
    I counted nine dashes in your story- that’s ridiculous. That’s more than what I just used to make fun of you. You ever seen the Seinfeld where Elaine won’t stop with the exclamation marks, by any chance? That’s you.
    Regarding your story, you never do a good job linking together how learning things makes a creature follow you. You could’ve copped out and at least said you’re a scientist and learned about their existence. Instead you tell us we’ve experienced them too (which makes it even less realistic to us) and, as I said earlier, tell us to not turn around. Nice.

  7. This is boring. Super boring. I want to give some constructive feedback, but this pasta never gets beyond “I have a creepy feeling.” There’s no help for this.

  8. ….’don’t turn around’, again? I don’t know if it started with slenderman, but it’s annoying. It hinders any pasta, good or not. 4/10

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top