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Sparky



Estimated reading time — 12 minutes

When I was young, like many ‘90s children, I had an obsession with Pokémon. It first started with my obsession with the video game. I didn’t even have it yet, I just saw the few, lucky kids playing it on the school yard and I was instantly hooked. I watched the show every Saturday morning and I got the Pokémon cards. I even read the light novels.

A few months later, it was my seventh birthday and my entire family was huddled around the dining room table. After the excessive amount of cake and ice cream, I was handed a present from my aunt. It wasn’t very big, but it sure was a dense-feeling box. I eagerly unwrapped the box to find a purple, Gameboy Color and a copy of Pokémon Red. I felt like I was going to explode from the excitement. I swiftly opened up the packaging and slid the crisp, new cartridge in to the back of the Gameboy. That classic Gameboy ding echoed in my ears and the iconic start up screen was playing.

As I watched, my mother politefully nagged at me, “Honey, you have one last present from me”. I reluctantly averted my gaze from the screen to see her expectantly holding up an oddly-shaped item. I opened it with one hand and slowly revealed the yellow cloth underneath. It was a Pikachu doll. Once again, my eyes lit up as I finally had someone to share my video game with. I had no siblings or friends to share these experiences with. My parents had absolutely no interest in such things, so Pikachu would become my best friend. Instantly I knew I would name him Sparky, after a Pikachu from the show. I slept with him and played Pokémon Red with him. I would watch the show with him and when I went to school I would hide him in my backpack.

This went on for many years as I slowly accumulated more and more Pokémon merchandise. More games, more books, more cards, everything except dolls. Nothing could replace Sparky. But like a lot of my items, I lost him. I lost Sparky! I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find him. I lost my Gameboy for almost a year, only to find it underneath the couch cushion once, so losing things wasn’t new to me. For weeks I was heartbroken, but I moved on.

Then I came home one day to find a rough, dirty Pikachu doll on the kitchen island. I asked my dad where it came from and he said he found it at work. He worked at a scrapyard and he saw this Pikachu in the back of a car that was about to be crushed. I picked up the Pikachu with a slight grimace, trying not to touch the soiled spots all over it. I looked at the tag on his foot to see the name, Sparky, scribbled with red ink. I found the red ink bizarre, but I assumed it was to make it stand out from the black-lettered label. It was a well-known nickname for Pikachu, so I wasn’t all too surprised. Its tail was torn and the seams started to show the potential of tearing soon, but otherwise it was in average condition I suppose for a 13-year-old doll.

“What a grotesque little Pikachu you are”, I muttered slightly aloud. As I gazed into its soul-less eyes I began to feel trapped. I continued peering further and further into the abyss, for no apparent reason. They were the only unsoiled part of this Pikachu. They were jet-black, yet they release no reflection. It was such a bizarre feeling. It must be some weird coating they put on them.

“Hey, so you did take a likin’ to the little guy”, my father said abruptly, startling me immensely. Gasping, I dropped the Pikachu harshly to the floor. I hastily picked them up and set Sparky back onto the
island.

“Yeah, it reminds me of the one I used to have. I still have to wash it a bit, but after that I hope it should look almost as good as ol’ Sparky. Do you have any idea where he went?”

“Haven’t a clue, that was your mother’s department and she probably remembers less now than she did then. We searched the entire house, remember? Must be at your old school or sumthin'”.

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The dull bitterness of the loss returned to me slightly, but only fleetingly as I returned my eyes to the new Sparky. I ambled off to ask my mother what would be the best way to clean this thing. I found her knitting in her bedroom when she returns a slightly odd look at Sparky and I.

“Hey, what would be the best way to clean this thing?”

“Probably just detergent and water, but I don’t know why you would bother cleaning that ratty, old thing.”

Her curtness bothered me, but I learned not to bother pressing her for information when she’s purposefully ambiguous. I just walk away to the laundry room- thinking along the way about Pokémon-related things.

After a few minutes of vigorously scrubbing every inch of Sparky, I finally cleaned him up. Only a faint spot remained on the underside of its tail. I set him atop the washing machine and headed to my friend’s house, which I was late for because of Sparky. Luckily, my friend only lived a few houses down from mine.

Although my friend was a bit off put by my latency, we still had fun playing random N64 games. We spent most of the time playing Pokémon Stadium, to which we would randomly defeat one another in battles and mini games. This went on for hours until I decided to return home. I had school the next day, so it was prudent to swiftly head to bed after getting home.

I suddenly remembered the comforting feelings of sleeping with my old Pikachu doll, so I went to obtain Sparky from the Laundry room, but to no avail. It wasn’t anywhere inside that room. I thoroughly searched for it and gave up to go to sleep, only to find that Sparky was already on my bed.

“I wish mom wouldn’t touch my stuff,” I thought to myself as I drifted slowly in sleep. With the soft fabric of Sparky resting gently within my arms and the faint smell of soap floating softly upon the cold, night air.

I abruptly sprung up from my slumber when I awoke that morning. I quizzically look around my room as I tried to decipher why I was so startled. I couldn’t remember any dreams or startling stimuli. As I repeatedly scan the room I notice Sparky sitting up-right across the room under my desk.

“What are the odds of that,” I mutter aloud, “that he’d land like that when I tossed him when I awoke. At least I’m pretty sure that’s what happened.”

Anyways, it was time for me to be getting ready for school, so I hurriedly tossed on my clothes, slightly wrinkled from lying on the floor, and headed to the washroom. Morning ablutions and breakfast proceeded next with the only break in my routine being that I returned to my room to secretly stash Pikachu in my backpack. School felt so much more nostalgic with this Pikachu in my backpack. While everyone else had abandoned their Gameboys and Pokémon I had cherished them all along.

As I approached my locker I realized that I was going to have to awkwardly pull Pikachu out of my backpack so that I could access my binders and textbooks. While I loved Pokémon I was not comfortable about other people knowing about it. Whenever anything even remotely related to the subject I would fain disinterest or having no memory of it. A little piece of me would always feel disgusted by hiding it. I opened my locker door to shield half of the hallway from the sight of my Pikachu, but the hallway leading to the entrance was still open and crowded as ever. I tried tipping my backpack towards into my locker and sliding Sparky out, but had no success. I decided to just give up the façade and be as swift about it as possible. I reached in, firmly grabbing hold of Sparky’s plush head, and yanked him out into the
locker. I peered to my left to double-check that no one saw when I noticed two husky fellows in baggy pants and bulky sweaters shuffled towards me.

‘Hey, what was that doll you just had there?” they ask intimidatingly. As they drew nearer their shadows and greasy stench cast over me.

“Was that a Pikachu?” the shorter one asks, now leaning up against the locker adjacent to mine.

I quickly and nervously rebutted, “N-no, it was just an art project for well, art obviously.” I stared at them nervously gauging their reactions. Trying to predict the odds of them believing me were. They still seemed interested. One of them pushed me to the right, slamming my locker door open and the other pawing into my locker. As I scrambled back to my feet as I felt a sense of slight horror as a flash of yellow proceeded from my locker. Their eyes nearly exploded as they both saw it too.

“I knew it! It was a fucking Pikachu. What a fag,” the taller one exclaimed.

“Let’s see what the fag does when we throw Pikachu into the garbage, where he belongs,” the shorter one responded as they both motioned towards the beige garbage bin hanging from the nearby wall. I rushed towards it, in too late of fashion, as Pikachu is shoved carelessly into its vile opening. They walked away laughing, muttering degrading, generic remarks towards Sparky and I. I sourly removed the lid of the garbage bin and pluck Pikachu out of it. The faint smell of refuse disappeared as I hastily returned it to my locker.

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“Fucking greasers! I hate them all, I hate everyone at this school…” my voice trailed off as I realized the daunting proceeding thoughts.

Luckily, I was close to invisible at the school, so no one else in the hallway seemed to notice my Pikachu or the rest of the incident. I sniffed Pikachu one last time before retrieving my school supplies and locking the door- hiding Sparky from this cruel world. The rest of the day was uneventful, like most school days. I’d be the first to arrive at my classes because I had no one to talk to during the short, five minute breaks between classes. I’d sit at the back of every class, paying attention and diligently trying to complete as much work as possible because I absolutely abhorred the idea of homework. During the breaks I did grant myself the luxury of seeing Sparky, cuddled up with my gym shoes at the bottom of my locker. You’ve never felt nostalgia like that before, I can assure you.

After a monotonous day of school, I eagerly return home with Pikachu secretly waiting in my bag. I pulled him out as soon as the bus chugged down the street to a distance far enough that the passengers would no longer be able to distinguish Sparky as I walked down my long, barren driveway. “I bet you couldn’t wait to get out of there, could you? I hope you’re better from earlier. Don’t worry, Sparky, people like that always get what they deserve. Be it from justice or vengeance”. I tried to reassure myself more so than Sparky.

I set my things sloppily on the front bench and approached my room. Those 45 minutes that I could enjoy alone before my siblings arrived home from their school were my most cherished moments of my day. I had an insatiable desire to play Pokémon Yellow. I even had Pokémon Stadium hooked up to my TV, so I could play it on a bigger screen with acceleration for grinding. A year after I had acquired Red, I had acquired Yellow when it was released. It remains my favourite Pokémon game to this day. How could it not, with Pikachu being the starter? I then enjoyed some Pokémon Yellow with Pikachu at my side. Playing for what turned out to be hours. The only reason I stopped was because my mother called me to dinner in her shrill voice that can pierce even the deafest of ears.

The rest of the night followed the same path, where I played more Yellow until I grew tired enough to sleep. Once again I was accompanied to bed with Sparky. This time I set him at the foot of my bed though because of the faint smell of garbage. The next morning I woke up much more calmly, but still had no recollection of any dreams. It was odd because I could always remember my dreams no matter how faint or insignificant they were. I glanced to my feet to see it empty there, where Sparky should have been. Instead, I saw him under my desk again up-right.

“What a coincidence you should happen to fall outta my bed and land up-right two nights in a row, Sparky,” I once again mumbled out loud to an inanimate object. I slithered out of bed and retrieved Sparky into my grasp. I almost recoiled when I felt a damp spot on Sparky’s right leg. It was another stain very similar to the ones it had before. “Whoa! How did I miss a garbage stain from yesterday? I’m sorry little buddy, I’ll try to clean it up after school today.”

Learning from my mistakes I decided to leave Sparky at home, perched on top of my desk. I arrived at school to see the shorter bully from the day prior shuffling about alone. I heard a group of students clamour amongst the din of the school in front of the entrance. I tuned it out until I heard the word Pokémon mentioned and I stopped momentarily to listen. I hear them all spewing ignorant remarks.

“… Yeah, Pokémon was just another one of those shitty fads all those losers had back in elementary school,” one, by the name of Chris Fallon, said.

Another interrupted, “Totally, if you’re gunna play video games you should be playin’ games like COD and Battlefield or sumthin’”.

“All this ignorance! I can’t take this. I fucking hate everyone at this school. I wish people like Chris Fallon would all die,” I wanted to shout, but thought instead.

I stewed over the stupidity that was teenagers’ opinions for most of the day. I waited for school to end so that I wouldn’t have to spend another moment within earshot of such words being spoken again for at least that day. I arrived home and rush to my room to retreat to the realm of video games. I picked up Sparky from off of my desk chair and set him beside me.

Looking over at him, I noticed another spot on his left paw. I hadn’t realized he had gotten so stained from inside that garbage bin. I also forgot to clean him when I got home, so I erected myself and cleaned sparky in the laundry room again. Using the same techniques as before, I removed all the spots until they vanished.

Then, back to Pokémon Yellow. I had already beaten half the game doing a solo run with my Pikachu in the game, which was aptly nicknamed Sparky of course. Once I beat Brock with Pikachu, which took a profuse amount of time, the game became fairly easy, like most solo runs. While playing I started talking to Sparky beside me. I decided to try telling him about my day, since I had no one else to say it to. I proceeded to tell him about Chris Fallon and my teachers and my hatred of the other students of the school. I spoke about more and more inane things as the time passed on. Until my mother burst in the door with a stack of my clothing, teetering violently within her trembling arms.

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She begun to speak, “Here’s your clothes honey. You really should try go outside, the weather’s so lovely and you’re just wasting away in here.” She seems to be glaring at Sparky when saying that, but it could have just been her avoidance of eye contact. “Anyways, would you like to clean your Pikachu there? I noticed it was getting dirty this morning”.

“How did she know he was dirty this morning?” I thought; my eyes still fixated on the glaring TV screen, “Was that why he fell onto the chair today? “. I then replied, “No, I already cleaned him. You know I don’t like people touching my things.”

With that she frowned and somberly exited out the door. “I wish she’d close the damn door,” I said mumbled to myself. She left the door open, which forced me to get up and close it. I stumble towards it and nudged it closed with my foot. Turning around I see Sparky sitting there with another stain on his stomach.

“Aaaaaaah guh uh!” My mother shrieks from down the hall.

I swiftly spun around and threw the door open. I nearly skated upon the smooth hardwood floor as I headed down the hall to the stairway. As I pass the stairway to my left, I saw my mother lying upon the bottom of the stairs with a contorted body like a crumpled piece of paper. I carefully traversed the steps down to her side, but her neck was bent strangely and I couldn’t hear any sounds from her. I quickly realized that I wouldn’t be able to save her. My father had now entered the room briefly to which we exchanged panicked glances. He realized he had to call an ambulance as I tried my best to care for my mother. I gently cradled her without moving her, for I remembered that you should not move people with spinal cord injuries.

My vision blurred from the tears and I could feel her heat dissipate until the ambulance came. I was shoved aside as they solemnly strapped her to a gurney and taxied her off to the hospital. They declared her dead at the scene. The rest of the night was blurred together amongst the tears and emotions. My father and I were asked some questions about the event, but it was apparent that there was no foul play.

I returned to school days later. I couldn’t do anything for days; curled up on my bed with Sparky. He kept getting spots on him, but perhaps this time they were my tears which stained him. I arrived at school as anonymously as ever, no one wiser to my mother’s death. I felt SLIGHTLY relaxed by that. I don’t think I could have survived the awkward conversations that would have transpired if they spent too much on me.

I walked into the school to see a group of people huddled, wearing mournful faces and black. I shuffled through the crowd to see the glow of candlelight and picture frames on a table. It was a shrine in the foyer. The pictures were of students. The only one I recognized was of Chris Fallon. Confused, I ask a bystander about it, “H-hey, what happened?”

He quickly mumbled the words, “Chris Fallon and a group of his friends died two days ago.” His transparent, stoic face told me that I shouldn’t ask him anything more about it.

“So that’s why no one noticed about my mother’s death. Or perhaps nobody cared about it!” I clenched my teeth in anger. “How could those vapid teenagers mean more to people than my caring mother?” I felt jealous rage like no other that day. Correct or not, I wanted those children to suffer. “These fucking teenagers. . .” Rage consumed my thoughts that I couldn’t think clearly. I stewed in my hidden rage that day. I walked like a rigid statue and glared, but everyone was too consumed by their ‘tragic loss’ to notice once again. Perhaps I was egotistical, perhaps I should have been said about the children’s deaths as well, but that’s all in the past now.

When I returned my father was still unapproachable. He was crushed more than I was, so instead I just confided in Sparky once again. “So the kids at school don’t care about my mother. . .” My voice trailed off once again. I didn’t know what words I was going to speak next. Or perhaps I knew the words that I was going to speak, but was too afraid to say them. I felt like Sparky understood very clearly what I wanted. I had grown to despise everyone in the world. All I needed was Sparky to be happy. . .

The next morning I depleted the entire bottle of laundry soap to clean the stains off of Sparky.

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105 thoughts on “Sparky”

  1. Horribly written, it was jumping from past to present tense all the time. I don’t think you know half the meanings of the words you used. Adverbs seemed to have been added for the sake of it, in practically every sentence. I want to like it, as I love Pokémon, but holy shit this sucked. Gramatically bad, and also a horrendous plot. 1/10

  2. this is a common story that I’ve read in many different ways these story’s go like this 1.kid who is having a rough time with common kid problems (bullying is it a lot of the time) 2.kid finds weird doll in a weird place (abandon places, dumps,cemeterys) 3. kid has problem wishes someone dead 4. has weird dreams (in this case no dreams) 5.people start dying in a lot of these storys the kid figures it out hates himself for doing it then the story ends with the kid about to die by the doll but that was left out in this one

  3. Sooo…the…doll killed everyone he didn’t like, or he did it subconsciously? Also if that’s the case why’s his mother dead? Maybe I just missed something. Idk

  4. Jeff's Little Smile

    This story sounds a lot like a pasta I read about a year ago, but the pikachu doll’s name was BRVR……. coincidence?
    But very good. It kept me pulled in until the abrupt end.

  5. At everyone’s comments about the siblings, he/she did make a mistake. It has nothing to do with him being the oldest, because they were not mentioned at all during his mothers death / emergency.

    It was an ok pasta, really confusing. Bad tensing and spelling. Would of been better if he was the one killing everyone and the spots were from him coming home after the murders.

  6. In the beginning he mentions having no siblings, and then he mentions “the 45 minutes before my siblings get home.”

  7. Is that what kids today are like? “I don’t like that thing you like.” “I HOPE YOU DIE YOU JERK!”

    I mean, I understood the bit with the bully, but with just the kid saying that they don’t like Pokémon, no matter how callously said, seems like such a minor thing to wish death upon for.

  8. he first said it was nice to have “sparky” because of a lack of siblings, but he later said that he had like 45 minutes before his nonexistant said siblings got home. fingernail in the pasta

  9. I really liked this, I love Pokemon like you wouldnt beleive and i can relate to the bullying side of people thinking its ‘gay’ etc alot.

    9/10

    (And I really want a Pikachu doll. xD … or maybe Charmander.)

  10. I don’t think I understand. When you kept saying stains kept appearing, I figure “that’s probably blood, right?” But nothing was mentioned about the stains being suspicious or anything. After a while I just went with the idea that the Pikachu was killing everyone, but I had to think for a while. I probably just didn’t read it thoroughly, yet a lot of other people don’t like the story. But I don’t know.

  11. Im pretty sure battlefield and cod didnt become popular untill 2011 just saying…… this story has to many holes seems like you were trying to hard added wayyy to many ingredients to the pasta it didnt fit together

  12. ugh the words are so big for no reason it does nothing to make the story better….was this supposed to be scary??

  13. I managed to get halfway through this story and then I had to give up. This was painfully badly written, the word choice was bizarre and the grammatical mistakes distracting. I’m not one to be harsh, but this was just awful.

  14. but he said he had no siblings but then he said that the 45 minute break before siblings got home was nice (or something like that)?

  15. this really freaks me out because i had an old dalmation dog doll that i would take every were, but i was forced to get rid of it :(

  16. Too long. The dialog was incredibly off for a child of any age. It seems like the author was trying too hard to “smarten up” the writing, and that left it with being boring. Stories like this are much better when you get straight to the point. I love Pokemon, so I was really disappointed by this creepypasta.

  17. I thought that this was an okay story. There are a couple questions that haven’t been answered though ( or I just didn’t read closely enough xD) . Like how and why did the narrator’s first Sparky mysteriously go missing? And why did he always end up sitting under the desk? At first, I thought Sparky killed people at night and then ends up there but that theory canceled when we saw that Sparky could kill the mother without having to even go near her.

  18. Okay, so obviously you know how to use big words. You know what they mean. But no one talks like that. And people don’t go “These fucking teenagers. . .” if you happen to be a teenager as well. Poorly written.

  19. Oh good, I’m glad that someone found my Sparky…

    I don’t want him back. I’m too old to be playing with toys anymore- you can keep him. :)

  20. This serously scared the crap out of me. My nickname is Sparkey, all of my friends and family call me Sparkey, I love pokemon and have a purple gameboy colour and Pokemon red and a pikachu teddy. This was such a coincidence I initaly thought if you spent to long on this site it replaced a few keywords with something from your facebook if you also had it logged on!

  21. when did this happen bc nobody called call of duty cod until awhile ago and battlefield isnt that old yet either hmm if you were still playing 64 then cod or battlefield wouldnt b out by then your story was good until you brought in bull shit

  22. Thanks for the criticisms. He gained siblings later and his parents had no interest in video games, not in siblings. The friend was an obvious plot hole, so I should have just cut that paragraph completely. The ending was supposed to be my attempt at a subtle ending that wasn’t obvious. Um, I didn’t use a thesaurus, so any random vocabulary wasn’t me being purposefully pretentious and I actually forgot this got published until now, so I wasn’t voting 10’s for it. The present/past tense problems are a glaring issue though. I accidentally started writing in present tense once and then I went back to try and correct it and even had someone double check it for that again, so I thought it was corrected. Anyways, sorry if you hated it. I need to write more and to do so more consistently. If I ever write another creepy pasta I’ll be sure to have more implied information, work on my grammar, and have a more standard/not predictable plot structure.

  23. Excessively rambling and glaringly poor word choice. Not to mention the premise itself is cliché. 2/10

  24. That was great. I actually have my pikachu from when I was nine still. For those of you who don’t get it, Sparky is killing people and that’s why he’s moving and he’s so dirty.

  25. I’m a 14-year-old writer, so pardon me if my problems with this piece seem to be of little importance. I found that you tried too hard to explain things, rather than just let them be implied and give room for the readers’ imaginations to wander. Also, there were some instances in which you changed from past tense to present tense, and then back to past tense. It jostled the consistency of the story a bit, but other than that it was fine. Keep up the good work!

  26. This pasta is alright. Not terrible, not good, just so-so. I had the same issue that other people did regarding the bad word choices and structure. It doesn’t deserve a 9/10, and given the amount of obvious author-involvement in the comments, I’m pretty sure that he or she keeps voting up their own pasta.

  27. 90’s kids, for the win!
    Ah, this brought back memories.. loose teeth, broken glasses, bandaids and unacknowledged bullies.. looking back at it now, I was picked on a lot.

    Pasta Review:
    I liked the premise. I was able to read this with ease, though some of it seemed a little chopped up as far as word choice goes. There were some grammar errors that could be fixed..
    One of the things that I liked most about this pasta was that you took something sentimental to a lot of people your age and turned it into a sort of mindf*ck sitiation. I must admit that I was not even remotely
    creeped out. Though I liked the notion, it was somewhat predictable..
    not necessarily that the boy would lose his mind, but the killer doll plot device.. overall, good use of childhood and sentiment, particularly for people who truly grew from that era. As said earlier, some grammar mistakes. Though minor, it makes a pasta seem a bit unprofessional.. If you work on buildup, and use of the systems of the plot devices, and adding more oomph to the mood/tone, we have potential for a very nice pasta. I could go into a spiralingly detailed review, because I have insomnia issues, but I’ll end it here for the sake of the people who believe in the tl;Dr. Lazies -.-
    As for the length. I’m one of the readers who likes lengthy pastas. Short, sweet, and to the point is nice and all. But… yes.
    I liked this.

    To the too long; didn’t read(ers):
    Myeh. So much myeh.

    Myeh

  28. Look dude the story was good and all but the plot was very plain to see well one cuz hello creepy pasta but come on make me sit in the edge of my seat and qwake with fear i come here to get the shit scared out of me not for angst i can read twilight or something for that

  29. You people saying that this was ‘excruciating’ to read and that the ‘purple-prose’ was to thesaurus-y need to go to a website where the writing is DESIGNED to be well written. This is a community website, open to anyone, anywhere, who can submit anything, regardless of whether they have an education or a degree in Language. Deal with it. You can’t come to a playground for little kids and expect to be amused by the slides and swings as much as they are. I hope you understand my metaphor, it’s rather advanced for SOME people.

  30. Stop trying to find meanings that aren’t there. Every time “Sparky” magically killed someone, it gained a new stain. It’s kind of obvious.

  31. I Shall now make contact with that sparky
    Me: Pika pika c;
    Spary: pika pika -_-t
    Meh: pIKA Pika t-.-t
    Sparky: PIKKKKKA CHUU (Amma kill u)
    Meh: *gets chainsaw* Pika ;3 *kills sparky*

  32. I didnt read all the feedback so i dont know if anyone pointed this out or not. first of all, good story, i enjoyed it. but there was only little thing that bugged me. at the beginning of the story you mentioned you had no brothers or sisters because your parents didnt want another child.” I had no siblings or friends to share these experiences with. My parents had absolutely no interest in such things,” you later mention something about little sisters coming home from school. “Those 45 minutes that I could enjoy alone before my siblings arrived home from their school were my most cherished moments of my day.” there are only 6 years between the two settings which would have to imply your parents had a kid pretty much the next day for one of them to return home from school. you use a plural “siblings” making a plot hole. its 2:30 AM here so this bugged me quite a bit more than it should have. anyway great story and please keep writing.

  33. I’m actually GLAD that he used very good words. It makes him look educated unlike many people. *Cough* the people who complain about him using “big” words. *Cough*

  34. llamah

    at the beginning he was younger. he didn’t gave siblings then. maybe he said that he had siblings later because he was older, and there had been additions to his family.

  35. The worst pasta I have ever read. Terribly long, boring, and filled with scenes that have no relevance to the story. I have absolutely no idea how this story was published. Not the least bit creepy, it changes its tone at the last second, unrealistic, retarted, the kid has MAJOR anger issues. It was just really bad. If you are someone looking at the comments before reading this pasta, don’t waste your time on it. It sucks!! 0/10.

  36. “I don’t have siblings or friends”

    But oh, wait, I have some siblings and one unmentioned friend….

    “And I’m so embarrassed about pokemon that I’ve never told anyone, also I mention once more that I don’t have any friends”

    But oh, wait, I played pokemon stadium just yesterday…….with my FRIEND…

    In order for a story to be well written, you can’t have plot holes this big.

  37. i’m tired… tired of people that think that just because they know a similar story, they can mock the work of another person. it’s like saying that just because digimon has “mon” in the name, it’s a copy of pokemon.
    the story is awesome, i understood very clearly what the creator meant, i didn’t even percept some grammar errors and i don’t think it’s a problem if the creator chose to put a lot of long words.
    the only problem i found in the story is that he says he is eight when he receives the pikachu doll, then, later in the story, he says that the Sparky that was found in the car is 15 years old, that said, i assume that the “boy” is 23 years old… unless he had scholar problems, i am sure he is a professor or something like that, even more because he constantly says the word “teenagers” wich implies he is either a teenager that dont like other teenagers or he is not a teenager.
    if you guys didn’t understood the ending, then i will explain:
    when he cried because of his mother, he finds out about the new stains in Sparky (wich are from the teenagers that died even though he thinks its because of his tears), it is very clear in the story that he doesn’t like when his things are dirty, that implies that he has cleaned Sparky after finding out about those stains in it. later he says to Sparky that he truly hates everyone in the school and he say that he knows Sparky understand him, in other words, he knows Sparky is responsible for the deaths. the other morning he cleans Sparky again…(if even after this you don’t understand the ending then see this small equation: hatred+Sparky=stains and dead people. hatred against entire school + clean Sparky=stains… get it now?)

  38. This is a very well written story, however, the ending is abrupt and unclear. Also, this is a re-hash of an old “Goosebumps” story, about a cat that ends up killing a student’s enemies, and father. I do like the addition of the ‘stains’ though. Keep it up, but make something more original, ‘ey?

  39. This is the first.. thing I have read on this website so I dunno what is good and what is not good.. but this kept me interested enough to read the whole thing. I liked it. :)

  40. What bugs me the most is that first you said you had no siblings, and then later in the story you talk about cherishing the time before your siblings got home from school.

    1. He had no siblings when he was 7. The story flashed forward to when he is 13. Is that not sufficient enough time for you to conceive a sibling being born?

  41. Trying too hard to sound intelligent, also it was stated that you had no siblings, then in another paragraph you wrote about relishing the time that your siblings weren’t home. Abrupt ending and obvious plot.

  42. This pasta is just so, so awful. So much pointless information unnecessary to build or further the story. And your use of commas just makes me shudder. I mean you lost me when you used the word ‘latency’ instead of ‘lateness’

  43. Jesus, you’re fucking dumb. Teli understood the concept, they were referring to the ending where it was never made clear if he was cleaning new stains, or the old ones. Also, this story was shit. It was painful to read.

  44. Eh, this story was good and all, but, some of the words were kinda too advanced. Nice story, it sent chills down my bro’s back.

    One time I brang a Darkrai doll to skool and people said the exact same things that were written in this story. o.o

  45. Jesus,
    No kidding. That wasn’t even a question of mine. Learn2read. My post only regarded the boy’s /awareness/ of the situation.

  46. you commenters complain about everything you complain if the spelling is off you complain if the words are from a thesaurus if you can write a better pasta get off your butt and do it

  47. i really did not notice the mistakes that the previous commentators had but in the beginning of the story the narrator states that the pikachu doll was a replacement for siblings but near the middle he states that his favorite part of the day is when he has some time to himself before his siblings get home. :/

  48. Agree with mouse. This entire thing was just too purple-prose-y, the big words didn’t fit in with the actual writing style (amateurish) and seemed forced. It felt like the writer was just sitting there with a thesaurus the entire time looking for fancy words to replace his own to make it more “interesting”. The dialogue was completely unrealistic. This wasn’t creepy at all, there was no buildup, nothing even a little scary about it, and I’m sorry to say (as I love Pokemon) that this story was just poorly conceived and poorly written.

  49. That is, for real, the weirdest, most abrupt ending I’ve seen so far, and there have certainly been some good “wtf” endings on here. It seems like someone honestly deleted several paragraphs.
    So are you saying suddenly the kid had intuition that Sparky’s alive, that Sparky then listened and killed some more of the kids, and that those are new stains that the boy cleaned up the next day? Or was he really just cleaning the ones that he’d mistaken as tear stains from earlier?
    But if the boy /had/ figured it out, why was he not upset about his mother? But then, if he did not figure it out, that might be even more “wtf” to me.
    I’m almost hoping someone points out that I’m blind and there’s a misplaced “Read More” link.
    That aside, how /could/ the kids have known his mother died unless they were told by a teacher or something? Kind of displaced anger there. Not to mention that, two seconds before, he was grateful they hadn’t known she died.

  50. This wasn’t a scary story! Plus your word choice doesn’t seem like something a 13 year old boy would use. “Depleted” for example. A teen would say “I used” not “I depleted”.

  51. Love Pokemon, hate Pikachu. Loved the story. I’m actually playing Pokemon Red and writing my own creepypasta about it but i liked this story so much because i was the exact same with my Pokemon dolls as a kid. I had 3 pikachu’s but my best was the one with the light up cheeks but for me it was my 2 Charmander dolls that i brought everywhere.

  52. MacabreMacaroni

    Here’s the deal. Your story was just fine (I mean, it was published, wasn’t it?) so what I have to say in terms of feedback probably won’t be helpful to you, but here is my opinion: It read more like an episode of “Are You Afraid Of The Dark” or a Goosebumps book than an adult level pasta. Your language use wasn’t bad, per se, but it felt like you were trying to enhance your writing with thesaurus words. The thing that would have most enhanced your writing would have been not writing about pokemon, & you’re not the first to do this so don’t feel like it’s some kind of attack on you personally. Stories about pokemon, The Simpsons, popular video games, etc..all tend to do that, I noticed you’re pretty good with grammar–keep that up! And try not to over-explain everything. Also, you used “begun” instead of “began”, and “politefully” instead of “politely.” I hope this helps, and KEEP WRITING. I’m not sitting here to claim I’m better, I’m just giving some feedback.

    1. Thank you for the kind comment you gave him. Most people on here seem critical (in a bad way) but you seem nice. Thank you.

  53. Ironically I read that holding my pikachu which I had an odd impulse to pull out before settling down to read. Creepy.

  54. can people stop trying to use big words when they have no clue what they mean?
    that, the tense changes, and just how generally poorly written this was made it absolutely excruciating to read. i’m disappointed because most of what is on this site is great.

    1. Really?! “Big words”, Princess? REALLY, this was written quite well, and the words were used properly. And talk about excruciating to read, you hypocrite. Why don’t you learn proper grammar before trying to criticize one’s writing skills?

      1. Where's my red pen?

        There are a lot of words that are used incorrectly, actually.

        -Ambiguous: she wasn’t unclear on how to clean the doll. There’s only so many ways you can use detergent and water. “Patronizing,” maybe. “Distant,” or “disapproving,” even.
        -Latency: “latency” does not mean “lateness,” it means inactivity or dormancy.
        -Daunting: he’s angry, not overcome with fear and uncertainty. Also, it’s just an unnecessary word altogether. We can easily infer how he felt from the thought itself, adding an adjective is redundant.
        -Proceeding: should be “preceding.”
        -Erected: yeah, I don’t even with this one. My best guess is that the author meant that he got up and went to the laundry room?
        -Fain: Wrong homonym. The correct version is “feign.”

        There are also a lot of words that are technically correct, but which don’t really fit. Decipher, stimuli, insatiable, profuse, depleted. A simpler word could have been substituted for a smoother reading experience, especially considering the fact that the narrator is supposed to be a kid.

        And there are a LOT of shift changes and awkward sentences. Like, A LOT.

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