• AlixeTiir

    A pasta with an ending where evil is defeated?

    THE WORLD IS ALREADY OVER?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +25 (from 27 votes)
  • G-O

    My oh my, this is pretty darn Lovecraftian.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +5 (from 9 votes)
  • Lucifer

    pretty good, couple errors here and there (mixing up five feet and five meters, saying Alex and Samantha were identical twins when I have only ever known Samantha as a feminine name, etc) overall, I\\\’d say… 8.9/10. also, aren\\\’t headmounted lamps more standard equipment than just flairs when spelunking?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -4 (from 16 votes)
    • Anonymous

      Alex is also a girls name

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
    • Anonymous

      1) It’s actually possible for monozygotic twins to be of different sexes, just very very unlikely.
      2) I can’t be bothered to read through all that again, but I only remember him saying they were brother and sister, not identical twins?
      3) Like anon said, Alex is also a female name.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    • FLIP THE LEVER

      The “flares” (emphasis) I assumed would be intended to be launched out of the cave to alert those outside that something had gone wrong inside

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • looby

    Meh, I feel like I wasted my time reading that.

    Also, I couldn\’t help but this of The Descent during the first half lol

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -3 (from 27 votes)
  • looby

    *think

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -3 (from 5 votes)
  • sticky16

    Not bad.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  • Anonymous

    Pretty great story. To bad the end is so abrupt.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +20 (from 22 votes)
  • Friendly Neighbourhood Troll

    quite liked this one
    the warnings are quite strange and unexplained though
    but a good read

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
  • Reaveress

    \"They were typically argumentative of identical twins\"

    Um… you\’ve already established that one twin is male & the other female – you know that identical twins means IDENTICAL, right? Like – right down to the genitalia… you can\’t have boy/girl identical twins, mate.

    As for the rest – it was, not good. Just – not good.

    2/10

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -15 (from 35 votes)
    • Somebody

      No, identical twins just come from the same egg. While it doesn’t fit the common usage, it isn’t impossible.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: -3 (from 9 votes)
      • Brickis

        No. What you are referring to are fraternal twins. Identical twins are just that, identical.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +4 (from 8 votes)
        • I Consist Entirely of Lego Bricks.

          Then the writer was bad at words.

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: -3 (from 3 votes)
    • Anonymous

      You know Alex can be a girl name right?

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
      • -_-

        Yes, but Alex is refered to with male pronouns.

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
    • Patrick I. Ricker

      Identical male/female twins ARE possible, but are very rare. They form because of a genetic abnormality or mutation in the phenotypes during their development. Read about it.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twin#Monozygotic_.28.22identical.22.29_twins

      As a presonal anecdote I knew a pair of male/female identical twins growing up. It wasn’t odd to me at the time, but looking back I can remember that the female had particularly masculine qualities and that the male was more effeminite. The result of those characteristics further served to make them seem more identical, but the truth is that they were an abnormality born of one egg and one sperm.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
    • John Mercado

      He meant that as in they argue like identical twins, he says of before that which points this out

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • 0.o

    Quite good! Not to creepy, but a great story!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +7 (from 11 votes)
  • Al

    wat

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -7 (from 7 votes)
  • lulzfish

    \"We are not going to split up, under any circumstances.\"
    Good idea

    \"Let\’s go deeper into the cave with a wild animal or extradimensional cosmic horror in it.\"
    Bad idea

    \"I\’ll use the power of positive thinking to defeat said cosmic horror\"
    Fucking silly.

    Probably could have skipped that whole part and made the pasta better.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +12 (from 22 votes)
  • Mike

    Delicious

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • kozie

    Lolwat

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -3 (from 3 votes)
  • Anonymous

    awesome story, great ending 8/10

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  • Adama

    Ashley… is a guy??

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +18 (from 24 votes)
    • Patrick I. Ricker

      Ever hear of Evil Dead?

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • The Jackal

    And so, the creepy pasta starts to live, again.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  • Anon

    I went into this thinking it might be Lovecraft related (The Beast In The Cave), and was thus hopeful. It was entirely unbelievable. The cave messages were cheesy at best. The narrator’s diction changes so often that he comes off entirely fake and out of place, especially when other people commit to phrases such as “I’m out” when compared to doing his “utmost.” Would you really say something like that to some Big Bad that reveals his master plan? I mean, that’s cliche enough, but then to have more cave carvings. Who would have the time to carve a message if they’re bleeding out and just got attacked? Maybe it was the Jackal doing it, boo hoo.

    Really, I got too off-track in splitting hairs. All in all, it was mediocre at best. Come on, folks, let’s be consistent and “believable.”

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -8 (from 14 votes)
  • Flash37

    …Well damn.
    I saw some sort of Lovecraft-ish stuff in here, mixed with some alien stuff, mixed with lovely grammar and descriptions. That was long but it was worth it x3

    10/10, pasta is practically novel quality.
    And for the fact that you named a guy Ashley. Any man named Ashley is bound to be awesome.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +14 (from 14 votes)
  • http://www.dylanangladamusic.com Dylan A.

    Poorly written and predictable. Also, twins of opposite genders cannot be identical.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -15 (from 19 votes)
  • Anonymous

    Amazing description of the Jackal. You really built him up well and gave him eerie, creative, and cool characteristics. Good writing and use of vocabulary, too.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +8 (from 10 votes)
  • WhatTheJehovasat

    Wow that was really amazing, great story.
    Im just curious how the world exploded around him. Was that from the flare gun stopping the jackal thing?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  • Ericho

    That was great! I had no idea what was going or what was going to happen next, but it was all done so well! I do kind of wonder how Ashley was able to write that stuff while he was running. I liked how it ended so ambiguously, even though I think it hints that the guy survived. I bet the Jackal lied and only Ashley died. There was just so much tension I have to give this a 9/10. Took me 24 minutes to read it, but it was well worth it.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Gar

    I like the Lovecraftian style. Though, there’s a few critical atmospheric things missing. For example, how did anyone scratch images and warnings on the wall of a creature they’d never seen thanks to its darkness aura? And, ostensibly, one that kills them, and/or never lets them leave.

    Also, the main character changes tone halfway through. On the way there, he’s badly affected via fear of the drawings on the wall. Then, near/in the creature’s lair, he’s suddenly fearless and calculating. It was a bit jarring.

    Also, it was pretty clear how the story was going to end the moment there were the Jackal and flare gun elements in play. I just don’t understand exactly how a flare gun would kill the narrator, destroy Ashley, and destroy the Jackal all at once. Perhaps it should be dynamite? You have a great foundation for having the narrator be unreliable, especially with the mention of ‘something horrible’ happening in the mountains in his past. Having him bring dynamite inexplicably, and with his past and him being so callous towards the broken ankle, could definitely put a spin on his narration while keeping the Jackal as a real entity (and not just in his head).

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +2 (from 6 votes)
  • JACKAL

    CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR TERROR

    ALSO WAT

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
Back to top
mobile desktop