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Red Eyes



Estimated reading time — 3 minutes

Like all small towns, the one I grew up in had its legends. In my town, there’s one particular legend I’ve heard since I was a kid. The people telling it, though, never agree on the details.

They like to talk about some “thing.” Some say it is takes the form of a man, others say it’s a demon, or an alien. They all agree on the glowing red eyes. The last thing you see before you die. This legend makes no sense, of course. If these eyes are the last thing someone sees before they die, how could they have told anyone what they had seen? Besides, legends of “the last thing you see” exist all around the world.

So what are those two red glowing dots I see in the distance? I see them, in the trees on the other side of the field. It’s pitch black, there’s no moon. The only light is coming from those eyes. They’re pointed away from me. Does it know I’m here?

Is this a trick of my imagination? I look away, then look back. It’s still there. Shit. Will it hear me if I move? Where would I go? Even if I made it back to camp, would that help me? Would the other guys be able to do anything, or would they just… would they even be able to help me?

I can’t see whatever it is. All I can see are the red, glowing eyes, moving back and forth. Darting around, like it was just some animal moving about in the woods. Is it just some animal? I can’t tell, I’m no woodsman. Maybe there’s a logical explanation.

I step backwards, slowly. The leaves make a soft crunch. I don’t think it heard anything. The eyes didn’t stop or jerk. I move backwards one more time. The same soft crunch. The eyes still haven’t seen me.

I turn around and start walking, slowly, through the trees. At first, treading as lightly as I can. Eventually, I feel a little safer and start moving a little faster. A little louder, but still conscious of what’s behind me. I look back every once in a while, but the eyes are out of sight, masked by trees.

I keep moving forward, towards camp. No idea what to make of what just happened. I’ll find my buddies, get into my tent, and just forget everything I saw. Holy shit! What just passed by in front of me?

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Two glowing red dots sped across my path. How far away was it? It was close enough that I could hear the rustling of the leaves as it ran by. I stand still, frozen. Not even breathing. It can’t have seen me. I look around, but see nothing. There’s complete silence.

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Why did I come out here? Can I even find my way back to camp in this darkness? Do I have any chance of getting away from it? I hear something rustle. I look in the direction of the sound, but I see nothing. Just pitch black.

I breathe as quietly as possible, listening into the silence, but hearing nothing. I creep forward, slowly. Still listening, but only hearing myself. Then I feel it. It’s right beside me, but I don’t dare turn my head to see it.

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I bolt forward, into the black, running into trees, through sticks and branches, getting cuts and scrapes, but not feeling any of them. I’m running for my life. I don’t even know which direction I’m going in.

Then I fall, knocked down. I face the ground without seeing it. All I see is the same blackness that’s all around me. There’s nowhere to go. It has me. But I knew there was no getting away from the start. It was pointless to even try running. There’s no way out now. Except to finally lift my head, and look into the glowing red eyes.

Credit To – David Mein

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7 thoughts on “Red Eyes”

  1. My Friend who lives nearby my house has claimed to see a figure of a man, or alien, with glowing red eyes that he would see every night. I was reading a book at the time called monsters of America, and he claimed that one of the illustrations looked like the monster that he had seen. I forgot the name to it, (I remember it was like menegeshi or someting but I can’t remember completley) It looked like a small alien or man with a big round head, and a big round nose. That is all I have to say about this.

  2. This pasta really felt rushed and regurgitated. Red eyes, guy in the woods… I have seen this before. I didn’t even get to enjoy a retold story in a good writing style. It was too short, and the ending was really weak. 2/10

  3. I thought this pasta had the advantage of a potentially interesting delivery: self-banter. Done well, this sort of style conveys immediate urgency since the reader is experiencing the feelings real-time, with all the tension that entails. I thought it came off mixed in this piece.

    The pasta’s plot of being stalked was well suited to the style, as was the first person POV. The live experience of being stalked by a red-eyed, teleporting creature could’ve been very creepy indeed.

    That being said, the self-banter was forced at times. It felt as if the protagonist pauses unnecessarily to deliver exposition to the readers, instead of running away; this wrecks the advantage of using self-banter in the first place since it voids urgency and immediateness. The constant questioning also made the narrative feel skippy; I felt that the speculations could’ve been delivered without so many pausing question marks.

    The narrative lacked timing, IMO. The protagonist’s reactions felt colorless especially when the monster emerged; there’s a definite lack of escalation and no speed-up in pacing – certainly little tension. As a result, the protagonist came off as half-hearted, again undermining the urgency of the situation.

    Overall, a potentially good pasta that was flawed in stylistic execution. 6.2/10

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