• THEN WHO WAS…….nevermind…

    Pretty good. I’m sure tensions will rise in the series’ to come. Good beginning!

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    Rating: +3 (from 11 votes)
    • http://yy Hhhhg

      Yea

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      Rating: -3 (from 3 votes)
  • Mary Jane

    Woah, my attention is grabbed for the rest of the series

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    Rating: +5 (from 13 votes)
  • SonorousTwo

    Very, very nice. Waiting for the next parts!

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    Rating: +1 (from 9 votes)
  • http://theponderersbox.weebly.com J. Brown

    This is amazing! I will be watching for the rest of the series. Looking forward to it.

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    Rating: +2 (from 8 votes)
  • Mike

    Wait, I don’t get it. WAs Zach stabbed to death or was he the killer beacuase the protagonist said that I am sleeping in the room with a murderer but the article said ZAch waas stabbed to death. Pls explain.

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    Rating: -12 (from 28 votes)
    • Anonymous

      He killed Zachary and took his identity

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      Rating: +3 (from 7 votes)
    • shadybanana

      the guy who killed zach took his name

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      Rating: 0 (from 6 votes)
    • I am me

      Zach was stabbed to death and the “Zach” that he is rooming with is most likely the one that killed the real Zach.

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      Rating: 0 (from 4 votes)
    • amescudi

      two ways to interpret it, either 1: the murderer took over Zach’s life after he killed him or 2: Zach’s a ghost. (it’s the first one)

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      Rating: 0 (from 6 votes)
    • XxNotoriousJxX

      He was impersonating Zach, he killed him

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      Rating: -2 (from 4 votes)
    • Anon

      The roommate wasn’t really Zach; Zach was the name of someone the roommate killed and he was using his identity. I think that’s it, anyway.

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      Rating: -1 (from 3 votes)
    • Mike

      The real Zach was murdered. The person who is in the room murdered Zach and took his place.

      English motherfucker! Do you speak it?!

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      Rating: +2 (from 8 votes)
    • Anonymous

      No the killer killed zach and is an imposter acting like he is zach

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      Rating: 0 (from 4 votes)
    • Paramore

      “Zach” is the killer. He stole the real Zach’s identity, the one who he murdered.

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      Rating: 0 (from 4 votes)
    • Annelien

      The protagonist probably thinks that his new roommate killed the real Zach and stole his identity or something.

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      Rating: -3 (from 3 votes)
    • The Forgotten

      Zachs killer went to school under Zach’s name.

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      Rating: -2 (from 2 votes)
    • Mr. Dafuq

      What happened was that the murderer stabbed Zach and stole his identity. It is left up to the reader to infer that by saying that the picture of the dead person looks nothing like his roommate.

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      Rating: 0 (from 4 votes)
      • Mr. Dafuq

        Now don’t I feel stupid. I submitted this when there were no replies…now I’m at the bottom. Ha ha.

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        Rating: -1 (from 3 votes)
  • inxtcy

    The current “Zack” murdered the real Zack and stole his identity.

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    Rating: 0 (from 4 votes)
    • THEN WHO WAS…….nevermind…

      No, if you read the final part, you will see that Zack never existed, it was Eric’s dual personality.

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      Rating: -6 (from 6 votes)
      • Herobrine

        Way to ruin the story for those of us just starting!

        -Herobrine

        Always watching…

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        Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
      • BlueFox

        Well, fuck you. Not so much as a spoiler warning. Thanks for ruining what started off as a really promising story.

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        Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Faith007

    @Mike,

    The “Zach” that was the roommate isn’t actually the real Zach(18 year old from Zionsville). The roommate had murdered the real Zach weeks before and was pretending to be him. While the protagonist was gone, the impostor “Zach” went through his web history, found out that his cover(the fact he had murdered the real Zach and had stolen his identity) was revealed, and ran. It is implied that Andrea will be his next target.

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    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  • http://www.fictionpress.com/u/247488/ Katherine C

    Interesting. I think it’ll be cool to see what direction this story takes. I don’t feel like there’s much to comment on here since it really functions as an introduction, but so far it’s well written and interesting. I thought the girlfriend thing was a bit obvious given that he only really responded to her, and I saw that part coming from the opening, but not knowing how it is resolved, that may not be the main conflict of this story. I have to say, I really enjoyed your dialogue in this, because it actually seems like the way people would talk to one another. The story as a whole really flowed naturally. I’m looking forward to reading more of this!

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • m.jones.

    Really good but slightly predictable.

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    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Slaughter

    This pasta was delicious. I can’t wait for seconds!

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    Rating: -2 (from 2 votes)
  • DeathBecomesHer

    Delicious!

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    Rating: -2 (from 2 votes)
  • Ismael Zuniga

    I hope this isn’t like that series with the lady and the orange where the “creepiness” starts to fade away after the first installment.

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    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
    • JD Pilson

      I hope it stays creepy throughout as well, but I think the tag at the bottom says it’s only 3 parts, whereas The Lady with the Orage was like 6 wasn’t it? OP, hopefully, can maintain creepiness through just 3 segments.

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      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Night

    I already read this story on reddit,it’s a very nice story that written well.

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • http://www.creepypasta.com Ree

    Love the story true or fake?

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    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • http://Creepypasta Mymindishappy

    Epic cant wait for more!!!!! :@

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  • ThatOneAsianNeighbor

    Really good part 1! Left the readers in a good amount of suspense, had no cliches or anything, and actually made me a bit creeped. I am looking forward to the next parts.

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    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Sepia

    Hey!

    I thought this was an exemplar on how to start a creepyseries on the right foot. There’s that right mix of tension, simplicity and foreshadowing that just begs to be continued, and it also serves it’s role as an introduction to the series.

    What struck me was the simple clarity. The author pulls out no flourishes and simply tells the reader what’s happening in a believable, almost matter-of-fact tone that arguably serves to firmly ground the pasta in mundane reality. There’s no pretense: someone’s going to die soon. This is the advantage of murderpasta; they’re brutally simple to empathize and believe, the way the author grooms this through easy dialogue is awesome.

    The foreshadowing I thought was a bit obvious at first (with the Andrea’s photo), but the gradual details of the murderer himself was quite subtle. Again, it contributes to this sense of mounting dread – someone’s going to get killed, but who? We’re introduced to the slew of possible victims.

    The plot ticks at a rapid pace, with every scene either revealing the murderer’s wrongness or mounting the tension. The narrative focuses unabashedly on the action, leaving the characters a bit bland but believable. They have that commonplace feel that makes their actions easy to understand.

    All in all, a great entry and good start to the series. I only hope that the tension pays off well.

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • http://jdsiusussu.com Slender man

    Holy amazing amazing amazing AMAZING

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    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  • mandi

    Amazing amazing !!!!! Awesome pasta

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    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  • Hopesworth

    Gotta love them Hoosiers :)

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
    • Zane

      yea :D

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  • MattG

    “You look peaceful when you sleep, I envy that.”
    well maybe if you put some fuckin sheets on your bed, Jesus dude!

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • slenderninja

    Creepay i live in Indianapolis o_o

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    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Doctor

    First Person present tense?
    A man after my own heart.

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  • Jeeves

    That an amazing pasta. I think Sepia really hit the nail on the head in their comment. I will be finishing this series!

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  • Andrea

    Oh crap.

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
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