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The Cave



Estimated reading time — 19 minutes

One

There were originally nine of us scheduled for the spelunking expedition, but Murphy’s Law dictated that two of the group had to pull out due to various issues. It was a disappointment having fewer members to share in the experience, but then again, there were benefits – less logistical problems, more space and so on. I, personally, wasn’t that affected by it; while most of us were close friends, I hadn’t known those two well.

Our rendezvous was the cave entrance, at the crack of dawn. I was the first one there, as usual; those who knew me often remarked at my attention to punctuality. Slowly, the rest of the group arrived, parking their cars and unloading the equipment that we had organised between us. As the expedition leader, I had the emergency provisions on me – first aid kit, flare gun, GPS locator. It seemed quite odd that a flare gun would be taken into an underground location, but I’d rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

We assembled at the cave entrance. There was Jason, Alex, Karen, Samantha, Vincent, Ashley and, of course, myself. Alex and I were experienced spelunkers, while the rest had varying skill levels: moderate (Karen, Vincent and Samantha), poor (Jason) and a first-timer (Ashley). Normally it was against my instinct to take a first-timer into an unexplored cave and in such a large group, but he had promised to obey every command I gave him and had agreed to carry the most cumbersome equipment on the safe parts of the trek.

The cave loomed in front of us. It was typically dark and rather foreboding. Not for the first time, I wondered why it was, according to every available record of local geological sites, unexplored. Perhaps it was the isolated location, or the fact that until recently, there had been no way for vehicles to access it through the surrounding forest. “Are you sure it’s alright?” Ashley nervously asked, shifting from foot to foot. His earlier bravado had deserted him. “Yes. You can’t change your mind once we’re in, so decide now.” I said flatly, turning around without waiting for an answer. He’d make his own mind up without any further input from me.

The rest of the group followed me. After a few moments of apparent indecision, Ashley hurried in after the rest of us. Soon, the darkness swallowed us whole.

Inside, the cave was quite larger than it appeared. It proceeded inwards for about two hundred metres and then sloped down quite quickly. As per usual, I ordered the group members to “buddy up,” a system in which the group divided into pairs and three’s and were responsible for keeping together. Ashley and I were partners, given that I was the most experienced and he was the least. It wasn’t as fun spelunking when you had to care for somebody else, but it was a necessary evil. Besides, he was a quick learner.

Soon the sunlight from the cave mouth faded. “Flares out, everybody,” I ordered. One by one, the expedition members cracked the flares. As per local guidelines, each member carried two packs of thirty handheld flares. It may have been excessive, but the flares weren’t very strong and only provided enough light for the immediate area around the user. I took a glowstick from my pack and wedged it into the rock beside me. Only I carried these and they were quite stronger than the flares, able to last up to twelve hours with diminishing light after eight. I would use them to mark our trail back up.

Slowly we continued down. The handheld flares lasted for fifteen minutes on average and soon we reached an edge. I ordered the group to stop five feet from the precipice, where the ground levelled out. As you may have noticed, I am a stickler for safety measures, but not without good reason. I didn’t want a death on my hands. “Ashley, crack a flare and throw it down,” I said, watching to see how he did it. Ashley withdrew a flare from his pack and lit it. Then, without moving, he tossed it forward, down the hole. I nodded in approval – he hadn’t moved forward from the five metre guideline.

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I crept forward to the precipice and looked into the abyss.

Then I saw it.

Descending into the darkness, barely half a metre from the cliff edge, was what appeared to be a staircase.

Two

The light of the flare made one thing quite clear. It wasn’t a man-made staircase – at least, it didn’t look like one. It appeared to be hewn out of the descending rock, meaning that the original cliff would have extended further into the cave. The stairs were rough and uneven, but it was close enough for government work, as the saying goes. “What is it?” One of the group members asked from behind me. “Looks like a natural staircase of sorts,” I answered, distracted. I withdrew another glowstick from my bag and planted it at the top of the stairs.

“Let’s go.”

We descended cautiously, for caves are notoriously deceptive. Ahead of me, the darkness grew thicker. It seemed palpable, almost physical. As if my thoughts were true, the flares we held seemed to diminish in the face of the abyss. After fifty or so steps, I reached the bottom.

That’s when I heard the crack.

It sounded like a gunshot, loud and sharp. I spun at the foot of the stairs. Behind me, Jason was tumbling roughly down the last few steps, straight towards me. I spun out of the way and he crashed to the floor, moaning in agony. The rest of the group hurried towards me, concerned, as I bent to inspect the injury. It was obvious – his ankle was twisted at an unnatural angle, clearly broken. Jason’s face had rapidly lost colour.

“Karen, Vincent, grab him by the arms. Careful.” I said quietly, unwilling to exacerbate the situation by panicking. They picked him up slowly, his ankle dangling grotesquely beneath him. Something glinted under the crimson light of the flares. I knew it was bone. I reached into my pack, taking out two small batons and a white bandage. “This is going to hurt,” I warned. The caution was wasted on Jason, anyway – he was half-unconscious. I grabbed his ankle and twisted.

His ankle cracked again.

That roused Jason from his stupor. He screamed piercingly, loudly enough to hurt my ears. Quickly, trying to not to prolong his agony, I wound the bandage around the batons, which braced either side of his leg. The screaming stopped, but not because the pain had faded. He was unconscious. “Take him up to the entrance of the cave and to the hospital. If he wakes, give him these painkillers.” I told his helpers. Karen and Vincent nodded and began the arduous climb up to the surface, holding their unconscious ward.

“Shouldn’t we go with them? I mean, his ankle was-“Ashley began, but I cut him off. “No. We came this far, and we’re not going to stop now. I want to investigate this cave to the end. Remember, I told you that you couldn’t change your mind,” I said sharply, taking out my anger at letting the accident happen under my leadership on him. Ashley – known as Ash to his friends, but I never used that – fell silent. I felt a fleeting sense of guilt at my attitude. I brushed it off and spun around. Already Jason and the others were out of view.

Around the group, the darkness surrounded us like a malevolent entity.

The landing we were on led further into the cave for quite a while and we proceeded incident-free, thankfully. I marked our progress with the glowsticks at various intervals. Strangely, like the flares, they gave off less light the deeper we progressed. It began to unnerve me and I could tell the others noticed it too. Alex and Samantha, who were incidentally brother and sister, fell a few steps behind us. Ashley, to my right, was silent.

Finally, as the flares grew ever dimmer, I saw something in the wall to my right. I called the diminished group over and cracked a new flare to provide extra light. It appeared to some sort of carving in the wall. I studied it carefully. The scene depicted a few humanoid forms on the ground. A few scratches of red seemed to indicate wounds. Various pillars around them rose to the roof of the cavern.

But that wasn’t nearly the worst part.

In front of the people – the victims, I now corrected myself – was a large figure. It may have had detail in the past, but only the outline remained. The body was scratched out. It was a disturbing scene.

Then I looked beneath the scene and my eyes widened.

It had a message.

Three

The strange thing about the message was that it was in English. The carving looked entirely authentic; meaning that a caveman – if you’ll pardon the pun – had created it. I found it impossible that the same person could have scrawled the five words below the picture. Behind me, Alex read it out loud.

“THE JACKAL AND THE CAVE . How strange,” he said. Indeed, that was the message, written entirely in capital. I dismissed the painting and turned back to the main path. It was obviously a hoax – there was no way a caveman could write in any script, let alone in English. Probably some kid mucking around in days long past. But it still made me uneasy, regardless of what I assumed it to be.

If it was a hoax, then why does it look so fucking authentic?

Eventually, the four of us had had our fill of ‘THE JACKAL AND THE CAVE,’ and, after Ashley had snapped a photo of it for a keepsake, we continued into the cave. I was forced to light two flares at a time, now, to ward off the choking darkness. The diminishing effectiveness of the flares puzzled me – in all my time spelunking I had never encountered anything like it. I wondered whether it was a defective bunch or some other reason – it had to have a logical, rational reason.

Behind me, Alex and Samantha were still locked in conversation. I picked up snatches of the heated debate as we walked. They, like me, were still pondering the origin of the admittedly ominous cave drawing. I wished they’d drop it already, or at least quieten down. I looked to my right, saw nothing but a sloping cave wall and looked away, back to the trail.

I froze.

And turned.

There, among the rock that I had just glanced at, was another carving.

I felt sick as I hurried over to it. The red glow of the flares flickered on the wall, dancing over the picture, making it look demonic under the sparse light. It depicted a scene much like the last, except there were only two bodies on the floor. The third was in midair, seemingly held by an appendage – not quite an arm, not quite a tentacle – from the titular Jackal. The pillars around the scene appeared again, except with small, indistinct etching on them. Like before, only the faint outline of the Jackal appeared, the rest of it having been scribbled – or scratched, I couldn’t tell which – out.

Underneath it was another five-word message, one that I read quickly and immediately wished I hadn’t.

‘GO BACK. THE JACKAL WAITS,” it said.

I turned from the carving as the others moved in to get a good look and tried not to panic. The air felt thin and dry, much like the air in the Andes. I’d gone climbing there a few years ago, and terrible things had happened – which explained my preference for underground rocks as opposed to aerial ones – but that’s a story for another day and another time. Around me, the darkness was thick. I could no longer see without the flares in aid. Suddenly, irrationally, I knew if I stayed in this underground labyrinth for much longer I would lose my sanity.

But that was the mind of an irrational man talking.

I leant against the opposite wall, breathing deeply and slowly to regulate my rapid heartbeat. Spots danced in front of my eyes momentarily as I oxygenated my blood rapidly. Slowly, the panic faded, to be replaced by a sense of calm. I didn’t get overworked often, but when I did, I tended to edge towards to hysteria. Taking one last deep breath, I straightened and looked around.

That’s when I realised that Ashley was gone.

Four

That’s when I realised that Ashley was gone.

Slowly, I stood, scanning the passage for any sign of Ashley. Samantha and Alex were still arguing over the cave carving. They were typically argumentative of identical twins. As Alex drew breath to continue his opinion, I stepped between them, holding my hands up in peace. “Have either of you seen Ashley? He’s gone,” I said, stepping back once I saw that they had ceased fighting and listened to what I said.

“No,” they said in unison.

I sighed in frustration and looked around the cavern. There was no trace of Ashley anywhere. “He couldn’t have gone far, not with that massive pack he had strapped to him,” Alex said reasonably, possibly sensing the panic that I felt. The entire expedition had had problems from the start; first the dropouts, then Jason, now this. It was like we were cursed or some other superstitious bullshit – I was a born sceptic and proud of it.

“He could have only gone forward or back,” Samantha said, walking forward to the edge of the light and looking around. “We should split up and-“

“No,” I said, resolute. “We are not going to split up, under any circumstances. If Ashley went back, he’ll eventually get out of the cave by himself. So, we go forward and hope that stupid prick hasn’t done anything reckless,” I interjected flatly, turning away from the duo and proceeding into the darkness.

After a shared glance, the meaning of which was undecipherable – at least to me – they followed.

And so we went.

As we progressed, I felt the path lead downwards. It was a marginal slope, undetectable by the naked eye, but I felt myself pushing harder into the rock with each step, thanks to the extra gravity of descent. It wasn’t of any concern to me – such natural formations were common. We proceeded ever further into the depths of the cave, calling out Ashley’s name as we went.

Then I saw it.

It was over to the right, like the others.

It was, of course, another carving.

I felt sick as I scanned it.

The titular Jackal had increased in size yet again. The tentacle-appendage hybrid was shorter, as if the beast had pulled it back. The previously-held corpse was ominously absent from the scene. I tried not to think about what had happened to it. The pillars with carvings on them also appeared. As before, the Jackal had the majority of its detail erased, making it little more than an outline. However, there was detail on the edge of the beast this time. I knew the short lines represented skin, apparently leathery and cracked. Then I read the message – it was again five words long – and my eyes widened in a flash of shock and fear.

“THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE,” it read.

I stumbled back from the carving in fear, raising my hands in front of me as if it was alive and coming for me. As I hit the back wall, I saw Alex and Samantha close in to study the carving. They seemed unaffected by the ominous message as I had been. I gasped for breath, winded by the sudden impact of the wall against me. I tried to clear my mind, to cut through the mix of panic and fear I now felt at having read the carving – the carving which I no longer thought was the work of pranksters.

I turned to my left, hoping to see Ashley.

Instead, I saw the gateway.

It appeared to be a stone arch, hewn from black granite. It followed the contour of the cave precisely, creating a strange effect. Carvings of various things – symbols, letters and pictures – covered the gateway, which appeared to be seamless, without join or cut. I approached it almost unwillingly, feeling my heart rise into my throat as I stared at the ground immediately behind the gateway and onwards.
The walls, floor and roof of the cave from the gateway onwards were covered in fine, white dust.

Alex and Samantha joined me at the edge of the gateway. We were silent, studying the gateway. I looked the top and saw yet another five-letter message carved there.

“THE GATEWAY TO THE JACKAL,” read the message.

And Hell with it, I thought.

Then, I heard the scream.

It was Ashley screaming.

“We have to get to him!” Alex yelled, turning to me. With every fibre of my body, I resisted stepping through the gateway. I knew if we did, terrible things would happen. If I stepped through, I knew, sooner or later, I would meet the Jackal. But I had to know; about Ashley, the carvings, everything. I had to. So, with a deep breath and trying to still my hands, I made my choice.

Together, we stepped through the gateway to Ashley and the dark beast beyond.

Five

The first change I noticed was the ground.

The fine white dust was coated on the entire cave, right past the gateway. I didn’t know the origin – it didn’t appear to be from any sort of mineral or rock I had encountered before. It was strange, but then, given the nature of the rest of the cave, that made it almost normal. The darkness grew progressively thicker as we advanced. I noticed we were running low on flares – about only twenty each. It was a problem, but not one I was particularly concerned about considering the current predicament we were in.

Ashley hadn’t made any noise besides his original scream. It concerned me far more than if he had kept screaming. There could be a logical reason for him not screaming. Perhaps he ran deeper into the cave. Maybe he was conserving his voice, I thought. But I was throwing up improbable answers to cover my fear. My true thought rose unbidden to my mind:

What if whatever made him scream stopped him from doing so again?

I felt sick.

Ahead of us, not even a hundred metres from the gateway, was a crossroads, the first such divide in the otherwise-linear path. I had appreciated the lack of divergent paths so far because it meant that we didn’t have to divide our group, stunted as it was. Appearing now, as it had, seemed like extraordinarily bad luck on our part.

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Seemed like. That’s the key point. Nothing in this godforsaken cave has been left to chance.

Lost in my grim thoughts as I was, I didn’t notice the object ahead of us until Alex exclaimed and ran towards it. Startled, I looked up. Alex blocked my direct view of it – all I knew of it, apparently, was that it was quite large. I ran towards it.

It was Ashley’s pack, ripped and torn. Blood covered it and the immediate area, in irregular patterns. Beside me, Alex stepped back tentatively, lost for words. “Something attacked him, tore the pack right from his back with incredible force. It must have injured him as well, judging by the blood,” I said quietly, surprised at how clinical and calm my assessment of the scene had been.

“That’s it. I’m out. I’m going,” Alex said, turning away quickly, but not before I saw the fear in his eyes. He was terrified. Samantha nodded in agreement, turning to leave as well. I didn’t try to stop either of them. They would be back.

“You won’t get a foot past the gateway,” I called to them, certain that it would prevent them from leaving.

I turned back to Ashley’s pack slowly and began searching through it quickly, taking only a few items. I hesitated when my hand landed on the flare gun, but I took it and kept it in my hand. I knew from experience against various types of wildlife that it made an effective weapon.

If I met anything – anything – that wasn’t Ashley, I would fire without mercy.

I stood and chose the right-hand passageway. I didn’t feel scared anymore – in fact, I didn’t feel a thing. Adrenaline was coursing through my system, leaving no room for fear or anything else.

It grew progressively darker. The darkness was thick and cloying – as a lifetime asthma sufferer, it reminded me of when I needed my inhaler. I knew the flares would soon be useless, regardless of whether they should have been effective. Beside me, I noticed scrawling in the dust, apparently of human origin. That, at least, was no mystery. I glanced at each in turn, almost mechanically, knowing that it couldn’t be any worse. It appeared that we weren’t the first people to stumble into this place.

“I HAVE SEEN IT, AND IT BLINDED ME”
“THIS IS IT’S DOMAIN”
“TALLER THAN ANY HUMAN”

Suddenly I stopped. The last was different from the others – in lowercase, and appeared to be freshly written.

“it cut me. i’m running for my life.”

Ashley’s writing.

And then, as if by magic, I heard two things.

A scream and a roar.

Ashley.

The Jackal.

And they were close.

I ran forwards.

Six

I felt, rather than sensed, that I had breached into a massive cavern.

To prove my theory, I impulsively punched the air to my right. If I was still in the claustrophobic cave, my hand would surely be shattered on the wall. As I expected, I hit nothing but the stagnant air of the cave. The flares provided nothing more than a dim glow. I looked at it in horror as the glow faded slowly. The fading light represented my last defence against the virulent darkness of the cave (or Cave, as I felt it should be called) and its sole inhabitant.

The inhabitant some called the Jackal.

The light faded completely.

I was alone.

The moment I was, I heard the voice. It was flat and terrible and loud. It reverberated around me, seemingly without a source or direction. I spun in the darkness – the cloying, constricting darkness – and felt my heart in my throat. I knew that if I walked backwards, I would no longer find the passageway that had led me to the lair of the Jackal. Once you entered this central cavern, there was no leaving it. Just like the carvings promised, I thought.

“THIS IS MY CAVE,” it bellowed.

I screamed and ran.

It was a futile gesture. The voice boomed around me, terrifying in its alienness and its flat, expressionless quality. The Jackal was not human, nor was it even some revenant or ghost of a forgotten culture. It was something that had no place in this universe and something that I wished never to see. My heart thundered in my chest and my eyes vibrated – I could no longer even control my own body. I’m a prisoner in my own body.

“THE OTHER ONE SCREAMED BEFORE I TOOK HIM,” boomed the Jackal, interrupting my thoughts.

“Fuck you!” I screamed hysterically into the darkness around me. It was a petty rebellion – I doubted the Jackal even knew what it meant – but I felt better for it, all the same. Around me, the darkness coalesced. It’s alive, I thought. I tried to stifle a scream as an image popped into my head-

thousands of millions of bugs crawling over me in the darkness biting scratching and running

-and was banished moments later by the Jackal’s next terrible oration:

“YOU WILL REMAIN HERE FOREVER,” it howled.

I know that voice, I thought vaguely.

After the voice came the footsteps.

I sensed – I could both feel the tremors and hear the steps – hundreds of them around me, pounding the floor in a rapid and terrifying rhythm. Rolling thunder, I thought crazily, and laughed. What little sanity I possessed was rapidly being eroded away by-

the darkness millions of bugs rolling thunder

-the Jackal and its influence over the Cave and, consequently, those inside it. I doubted if Ashley was still alive, that Samantha and Alex had escaped. I didn’t even think that Karen, Vincent and Jason had escaped alive. Even as I considered this, the Jackal howled again, the flat voice echoing throughout my dark prison.

“THEY ALL DIED. AS WILL YOU,” the Jackal roared in its expressionless tone, creating a queer wavering effect that hurt my ears. My throat burned from the lack of moisture. A headache pounded in my head and my ears throbbed, strangely in time with the footsteps. I’m just rolling thunder, I thought, and laughed crazily. Then, as I considered what the Jackal had said:

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It can read my thoughts.

It was not such a fantastical idea. The Jackal had only ever spoken after I had had a thought. A coincidence? I think not, pardon the pun. I considered the mental connection an idea began to form. I stopped running and emptied my thoughts, banishing the sensory manipulations the Jackal used on me. The footsteps around me intensified but I heard none of it as I shut down my senses and opened my mind.

Then, exposed without the cloak of my previous panicked thoughts, I felt it.

The Jackal’s mind. It was a colossal, alien thing, like a structure too gargantuan for the human mind to comprehend. It would dwarf me, swallow my mind whole and leave me a gibbering wreck if I considered it for too long. It wasn’t even natural, let alone human. Thoughts and ideas seemed to be constructed in a fashion that was incomprehensible to the human mind.

In a word, the Jackal’s presence was dark.

As I felt its presence wash over me, I steeled myself and sprung the trap. Instantly, before the beast could retreat, I thought of light. A blinding supernova, more light than any human had ever witnessed. A bright inferno of light. I let the mental image expand in my mind – and over onto the Jackal’s colossal presence. I guessed that such a creature had never seen light, or if it had, it had spent so long underground, bathed in the darkness which it controlled, such light – even as an image – would do tremendous harm to it, considering that the Jackal’s mental abilities far outclassed my own.

I was right.

The instant the supernova-image touched the Jackal’s presence, a tremendous shriek filled the chamber, immediately overtaking all the phantom footsteps that had so tormented me. I grinned savagely despite the pain the high-pitched squeal caused my ears. That, at least, sounded vaguely human. It felt empowering to know that I had hurt the Jackal, probably badly. I heard rushing noises around me and opened my eyes.

Impossibly, the virulent darkness was retracting around me.

I spun wildly, in the grip of the receding darkness. As I moved, I glanced around me. I was in a huge chamber, one that extended far into the distance. I saw columns and pillars and carvings, and realised that this really was the Jackal’s-

feeding ground

-lair that had been the subject of the ominous cave paintings. I had no time to consider that, however, as the final darkness receded. The cave that was lit by light that had no source – my mental light, I thought – exposed its only occupant and that occupant’s slave.

Just like that, I saw them.

Ashley.

The Jackal.

Seven

I could never truly describe the beast before me.

It wasn’t because I didn’t know the right way to articulate it – I knew exactly what to call it. I simply could not comprehend the Jackal. It was as if I were viewing it from the extremities of my peripheral vision; it was blurry and soft and weak, weak because it had no hard angles or edges. No matter how hard I looked, how much I stared, the Jackal remained hidden to me, a formless shape hidden under a veil of unreality. The cave paintings, carvings – whatever adjective I attached to them – were truer than I had thought, even after the Jackal had turned out to be real. They depicted a blurry, formless Jackal, and so it was.

Yes. I knew exactly what it was: indistinct.

Ashley, however, was not.

I looked at him in horror. His body was covered in blood, flesh and other less identifiable materials. I could count at least eight visible wounds and more red lines that I couldn’t distinguish from the gore saturating his form. A gaping wound cut across his stomach, revealing intestines, pink and rubbery. Blood flowed from multiple slashes on his arms and legs. He was probably dead, certainly unconscious. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

His entire right ear had been torn off clean from his head.

Bile rose in my throat as I stared at his prostrate form, horrified. The Jackal had done this to him. As I thought of the beast before me, I realised that the cavern around me was silent. The Jackal’s screech, so loud to begin with, had been cut off instantly some moments previous, unlike the gradual decline that was characteristic in humans.

Then again, it isn’t and has never resembled anything close to a human. I would wager every possession I own it has no similarity to any creature of this dimension. I can’t even begin to consider its true form.

Even as I watched, it got infinitely worse.

Until Ashley began to move through the air, I hadn’t even noticed that he had been airborne, so enthralled I had been by his ravaged body. Slowly, never wavering in speed, Ashley began to recede towards the blurry shape that represented the Jackal. I thought back to the carvings in horror. With every sacrifice, it gains form – and so a greater foothold in this dimension. I wanted to rush forward and tear Ashley from the Jackal’s thrall. But to come within reach of the creature would mean an unspeakable end, one that I would have already faced had I not wounded it with the psychic supernova.

Suddenly, Ashley stopped moving, mere metres from the Jackal, and I realised with a shock how the Jackal had previously communicated – through Ashley.

Now I know why I recognised that voice, even distorted as it had been.

Ashley’s mouth opened and from it roared the Jackal.

“YOU WILL SUFFER FOR USING THE GLOW AGAINST ME, SUFFER AS HE DID.” roared the grotesque Ashley/Jackal hybrid. Evidently, it only knew the light that had so hurt it as “the glow”. It didn’t matter. The important thing was that it had been hurt, and badly. I probed my mind. No trace of the Jackal’s presence remained. Apparently, that part of it, physically manifested in the virulent darkness, had been either destroyed or banished by my mental counterattack.

“Even if I meet my death here, beast, I will do my utmost to bring you with me.” I responded bravely. The saturating fear and accompanying thoughts which had so crippled me, both mentally and physically, was gone. Now I could see the Jackal – regardless of how well I could comprehend it – much of the terror that I had felt at the hands of it was gone, just like the virulent darkness. Even the voice was less intimidating now that it had a definitive source.

It spoke again.

“I HAVE CONSUMED MANY. THIS ONE IS THE LAST. I WILL BE FREE FROM MY PRISON.” The Jackal bellowed, drawing Ashley towards him.

“No.” I whispered.

I sprinted towards them. No matter the cost, even if it were my life or my sanity, I could not allow the Jackal to consume Ashley and escape whatever prison it was incarcerated in. Such a beast would wreak unimaginable destruction on the surface. I pulled a silver piece of equipment, the last thing I had taken from Ashley’s pack – the flare gun.

As the Jackal and the Ashley came together, I drew and fired.

The world exploded around me.

End

//
Credited to Archfeared/Ethan I.

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208 thoughts on “The Cave”

  1. I quite like this story, if a bit short
    I much prefer stories like this though I know they don’t have much place on this website…

  2. I absolutely LOVED this. It was a long, but great read and especially loved the ending. The part where he talks through Ashley reminds me of Mass Effect 3 when the Rachni Queen speaks through the dead Krogans.

  3. Nyarlathotep_XXIX

    Reminds me of Lovecraft’s work.
    Although it’s not detailed enough (Lovecraft got his own mythology, and his outer gods sounds more… majestic ?) , the narrator also sounds like a douche, and the detail that were given were kind of annoying.

    Overall, good story.

  4. This is so amazing, I’v read it for the 50th time now, and it’s still as good. I would be extremely happy if there would be a “The Cave 2” (obv not with that name <.<)

    In short.
    Great story.
    Great explaining.
    End was new, and great.
    9.9/10

  5. Not too shabby.
    A little too close to the film “The decent”, however I was relived when the “thing” in the cave was different.
    Other than the author having the “Sally Sue complex”, where the protagonist can do no wrong (which annoyed me all the way through and made me hope the protagonist would die), the story overall wasn’t too bad.
    Good enough pasta to eat, not good enough to order again.

  6. It was written well but the pasta was weak in plot. I refuse to believe the ONE person who has never been in this cave before, who has never even seen this jackal or know anything about it automatically knew how to wound it. It isn’t logical and it makes the narrator and the writer seem full of themselves which makes for a dull story. I give it a 3/10 because it wasn’t believable. Even the heroes in horror movies come out with scratches and bruises and broken bones, this “hero” knew exactly what to do without even assessing it’s weaknesses and strengths and comes out un scathed? Yeah pretty lame.

  7. Bones don’t glint? i don’t think. i think that glinting thing is phosphorus. when he shot that flare he lit the all the phosphorus in the area causing a literal explosion killing both the jackle and probably himself. just a possibility of what happend

  8. I rather enjoyed this. I will agree, it contained cliche aplenty, but it was a fun read nonetheless. Perhaps I am too much of a sucker for old B-horror, but old cliche, done well, can make for delicious pastas.

    This particular pasta was a tasty one, but unfortunately lacked that zing at the ending that could have made it excellent. The ending was a bit of a disappointment, though the lead up to it had been good… the cave paintings, whilst cliche, were good and atmospheric, and you built nicely up towards the jackal encounter. However, having the creature as an unidentifiable entity is a slight cop-out… as well as it might seem to work in the context, it just fails to be creepy to me!
    And the character just… KNOWING things? Like how to defeat the creature with the power of thinking bright thoughts? That just didn’t sit right with me… seems too much like the character trying to be a special snowflake… if it was THAT easy, someone would have thought of it before… the cloying darkness would have clued someone in.

    Overall, I found this pasta tasty, but not memorably brilliant… good concept, sound writing ability, but lacking the true content of a horror story towards the end.

    Enjoyed reading though! So 6/10

  9. Welp, here’s my theory on why “The world exploded around me.” How anticlimactic would it have been had the Jackal gotten free only to be die at the cave’s mouth because it was still day time? 8D

    But in all seriousness, I liked everything but the abrupt end.

  10. Why don’t people seem to get that male and female twins CAN be identical?

    The only thing that tripped me up was that Ashley was a guy, seeing as it’s commonly a woman’s name.

    I really love the way it was written though, keep it up.

  11. holy crap people.. you actually found a time in between reading this amazing story to pinpoint every single detail that he got wrong?! this is exactly the reason i hate movie critics! enjoy the movie/ story! who cares if it has a couple mistakes? if the overall product is good the who cares? yes constructive criticism is good but when you have multiple people telling him only one or two things he did wrong it can get annoying. 10/10! :D

  12. Isn’t there a minecraft adventure map about this story, or similar to this story? I remember that they made a video ’bout it…

  13. I found it wonderful and gripping, and I believe that people shouldn’t be so judgmental. Any story can have mistakes. That’s life. Just enjoy it, and say what you think about it. Don’t rant on about how stupid and long it was. Just gently point out a few mistakes and give your rating. I’m sure that Ashley can be a boy name, and that identical twins can be of the different gender. For those who keep mentally screaming at the author at trivial mistakes, take a chill pill and be happy that most of the story was good.

    I’d say this was a great story. 9.5/10

  14. This is the best ive scene yet sadly i knew some of it since i had played a minecraft map based of of it

  15. Does nobody realize you can have Identical twins that are different genders? Anybody watch rugrats? Phil and lil from that show make a good example

  16. I agree with looby, Couldn’t think of anything but The Descent at the start and towards the end it felt like Harry Potter. The ending could have done with a tad more work, rather than just END. Worth the read though

  17. Ha ha my name is Alex and my best friends name is Samantha. She is like my sister because we have known each other since 2nd grade :)

  18. Honestly, I enjoyed this Pasta. It was long and worth the read. But the end kind of throws me off, as a writer, I’m guessing, either you got bored or didn’t have a well thought out ending. Eh 8.9/10

  19. the ending wasn’t even like a dramatic abrupt or an abrubt that makes you think well that was kind of cliche but it fits. it just kind of keeled over and died. you had good build up in the beginning but the stpry started to be more rushed than anything else. plus creepy pasta’s aren’t really supposed to be novels. they leave you thinking what if. the story itself isnt what will drive you to fear its your minds reaction. so a good creepy pasta (in my opinion) is one that draws you in and pulls you out of reality just enough to leave that “what if…” in your mind :3 just saying.

  20. It’s Fake But You Should Really Write A Book On This! Your A GREAT author. A Book About This Would Really sell. I know i Would Buy A Book About this.

  21. Boo hoo, all these negative comments and whatnot. I personally loved this pasta, right down to the end. I liked the vagueness and how you left us to decide how it ends. I like short pastas, but this was well worth the read. (Not even my first time reading this one because its’s that good) 9/10

  22. Hmm, must have made their way into the underdark, and then Shar attacked them, and that guy was a Bhaalspawn.

  23. dude whoever said “poorly written” and commented on the twins is pathetic it aint that bad..i mean over look that its a ghost story ot bends the rules great story

  24. IT SUCKED AND SHOULDN’T B ON THIS SITE!!! BORING, PREDICTABLE, BAD ENDING, TOO LONG, WOULD U LIKE ME TO GO ON?

  25. um… wow i got bored w/ this story… it was too long and predictable but good try! it was very long and had a sucky ending but you could make some adjustments. well, ya know i have nothing else to say… bye!

  26. good pasta, but the end could have been much better, e.g. waking up in a hospital bed being questioned about the white powder on your shoes, spelling “skeptic” correctly, etc. 7/10

  27. I do say it was quite an excellent read. The cave warning added the atmosphire which made suspense. It was a long read but it was worth it. The ending however, was OKAY but killed the mood a lot. What made it really interesting was I can relate with myself exploring and not wanting to turn back until the last possible moment. And one last thing,
    after nine years in devolpment, hopefully it would’ve been worth the wait

    8/10 most

  28. I do say it was quite an excellent read. But for my opinion, you could’ve done better towards the end but as for the beggining it was great. The “sticks grew fainter and fainter as we progressed” added huge amounts of suspense. I also liked the cave warning which, too, also added a lot of suspense.

    8/10 most

  29. I read it all the way through, I prefer short stories though. Alot of you people are very picky, judgmental cunts. I thought this story was fantastic, very strange, and the warnings were creepy. I loved it.

  30. It was a great read. I would give it 8/10. There were a few spelling errors. “Forwards” and “IT’S”. Should be “Forward” and “ITS”.

    The ending was rather abrupt.

  31. I was really intrigued throughout most of the story, though I did tend to get bored at some points. I don\’t think that the ending suited the rest of the story well, though. What I think would\’ve been cool is if you were as descriptive on the ending as you were throughout the rest of the story. Very nicely written, though. 8/10

  32. I was really intrigued throughout most of the story, though I did tend to get bored at some points. I don’t think that the ending suited the rest of the story well, though. What I think would’ve been cool is if you were as descriptive on the ending as you were throughout the rest of the story. Very nicely written, though. 8/10

  33. …lolwut ^^

    Sooooo what I’ve gathered from this is that 1. losing an ear is worse then having your stomach ripped open 2. shiny things shall set you FREEEE…

    Um… The ending just deserves a great big WTF.

  34. Personally, I thought it was really good. I didn’t notice the little details that everyone seemed so hung up on, and was actually led into the story and the tense atmosphere. Overall, the story was great. The end was a bit short, but I still fully enjoyed the gist of it. People shouldn’t have to dissect a story to enjoy it-

    Though I agree with the person who commented that losing an ear is not worse than being gutted. I can see how the author could envision it- quite a bit of skull would be showing, and it’s proven that head wounds tend to bleed more profusely, but I have to say this: I would rather have my skull showing than be picking up my internal organs from the ground.

    Still, the best story I’ve read today, and that means something.

  35. It was absolutely enthralling at first, but it got a little too surreal and fantastical near the end for me to retain interest. but that’s just me.

  36. As for hurting it with the light thought: How is that cheesy? It\’s not like he\’s hurting it with a HAPPY thought just the thought of literal LIGHT. If you approach it from a supernatural point of view, as this being the embodiment of darkness in the physical and moral sense, then of course such bright light would hurt if. If you approach it \"naturally\" as a higher-dimensional creature partially manifesting in the third dimension (watch Carl Sagan\’s \"Flatland\" segment from Cosmos) then such a being, living in utter and complete darkness for what was likely millennia, then of course such a bright light would hurt it. As far as the flare gun, yes it was rather predictable, but the only rational way he could defeat such a creature. Light hurts it, and there was no other light around, and flare guns are fucking bright. About the \"identical twins\" and the 5 feet/5 metres, cool story bro, no one really cares whether they can be identical or not, or which system of measure the main character uses. The fact that they\’re twins isn\’t even important to the plot. The only way a scary story can work is if you set aside what you consider your master linguistic and plot-analyzing abilities and just listen to the fricken story. For the people mentioning the \"plot hole\" of him refusing to turn back: 1- He was described as having a very rational and logical mind, and refused to be scared off by what he thought of as a prank. 2- Later, he thought that if they turned back they might not make it, and didn\’t want to quit without finding the end of the cave anyway, as his scientifically curious mind wanted to find the truth. 3- Once he finally wanted to turn back, he was sure that he wouldn\’t make it back, and he had to find Ashley anyway.

  37. As for hurting it with the light thought: How is that cheesy? It’s not like he’s hurting it with a HAPPY thought just the thought of literal LIGHT. If you approach it from a supernatural point of view, as this being the embodiment of darkness in the physical and moral sense, then of course such bright light would hurt if. If you approach it “naturally” as a higher-dimensional creature partially manifesting in the third dimension (watch Carl Sagan’s “Flatland” segment from Cosmos) then such a being, living in utter and complete darkness for what was likely millennia, then of course such a bright light would hurt it. As far as the flare gun, yes it was rather predictable, but the only rational way he could defeat such a creature. Light hurts it, and there was no other light around, and flare guns are fucking bright. About the “identical twins” and the 5 feet/5 metres, cool story bro, no one really cares whether they can be identical or not, or which system of measure the main character uses. The fact that they’re twins isn’t even important to the plot. The only way a scary story can work is if you set aside what you consider your master linguistic and plot-analyzing abilities and just listen to the fricken story. For the people mentioning the “plot hole” of him refusing to turn back: 1- He was described as having a very rational and logical mind, and refused to be scared off by what he thought of as a prank. 2- Later, he thought that if they turned back they might not make it, and didn’t want to quit without finding the end of the cave anyway, as his scientifically curious mind wanted to find the truth. 3- Once he finally wanted to turn back, he was sure that he wouldn’t make it back, and he had to find Ashley anyway.

  38. You should have ended it at the walking into the gateway, left out the screams, and given it a suspenseful ending. I was very creeped out until The Jackal became a mortal being instead of an unknown, bodiless entity scouring the cave. Also, the part where Jason breaks his ankle, it’s not as believable, and feels a bit awkward. My advice would be to keep him out, his part serves as a distraction to the real climax of fear which is when Ashley goes missing. Other than that, that piece was fucking incredible.

  39. I’m pretty sure the writer means identical twins in more of a metaphore to them being very alike. Also, a boy and girl can look alike and not be the same gender, and I know a few Samanthas that are guys. I say 8/10. Although very interesting the ending does not show too well what point it is, if the jackal destroyed the world it would explode and if the jackal died why would the world explode?

  40. “A gaping wound cut across his stomach, revealing intestines, pink and rubbery. Blood flowed from multiple slashes on his arms and legs. He was probably dead, certainly unconscious. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

    His entire right ear had been torn off clean from his head.”

    *dies laughing* Yeah, because losing your ear is SOOO much worse than being gutted. The author also needs to learn to establish his characters better and earlier, and the ending was so abrupt as to be silly. Otherwise, this was a pretty good attempt.

    But still, I’d rather lose my ear than my guts any day.

  41. 1. It was severely long. I would have understood if it was a freaking amazing creepypasta, but it wasn\’t.
    2. You babied it way too much. What part of creepypasta makes no sense to you? \"Oh, they get hurt but no worries, Captain Calm is here to save the day.\" \"Oh no, pictures on a wall! Whatever are we going to do? Oh, no worries, he saves the day again!\" I didn\’t feel creeped out by this at all, which completely defeats the purpose.
    3. It was so pathetically typical. I was only half way through it and I knew that he would destroy the thing.
    4. You screwed up. You made a lot of errors that could not be explained. An identical twins that are obviously different genders? REALLY?
    5. This just sucked overall. Way to waste my time.

  42. i didn\\\’t know that identical twins have to be of the same sex…seriously XD.
    There are some guys up there that are just copying others comments, mind your own critics for fu*k sake.
    Ashley? I was confused at the begining of the story.
    It would had been unbelievable if you had integrated an inter-dimentional battle with the jackass XD (like in stephen king\\\’s it)

    Great story,great writing style and great jackal.
    Just one thing…in caps \\&quot;THE ENDING\\&quot; extremely poor, like a shit stain in your awesome story.
    9/10.

  43. i didn\’t know that identical twins have to be of the same sex…seriously XD.
    There are some guys up there that are just copying others comments, mind your own critics for fu*k sake.
    Ashley? I was confused at the begining of the story.
    It would had been unbelievable if you had integrated an inter-dimentional battle with the jackass XD (like in stephen king\’s it)

    Great story,great writing style and great jackal.
    Just one thing…in caps \"THE ENDING\" extremely poor, like a shit stain in your awesome story.
    9/10

  44. I genuinely enjoyed this story, however the only thing is the identical twin thing, it IS genetically impossible to have a male and female identical twins, they may look very similar, but the meaning of identical twins is to be 100% identical, down to the genitalia. But I thoroughly enjoyed this, 9.5/10 you have quite a talent

  45. Nice! I liked how you didn\’t say what the jackal looked like, you left us to think about whaty it was on our own :3
    Overall great story, although… I have to agree the ending was kinda… abrupt? I\’d like to know how the jackal got there, or what prison it was being held in and for what reason lol.
    Sequel pasta anyone?

  46. I swear I want to find every person complaining about it being believeable and vigorously bitch slap every one of you for the stupidity you are displaying.

    These are stories, not documentaries, not biographies, they are works of fiction. Those comparing it to H.P. Lovecraft. Guess what? This guy isn’t him so stop fucking comparing them. As I\’ve stated on other pastas. Wah minor grammatical errors and mistakes. I could write something and contribute, but no. Instead I\’m gonna bitch about every insignificant problrm and nitpick it until I feel superior to the author.

    Christ people just read the damn story and enjoy the fact we have a site that DOESN’T charge us to read these stories and shut up. If you don’t like it, don’t bother to read it.

    As for the story, I really enjoyed it. Sure there have been similar but It was a bit longer than I usually like to read when reading a pasta but still good nonetheless. Nothing like a mental battle with a transdimensional being.

  47. His body was covered in blood, flesh and other less identifiable materials. I could count at least eight visible wounds and more red lines that I couldn’t distinguish from the gore saturating his form. A gaping wound cut across his stomach, revealing intestines, pink and rubbery. Blood flowed from multiple slashes on his arms and legs. He was probably dead, certainly unconscious. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

    Lets see. First. His body was covered in flesh? That IS pretty bad. His intestines are pouring out, but he is only “probably” dead. Gaping wounds, guts everywhere, huge slashes, oh my! But what? That is not nearly the worst of it, his ENTIRE EAR has been TORN OFF!!!

    Seriously though, it was a great story.

  48. I was really digging this story until around chapter 6, I believe. The second the Jackal became vulnerable, all the creepiness faded away. From then on it felt more like an actionpasta than a creepypasta. Other than that though, really fantastic! The build up was sweet, but the ending was a bit out of genre. 8.5/10

  49. i thought it was good
    i enjoyed the read
    i liked how the reader was given not a detailed description of the jackal but just like it was the darkness itself i liked that
    also the identical twins i like that to and yoo can get girl boy identical twins they are rare but yoo can get them
    and i say 8/10
    :D loved it

  50. Ashley is a guy’s name, jeez you guys. I’ve known at least two male Ashley’s before. And I really liked that there was one. The pasta was pretty good, though I didn’t like the Jackal and “cave-drawings” or really the last half. The beginning was great, and I loved how the flare gun was used, I actually didn’t know he was gonna use it against the Jackal ’til he did it, and I did like how more and more people were lost and the lights diminished the farther they went into the cave. I actually started getting disinterested at the very end and in the middle, though and just sorta skimmed from then on. I don’t know much about cave exploring so I can’t really say anything about realistic and believability, but I really like this one. c:

  51. okay story, but not “creepy.” i mean, if it wasn’t so long, it would be an entertaining story. it just is so hard to relate to that it’s just not scary.

  52. To everyone saying the Jackal was a lame name. I liked it. When you talked about it being otherworldly and from another dimension i thought of something demonic. The Gateway really helped that out too. When i think of Jackal i thought of a dog, and that paired up with the unworldly part led me to think of some giant spectral Anubite. Like the egyption gods with JACKAL heads. So the monster made sense to me.
    anyways, tasty pasta.
    8.5/10

  53. People need to understand that the abrupt ending is there to leave it up to your own imagination; the writer is meant to explode your mind, not keep it on one linear path.
    Also, about the identical twin thing – you CAN have opposite gendered identical twins.
    Occasionally, there were a few cheesy lines – such as the one about doing his utmost to bring it down with him – but overall, i can\’t flaw the rest of the story.
    9.5/10

  54. I applaud you sir, this was magnificent. Now, I must admit that I did not like how it ended so abruptly. Though in my own opinion, every single detail other than the very ending was perfect. 10/10

  55. So… does this mean the guy survived? The reason why I think that is this- the entire story was told in first person past tense. Meaning it already happened. Which says that thus Guy is somehow writing or typing his incredible experience after the whole ordeal took place – he even references that this is a story. So did he prevail and survive? :O

  56. Alright guys, the whole point of these people making these pastas is to expand their creativity, not to be shot down. I would love to see you guys try to imitate lovecraft and succeed in originality. Also he isn’t lovecraft so don’t hold him to such a high standard. This man spent his time trying to entertain us. So please give good reviews. And author great job, hope you succeed in what you try at.

  57. Eh. I wanted to like it. I really did. There were just too many bits that just didn’t flow right.

    Also: learn to differentiate “it’s” and “its.”

  58. Reaveress, you realize identical twins can be male and female, right? Do your research before telling someone off like that.

    As for the story, delicious creepypasta! -noms-

  59. Just wondering, if Identical twins have to be the same gender then what do you call twins of the opposite sex that look the same?

  60. That was a verrry good story! I enjoyed that. I don\’t get all these dumb people saying it was not believable, mediocre, and unrealistic, because when did stories EVER have to be realistic. Just ignore them. I bet they couldn\’t come up with better stories if they tried. :) That was a great story! 10/10 I liked it!!

  61. Oh my god…the good pasta is back!
    A few errors that kind of ticked me off, like the 5 foot/metre thing, but it didn\’t take away from the creepiness.
    And the end actually made sense! Yay.
    10/10

  62. Seriously, you CAN have brother/sister identical twins. I know some. Not ALL identical twins are both male or both female. You\\\’re stupid if you think otherwise, just proves you know nothing. Anyway, I don\\\’t care what people think of this comment, I won\\\’t be reading replies to it anyway.

    To the story, I loved it. Reminded me of The Descent, as another has said. But with a twist, it was one bad thing rather than human-like, bald things. It was good. Luckily for you I don\\\’t know much about caving or I\\\’d probably only like it. Haha, good job. The end was a little quick, could have been longer, but still good.

  63. I actually quite liked this pasta, though I do agree with the Identical twins part. Could\’ve just said twins and it would\’ve worked.
    More interesting than scary though, but a very good read.

    8/10 for effort

  64. I thought it was decent, it built up a good image in my head of the caves, there were some minor problems though, the warnings for example; they were good, but you could’ve left the writing out, would’ve left more of a mysterious feel to it, and the whole idea that using bright lights inside your own head to destroy it? That kind of sucked, and the identical twins thing? They can’t be male and female, they have to be the same gender.

    7/10

  65. @KK, the whole purpose of a story site is to read and critique. If you didn\’t want their comments, you shouldn\’t have read them. The idea is to help the author, and not leave them in a jumble of words that are strung together like a macaroni necklace pre-schoolers make.

    6/10

  66. Apparently everyone here was only born about five years ago. Ashley was a boy’s name long before it was a girl’s name and it’s classed as unisex now. There’s actually a very common trend of naming girls with traditionally male names, having it catch on, and eventually having the name be considered female only, but Ashley isn’t quite there yet.

    And I’d have thought Alex was a girl before Samantha being a boy. Either short for Alexandra or, you know, my first paragraph.

  67. What I learned from this story:

    The narrator \"feels sick.\"
    The narrator is portrayed as intelligent and calm, but constantly discusses how he is gripped by fear and irrational.
    The writer enjoys using female names for males.
    You can inflict massive amounts of damage against extra-dimensional creatures by thinking of supernovas.
    Bile apparently can come up your throat regardless of the fact the liver is not connected to the esophagus.

  68. A man named ashley….i don’t know what to make of that.
    oh, and KK, we can digest and analyze the story as much as we want. We come because we want to, and because we enjoy the stories here. Who are you to tell us how we should and shouldn’t view the story?

  69. Fantastic story, a bit long, but the writing and concept kept my interest.

    Very heavily influenced by HP Lovecraft as many people will undoubtedly point out.

    One or two issues, a few spelling errors, and Ashley is a girls name, aside from that, great pasta if a bit long.

    Overall good writing, premise, fantastic monster concept, and a protagonist who thinks clearly (though makes some sweeping deductions) and is relatable

    Well done

    9/10

  70. Honestly guys, you\’re making me want to throw you into a pit of snakes. When you come on this website, it\’s probably because, A. you\’re bored. B. you like scary stuff (but then I guess it\’s a let down because there is nothing scary on this website) or C. you don\’t have a life. You\’re not supposed to nit pick the stories, or THINK. Or else anything can be the worse thing you\’ve ever seen. Seriously…. -___-

  71. I\’m surprised in all those comments nobody pointed out what I thought was the most obvious flaw in this story. One of the writings on the wall read \"I HAVE SEEN IT, AND IT BLINDED ME\" If the guy/girl was blind, how did he/she write legible words on the wall!?

    Ok story. All the other flaws have been pointed out.
    6/10

  72. Firstly, thank you to everybody who took the time to read this. Thank to the commenters as well, especially those who reviewed it (constructive criticism = big plus).

    It\’s rather ironic that I screwed up the identical twin matter, since I myself am an identical twin. I will rectify edit if and when I get around to editing this.

    Also, at least in Australia, I know several boys with the name Ashley. I don\’t know whether it came in and out fashion rapidly, but I\’ll leave it.

    I would also like to apologise fully for the ending. Every criticism written about it is entirely justified. Near the end of this story, I began to lose interest in writing it, because I was experimenting in writing and posting in segments to see whether it improved the flow and style. I lost interest just before the psychic light moment, which I\’m sure most critics can see is where the writing because rather ludicrous. I eventually finished it with the current ending, which was not what I had intended. I won\’t reveal what the true ending is, because I will come around to editing this and fixing my laziness, which is no excuse for bad writing.

  73. BUT WHO WAS EXTRADIMENSIONAL BEAST?

    Also, I hope you all know that Ashley is a male name. Ashleigh and Ashlee are its feminine counterparts.

  74. I’m sorry, but saying “Ashley” and using the male pronoun was really fucking distracting. Either change your outlook on gender, or get story characters with more gender fitting names.

    I mean c’mon, I would understand “Jamie” or “Alex” or even “Richie”…but Ashley?

  75. honestly i liked this far more than a lot of others because it didn\’t end with the main character dying helplessly… that\’s how 90% of every fucking story on this site ends and its honestly sad… it was really refreshing to have a main character that could actually injure the bad guy rather than helplessly run away. i liked this a lot if only for that. 8.5/10

  76. Everyone commenting on the identical twins thing, just stop. Thanks to things like different mutations, it’s totally possible to have identical twins of opposite genders. Seriously, you all are on a computer. Do some damn research.

    8/10

  77. I stopped reading the comments after a few people didn\’t pay attention.

    The ending is abrupt, but the protagonist survives to tell you the story, leaving you to think of how it went down.

    The cave paintings were left by the self-proclaimed \’JACKAL\’ who ONLY WRITES IN CAPS. I know this because he talks in caps. He also used his victims as puppets, which is probably why it\’s not hard to write like ashley if he can use him like a meat-puppet. If you payed attention you might have noticed the jackal was painting them in the cave paintings and not another group.
    This was a great pasta, I wish only that there be a non-comment form of rating on this site so that I can rate this 10/10.

  78. Alright, how about this, I give you some constructive criticism?

    Spellcheck and grammar check. I know you are your own editor, but please, please, PLEASE try to look over your work. your style is good, but the errors interrupt the flow of your story.

    Ashley. I, honestly, have never known that to be a man\’s name… but whatever. The ear thing made me feel as though the narrator of the story (who has no name, by the dubs,) had a weak stomach. Which is contradictory to the fact that he had to set some random guys ankle after he fell down some stairs.

    Your readers. Remember, most of the people who read this are middle school-early high school. But we know that flare guns can be use as weapons, caves can be dangerous to first timers, and when people scream and stop suddenly, i\’s usually because they are dead. A lot of sentences are unneeded, and it would cut this story down to size.

    The ending. Okay, at least you have a twist going on. I\’ve never read a creepy pasta where there was actually a somewhat happy ending. However, the way you executed it could have been more dramatic, subtle, and detailed. also, \"The end.\" is unnecessary. It brings the story back down to all it is; just a story. It never really happened, it\’s going to be okay, you can go to sleep now.

    I agree with Internet 1.0 Guy. I understand what he\’s saying, and you do have potential. you just have to refine your writing, and you\’d be golden. You\’ve got talent, though. so, for effort and skill, i give you an 8 out of 10.

  79. great for the first half… then slowly started becoming stupider towards the end.

    makes that age-old mistake of taking an otherwise believable story into the realm of pure fantasy; i was lost around the time the jackal started talking like a medieval knight.

    still, not terrible. 5/10

  80. Damn, people on here sure know how to pick a good pasta clean, don\’t they? This was a great read; nice and lengthy, interesting story, if a tad cheesy in places. Better than the shit everyone else has been bitching about that\’s been on the website lately.Def. would read again. 8/10

  81. I was excited read this story because I\’ve been craving more cave-based horror after finishing Eden Log and The Descent, but…honestly, I\’m really disappointed. You appear to have copied a lot of the ideas and imagery from The Descent and various Lovecraftian stories without actually understanding what makes them tick, and tbh the final product doesn\’t make a lot of sense. 

    For instance: the only reason the women in The Descent didn\’t turn back after they started seeing scary things in the cave was because they literally couldn\’t. The only reason the characters in your story don\’t turn back after they start seeing scary things in the cave appears to be that they\’re idiots. (Same with taking inexperienced spelunkers into an uncharted cave; in The Descent, it happens because Juno is overconfident and nobody else knows what\’s going on until it\’s too late. In your story, it happens because everyone is an idiot who apparently doesn\’t know about the many, many things — even apart from encountering an otherworldly monster — that are quite likely to go wrong when an undisturbed system is explored for the first time.) The dialogue is hammy, especially near the end, the set-up is littered with fridge logic, and the ending itself is an extra bullshit sandwich with bullshit sauce. 

    Also, the psychic power thing is stupid, but I know it\’s a pretty common trope in horror so whatever. 

    2/10 

  82. Well, it seems that everyone who comments on this story either loves it for being long and well written or hates it for being too unrealistic. Honsetly, I think both points of view have some merit to them.

    What I was personally reminded of the most as I was reading this story was crappy Final Fantasy 7 fanfiction. Back when I was a kid and that game was still hot stuff I used to read every fanfic I could find. Most of it was horribly awful. Some was just medicore. Anything that was even half good was usually abandoned by the author halfway through and never finished.

    This story would fall into that last category. It reminds me of this one Autor named “Frank Venderosa” or something like that. The first few fanfics he wrote were of about the same level of quality as this. Long, well-written and showing a lot of promise. But still lacking a lot of depth to make the characters more believeable. As time went on his writing got a LOT better and there was almost no comparison between the last few stories he wrote and the first few. The difference was like night and day. Not long after that he took down his website and dissapeared. Nobody knows what happened to him. I personally suspect that when he finally developed into a good writer he didn’t want to write crappy fanfiction anymore, so he dissapeared off the internet and went to become a real writer.

    So what I’m saying is… this story is crappy. But the author may not be. He should keep trying and maybe someday he will write something good enough that he can dump creepy pasta and become a real writer.

    Or maybe not. What do I know?

  83. I don’t think that the people getting killed are the ones writing that stuff. Maybe the jackal writes it to intrigue humans, like bait. Having Ashley as a name on a dude is great though.

  84. My favourite part was that Ashley, while in the dark and “Running for his life”, managed to scrawl a rather long message on a wall.

  85. Um, as far as the identical twins go, Alex can be a girl’s name too. Other than that, it wasn’t great, but I kept reading. I noticed that you said the narrator was “sceptic” instead of “skeptic”, and agree that at times the dialogue was unnatural. 5/10

  86. I agree with just about everything that tfaal said about your piece, but I really want to emphasize the fact that the reader can\’t relate to the main character. He comes off as a snooty/high-brow prick from the very beginning of the story, then reinforces that prick characteristic throughout. I don\’t like him, and personally, I hope the Jackal fucks him up. He takes out his frustrations, for no justifiable reason, on the guy who\’s never been spelunking before!?! What an asshole.

    Also the main character\’s characteristics gyrate too wildly to come off well. Is he stern, calm, and smart? Or is he a person slowly going insane? You can\’t really switch back and forth between those two very many times before you have to throw in something, like taking psilocybin prior to venturing into hellcave, in order to convincingly reconcile this issue. Try to picture this happening in a movie and you\’ll see what I\’m talking about: This guy is scared shitless, running away from a beast that has admitted to killing all of his friends, and is currently communicating to him that he\’s about to get murdered by an evil/junkie/vampire/extra-dimensional entity, all this while in a dark fucking cave, and oh yeah- that evil bastard can read his mind, and he stumbles upon the idea that thinking about white light white heat will hurt the Jackal and possibly save his life(?!?). A Navy Seal trained in Jackal hunting probably wouldn\’t have the clarity of mind to pull that one off. This also doesn\’t work because, well, that\’s a crazy situation, and because our main character switches back and forth too many times between bravery and cowardice. I mean, he feels sick every time he reads a message, he\’s just that scared that he gets almost physically sick and yet he still has the balls to push forward.

    One last minor thing: the writing on the signs was a little cheesy, a simple picture might have been more dreadful, and maybe instead of a the writing on the gateway maybe something like a \’dead end\’ street sign instead. Now I\’m just starting to rewrite your story so I\’ll stop.

    Overall, pretty good effort, it held my attention well, a few re-writes and revisions and this might be of publishing quality. It was better, and coincidentally about the same length as, \’Of Mice and Men\’. Looking up Creepshow on google and creepypasta came up; had to click.

  87. Lol, the entire first half until they found the first carving reminded me of “The Descent”. It was genuinely creepy until Ashley disappeared..he seemed a bit scared in the beginning, so why would he run off to find out about the Jackal himself… or did the Jackal take him?
    I felt that the other characters were completely unnecessary and I didn’t feel for the main character(s) either. Everything the main guy said seemed so soulless. And when they went through the gate the story just dragged on and on forever.. I almost didn’t want to finish reading and skipped some small parts. The ending was kind of disappointing, too abrupt.
    Overall rating 6/10.

  88. I wanted to know more about the Jackal. Why the \"ITS A JACKAL\" joke wasnt made, and what dimension it was from. It would have been better if it actually had a look to it, even if it was otherworldly. I mean, it is a Jackal! The story had me on edge, waiting for them to be picked off one by one, wondering what exactly the Jackal was going to do in the world. And if the three others went back up the cave stairs, how exactly did the Jackal get to them, when you have to cross the gateway to enter its domain? That means they could have gotten out alive! And why did the world explode? Or was it just the cave? Was the cave kept intact because of the Jackal? It leaves me wondering a lot of things, and the warnings could have had a bit of mystique to it, like \" Beware the beast of the other world\" or something like that. To give it the old timely feeling. 7/10

  89. Frustrated Anonymous

    Honestly, this is fcking terrible.
    You can\’t stick to one style of diction. You switch between extremely informal speech and trying to be HP goddamn Lovecraft. You don\’t understand the flow of language enough to use the former and your failed, overwrought attempts at description are undone by your awful grammar.
    It would be one thing to call you a creative thinker who needed to learn the rules of the English language.
    It\’s another thing altogether when you can\’t get a single side of the equation right.
    It\’s an awful story, written terribly.
    Nothing new, interesting, or creative whatsoever. You know what makes horror of any kind frightening? Being able to relate to the main character(s.) Introducing many of them from the get-go could turn promising, but you fail to characterize any of them effectively. You only even attempt to do so with 4 of the 7, but treat the twins as essentially a single entity.
    You\’re left with the following horror archetypes: the cowards, the weakling in distress, and the brave savior of a protagonist. Note that despite all of your attempts at setting up personalities for each of your characters, all of the characterization is completely undone when see the Jackal.
    People not acting like themselves when they see something terrifying? Understandable.
    Writing an absurd amount of characterization and detail just to end it with LOL NVM, have a nice stereotypical \"climax\" is absurd.
    Especially when the climax is as poorly handled as yours is.
    Just because you can\’t think of a satisfactory way to end a story doesn\’t mean you should leave out the ending entirely.
    1/10.

  90. This was a great story, the grotesque details, the foreshadowing cave paintings, the ideas, they were all great. And to those that don’t think this is great, well you have to understand sanity and insanity to really appreciate this work. This deals with more fantasy, illogic, and insanity than actual logic and sense. And plus you can have identical twins that are male and female, it does happen. So 10/10 this was a great story.

  91. Utterly shitty. Read Ted’s Cave. Hell, read Lovecraft’s “The Beast in the Cave”, it’s silly as fuck but it’s better written than this crap. The only touch in here worth remembering is the fact that the “scratched-out” paintings of the Jackal (shit name, makes you think of scrawny little bird things from Halo, not scary) actually were what it looked like.

  92. jackal! jjackal? is it a jackal!?
    but seriously…umm…ignore the comment about excluding “…id rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it” that adds a sense of humanity to your protagonist.

    umm…explain how drawings got there if no one can leave. same with writing in the sandish crap.

    and…lessen up the gayness in the ending. make it less awkward to read by having him think of unicorns, the obama campaign or something else.

    ummm…..and 2 things on a personal note.
    1) ashley is dude? did his parents hate him? you mite wanna change it to ashton.
    2) howd everyone else die? tentacle rape by jackal?

    also as i read through the comments the lines of ‘i am the Lorax! i speak for the trees’ came into my mind, i can relate this to this story.

  93. Reminds me of a worse version of R. L. Stine.
    And what the heck is up with Ashley, if i had a girls name i would probably lie about my name constantly.

  94. Really good :D
    It got less creepy towards the end but got much better as a regular cool/kind of creepy story.
    One of the best stories on this site, didn’t really scare me though.
    And unlike other (coughallcough) stories on this site, this story left the reader(me) wanting, it wasn’t wrapped up so perfectly with no room for imagination.
    Nice job :D

  95. I would say that the story needs to be edited, but why – there’s nothing fundamentally good or clever about it. Monster in a cave – that’s basically it.

    If you take away all the stupid crap, there’s nothing left. Everything in this story is a cliche.

    This was an interesting writing exercise, but there’s nothing to salvage here. The writer needs to move on to another project ASAP.

  96. Rodina from the forums

    Reading over it for the second time, I can see that it’s overlong and kinda predictable. Then again, I read it two months ago, so…

    Some other peoples’ criticisms also apply. Particularly, lulzfish:

    \”I\’ll use the power of positive thinking to defeat said cosmic horror\”
    Fucking silly.

  97. Characters were really unbelievable and the dialogue was really hard to swallow. When you’re facing down something that terrifying, you aren’t really going to have to balls to tell it to fuck off, and I highly doubt anyone would say anything even remotely close to, “Even if I meet my death here, beast, I will do my utmost to bring you with me.” That sounds like a writer writing, not a person talking.

    People have already pointed out the impossibility of different gendered identical twins so I’ll just leave that issue alone.

    The motives for the characters seem weak at best and the cave paintings seem reallllly cliche’ and improbable.

    This seems like a rough draft to me. It needs a few good proof-readings and a lot of reworking, but it can be salvaged. As it stands right now though, definitely only about 3/10.

  98. Awesome story!

    Some errors here and there but nothing too bad.

    It wasn’t particularly creepy, it had some chilling moments, but was a great read.

    For here at CreepyPasta: 7/10

    DeviantArt: 100/10

  99. ok decent story i liked the writing style

    two things i didnt like:
    “Even if I meet my death here, beast, I will do my utmost to bring you with me.” : cheesy as hell and didnt fit

    2. ending to abrupt

  100. This was very good, until the ending. This ending, like many others, just drops off without any explanation. It’s like the story ends after the climax, there is no falling action or ending…

    The ending is the most important ingredient too, why are so many creepypasta chefs leaving it out? Even really shitty pasta can taste good if it has a proper ending…

  101. Just to mention...

    Kryptography: I think that the author quite clearly said that the stares where created naturally. Natural staircases are created when rock moves suddenly (by an earth quake or other powerful force of nature) and the layers of rock form stair-like piles on the top of each other.

    “”Looks like a natural staircase of sorts,” I answered.”

  102. This just didn’t work. Like someone has already mentioned here, it’s way too cliche to “kill evil with lightful thoughts”.

    Also, the main character was badly built. In the beginning he seemed like a real badass, who was telling everybody exactly what to do and seemed to be in charge. So why does he freak out so badly when he sees those cave paintings? The “identical” twins (which is a bit of a fail, since they can’t really be that) were quite cool with it, but then at the end of the story THEY are the ones that freak out. Whaat?

    Blah, didn’t like.

  103. BUT WHO WAS GRUE?

    I liked it until he found the cave paintings. Good setup, but unrealistic characters, and disappointing reveal.

  104. There are a few moments where you seem to underestimate your audience. For instance, this bit:

    “My true thought rose unbidden to my mind:

    What if whatever made him scream stopped him from doing so again?”

    This isn’t really necessary. By saying that Ashely stopped screaming, you\’ve already given us a sense of dread. Saying that this concerned our protagonist is justifiable, but outright saying why is overkill. This passage has much the same problem:

    “The fading light represented my last defence against the virulent darkness of the cave (or Cave, as I felt it should be called) and its sole inhabitant.”

    In this instance, you could have just said Cave. Unnecessary capitalization is a subtle tool, without a well defined meaning. It usually conveys that the author is attributing a vague, almost religious sense of import to the subject. If that protagonist is capitalizing the Cave without realizing it, because it’s taken a central place in his mind, that’s creepy. But when it’s pointed out like this, it seems as if he’s making a scholarly note about proper grammar. Here is another problem sentence:

    “It was like we were cursed or some other superstitious bullshit – I was a born sceptic and proud of it.”

    The old adage in writing is that the author should show, rather than tell. When it comes to the protagonist’s skepticism, you show it with a reasonable degree of skill, but then feel the need to tell us on top of that, just in case we’d missed the original implication.

    On a less pedantic note, the injury in the beginning of the story makes the main character rather unrelatable. Since there’s no way I could imagine behaving so foolishly in his shoes, I lose my ability to identify with him. If the injury were less severe than a compound fracture, this wouldn’t happen, and the whole first portion of the story would be far more enjoyable.

    My only other major objection to the plot itself is with the ending. I have no problem with the idea of defeating the villain, even in a horror story. But I daresay that the triumph of light over darkness through the power of positive thinking is a subject ill-suited to the genre of Lovecraftian fiction. Perhaps if the damage to the beast wasn’t made out to be so major, or the power of the thought made to seem so epic, I’d be more inclined to go along with it. But as it stands, it doesn’t feel like a satisfying, believable set up for the flare gun coup de grace.

    Speaking of the flare gun, don’t you think its introduction and readying were a little unsubtle? Here are my main points of contention:

    “It seemed quite odd that a flare gun would be taken into an underground location, but I’d rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it”

    It might be better if this passage were removed, or at least truncated somewhat. Setting the gun on the mantlepiece like this isn’t a bad thing, but I feel it could be done with less fanfare.

    “I hesitated when my hand landed on the flare gun, but I took it and kept it in my hand. I knew from experience against various types of wildlife that it made an effective weapon.”

    This one is the big red flag. The bit from the beginning is more a matter of taste, but here, it’s just too bleeding obvious. Take out that second sentence, and you should be fine. We all know what he intends to use it for anyway.

    I could probably point out a couple more things I don’t care for, but I’d feel like I was grasping at straws then. Regardless of all this, you’ve put out a decent piece of fiction here. Just try to have a bit more faith in your readership in the future, and you’ll be gold.

  105. I found it captivating but was really let down by the vague ending. You have the weak grammar/logic typical of very creative people… a tip: find your most square, geeky, unartistic friend and get him or her to edit for you. A left-brain to balance out your right-brainedness. I don’t mean to insult- the creativity displayed here is delightful, and artists tend to not be good at minding nitpicky rules. I love that the “scratched out” pics turn out to be accurate representations! And the telepathic light idea is also extraordinarily good. I guess I’m disappointed because I doubt a measley flare would destroy something so powerful, and I don’t see why it would destroy 2 humans on top of that. I bet if you think long & hard you can come up with an ending as awesome as the other main plot points! Someone said having the narration as if he’s looking back on the event gives the idea he’s survived. If that is your plan, fine, but if you want him to die at the end, maybe just switch everything to present tense. The idea of a victim taking the time to do spooky cryptic warning portraiture is kinda weak…maybe the drawings could be from earlier cultures sending guys in as sacrifices or as a test of manhood, to see how deep one dared go… in which case the artists would know the monster’s story before they went in, and might write things more along the lines of boasts or reflections on their lost lives…I dunno. As I say, you are obviously creative enough to invent greater stuff than I could suggest! But think about getting an uptight, facts-oriented person to help you keep everything logically consistent. Once again, I do NOT mean to be a bitch or a troll. I’m only critiquing this because I thought it was great and wish it could have been perfect! Thanks a lot for a good read! Best wishes.

  106. “…and then I shot the gun and stuff blew up. The End.”

    No. 5/10. All that beautiful writing and build-up…leading to ZIP. Such a shame.

  107. Good effort, but TBH I found it very very hard to take seriously at all.

    Some have made an HPL comparison. You should probably go back and re-read HPL if you think this story bears any resemblance to one of his.

    HPL\\\’s stuff was always subtle. This one…ouch. There\\\’s a staircase which was obviously made by someone, but the narrator thinks that it wasn\\\’t man made. Keep in mind that this happens right at the very beginning of the story where there are no otherworldly or supernatural hints at all. The fact that a long set of regular stairs are carved into rock, but they are clearly not man made is a HUGE assumption. You need a much, much better reason than the one presented (none) for the main character to jump to that conclusion.

    The \\&quot;cave painting\\&quot; sequences were ****ing ridiculous. Basically it\\\’s a comic book in which the big black evil blob called \\&quot;The Jackal \\&quot; for essentially no reason is depicted killing everyone. The paintings all say THIS ****ING THING WILL KILL YOU. RUN.

    The narrator is apparently retarded because even as the thing appears to be actually killing his friends, he decides to just keep on cavin\\\’. For no reason.

    Basically the characters don\\\’t make sense, the monster isn\\\’t interesting and the story details were very, very silly. Keep trying, you have some talent, but you also have a really long way to go.

  108. Meh… it reminded me a lot of Ted\’s Caving Page, except a lot less vague and suspenseful. I guess it was alright. It kind of dragged on towards the end though.

    7/10

  109. I ain't telling u!

    It was good, very good writing in fact, but once I got into it, it just got a bit tedious and I got bored at the end. The climax was reached and passed.

  110. I like the Lovecraftian style. Though, there’s a few critical atmospheric things missing. For example, how did anyone scratch images and warnings on the wall of a creature they’d never seen thanks to its darkness aura? And, ostensibly, one that kills them, and/or never lets them leave.

    Also, the main character changes tone halfway through. On the way there, he’s badly affected via fear of the drawings on the wall. Then, near/in the creature’s lair, he’s suddenly fearless and calculating. It was a bit jarring.

    Also, it was pretty clear how the story was going to end the moment there were the Jackal and flare gun elements in play. I just don’t understand exactly how a flare gun would kill the narrator, destroy Ashley, and destroy the Jackal all at once. Perhaps it should be dynamite? You have a great foundation for having the narrator be unreliable, especially with the mention of ‘something horrible’ happening in the mountains in his past. Having him bring dynamite inexplicably, and with his past and him being so callous towards the broken ankle, could definitely put a spin on his narration while keeping the Jackal as a real entity (and not just in his head).

  111. That was great! I had no idea what was going or what was going to happen next, but it was all done so well! I do kind of wonder how Ashley was able to write that stuff while he was running. I liked how it ended so ambiguously, even though I think it hints that the guy survived. I bet the Jackal lied and only Ashley died. There was just so much tension I have to give this a 9/10. Took me 24 minutes to read it, but it was well worth it.

  112. Wow that was really amazing, great story.
    Im just curious how the world exploded around him. Was that from the flare gun stopping the jackal thing?

  113. Amazing description of the Jackal. You really built him up well and gave him eerie, creative, and cool characteristics. Good writing and use of vocabulary, too.

  114. …Well damn.
    I saw some sort of Lovecraft-ish stuff in here, mixed with some alien stuff, mixed with lovely grammar and descriptions. That was long but it was worth it x3

    10/10, pasta is practically novel quality.
    And for the fact that you named a guy Ashley. Any man named Ashley is bound to be awesome.

  115. I went into this thinking it might be Lovecraft related (The Beast In The Cave), and was thus hopeful. It was entirely unbelievable. The cave messages were cheesy at best. The narrator’s diction changes so often that he comes off entirely fake and out of place, especially when other people commit to phrases such as “I’m out” when compared to doing his “utmost.” Would you really say something like that to some Big Bad that reveals his master plan? I mean, that’s cliche enough, but then to have more cave carvings. Who would have the time to carve a message if they’re bleeding out and just got attacked? Maybe it was the Jackal doing it, boo hoo.

    Really, I got too off-track in splitting hairs. All in all, it was mediocre at best. Come on, folks, let’s be consistent and “believable.”

  116. \"We are not going to split up, under any circumstances.\"
    Good idea

    \"Let\’s go deeper into the cave with a wild animal or extradimensional cosmic horror in it.\"
    Bad idea

    \"I\’ll use the power of positive thinking to defeat said cosmic horror\"
    Fucking silly.

    Probably could have skipped that whole part and made the pasta better.

  117. \"They were typically argumentative of identical twins\"

    Um… you\’ve already established that one twin is male & the other female – you know that identical twins means IDENTICAL, right? Like – right down to the genitalia… you can\’t have boy/girl identical twins, mate.

    As for the rest – it was, not good. Just – not good.

    2/10

      1. Identical twins are from the same egg and therefore are identical. INCLUDING genitals.
        Fraternal(?) Twins come from two different eggs being fertilized at the same time.
        I am almost 100% certain you can’t have male and female identical twins

    1. Patrick I. Ricker

      Identical male/female twins ARE possible, but are very rare. They form because of a genetic abnormality or mutation in the phenotypes during their development. Read about it.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twin#Monozygotic_.28.22identical.22.29_twins

      As a presonal anecdote I knew a pair of male/female identical twins growing up. It wasn’t odd to me at the time, but looking back I can remember that the female had particularly masculine qualities and that the male was more effeminite. The result of those characteristics further served to make them seem more identical, but the truth is that they were an abnormality born of one egg and one sperm.

  118. Meh, I feel like I wasted my time reading that.

    Also, I couldn\’t help but this of The Descent during the first half lol

  119. pretty good, couple errors here and there (mixing up five feet and five meters, saying Alex and Samantha were identical twins when I have only ever known Samantha as a feminine name, etc) overall, I\\\’d say… 8.9/10. also, aren\\\’t headmounted lamps more standard equipment than just flairs when spelunking?

    1. 1) It’s actually possible for monozygotic twins to be of different sexes, just very very unlikely.
      2) I can’t be bothered to read through all that again, but I only remember him saying they were brother and sister, not identical twins?
      3) Like anon said, Alex is also a female name.

    2. The “flares” (emphasis) I assumed would be intended to be launched out of the cave to alert those outside that something had gone wrong inside

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