On his way home that night, as he walked through town, a man stepped out of an alley in front of him. He tensed to defend himself, but the man just stood there. Looking him over, he realised the man looked like a hippie. Something of a comedy caricature of a hippie, really. Long unwashed hair and beard, sandals…and a sandwich board reading ‘THE END IS NIGH’. That, he thought, was unusual, even for a hippie.
“You want something?” he asked.
“The world’s ending,” said the hippie. “I need your help.”
He stepped around the hippie and kept walking. High as a kite, he thought to himself. The hippie started walking after him, and fell into step beside him.
“Please, I need your help,” said the hippie.
“Look, man, I’m really not interested,” he said, and kept walking.
The hippie leant against a wall, watching him walk away. The hippie wasn’t all that disappointed; lots of people gave this kind of response. Another skeptic, he thought to himself, fingering the ragged holes through the middles of his hands.
Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.
Ahaha, that’s awesome! What a twist!
I’ve read some pretty good pastas lately and I’m sorry to say this but this just wasn’t one of them..
Contrary to the way this story is told, and the religious tale in general, the nails used in the crucifixion would have been placed through the wrists, as putting them through the hands would not support the body weight of a human to the extent needed for crucifixion, even if the legs were pierced or tied to the cross also. At least that is what my science teacher told me
For all you bible nerds… this pasta doesnt make sense, when Jesus was nailed to the STAKE (look up the actual old latin meaning for Crux… its a stake not a cross) the nails were driven through his wrists so the bones would stabilise them.
holy crap it’s Jebus1
actually they went through the middle of his wrist but same effect
Good twist for such a short story.
I love the story line but I wish there were more details. I didn’t like how Jesus wasn’t disappointed though.
I liked this story. I did not expect the ending.The author really gave a twist.
Why keep the lights on pleas don’t her me I just told my brother to open the door or I will punch his face Im mean I he it from my birth dad
Pleas theoneknownasdeath pleas don’t come and heart me pleas why do people heart others I mean I was taken away from my mother when I was six months old and I was adopted when I was nineteen months old I was taken away by a police man and I can still hear my mother screaming noe I’m crying
If you tell God to do something than he can strike you down dead and if that was Jesus than he would come down on a white hoarse and the trumphet will sound and if that was him than everyone that believes in him would begin heaven and Jesus doesn’t know when he’s coming back only God knows when so don’t anyone dare say that he needs to stop the world from ending I’m not joking and he is alive in heaven any atheist don’t believe that I feel really bad for you!
….I don’t care what you guys say about this, I liked it. Yes, I read creepypasta in my spare time when I ain’t picking up one of you mortal meatbags. Don’t judge bro. I’m featured in so many of these…gotta know what the people are saying.
And remember, you can’t escape me. Sweet dreams…and you might wanna leave the light on, dear.
it’s just some crazy meth head scratching the needle marks in his hands? haha scary?
Crucifixions were performed by driving nails through the wrists, not the hands you donut.
It was Jesus??
No, Slendy. It was Jesus.
Mediocre
I kinda liked it. I didn’t realise it was Jesus until the holes in his hands.
I loved this! It was Jesus and he didnt know it! Now it makes you wonder that next time someone needs your help, maybe it’s Jesus. So help them! :)
And just a tip. Im no grammar Nazi and usually little grammar mistakes dont bug me and i dont care but it would have been better if you didnt mis spell his shirt.
Is this what passes as creepy now? I quit life.
That depends on how creepy you find Jesus and the whole concept of his existence.
Wow. Took me a second to realize that it was Jesus. Hooray! Not really creepy, put pretty dang cool
Christianpasta? Bleh.
Woah o-o
T.T it is impossible to crucify someone through the hands.. they put the nails in the persons wrist.
Meh. Pretty decent, I guess.
But what I’m most amused by, is the way that even the smallest religeous reference set a bunch of morons into douchebag mode.
it gave me goode bumps. then i realized im not a goose . har har HAERD
why cant we have more great short pastas like “in the kitchen”
http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/In_The_Kitchen
what’s the point ??? such a bland pasta 2/10
I thought God was fake?
Not creepy but more like oh i get it
isnt it funny that that’s what would’ve really happened
Wow. I’m genuinely surprised at the amount of pure hatred that is being spewed at…*ahem* A STORY. ON THE INTERNET. I liked it. It wasn’t “creepy” per say, but it was a bit unnerving. This story definitely has more feeling in it than any other ‘and then I’ll come for you’ or ‘hunched over white figure with long finger nails’ stories.
BUT WHO WAS STIGMATA
Poor Jesus…
OMFG. I probably woke the neighbors laughing, and that is saying something considering the blessed thickness and apparent soundproofing of these walls! Woe betide them, at like midnight, when I find things that are this good!
OMFG. I probably woke the neighbors laughing, and that’s saying something considering the blessed thickness and apparent soundproofing of these walls! Woe betide them, at like midnight, when I find things that are this good!
Good point anon….still a nice pasta.
The responses to this pasta are hilarious. The heavy-handed Jesus reference was too obscure for some?! Instead of alluding to Jesus in the climax your pasta should end, ‘AND HE WAS JESUS!’ or else only 10 percent of the people reading here will understand. It is very important to end one’s pasta with an exclamatory statement in all caps. How else will people know when to be scared?
Too bad Jesus was nailed through his wrists.
story good. not frightening like I DONT DREAM ANYMORE but leaves one wondering if jesus 2nd coming or just old hippie that had been attacked by power-drill wielding psycho.
I was Jesus.
Why is Jesus here. He died. HE SUCKS DONKEY BALLS
werwerwerwer
This is pretty good, if only Violent Harvest can post uncreative and pointless pastas, he\’d be as good as this guy.
i dont git it… dont blame me im 12
This was just bad. Crucifixions are done through the wrist, not the hand, but that’s really a minor detail. This had potential, but then the whole apathetic Jesus thing at the end just killed it. Maybe this is creepy to die-hard Christians, but other than that, it’s kind of just boring.
lol, oh that silly jesus. what cant he do?
This had potential…I\’d have made it longer and more drawn out, with more people. As a short piece, it really doesn\’t work well.
Stephen King needs to teach this so called “writer” a lesson.
Don\’t know if anyone mentioned this, but he was crucified through the wrists. The bones in the hand aren\’t strong enough to support the body\’s weight and would rip open.
Bad pasta tastes bad.
i didnt read every single comment so im not sure if someone posted this before, but jesus had holes stabbed through his wrists not his hands…if he was stabbed through his hands, then because of the crusafiction (yeah i prollly spelled that wrong, sue me) process, his body would have fallen of the cross and his hands just ripped off the nails
This fucking blows
I like this one.
Not creepy, just…idk.
It has a good lesson. Lol.
@2 pmsl Jesus
the Romans put thousands of people to death in their time. crucifixion was taken from the Persians and the Romans perfected it. All crucifixions were always done through the bones of the wrists. the nails would rest in place under you hand. which is so much sexier than going through the palm I think.
What happened to completely normal average hippie’s hands? one unintelligent person might ask.
Cute, but it’s impossible to hang a human up by nailing the palms of his hands.
Wait, did the POV just switch to the hippy all of a sudden? That’s bad writing.
Sorry…WHAT?
I liked it, and I’m atheist.
Even though I didn’t find it creepy, I really loved the short story itself.
This was more sexy than creepy.
“fingering the ragged holes”, mmmmmmmhhh.
ha
I don’t see how that Jesus guy is scary. It was somewhat clever, but it really wasn’t interesting. Is Jesus supposed to be scary?
people whose “mind was blown” are retarded and christian
;-; jesus… i thought you where, stoned, drunk, and needing money ;-;
*walks off to find a hippie with a sandwich board*
BUT WHO WAS JESUS????
nah atually that wasn’t really creepy,
But more surprising,Because is jesus seriously did come back. He would prolly be treated like that. minus the whole walking on water thing.
Not creepy, kind of weird
lol at all the kiddies bashing this story because it has jesus so their friends on Livejournal think they’re cool
When I think about Creepypasta I think about unsettling “truths”.
When I think about Jesus I think about religion and the bible and how ridiculous it all is.
This fails at every conceivable level.
IT’S JEEBUS
that pasta was bad and you should feel bad
I’ve read this like 30 times before and I just thought it was weird that he had holes in his hand.
I read it again today and thought about it and then brix were shat.
IT’S JESUS.
My feet turned cold at the last sentence.
I like this pasta. :D
@ Martin:
Making the assumption that anyone Christian is a sexist sheep is as bad as saying anyone who is Wiccan is a witch.
(btw I’m agnostic. Just saying)
When I read the part The End Is Nigh, I was all like Watchmen!
BUT WHO WAS THE SAMMICH BORED?
I liked it. Would order JesusPasta again.
this one always makes me laugh. But it is more like a satiric story, rather than creepypasta. Plus, it has too many repetitions.
I’m confused. Jesus is supposed to be scary now?
I like the Christian reference at the end. Nice twist.
This pasta is kind of short. It would have been better if you fleshed it out a bit more.
Thanks for the read anyway.
–Char Mander
I got it the first time I read it! I’m so proud of myself! :DDD
And for those who don’t get it, think ‘gospel’.
Oh.
Oooh! I get it. 8D
Jesus he does not get high oof crack or meth i should know i was hanging out with him yesterday and we were blazing some of that good shit (weed) straight hydroponic BITCHES
p.s he wanted me to tell you guys he loves you all for the bible will tell you so
Old pasta is old. And it wasn’t even good the first time around. It’s even more disappointing because of the retards who didn’t get it. jfc guys, what the hell.
lol cool. yay jesus XD
That was kinda cool.
could of been a little better but still cool
8/10
oh, jesus. I SEE…
BUT WHO WAS BEAUTY AND THE BEAST’S PROLOGUE?
I actually liked this. It was a quick piece of amusement. Though I find it really funny, how many people didn’t get it, or took a few seconds to get it, considering I thought it was ridiculously obvious.
lol jesus
I didn’t get it till I read some comments. xD
It’s interesting, I like it.
Nom nom nom.
Religious pasta is religious.
It was in the wrist, guys. The wrist, not the hand. lrn2physics
I don’t think this is too bad. I’m not a Christian obviously, because I have this incredibly stupid addiction to thinking and I don’t take much pleasure in treating womin like objects, but if the J-man really did rise (and he wasn’t a zombie like before), people would tell him to sod off.
jesus!
I for one like the idea of Jesus fingering himself. Makes me kinda hot.
I’m pretty sure this exact story is circulated in Catholic circles all the time.
This story was really good; short, dark, and makes you think.
9/10
What the fuck would Jesus need my help for? Isn’t he supposedly the second most powerful being in the universe, what am I going to do, spot him a twenty?
its jesus you guys
Some people here are far too easily amused… If they were running this site, people who can’t write for shit (like me back when I first came here and in some cases, to this day) would be praised for their crappy writing and never grow. Kinda sucks, really.
^^Retards^^
The first time I read this I didn’t get it. The second time I read it I shat brix.
GAH! I can’t believe I missed that the first time.
Oh, you’re all so god damned edgy for being atheists. Do you believe in fucking slenderman and the rake? No, but you still enjoy stories about them.
I love Jesus just as much as the next guy, but even his presence isn’t enough to save this pasta. Honestly. Right down to the idea behind it, this pasta is the very embodiment of cliche. I’m usually not this mean, really, but for God’s sake, man, get your ideas somewhere besides the Christian channel.
This was terrible, but I still laughed.
Seriously? Jesus is creepy pasta?
Just no.
This isn’t creepy at all. This is really something I would expect to be in some sort of crazy religious sermon. In fact, you could read that verbatim. At least it’s clever! (Oh wait, not really…)
Is anyone aware of creepypasta.net? It’s a *lot* better…
Middle on the hand?
FAIL!
The nails were closer to the wrist…
Unfortunatelly I smelled Jesus all the way from the first “hippie”. Otherwise a very nice piece, even with the possibly unintended (sp?) comedy factor.
And to be honest: if it hadn’t been Jesus, I would have felt let down and disappointed. :(
Haha, Jesus is a hippie.
You know what my biggest problem with it is? There was no build-up. I mean to say, there is no sense of foreboding at all. There’s a hippie, he’s weird, he says something, the protagonist ignores him, and the hippie is Jesus, who doesn’t even seem to give a fuck. That’s it. It’s not written well at all, and so instead of thinking “OMG THE HIPPIE IS JESUS WE ARE DOOMED,” the reader thinks “Oh, it’s Jesus. Meh.” Not even Christ really cares whether or not this guy listens, it seems, so why should we?
I hate to say it, but if I’m going to read about the end of the world through a Christian perspective, I’d rather read Left Behind. Those books are terrible, but at least there’s a bit of urgency. A bit.
This wasn’t creepypasta. It was bad joke you tell your drunk buddies in a bar.
As one or two posters before me posted, the holes would be around his wrists – his palms would not be able to support his weight hanging from a cross.
Also: this was on the Encyclopedia Dramatica entry for “creepypasta” LONG before now; I wonder what took so long to move it here? Old pasta is old.
OH LOL IT’S JESUS. Took me a while…
Lammmeee.
Not creepy in the least. Clever, in that, “…Oh, I get it,” kind of way, but not creepy at all.
“MASSIVE plagurism on the poster’s part (it was on Encyclopedia Dramatica’s creepypasta page”
Do you not know the definition of creepypasta?. Also, learn how to spell.
I almost missed it, but reread the last part and finally got it. nice story bro.
I think I’ve read this somewhere else before. It was suprising at first, but then it took awhile to digest =/
Not creepy but clever. And that loser who said he was a “strict atheist”…you’re just as much an extremist as those who start wars in name of God. Chill out dude. I prefer these short ones over the long ones any day.
Wait, is this suppose to be scary? I’m not sure. It wasn’t scary… but if it suppose to be scary… then something is wrong with me….
Wow took me like a whole 8 seconds to get that. Good pasta if you think about it.
Needs moar Thor.
I see what you did there.
From now on any hippie that apporaches me I’ll check his hands first to make sure.
MASSIVE plagurism on the poster’s part (it was on Encyclopedia Dramatica’s creepypasta page for Christ’s sake, no pun intended) also, is shit
The flaw with this particular pasta is all in the opening sentence. It’s too impersonable and confusing as to who’s who. After that, there’s a lack of suspense, and the story wasn’t dragged out long enough for the “shock” at the end to be effective.
Fail execution (no pun), tired concept, but still has SOME potential.
It really doesnt matter. This pasta is horrible regardless. He could have had holes in his nipples and it wouldnt change the fact that this is complete garbage.
Lame.
it’s not creepy, but it’s sad D:
Crucifixion is done through the wrists, yes, but the popular image (and thus the one that more people will recognize) is the innacurate through-the-hands portrayal. Christ, don’t you people know anything about dumbing shit down for the lowest denominator?
last time I checked this was creepypasta NOT christianpasta
I want to send this pasta back…
Crucifixion is done by nailing through the wrists, not hands. Other than that, I liked it. 7/10.
eh, lame.
BUT WHO WAS CHRIST?
i feel so crappy for not realising the hippe was jesus -.-
Like someone said, darkly ominous but not creepy/scary. Overall, though, this was really good, as it was short, sweet, and simple.
Oh, its Jesus.
When they said holes, I was thinking about some gaping hole in his hand…
*Rorschach
You’d think the son of God’s second coming would be more impressive and convincing than copying Roschach’s day job.
Oh I get it! ..and now what?
For those who don’t understand this, it is referred to as Stigmata. If the character wasn’t in fact Jesus, then he suffered the pains of Christ which is what Stigmata is.
THEN WHO WAS CRAPPY PASTA POSTER?
Adding Jesus does not make this any less lame.
I get it.
Clever Jesus :D
it would be cool if everyone bitching about shitty pasta would submit their own :333333333333
i liked this pasta. not creepy, but not bad.
what the fuck
guys who the fuck is jesus?
‘fingering the ragged holes through his hands’
lol wut? Not creepy but I kind of liked it… 6/10
BUT WHO WAS BRIAN
Wow i didnt get this pasta at first and then i had to read the comments to get it this pasta is really gay and i hate it worst pasta ever!
Mediocra pasta, the farthest thing from creepy. Uninteresting till the end, though those unfamiliar with the Christian religion might not have recognized the Jesus reference.
I thought this was a good story. Made me sad at the end, really. ^^
I like it. It was not particularly creepy, but enough to make one think.
You know what I would have liked? For this “creepy hippie” to be standing outside a church after Sunday services. Ja?
Sick of pasta. Nothing good.
Frontpage sucks lately.
THEN WHO WAS CLICHE CHRISTIAN PROPAGANDA?
BUT THEN WHO WAS SANDWICH BOARD
Religious pasta was nummy. Not too bad, but I’d actually help the poor “high as a kite hippie.”
Not to brag about my rosaries or anything
1) Short and boring
2) He was nailed through just below the wrists (look it up)
3) Jesus is never good creepypasta material. Serial killer DRESSED LIKE Jesus maybe, but not Jesus himself
I am only reading this story for the first time, and I rejoice that someone has already pointed out the inaccuracy. (I think someone else did in an earlier comment, but that person made an uncool comment about depressed people botching suicide or something.) I like this story otherwise, but when I read where the holes were, I died a little on the inside.
this is a pretty interesting story, but not exactly creepy, at least to me. still, i liked it. (also: lol Jesus.)
For anyone who is like “wut” the “hippie” is supposed to be jesus, you know he was nailed to the cross, hence the holes in his hands.. sometimes reffered to as “stigmata” by idiots who have punched holes in thier own hands, claimed to have woke up like it and got loads of news coverage. its a shitty pasta.
This one is not very good, but I still like it a lot. Funny.
There was something about the ending that I really liked, but the writing style took something away from it all.
This is an old one too. Why are so many retro pastas getting posted recently?
I didn’t find this that scary as creepypasta goes, but fuck it makes you think doesn’t it?
Short creepypastas that make you think, are the ones that should be held in high regard.
I knew jesus was a hippie from that walking on water bull shit. I did that once too-when I was high on acid.
I rather enjoyed this one. I’m not religious at all, but for some reason I felt sad when the ending hit me… then creeped out. This one is concise and ominous: unlike many creepy pastas are today.
stigmata much?
First I thought there were pingpong ball sized holes through his hands. Then it clicked.
I liked it. It was short, sweet, to the point, and had an ending that was really unexpected. :)
Spunk – Agreed. Mind. Blown. Totally blown.
he’s jesus or something?
This has been on encyclopedia dramatica’s creepypasta page for over a year…
Beautiful, I like the Twist ♥___♥
I read an almost verbatim version of that on some fundie site once.
Also, you can’t crucify people by nailing through the hands, they won’t support shit and then the guy rips down and then you end up wasting an afternoon. Through the wrists. Worse than fucking emo kids cutting their wrists the wrong direction…
yay4jeebus
Look, everyone knows that jesus is working in a record store.
Get this fake shit outa here n3wbz
I ‘aint afraid o’ no Jesus.
Seriously, at worst, it’s a crazy old hippie.
At best, it’s the least violent man who ever lived. Also God.
@Aspire not being a christian doesn’t mean anti-religion…
Not scared yet.
Weak.
subject matter aside, it was poorly written and while I can see the “creepy” or “scary” aspect from a religious POV it really fell flat for the rest of the masses.
EL SENOR ES MALO
this was horseshit
Short, sweet, to the point, creepy. And it gave that ‘wtfwhoaaaa’ moment at the end. Delicious.
and guy was buddha, all like “FU geezus”
It’s hard being me.
MIND BLOWN!!!! Hippie was Jesus? Duuuuuuuude….
I suspect most people will immediately understand the reference, and then feign ignorance because it’s very popular to be anti-religion these days, especially among our circles.
THEN WHO WAS MESSIAH?
When I realized what it was I actually clapped my hands over my mouth and squeaked. And went ‘MINDFUCK’ out loud.
Is Buddha getting the same results over in the east? What’s the Chinese equivalent of a hippie– a komuso monk?
I hand to read the last sentence twice, but I really don’t like it anyway. Not the plot, but the way it was written. Could have been so much more elaborate.
at first i lol’d
…
then i serious’d
It’s Jesus with the crucifixion holes in his hands. But that doesn’t make this good OR creepy. Mostly it’s just horribly written and complete crap. Not clever. 0/10
Without a doubt the worst pasta I have ever seen on this website.
Yeah. Way better than ‘Core’.
That was sarcasm.
Oh god…
Literally,you smart ass jesus
Oh yeah… Another of those christian little pieces. ‘Jesus has returned, but none will listen before it is late.’
Good I am a strict atheist, is the only thought I had.
I liked this one, short, sweet, and realistic. I mean that’s probably how most people would react if he was alive now.
Author should have had the walking guy try to stab him in the side, only to find out IT ALREADY HAPPENED o.O
Also, I want a sandwich now.
Old pasta is old. And it’s one of my favorites.
took me a couple of seconds, but I got it…
BUT WHO WAS JESUS
Excellent!
but who was jesus?
THEN WHO WAS MARKS OF ME
So this story is creepy because Jesus is warning us against the end of the world?
Fuck you Jesus, I haven’t unlocked everything in CoD:MW2 yet. Delay that crap for me.
When I saw your comment @Anonymous, I literally could not stop laughin for 10 minutes.
When the end of the world comes, Jesus appears and all who believe him shall see him.
I really quite liked this one, it was pretty short. But it was ominous and dark.
Wasn’t creepy, but it did well.
7/10
seriously?
i’m never coming to this site again.
Brix were shat
I liked this one for some reason. I wonder how many people know was stigmata is.
A stigmata is the formation of scars or actual wounds where Jesus Christ received them at the cruxicfiction. I know this cuz one time I got a decent sized cut in my palm (climbing a tree) and thought I had stigmatas lol
All I could think of when I read that was the Ministry song.
It took me about two whole seconds.
Yay Jesus.
BUT WHO WAS JESUS?
lrn2Bible if anyone doesn’t get this.
BUT WHO WAS JESUS?!!?!?
Who was Ragged holes????
There certainly have been a shortage of good long pastas lately.
…….seriously?
THIS is what passes as creepypasta today?
…….I quit.
I agree. Way too vague. 3/10
Woah you can’t just throw some Jesus at us without warning.
lol in the middle of his hands? please elaborate, ive read this pasta somewhere else :/ its like one of those pasta you read to get yourself mentally prepared for some real ass pasta lol
this pasta is mediocre because of the ominous sense this story gives off and the ending was.. “eh.”
It’s jesus
HOW DID I NOT KNOW IT WAS JESUS
Jesus Was Crucified. Giant nails in his hand… left marks their…