• Hopesworth

    That was one of the best pastas I’ve read in a long time! It’s evident that the author did their research. One minor gripe (and that’s only because I’m a premed) is the term is rigor mortis, not rigimortis. Other than that, terrific job!

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    Rating: +6 (from 10 votes)
    • Cynnical Oerson

      He also said "load noise."

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      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
      • Your English Teacher

        Also, the word "wherefore" is considered to be a synonym to "why". Think Romeo and Juliet’s "Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo"(paraphrased, I think)… Juliet is bemoaning the fact that Romeo is the famed son of the rivals, hence, "why are you this Romeo dude and not some nobody that my parents wouldn’t care about".

        But whatever. It’s not like the word "wherefore" was in popular use in the 1930s anyways.

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        • mark

          http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wherefore
          not wrong though. another definition is therefore, or consequently.”They had delayed far too long however, for not a man on my team desired to linger any longer. (consequently) they all conspired…”. As you can see he was probably using the modern definition of wherefore. You should also know that this definition comes from Wherefore meaning “why” to “which is why” in the more modern sense.

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  • TheRadHatter

    Great writing style!
    Not a bad story either. :) way to do ur research!

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • Eskimo

    Well written my good sir. Unlike most people on this website you have a great chance at being a published writer, and to that I would read any work, that you have, with open hands, and mind.

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    Rating: +5 (from 9 votes)
  • SuMM

    I like this very much! Reminded me a little of Stephenson’s ‘Snow Crash’.

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  • ACritic

    I love it. It’s not so much frightening as just, well… creepy. A refreshing and original piece.

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • Sarcastic Sarah BUT NOT REALLY

    I’m proud we shared a creative writing class in high school. You have so much potential in any future works you plan to take on. I will read anything you write!

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    Rating: +6 (from 8 votes)
  • TimberWolf

    dude… that was AWESOME. literally made my skin crawl. they should pay you to make stuff this good.

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    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  • Tardigrade

    Was surprised that Sir Charles would use US spelling. And the past tense for rend is rent.

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • http://it-cowcer.tumblr.com/ I.T. Cowcer

    I would just like to thank everyone for reading my first ever creepy pasta! Right now I’m just trying to throw out some of my ideas and see if any of them hold weight. I would also like to thank you all for the great constructive criticism. Using the British spelling system would have added a level of authenticity that, for one reason or another,I hadn’t even considered. GO TEAM!

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    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  • Alexander of Brennenburg

    The whole tale sounds remarkably similar to what befell a colleague of mine, particularly the bit with the Shadow beast intent on following. I’d recommend haste action in contacting me should you befall this. I’m sure we can work something out.

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    Rating: -1 (from 3 votes)
  • PastEcho

    I was shuddering pretty much the entire time amazing pasta the minor grammatical errors are completely overshadowed by the amazing originality and skill this story with it’s style (eerie, spooky, not monster-under-the-bed scary) makes it better than many other stories like slenderman, Jeff the killer, smile dog, and other assorted pastas 9.5/10 easily I expect more great stories from you

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  • zemike

    Soooo…what was the phrase?? LOL.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • anon

    Sorry warrior within

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  • Shannon

    I love this Pasta. Journal-esque Pastas are my favourite. However, I am very confused about what the presence is supposed to be. There is no reference to darkness or any sort of figure in the Sumerian account, so is it supposed to be Inanna?

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  • acemach

    Extremely well-written story, and carefully researched for the most part.

    I do have one small quibble about the setting, though – Iraq was already an existing state by 1932 (it was founded in 1921), and it is population is Arab (or Kurdish in the northeast), not Persian, as mentioned at the start.

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  • TheJOKER

    But….WHO WAS PHRASE?!?!!
    Beyond that, yummy Journal pasta.
    ;~}

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  • Jadey90

    My only problem with this story is that the officer decides to go to a psychiatrist and receives medication. In those days people didn’t voluntarily go to a psychiatrist and there definately wasn’t any medication. In addition, the explanation about the corpus callosum isn’t really clear (because hearing and seeing is processed in both hemispheres, but speech is I think processed only in the left).

    I did really enjoy the story.

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