Perfectown
I was exhausted. I had just gotten home from another day of forced monotony that we call a job. I wanted nothing more than to kick back with a cold beer and watch the hockey game. I walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer before shambling to the entertainment room. Still warm. Damn. I sat down in my comfiest recliner. The footrest sprung up, and I pushed the back down far enough so I could just see the TV. I grabbed the remote and hit the power button. The TV flickered on, filling the room with the sound of hockey. It wasn’t the same without the cold beer.
I reluctantly sat back up and got out of my chair, and made my way to the stairs leading up to the attic.
I pushed the door open and stepped into the dark, musty room, thick with the stench of mold. I grabbed the flashlight that I kept by the attic door and clicked it on. I made my way around all the boxes, coming to the back of the attic. There I found the fuse box. I set the flashlight down and began to tinker with the fuses. A bit of light caught the corner of my right eye. I thought nothing of it, being too predisposed with my task. I finished fixing the fuse and turned to my right to grab the flashlight. But it wasn’t there. I put the flashlight down with my left hand. That’s when it hit me. Where did that light I saw come from? I recollected the flashlight and walked to the right of where I was. It didn’t take me long. I came to the side of my attic, where a crack in the wall was shining a brilliant white. I thought that maybe this was the end of my house, and the crack led to outside. But that was impossible. There was way more house below this light, and it couldn’t lead outside. It was nighttime.
I should have walked away, forgotten about it. Hell, if it was the middle of the day I probably would have. But my curiosity got the better of me. I used the butt-end of the flashlight to hammer through the wood where the light was emanating from. The larger I made the hole, the brighter my attic got. Soon, the hole was large enough for me to crawl through. I steeled myself before sticking my head through the hole. I came out in a room much like my rec room at home, but lit up by beautiful sunlight. I stood up and looked around. First thing I noticed was it was perfectly clean. Not a thing out of place, no dust anywhere. The second thing I noticed was the window. I walked over and looked out. What I saw was amazing. It was a small little village. Small houses placed close together. I figured I was crazy. I went back through the hole and shoved a box in the way to block the light coming through. I went back downstairs to my entertainment room and turned on the hockey game.
I forgot about the hole for weeks. My life was pretty normal. I followed the usual routine of work and friends, and when the hole did cross my mind, I passed it off as a dream. But the thoughts became more and more frequent. I became less and less sure of the idea that the hole was a dream. I had to go back.
I decided that tonight was the night I go through the hole again. I’ve been preparing myself for days. I know I can’t do this, but I know I have to. I work my way slowly to the attic and slide the box out of the way. Yes, the hole is still there. I was hoping it wasn’t. But I knew I had to go on. I dropped to my hands and knees and crawled forward through the hole. I found myself one more in that same room again. I walked to the window to see nothing had changed. Everything was still the same. I wanted to go outside, to explore, but there was no door. I slid the window open and dropped down onto the perfectly manicured grass. I decided to go left. I just walked. I wanted to know what this place was.
I actually passed a few people on the streets as I went. They smiled and waved. Perfectly friendly. I passed a library, a hospital… all perfect. Clean, fully functional… It was amazing.
That was a month ago. I’ve been living here ever since. But recently… I’ve been feeling different. Seeing things I know aren’t there. Horrible images. Images you should not see. Images I cannot even begin to describe. I’ve also been struck with an insatiable thirst for bloodshed. For flesh. For death at my own hands. I crave the feeling of entrails wrapping around my hands.
I went to the library and looked at a book of the towns history. What I saw… Oh god. Every forty years, the town entices one member of our world to theirs. This person is charged with the task of venturing into their world, and receiving all the accumulated evil from the last forty years. Their world is allowed to exist in perfect harmony at the expense of one of ours.
But… I can’t cope with this anymore. These images. This thirst. This… primal hunger for death. I don’t want to do this. I think I’m ready to come home…
Excerpt taken from the Journal of Jeffrey Dahmer, 1978.
–
Credited to TheCoffinDancer.
oooh i liked the ending! the last sentence really made the story whole
pasa was alright… nothing special .
THEN WHO WAS PERFECT TOWN?
………….. THE GAME ……………
I won’t try to claim first, even though I don’t see any other comments…
Well, it seemed an interesting idea, but I think it ended a bit too early. It could’ve gone a bit further than that, I think. Maybe a little more detail on the scary stuff, instead of just a taste for bloodshed.
…Oh fuck.
first!!!
Oooh, delicious.
Ooooh, delicious!
that was sweet, im gonna google this dude
Nice story.
after all you never know if it was real or not
Well damn.
HAY GUISE WUTS GOIN ON?
Coo’ man, coo’.
It was good until the Dahmer part. I really like it otherwise actually. Sorry, but it was a let down where I can tell it should have been a mindfu**.
Speechless ~
I liked it. <_<
would’ve been retarded if not for the dahmer ending.
that was enough to produce a couple bricks.
I like it.
Didn’t know where it was going until it was too late. Then the last line was the cherry on top. Both creepy and surprising, not to mention pretty well detailed and well written. I like.
BUT WHO WAS CORALINE?
huh??
He’s watching Hockey and then decides to get up and fix a fuse..Was the power supposed to be out and the writer forgot to say?
Pretty good otherwise..
Ru4real
0_o Weirdo… Cool though!
Kind of reminds me of Coraline with the seemingly perfect world and all.
HOLY SHIT
This explains everything. I applaud. Lovely pasta.
That’s cool
nice. best one ive read in a long time, and the first one ive read in a VERY long time that had that “feel” of creepypasta. with the whole unspoken evil and mind blown, ect ect. oh and also,
WHO WAS VILLAGE?
i liked this, it was quite good. This guy needs to clean out his attic once in awhile though, i mean honestly. MAYBE he wouldnt have any weird transdimentional portals appearing out of nowhere
“It wasn’t the same without the cold beer.”
heh, nothing ever is.
this ones good.
THEN WHO WAS BEER?!
I’d give you a cookie, but I shat bricks on them.
Fuck,that was awesome.Great job CoffinDancer.
I really liked this one. And of corse; WHO WAS HOLE?
lolcoraline
Thanks a lot guys.
For Capn Sanity, the fridge was broken so he went to try and fix it.
“I decided that tonight was the night I go through the hole again. I’ve been preparing myself for days. I know I can’t do this, but I know I have to. I work my way slowly to the attic and slide the box out of the way.”
Ehh, no one would write that way in a journal..
Was he writing in past-tense or not? First he says “I decided that tonight WAS the night” then he says “I’VE been preparing myself for days” I’ve, as in, I have.
WAT?
Also…
“Every forty years, the town entices one member of our world to theirs.”
Our world to theirs?
He said he’s been living there..
so..
wouldn’t “our world” to him, be the perfect world he found through the crack in the wall?
if so, that sentence doesn’t make sense.
Stop reading my diary, damn it!!
It was okay. You have potential to write better stories though, keep in mind the grammar, as asdasurau mentioned. Also, you started way too many sentences with “I”. Therefore, it didn’t flow as nicely as it could have.
If this was someone’s journal, then you should try to become that person, and think about what they would write/think. Don’t just tell the story in first person, otherwise it seems fake.
Great idea though! :]
nice ending, hugely unexpected.
why did he randomly go upstairs to the fuse box?
our world is far from perfect.
Lulz at attic ad on the left of the page
That was awesome!
wasnt jeffery dahmer that serial murderer…?
but this was good and i liked it(:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JEFFREY DAHMER
up until that last line i didnt think it was that great
THEN WHO WAS JEFFREY DAHMER?
That was fine until the “Jeffrey Dahmer” part, ’cause I remember hearing about him and he was some molester/murderer.
Now the pasta looks like it’s trying to be some bizarre explination for why the guy killed people <_<
Why did the person in the story go into the attic to begin with? One moment they are sitting there watching the hockey game, the next they’re fiddling with fuses? I think you may have skipped the part where the lights went out…
Jeffery Dahmer was a murderer and a rapist. His string of criminal acts began in 1978…
ES MUY CREEPY!
Short version of his: There’s a hole in my attic that leads to a very nice place. I also thirst for bloodshed now.
That second paragraph is a grammatical nightmare.
It’s okay.
It could have used some mention that the beer was warm due to a fuse having blown for the fridge, though.
Not really creepy so much as WHAT A TWEEST
for those who couldn’t get why the writer went up to the attic, SUX2BU XD
he took a beer from the fridge but it was stil warm…isn’t it obvious that the fridge is not working? so he jz went to fix the fuse which was in his attic =/
Genius
Oh my God o_O
I love the Dahmer part at the end. That just made the entire pasta complete.
Mind was screwed, bricks were shat.
There was nothing good about this. Who the fuck would try to forget about the hole? Who wouldn’t take someone to the hole? The style was ok, but there was no detail or anything. Also, anyone who knows anything about Dahmer knows the last line is fucking retarded. No bricks shat, didn’t pass go, didn’t collect $200.
<- Mind status: Blown.
asdasurau - no, “our world” would be appropriate in referring to your native world, even if you’re not in it at the time.
I started reading this a while ago, then got distracted and never finished untill now.
I really liked this one. I want him to go berzerk on whoever thought up the forty-year rule in niceworld.
the beginning went a little too fast, but the end was definitely unexpected and a good twist.
Not baad
the idea and plot is good, but like said before it should have been longer. If the guy had more emotion during the “changes” then it would have been much better.
THEN WHO WAS PERFECT WORLD?
How come he lost the flashlight, then had it?
Pretty nice, but no brix were shat. Mainly since I think it’s extremely unrealistic that he’d just forget about the hole. But the ending was okay, even though I had to google him O__<.
THEN WHO WAS THE GIVER RIP OFF?
He’s such a fucking bamf!
I wish I could read the whole thing.
I personally, loved it. A perfect town would drive me insane too.
“I finished fixing the fuse and turned to my right to grab the flashlight. But it wasn’t there. I put the flashlight down with my left hand.”
What on earth is this?!?!?!
The pasta wasn’t half bad, but the grammar and complete nonsense sentences made it unreadable.
@My brain hurts:
…Then how did you finish it? O_o
Those sentences aren’t really nonsense, its more of the narrator reasoning with himself, I think.. I guess it would sound better if it read like “I had put the flashlight down with my left hand.”, but it doesn’t really matter, the content of the story/pasta as a whole is what should be judged.
And it was gooooooood. :3
@Nickosaur.
Yeah. i read that and saying “I HAD put it…” sounds better, but I was going for the internal struggle. The way he would think it.
Its not on my right. I pput it down with my LEFT hand”
Emphasis on the left.
Very nice pasta. When it tied it into Dahmer that really made the pasta just fit well. *pulls out fork* Mmm. Tasty pasta is tasty,
Good story. Could use a bit of clean-up in the grammar dept. but otherwise, interesting. I always like the creepypastas where a person goes to another world or dimension.
Jeffrey Dahmer died the day I was born. November 28, 1994. i’m 14.
@steffdawg: Underage b&
It was a good story, but I wish that the author used a bit more of an obscure killer than Jeffrey Dahmer.
there’s no coraline wtf @ earlier comment.
Reminds me of Coraline. Lol
This was pretty fucking stupid. Jeffrey Dahmer killed his first victim when he was in high school, you fucking mook. This pasta wasn’t even creepy.
No creepy, inaccurate “real life connection” and a dismal story line does not a good pasta make.
Actually, Wow, he killed his first victim in July 1978.
I suggest you bone up on your literature, you mook.
The comments have me interested - is Coraline worth seeing?
dahmer, really?
couldnt you have picked a better serial killer?
Duuuude.
Dahmer meets the giver
I shat 20 brix
Rubbish.
Jeffrey Duhmer luhed da fish.
> <
loved it
we liked the end the best
Keep up the good work sir
too. Unbelieveable, hi rapid changes in cautiousness and the almost instant change to feeling very violent messed up this story
This doesnt make any sense. He was at work all day while the beer was in the fridge so it should be cold. Also, what business did he have going into the attic? It all seems unconnected.
First!
wow this was badly written.
look at how many times it changes tense with one paragraph.
wtf.
it was also explained poorly… didn’t make enough sense to be creepy.
an interesting idea though.
that was……. amazing! I love, love, love the ending!!!
Meh, it was ok.
THEN WHO WAS FLASH LIGHT?
just wiki’d him
story is nice but doesnt really match up with bio
he was always weird and after 78 didn’t kill again for 9 years
Nice!
Wait… Why was he up in the attic fixing a fuse? Was something that I’m not aware of broken? O___o?
Know what’s funny? Right before I read the last line I thought “heh, that sounds kind of like Jeffrey Dalhmer.
Now THAT’s some creepypasta right there.
you know, Jeffrey Dahmer went to my school several years ago.
i’ve heard so much shit about him, that i’m not sure whats true or not
weird story, all in all
Honestly, I nearly lold at the last sentence. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an interesting idea and, before the horrifying images develop, fairly immersive. I think the cravings should have had more time to develop but otherwise pretty good.
Good, except passing it off as the person being Dahmer was a bit unbelievable.
what? why did he randomly fix a fuse? o.O they must have left out something…it was kind of annoying
Ok pasta.
Ruh roh.
Saying this is the reason Jeffrey Dahmer became the way he did cheapens the idea of how horrible he was. Dahmer was a monster for realistic reasons, not supernatural ones.
Nicely written. Mediocre concept. Bad ending.
THEN WHO WAS DARK NARNIA?
It made me think of Coraline.
Loved the part where it said “Im ready to come home”. I was thinking alongst the lines that he would satisfy his bloodthirst in this perfect town as a revenge course but I guess not.
Actual ending:
Excerpt taken from the Journal of Barack Obama, 1992.
Creepypasta is Creepy. And I agree with PaperPasta. I thought that part was excellent.
This story would have been a bit better if the excerpt was from the journal of Albert Fish instead
shut the hell up with the “delicious pasta” “yummy pasta” bullshit. its a fucking story, not a plate full of carbs. your all stupid.
nice story tho. well done
Uh, what?
Why would he randomly go into the attic?
He sits down with a beer, watching the game, and then he goes into the attic for no reason. And what is wrong with the fusebox?
78′? Another 9 years to go. Should be interesting. >:D
THEN WHO WAS HOLE?
BUT WHO WAS BEER?
The story’s missing a part. He either never explained that the lights went out, or that part of the story went missing.
You douche-bags, HE FIXED THE FUSE BECAUSE HIS FUCKING FRIDGE WAS BROKEN!!!!! sorry bout the caps lock, but, honestly, read the goddamned comments before saying ‘i dun geddit’.
On a slightly less ragier note, am i the only one who read the title as ‘Perfect Own’?
Coraline, much?
Um…
Um…
Er…
Uh…
…Nice. Even though I don’t have the slightest idea who Jeffrey Dahmer is. *looks at comments* …Nah, I’m not looking him up c:
10/10
I had to reread the part with the beer. I thought the “Still Warm. Damn.” thing was about the recliner. =)))
But awesome pasta nonetheless!! One of the best I’ve read in a while.
One of the best Pastas I’ve read in a long while.