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Six Pretty Petals



Estimated reading time — 13 minutes

I woke up that Saturday morning to an unexpected breeze, cool and pleasant, against my cheek. I kept a fan on myself while I slept during the warmer seasons, but the fan was packed deep in my closet during the heart of winter.

I wiped my eyes and looked towards the source of the breeze. A yellow blur blocked some of the blinding light that broke through the sheer curtains. As my vision regained clarity, the yellow blur morphed into a lovely flower with six large, yellow petals.

Before college, I would have been terrified of waking up to a strange flower on my chest, but maturity left me more curious than scared. After meeting my best friend, Chelsea, a female sleight-of-hand magician, I had grown more willing to accept the unexpected. The flower was part of some intricate trick she would surprise me with later in the week. It was the only explanation that made sense, therefore I assumed it to be the correct one.

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I made it through high school without uttering the ‘love’ word to any of my boyfriends, as my friends were so hasty to brag about doing. When it came to romance, it wasn’t something I let take over my life. My reputation around campus as an ice queen wasn’t entirely accurate, but it didn’t bother me. It helped me avoid the dating scene and keep focus on my G.P.A. My plan was set, and I was the only one responsible for executing it.

I was not a prude, but I was a realist. No spontaneous college guy would waste random romantic gestures on the control freak. Even if there was interest, a warm fire or a heated blanket were more romantic than any flower this far north. Winter wasn’t for color, it was for comfort. Still, it was a pretty flower.

The flower seemed healthy, but I could smell nothing. My nose was ice cold, and a fresh gust of air made me very aware of the liquid that was dripping from it. The breeze was coming from the window, open about an inch. I closed the window and touched my nose. My hands, warm from being tucked under my pillow, recoiled from the touch of my cold nose. It was no wonder I couldn’t smell the flower.

I set the flower on my nightstand, hoping a long hot shower would clear my head and warm up my nose enough to smell it. I saw a notification for a few unanswered texts from Chelsea, but I needed to wake up first.

Chelsea was the sober sorority sister of Phi Sigma Sigma, and my best friend. She had never touched a drop of alcohol in her life and never planned to, though she had a sense of humor about it. “Why?” was a question she heard often and used as a way to challenge her ability to think quick. She claimed various rules of various religions at first before moving on to secret societies cult tenants forcing her to keep clean for her Master. For the past month, she has used that question as a study aid for her Death and Society class. She would claim that the victims of Insert Serial Killer’s Name Here were drunk and that she didn’t want to make herself an easy target. After recounting some of the more gruesome details from memory, even the most practiced partiers would spend more time eyeing their drinks and fellow party guests with suspicion than imbibing. She was passing the class with flying colors.

Chelsea was a sleight-of-hand magician, and Penn and Teller were her idols. Neither had ever taken a drink of alcohol, and neither ever would, for no reason other than they didn’t want to. She liked the idea and spent her time practicing sleight-of-hand by herself while other kids her age practiced the handsy stuff on each other. I was the control freak, she was the perfectionist, and both of us avoided deep relationships in lieu of our own personal interests and hobbies. We were best friends a week into English 301.

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Chelsea was the designated driver, cock blocker and general care taker when the Phi Sigma Six went to parties. She asked for three things as payment: gas money, permission to perform magic tricks for the guys who struck out with us, and allowance to film any embarrassing shit we did (with a clause that none of it ended up on YouTube). I never got drunk enough to go viral, but New Year’s Eve was the one night of the year I caged the control freak completely. That Saturday was January 1st. I assumed Chelsea was the reason I woke up with a cracked window and a strange flower instead of a cracking headache and a strange frat boy. None of the normal signs of a hangover dragged me down and silently praised Chelsea for whichever of her magic tricks had prevented the normal symptoms. I remembered nothing.

The hot shower was fantastic. The hair on my legs was longer than I expected considering I had shaved prior to party the night before. An ex-boyfriend used to swear that his facial hair always seemed to grow in thicker and quicker after a night of heavy drinking. Not caring much about the cause, I recycled the diagnosis and slathered conditioner on my legs. After I washed and conditioned my hair, I turned the shower head to pulse and stood under the water, enjoying the sensation of water massaging the back of my neck while my hair draped over my face like a hot towel. One of the perks of a private dorm room: no roommate, no sharing the hot water.

After I brushed my hair and teeth, I returned to my bed to check my missed messages when three loud, rapid knocks pounded at my door. After the third knock, a sheet of paper slid through the gap at the bottom of my door. This was how the sorority passed along warnings about secret dorm inspections or frivolous gossip we didn’t trust texting. It was quick and anonymous. No one ever knew who was knocking. For secretive note passing, those three knocks were obnoxious in volume and left a feeling of creeping dread clinging to each and every goose bump that ran up my spine. That cold cape of unease never stayed with me until the end. Much later, I realized what was so unsettling about the situation:

One, my door was the only one that had been knocked on.

Two, I had heard no footsteps approaching (or leaving, for that matter), even though the floors in our building creaked if somebody so much as coughed.

I left the note on the floor, as if to punish it for ruining my calm. I checked that the padlock was in the locked position (a useless, but helpful symbol of safety) before I picked up my phone to check the text messages from Chelsea. The knocking returned most of the pre-shower tension. My subconscious would expect more knocking for hours just to avoid surprise if it happened again. The stress made it impossible to relax.

I paced around the room as I checked my phone. First I caught up on e-mails, the last of which was also from Chelsea. It contained an image that failed to download no matter how many times I touched the retry button. I let it be and scrolled through the text messages instead. These were the last few messages on my phone.

Me: see u in 5, doll! (Dec. 31, 2014 08:29 p.m.)
Chelsea: Who is that guy? Why is he trying to give you a flower? Can I do a trick on him or does he have potential? (Dec. 31, 2014 09:42 p.m.)
Me: says his name is ray! never seen him before, but Ana thinks he’s cute so no tricks yet! (Dec. 31, 2014 09:44 p.m.)
Chelsea: Do his eyes look strange to you, or are you too drunk to notice? (Dec. 31, 2014 09:45 p.m.)
Chelsea: Brit? Where the hell did you go? (Dec. 31, 2014 09:59 p.m.)
Chelsea: Hello? Are you in the bathroom? You need to practice so you aren’t puking drunk after one Angry Orchard! Just tell me if you find a ride or not. This party is L-A-M-E! (Dec. 31, 2014 10:49 p.m.)
Chelsea: Brit, seriously, where are you? I can’t find Melody or Sara. Ray keeps looking at me and his eyes are seriously fucked up. I’m getting creeped out. (Jan. 01, 2015 01:11 a.m.)
Chelsea: Holy fvk BRt I jus foudn melody, shes passd out or smthng. Wher are u?!?!?!?! (Jan. 01, 2015 01:42 a.m.)
Chelsea: BRIT! ANSWR ME!!! (Jan. 01, 2015 01:56 a.m.)
Chelsea:sixlovelypetalsdoesshelovemeordoesshenotsixlovelypetalsdoesshelovemeordoesshenotsixlovelypetalsdoesshelovemeordoesshenotsixlovelypetalsdoesshelovemeordoesshenotsixlovelypetalsdoesshelovemeordoesshenot (Jan. 01, 2015 4:03 a.m.)

By the time I read the last message, the chills in my back had returned ten-fold. My frantic pacing caused my thighs to ache. I made a mental note to call Melody later and make sure she was feeling better, but I needed to see Chelsea.

Chelsea didn’t just lose her cool. Ever. Getting us safely back to our rooms, passed out or otherwise, was what Chelsea did. She didn’t freak out over it, especially not to the point of it silencing her inner grammar Nazi. She had grown used to me shortening a couple of words and not using capital letters, but anything beyond that meant repercussions.

More terrifying than those three knocks were the last three text messages.
The first, broken and misspelled, like a drunk text sent to an ex booty call. She would have ignored me for a weekend on principle had I sent it to her.

The second, all capital letters with exclamation points for emphasis. That would have earned me a public conversation where she yelled at me just so my ears and shame could be uncomfortable as her eyes had been reading it.

And the third message. One long string of lower case letters. Gibberish at first, but after reading it back a few times it repeats the same message six times. ‘Six lovely petals. Does she love me or does she not.’ I had no idea what the fuck that was supposed to mean, or why Chelsea would have sent it.

My phone beeped and I had a fear spasm, as if I’d run into an invisible wall. A small arrow appeared at the top of my cell phone screen signifying a successful download. I forced myself to stand still and calm down before I opened it. The morning was spiraling into some sort of hell thanks to my inner control freak. I hoped a cricket chirping wouldn’t cause me to piss myself at the rate I was going.

The download was the image Chelsea had sent me, called NYE15-6Petals. I don’t know how long I sat with my thumb hovering over that text, unsure whether or not I had the guts left to open that image. I had to talk myself into thinking that it was some elaborate prank on Chelsea’s part to get back at me for disappearing on her last night. It took me longer to open it than I’m comfortable admitting.

The picture proved that Chelsea was not responsible for the flower. It was a picture of the six of us, the Phi Sigma Six. From left to right, we were Melody, Sara, Jolene, Anastasia, Chelsea, and me. All of us had yellow flowers behind our ears, and each one of those yellow bastards had six petals. I glanced at the flower on my night stand for a moment. Perhaps it was the fear, or seeing that all six of us had received one, but it no longer seemed beautiful or special. I sure as hell didn’t have the urge to smell it anymore.

Unable to keep still, I began pacing again. I glanced at the piece of paper on the floor. I wanted to look at that piece of paper about as much as I wanted to smell the flower, though I knew I would eventually look.

I had to look. To take control.

I looked back to the picture. Six of us smiling, unsure of the shenanigans the night still held. My eyes moved past our flower framed faces to the mirror behind us. In it, I saw the man who had taken the picture. He held Chelsea’s phone level with his chin. The flash in the mirror left little of his face recognizable and made his hand look thin, almost skeletal. His eyes, unaffected by the flash, were completely visible.

Chelsea had been right about Ray. His eyes were as disturbing as Chelsea’s texts described. Something was wrong with them. They whole of each eye looked black. Most people would have assumed the man wore contacts, but the blackness looked like deep, empty holes; the irises floated against the blackness like the rims of buckets floating at the bottom of the well. All six of us had red eye from the flash, but Ray’s eyes were matte. The flash didn’t just not touch them, it seemed to actively avoid them.

It could have been bad Photoshop. I wish I could say that, at any point, I had believed it was bad Photoshop.

Whether it was the growing fear in my gut or a trick from staring at the screen too long, I saw the eyes move, those pale irises staring right at me, and let out a high pitched shriek as I shoved the phone deep within the depths of my pillow pile. I was done with cryptic texts and strange images.

I couldn’t stop pacing. Again, I wanted to convince myself that Chelsea was trying out a new, albeit disturbing, magic trick on me. She had a tendency to surprise me with small pieces of tricks instead of running me through the patter and show of it all.

This was the finale of a good trick. It would explain the black, hollow eyes that light avoided, how the texts set up finding the picture, how the picture seemed to download on its own when I finished the texts. It all made sense if I could accept that Chelsea, as a magician, had secrets that she just couldn’t share. Once I saw the trick pieced together, it would all make sense.

Any other truth would break me.

At some point I had stopped pacing and had picked up the piece of paper. I was staring at the blank back side of it as I left my thoughts. Confused emotions made me dizzy while fear and reason, the angel and a devil on my shoulder, fought for control of my hands; fought for control of that precious, terrifying sheet of paper. The devil on my shoulder cooed that turning it over would reveal the secret and give me the answer Chelsea could not. The angel, meek but loud, screamed that turning it over meant I could never not turn it over.

I had always thought that my controlling nature made me a rational person, if a bit distant, but I was learning that fear turns a person’s every trait into a weapon. I was as naïve and stupid as any horror movie character I had yelled at over the years, because I could not let myself remain naïve and stupid.

I had to know. To take control.

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I turned the piece of paper over.

5 CONFIRMED DEAD, 1 STILL MISSING AFTER SERIAL KILLER STRIKES CAMPUS NEW YEARS EVE PARTY
By Neil Palmer

January 3rd, 2015 – It has been three days since the Acacia Fraternity New Year’s Eve Party ended and two more students have been tragically added to the list of deceased. The bodies of Anastasia Higgins and Chelsea Fogg were found in their respective dorm rooms this morning, despite campus being under 24-hour surveillance and closed to all non-police and federal authorities as of January 1st.
The rooms of all six sorority sisters have been secured and are under observation. Melody Simmons and Sarah Rowland were found on the morning of January 1st by pledges assigned to aid them after the New Year’s Eve party. Jolene Robert’s body appeared in her bed the next day. There were no signs of forced entry and no reports of suspicious activity from officers on duty.

Ms. Higgins and Ms. Fogg each had strange yellow flowers on their chests, as with the previous victims. Two of the petals on Ms. Fogg’s flower had been removed, leaving four petals. One petal had been removed from of Ms. Higgins’, leaving five. Though the flower has not yet been identified, the picture below, pulled this morning off of Ms. Fogg’s phone, show that each flower has six petals. Authorities suspect that whoever was responsible for the flowers may have information and urge anybody with information to call 911 or the provided anonymous tip line as quickly as possible.

(In the middle of the page was the picture that Chelsea had emailed me, displaying the six of us smiling with those fucking flowers behind our ears. I wouldn’t let myself look at Ray’s face again. I forced myself to read on, despite tears blurring my vision.)

Britney Davidson is the last member of the Phi Sigma Six who remains unaccounted for. If criminal profiler theories that this is the work of a serial killer can be trusted, Ms. Davidson represents one more potential victim. Finding her is paramount to both saving her life and catching the person responsible for the deaths of her five sisters.

If anybody has any information regarding the whereabouts of Britney Davidson, please call the aforementioned numbers.

A service for the Phi Sigma Six will be held as soon as the campus is re-opened to the staff and students. Until then, free grief counseling and student support is being offered at the local YMCA.

Our thoughts and sympathies are with the families of all six young women and anyone else whose lives they have touched.

There was a picture of me on the bottom of the page, and some phone numbers.

I let the paper fall to the floor as my breath caught in my chest. My sisters were dead. My best friend was dead. The grief I felt for them, and the fear I should have felt knowing that I was next, both punctuated by the date at the top of the page.

It was January 3rd. I had been lost for three days, which meant that I had lost three days.

Somehow, I had ended up back in my own bed, the same as my sorority sisters. I hoped nobody had stuffed a piece of paper underneath any of their doors. I hoped that they had gone peacefully in their sleep. I hoped they had been ignorant to the fear coursing through me knowing that I was next.

Three knocks, much louder than the first, crumbled my nerves. The chills running up my spine grew hot with adrenaline. Tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t help myself from whimpering in short, ugly bursts. I turned towards my bed, ready to leap for the phone under my pillows and call 911.

I couldn’t take the first step. What I saw stopped the chills, the tears, the whimper, my breathing and time itself, for all I knew.

The window was cracked about an inch. The yellow flower with the six pretty petals was no longer on my night table. The yellow flower sat on my chest in a perfect spot to obstruct my vision if I were to open my eyes. Not a single petal had been removed.
The room had become claustrophobic and surrealistic in a hurry. I wasn’t sure if the version of me, who I thought of as the ‘real’ me, was asleep or dead. I wasn’t sure if I was a ghost, a dream, or having an out of body experience.

I had been vulnerable to whatever monster was responsible for the death of my friends the entire time, and I had been ignorant of that until I read that damn article. In trying to grasp control, I had broken the illusion and lost all of it. As vulnerable as the ‘real’ me lying in bed was, the part of me stuck staring at her would be the part that suffered.

I envied her, the ‘real’ me lying in that bed, relaxed and oblivious. She hadn’t spent the morning pacing around her room, slowly losing her mind. She hadn’t learned that her best friends had died. She had no idea that she would never be waking up, if she wasn’t already dead.

The door behind me creaked as it opened. My entire body felt as cold as my nose had been. The adrenaline was gone, no longer warming my limbs. Something more than fear froze me in place. All I felt was cold.

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I would not move. I could not move.

Each shallow exhale turned into a thick cloud of fog in front of my face. My eyes were wide open and drying out in the intense cold. The room itself seemed to turn gray the colder I got. I heard a hiss behind me and a large cloud fog flew past my head, overtaking one of my own small breath clouds.

I could not react to whatever was behind me. Rather it was out of fear or something the thing behind me had done to me, I would never know. My bladder let loose to punctuate my lack of body control. The fresh piss felt like ice water as it flowed down my leg. It didn’t even take a cricket chirping.

A yellow blur slowly crept over my shoulder from my left peripheral. As my vision regained clarity, the yellow blur morphed into an ugly flower with one large, decayed yellow petal. My entire body was ice cold, but this time I could smell it; something like nail polish remover and moldy bread and sweet rot.

Holding the stem of the flower was a pale hand that looked thin and skeletal at first. I was wrong. The hand wasn’t skeletal; it was a skeleton’s hand.
A voice behind me spoke, a deep whisper louder than any of the knocks.

“Six lovely petals. Does she love me or does she not?”

No control.

I looked at my body one last time and offered a silent apology. I was going to be the reason we died, and I could do nothing to stop it.

I was powerless.

Powerless to resist the second skeleton hand as it grabbed my wrist and raised my hand to the flower.

Powerless to stop my fingers from pinching that last yellow petal and plucking it off.

Powerless to stop myself from saying “I love you not.”

——-

I woke up that Saturday morning to an unexpected breeze, cool and pleasant, against my cheek. Somewhere within the whoosh of the wind blowing through my window, I swear I heard a deep whisper.

“Good choice.”

Credit To – Rob E. Nichols

If you enjoyed this story, please do check out the author’s book. Absolute Horror can be purchased at both Amazon and CreateSpace.

*The Amazon link, as always, has our affiliate code included. If you purchase anything through the Amazon link, the site will receive a small kickback. Thank you!

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40 thoughts on “Six Pretty Petals”

  1. Robert Nichols

    Just want to point out that I recently posted this on the r/nosleep subreddit under the screen name adderobrx. As some people there have accused me of plagiarising my own story from here, this comment is to prove I am indeed the author in both places. And there is more to come very soon…

    Again, I am Rob E. Nichols and adderobrx and I posted in No Sleep. Thanks for reading!!

    1. Robert Nichols

      Yup, as I mention in the comment below this. I posted it on /r/nosleep as well. Things have been figured out on that end!

  2. *starts pulling petals off a random flower* This scared me. This scared me not. This scared me. This scared me not. This scared me. This scared me not. *realizes the flower has seven petals* This scared me.
    I don’t frighten easily. But this made me shiver. 10/10. Great job!

  3. Did no one pay attention to the fact at the beginning of the story she talked about how she never said I love you to a boyfriend she didn’t mean it to, unlike her friends who all bragged about it? And doing just that saved her life?

  4. Just brilliant! Every single hair on my body is standing straight up. Great imagery– “;the irises floated against the blackness like the rims of buckets floating at the bottom of the well.” That was my favorite line.
    Bravo!

  5. I took it as she lived. She didn’t tell the demon she loved it just to get what she wanted . The problem with that theory was her lack of control over that statement. He saved her for last and let her live, just like that? I think the ending was that she survived, but it’s left open because there was a reason; that’s to say she was chosen for his demon purposes. I don’t think there is any clue to what that may be in this story because we don’t know who she’s dealing with. It’s not a perfect pasta, but it’s delicious. I’m excited to read more from you, my creepy friend.

  6. For all of you wondering what the ending was about I have a theory.

    Britney’s friends, had the same experince, just that they looked at the thing coming through the door. Britney didn’t and therefore was allowed to survive.

    Great story, 8/10

  7. The skeleton was death… The other girls probably said “I love you” thinking that death would spare them but the “I love you” maybe gave consent for death to take them away. She didn’t answer.

  8. I want to thank everybody for reading and contributing to the comments about my creepy pasta. I have enjoyed reading the comments and appreciate that time was taken to not only comment, but to be constructive, honest and positive while doing so.

    I’m not sure what normal form is for authors responding to their stories here is, as I’m usually not a big comment section person, but I would feel like a super tool not joining in on the discussion when some of you were interested enough or cared enough to post your own thoughts.

    This was a challenge to me for many reasons, but I set a goal for myself to write until I got something posted here for a few reasons. I have been working on a novel for a couple of years and, while I’m about ready to publish it, it is a fairly long piece of fiction. I’ve been challenging myself to try and practice brevity in my storytelling, as I felt it would help me craft a better story overall. What is the hardest thing to do in short form? Creep people out or make people laugh, in my opinion.

    I was trying to straddle a line between descriptive and ambiguous and I am happy with the way it turned out. The criticism, both critical and positive, posted here and lessons I learned writing this will help me with future writing, so again…thank you all.

    I did not intend for this story to be anything other than a one off tale about something horrific happening to a control freak, and I finding the balance between how much story to tell vs. how much to leave up to interpretation was a large chunk of the editing and beta reading process. There was a point where I was ready to submit and wanted to add a few small explanations to the overall story, but none of them read right and they came off as very “hand holdy” to me. I decided to leave questions throughout the story for two main reasons: a) I feel like the conversations trying to answer them were a fun part of the writing process and I hoped others would have that kind of fun throwing theories about what exactly happened around, and b) while this story could stand on it’s own as the ambiguous thing that it is, there is more story to be told.

    Basically, I enjoyed this little world, want to return to it, and promise that questions will be answered and (I hope) anything that might be seen as filler will be considered less so.

    1. I apologize for my “filler” comment… My detached, abrasive nature comes out all too often here in creepypasta comments… I hope you do revisit this world and share it with us because I seriously enjoyed it.

      There is an element of reality to your story… in that sometimes things are just *over* with no explanation. I’m trying to make peace with it in that way… and that speaks to the value of your character building because, even though in the context of this one little slice of life, Chelsea’s portion came off (to me) as filler, you created her in such a way that I grieved her untimely end.

      Best of luck to you in the part of your world that requires a bit of luck–and do post the title of your novel and its release date. I would like to see what you do with more space in which to do it.

      1. Robert Nichols

        The title of my novel is Absolute Horror. It was published on April 199th and is available at CreateSpace, Amazon, and B&N.

  9. I really liked this story. However, I was expecting a little more magic since you mentioned a few times that the best friend was a “Sleight of hand magician.” I really thought the story was going to center on the tricks she performed, or maybe one big trick. Since it wasn’t, I’m not really sure mentioning that she is a magician is really all that relevant to the story.

    Other than that, I really did like this. My advice to you would be to read the comments and listen to the changes people are recommending. With a few tweaks here and there, this could easily be a 10/10.

  10. 9/10 from me. The only thing that kept it from a 10/10 was at how quickly the transition from the first perceived reality to the realization of an out of body experience happened. I had to re-read and think hard at what image you were trying to convey there. Slow it down a tad, and try to give a bit more description to the scene.

  11. All who say ‘What does “Good Choice”‘ mean. My opinion is he meant good choice for him. But wait… uhhh… never mind. Shit. xD But still, great creepypasta.!

  12. So in the end she wakes up on a Saturday. And the 1st was a Saturday. Did she go back in time and prevent the murders, or did she wake up on the 8th? Losing another 5 days?

  13. i am a little confused … i think she survived was that purely because she said she didn’t love him? or did she actually die? or is she stuck in a limbo …

  14. There were a couple of things about the mechanics of this that didn’t work, but I honestly loved the story so much that it didn’t stop me from reading it. I’m left absolutely perplexed by the ending, though. I can’t imagine how Brit was the ONLY one who made the right choice? It seems to me that, in the end, her choice may have been the same as Chelsea’s. Otherwise, why go into so much detail about Chelsea? In the end, the bulk of the story (half of the word count or more?) was about Chelsea and it turned out to be filler… because Chelsea perished along with the other four girls and Brit was left… we don’t know where, do we?

    The more I think about it, the more I deconstruct it, the less I like it… so I’m going to leave off with saying that was a great pasta… it kept me engaged, entertained me, and left me with more questions than I can count.

    1. I think Brit made the right decision because she didn’t want to live after find out ALL her friends were dead, the others may not have known and just chose out of what they thought would save their lives. How many horror movies have you seen where people will say anything to save their own lives (As you do).

      1. I had the same thought, but just couldn’t quite swallow it… it felt like I was making excuses going down that road. You are probably right, though because it seems that to say “I love you” to a demon asking if you loved it would be the logical path that most of our minds would take. Like, “I love you! Please don’t hurt me!”

        So maybe I’m looking for a deeper meaning or a more intricate solution where it really is just simple. And maybe that is why my brain hurts and I start to dislike this story as I try to deconstruct it… it shouldn’t be deconstructed… it just is.

  15. This was nice. Not quite what I was expecting so nice!

    A few points:
    – There was no need to say Chelsea was a ‘female sleight-of-hand magician’. You refer to her as ‘she’ straight afterwards and adding female to her description makes it sound jarring, especially considering the protagonist is also female. I have never referred to any of my friends as a ‘female’ anything XD.

    – You mentioned sleight-of-hand magician a second time with reference to Penn and Teller. This isn’t really necessary, you could just say that Penn and Teller were her idols (as pretty much everyone knows who they are)

    – The build up is good, but a little too…uh ‘dilly dally’ shall we say. She ignores the paper for so long it is almost agonising, then when she finally does pick it up she…stares at the blank side for a while? This is just needless tension and instead of making me nervous it just irritated me.

    Now for the good parts. I did like the twist, it was certainly unexpected, and the fact that you never mention her looking back at her bed is a good point. I was a little unsure about the ‘good choice’ we saw at the end (did she win? how?) but ambiguity is good in a story as it leaves you with an open ending.

    Nice choice of the petals and the ‘does she love me’ that was cool. I did like it a lot but there were a few niggles that could have been removed for a better story flow and to help keep that tension. 7.5/10 from me!

    1. You were quick to point out the stuff about Chelsea I knew were going to receive some criticism, so thank you for being a thoughtful critic about it!

      This is not in any way defensive, just an explanation as to why I referred to her as a “female” sleight of hand magician.

      Brit calls Chelsea a female sleight of hand magician because Chelsea refers to herself as such. As an amateur sleight of hand guy, I have had the pleasure of meeting a few female practitioners over the years, and many of them referred to themselves as female sleight of hand magicians instead of simply “sleight of hand magicians” in advertisement materials, business cards, and even during hand shakes. I’ve asked why, and the basic answer tends to be that most people don’t think of females when they think of magicians, unless they think of assistants. One of my wife’s criticisms on the story was the fact that Chelsea was a sleight of hand magician in the first place, as she felt it was unrealistic. Instead of being held down by the stereotypes, these women own the “female” portion of the moniker because it gives them an even deeper sense of specialty and mystique. It lets them take ownership and power over their persona. I respect the hell out of them and that word was put there for the same reason that Brit thought it in the first place…I’ve heard it used by them in such a positive way so many times that it feels like it belongs there.

      Thank you again for the points you made and for reading this when, as John Mulaney says, it would have been 100% easier for you not to do either of those things. I appreciate it.

  16. A brilliant story. It’s a bit extra creepy because my girlfriends favorite flower is the daffodil, which is bright yellow with six petals. Over all, I felt this was very well written with a brilliant ending. I gave ten stars.

  17. Well this was…..interesting. A lot more questions than answers with this one. That’s not a bad thing, though personally I wouldn’t have minded a little more explanation. I’m sure some people will have fun trying to figure this one out. Creepy, well written, and all that other stuff ect. 7.5, rounded up to 8, because you caught me in a good mood.

    1. Thomas O. No lie, for three days I’ve seen more replies from you than awesome pastas xD every pasta I’ve read had a comment from you in it

    1. She chose the right choice, so I don`t think so. Maybe her friends said they did so he would let them live instead of telling the truth and that`s why he killed them. So I think, I have no real idea only the writer would know and could tell but tha`s what I`m thinking.

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