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Teenage Horror Story



Estimated reading time — 2 minutes

Boom! A loud clap of thunder shakes you out of your reverie. Your head jerks up and your mouth shuts. Hastily, you wipe off any drool you might have on your chin and glance around to make sure no one noticed. Good. Everything’s the same: Miss Bertrand droning on, kids staring slack-jawed out the window or at the clock. A normal Monday morning in first period. However, you have the strangest feeling in the pit of your stomach. It wasn’t supposed to rain today. And why is it so cold? You shiver and look around, trying to see if anyone else is cold.

You catch the eye of the weird new kid named Jeff. He gives you a slight smile that is more of a grimace, you think. He’s probably just another new kid smiling a greeting while grimacing at the lecture, but you vow to stay on your guard. Today is going to be a bad day, your instinct tells you. It will be the start of something new, and that something is not going to be good. A shadow falls across the window shade on the door. Something looming towards it. You catch your breath, heart pounding like crazy, and the door slowly creaks open. Your breath hitches in your throat.

Phew. It’s just the secretary, Miss Pepperdine. She tells Miss Bertrand that she needs to borrow one of her students “for just an eensy second” and with a smile way too peppy to be on anyone’s face on a day like today she beckons to you. You gulp, slowly rise, and shaking from head to foot, walk out of the classroom. As you follow her down the hallway towards the principal’s office, you hardly dare think what could have happened. Miss Pepperdine is only called upon to escort kids to the office during horrible circumstances. Clickety- clack, her shoes say as they walk purposefully towards the office door.

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Coming out of the door is your school’s psychologist. A severe, businesslike woman, she looks back into the office and says, “I’m sorry sir, but I am not qualified enough to handle an issue as serious as this. As she walks past you, she fixes you with a stare filled with a mixture of pity and horror. Miss Pepperdine claps her hands together and with an overly cheery smile, says, “well, I guess this is your cue!” and ushers you through the door.

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Your hands are clammy and you think, rather morbidly, “this is the last second of my previously normal life. Whatever happens in here is going to change everything forever.” You walk inside, and your mouth instantly goes dry when you see the scene. Your parents are sitting opposite the principal, looking at you with complex expressions of horror, despair, and disappointment. Your mom, upon seeing you, smiles weakly and says, “Hi honey, we found your tumblr”.

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36 thoughts on “Teenage Horror Story”

  1. From the begging i had an inkling it was a parodypasta but i still got a kick out of it. Loved it, one of my favourite parodypastas.

  2. Way to accurate if my mom found my tumblr I would be in so much trouble lets just say I’d be dead and you would find my body under the porch.

  3. This is what my parents would do after they saw my dash. Then they will ask what “hummus” means and I will have to explain to them the even more terrifying world of gay smut fanfiction. And this is why I hide my laptop when I leave the house.

    1. Immortal Dragoneye

      I always hide my iPad, even when I go somewhere in the house and I’m home alone. Cant ever be too cautious when hiding valued electronics..

    1. whoops I meant to give you a +1
      and oh god if my mom saw my tumblr…. Well lets just say, Hello psychiatrist!!!

  4. ForeverMyMaster

    I spotted the shoes of a killer puppet, Jeff the Killer, and Worlds Best School Psychologist. As soon as I saw Jeff, I thought “Oh Lord. Please don’t let this be another terrible Parody Pasta.” but the name fooled me into thinking of American Horror Story. You had me excited only to let me down.. I hate you >:(

  5. A Zerg Hydralisk (Wearing a Top Hat)

    and this is why i don’t use websites like facebook or tumblr;
    because they suck!
    starcraft is much more productive

  6. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That’s terrifying

    1. A Zerg Hydralisk (Wearing a Top Hat)

      have you seen 3ply yet? no? go read it, then try to say that. this is second scariest.

  7. I was really hoping the new kid, Jeff would have been Jeff the Killer… But seriously, I was legitly ROFLing from that. Well done 10/10

    1. In this case I believe you were supposed to think it was JTK. Makes the end more humorous when you’re expecting another shitty story about some kid slashing everyone to bits. There would be no reason to mention the new kid’s name other than that, really.

  8. With most of these parody pastas, you only really need to see a tiny bit of the beginning and then the last couple of sentences to get a laugh out of them. I did this, and it was quite successful in amusing me. And, it’s pretty accurate with the way most parents would react after seeing their kid’s Tumblr, at least I’m pretty sure my parents would do that kind of thing.
    And now, please enjoy Jeff The Neckbeard. The blue thing is supposed to be a fedora.

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