Scary Paranormal Stories & Short Horror Microfiction

Creepypasta

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Rating: 7.8/10 (252 votes cast)

You and Sarah rush through the doors as Rachel screams. Her cries abruptly cut off as the stone doors slam shut, though you can still hear a faint grinding coming from behind you. At the beginning, there were five, but now it was just you and Sarah. You catch your breath and try to get your bearings.

You don’t know how you and your friends found the cave, you’d been camping in this area dozens of times, but I guess this time your hikes had taken you farther than you’d thought. It was Katie that first discovered the cave, it seemed pretty cool and… why not? You had all the right gear already, so why not scout it out a little? Then you found a doorway, and you went through. It was a small room, with five closed stone doors on the far side, and a single stone pedestal in the middle. That’s where you found the rings… and when you realized you were trapped.

You weren’t going to touch the rings at first. They looked old, maybe a valuable archaeological find, but then someone—Harry maybe—noticed that door you had entered was blocked. There was no handle, just a solid slab of rock. Rachel figured it must have come down from above the doorframe, and that’s when everybody really freaked out. Harry tried his phone: nothing, no signal, no GPS. Sarah even set up the satellite phone, the phone for just this kind of emergency, only to have it fail as well. Out of options, you decided to go check out the pedestal again.

There were five rings—and what do you know—five people. Sitting just above the rings was an inscription: “The One with the strongest destiny shall claim the prize”. That part was kind of exciting, and well, it seemed kind of like your moment. Hadn’t done much else with your life. That degree in psych hadn’t gotten you very far, had it? Maybe you had the strongest destiny. You never really stood out much, didn’t have any major talents or qualities, but it’s the inside, that counts, isn’t it? And you’ve got that in spades.

That was what you were thinking before Katie died, anyway.

As you each slid a ring on your finger they started to glow, each glow a slightly different color. You thought yours seemed to glow a little brighter than the others, but you kept that to yourself. Each of the five rings shone towards a door at the far end of the room. Five rings? Five doors. Without any other choice, you went through. Everyone was starting to get excited. Then the doors slammed shut again. In this room, there were only four doors. Uh oh.

The rings started to glow again, but for some reason, Katie’s went dark. That’s when the floor started to shake. The cave floor was receding! Pulling away from the entrance of the room, and towards the four doors on the far end. A quick glimpse over the edge sent you running for your door. Over that edge was a black pit. A black pit that would fill the room in less than a minute. You, Sarah and Rachel rushed through your doors, while Katie followed closely behind Harry, hoping to get through his door with him. They were a couple after all. Harry stepped through just as the floor under Katie’s feet disappeared. He had her arm! He was going to pull her through and—

The stone door slammed down on Katie’s forearm with a sickening crack. Her trapped arm was the only thing keeping her from falling into the darkness, but everyone’s doors were completely shut now, except for Harry’s. There was no way to save her, or even see her, except for her twitching arm. Attached to that arm was a hand, and on that hand was a ring that didn’t shine. Harry was screaming into the tiny opening, Katie wasn’t responding, and the door was still trying to shut.

Eventually it did. You were now in a room with three doors.

Things followed a similar pattern after that. Harry’s ring went out, not that he cared anymore. You rushed through your door as the room filled with beetles, covering anything without a source of light. Rachel and Sarah tried to pull him away from the door, from the arm, but eventually all that was left of Harry was a crawling, heaving mass. He didn’t even scream. You had made it though, and as scared as you were, something was stirring in the back of your mind. You were starting to feel lucky. The One with the strongest destiny…

Then came the room with two doors. That was just now! Rachel’s light went out. She started to cry, but calmly turned and said goodbye, that you’d always been good friends. Sarah was screaming at her not to give up, but you didn’t want to stick around to find out what was going to go wrong. As you ran through your door you noticed that the ceiling had gotten lower…

And now here you are. One door left. This is it! Your whole life building up to this. Validation. You don’t have the fanciest job, the best degree, you aren’t the most popular, the most successful, but you are going to survive. It is your destiny. The strongest destiny…

Then you look at your ring, and the light has gone out.

Sarah?! No, it can’t be, it’s impossible! Why her? Why HER!! How can she… How DARE she! That ring is mine! Give it to me! It is my DESTINY!

As Sarah turns she sees your rage. Her eyes widen in shock as you scream for what is rightfully yours. Your fist flashes out and knocks her to the ground. She scrambles away as you move closer. She’s crying, begging you to stop. You don’t even hear it. It’s about YOUR life. YOUR destiny!
Nothing. Else. Matters.

And as you’re about to take that final step, when you’re right on top of her, a stone hand grips your ankle. You fall painfully, and two more hands grab your wrists, trapping you. Sarah is getting away! She’s almost at the door! More hands grab your legs, your neck, your ribs, your eyes. Their grips are getting tighter. You can’t see. The pain is unbearable…

And then you hear the stone door slam shut.

And with that sound you realize that you’re not the main character. You’re not special, and you’ll die right here in this room. The world will go on without you. As your senses begin to fade you have one last thought. What about m—

Credit To – Max Watson

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Rating: 7.8/10 (252 votes cast)
It's Not About You, 7.8 out of 10 based on 252 ratings
  • ashley

    This waa good but not excellent, though. For me it seemed like those people gave up a bit too easy and there could have been more descriping. Sorry for my lousy typin’ :D 6/10.

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • Anonymous

    well shit.

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  • CakeFace

    it wasn really that creepy..

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    Rating: -3 (from 7 votes)
  • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

    I don’t like the writing style. I don’t have a psych degree bla bla bla. It irritates me every time I see it. I quite liked the story and I could understand the writing style but it was only made clear why you had used it in the last sentence. I went through the rest of the story feeling mildly pissed off which detracted from the possible enjoyment I could have gained from this.

    5/10.

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    Rating: +6 (from 12 votes)
  • Phoenix

    I really liked the concept of this story. I think if it was longer, if we had more time to get to know the characters, and if there was more detail, this would be a great creepypasta. The title did give away the ending though, which took away from the story a bit.

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    Rating: +5 (from 7 votes)
  • MadameFizzgig

    With the exception of the very short passage about the beetles, this pasta did not scare me in the slightest. Also, when the only part of the pasta that is remotely scary is gore-related it is usually not a good sign.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • . . .

    I used to have so many friends, I thought I could trust. But when it came to saving me, you let me self destruct.

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    Rating: -4 (from 6 votes)
  • http://www.fictionpress.com/u/247488/ Katherine C

    Confession: I usually hate “you” pastas. But, for this one, I think it was a good device because the premise that you (Or I, in this case…) are not the center of the story. The chances are, you are a background character who dies, not the hero who thrives. It’s just statistics, really. As someone working on a doctorate in psychology, I took a bit of offense at that part, but I’ll let it go.

    I think this had a strong concept, one that I would love to see expanded. The problem I see is the brevity of this story. Everything is rushed through, leaving this situations that should be emotionally charged lacking depth. Even the transition from concern to attempted homicide was rushed. Part of that I attribute to the “you” style. It is hard to build in the needed emotional and descriptive content in this second person present tense format, because it can quickly feel overdescribed and laborious or overly emotional and unrealistic. But I like that the story doesn’t follow the main character who survives, but the background. I feel like this has been done in pastas before, but it is not as common a concept as others. Unfortunately, in this case, I feel the details of the story were discarded in favor of the cool concept. Instead of writing a really strong and compelling story with an additional twist, it became all about building to this twist. This meant there were a few really strong sentences tacked on to a rushed piece of prose.

    I really do think the concept is strong, and with some additional attention to the story and the character progression, I believe it could be really strong overall. As is, it falls a little flat on the execution, but it is a foundation for future work. Best of luck on future projects, and happy writing!

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    Rating: +7 (from 9 votes)
  • Anonymous

    I would love to see this story in third person and have it expand on the characters, particularly in the beginning.

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Lock

    I loved this! I think it was fantastic! LOVE! 10/10!

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  • ẠbracadaveЯ

    Haha… nice.
    I normally can’t stand the “you” pastas either but that was a brilliant little touch of evil author right there considering where it went, and thus where it took “you”.
    Something about it feels a bit like not-quite-but-almost some kind of vague poetic justice against some of the other “you” characters and their pastas out there. Or something.
    …Heh. Cool.

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    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
    • Alfred Frederick Dinglebottom

      That’s a good point. I hadn’t thought of it like that. This could be read as a dig at all the “Pasta poseur” pastas on crappypasta, pasta.

      I don’t know why I put pasta at the end there, it just didn’t seem like there were enough pastas in that sentence.

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      Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  • Herpy

    None of those things you said about me are true, and I demand you take them back! But seriously, third person pastas are always better, even if you can’t work in a clever title to go with it.

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
  • http://website name

    i actually was relieved the ‘you’ didn’t survive, thank you

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • Inside-us

    As far as second-person pastas go, this is probably one of the best that I’ve read, but that still doesn’t make it a 10/10. I enjoy the various ways that people die and the original concept you portrayed (at first I thought it was a variant of ‘God’s Mouth’). I also liked how you degraded the reader by making them think they’re worthless with that last paragraph. The creepy aspect, however, doesn’t seem to be here. 7/10

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  • JerkOlaf

    Ever seen the movie Sucker Punch? On a side note they say that movie also synchs up to Dark Side of the Moon.

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Loxias

    I loved this pasta, I think it was nicely done, how “You” seemed to care less as the story progresses, thinking it is his story, only to find at the end that “It’s not about you”.

    On a side note, as an author myself, now I feel guilty for killing my side characters D:

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  • Lolla

    I liked it, even if the premises was a bi reminiscent of one of “And then there were none”

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  • http://deliriletterari.blogspot.com CMT

    And no one of the “dark rings” ever tried to walk through the door along with or even before the others, rather than in tow?

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  • halloweenConspirator

    Congradula7ions, I’m ac7ually off3n3d. And i7’s no7 b3caus3 “I” di3d, i7’s ac7ually jus7 b3caus3 of 7h3 way “I” r3ac73d. I car3 abou7 my fri3nds, and al7hough I don’7 r3ally know Sarah, I’m glad sh3 liv3d. If “I” w3r3 mor3 lik3 mys3lf (LOLWU7?), “I” would hav3 acc3p73d “my” fa73. Af73r all, 7h3 af73rlif3 could b3 fun. No car3s, no r3sponsibili7i3s, jus7 m3, mys3lf, and I. Also, sorry for my 7yping quirk, I’m a Hom3s7uck cosplay3r. For r3f3r3nc3, h3r3: 7=T And 3=E. Anyway, i7 was a cracking good r3ad, and I 3xp3c7 gr3a7 7hings from you, young man, gr3a7 7hings ind33d! 10/10 l{:D *Spins Propellor Beanie* PROP3LLOR B3ANI3, AWAY!

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    • Anonymous

      You hurt my eyes.

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  • Karleigh Stricko

    I expected this to be really bad as most of the stories with “You” tend to be. However you exceeded my expectations. I enjoyed it. It gives an interesting look into the story line from a different angle. Good job.

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