Incense

May 4, 2009 at 11:04 AM
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I heard stories of this ritual happening throughout the Internet and decided to try it for myself since the tasks are not hard to do and the payout is worth the trouble. The materials to complete this task will cost around 10-15 dollars, which can be earned from working any sort of job. I’ll save the reward for the end because the sacrifice will go along with it, and telling you now might deject you from attempting this ritual, but I assure you that it is well worth it. Failure to either complete this ritual or doing a step wrong will not harbor any sort of consequence short of losing 10-15 dollars of regular money depending on how far you get through the process. The only time limit is that the shop will only be open between 9 at night and 6 in the morning.

The first thing you will want to do is find the small incense shop that will sell you the materials. The shop will be present in any sort of city, or so I’m told. As of now, the cities that definitely have the stores are Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Chicago, Miami, Seattle, Washington D.C., San Antonio, and Salt Lake City. If you find one in your city and it’s not listed above, you may retell this story and include your city, but only if you want to, if not, whatever. The shop will not be attached to any other store and will be located in the outskirts of the city. It will not have any sort of neon sign and will not advertise at all. You can tell if you’ve found the correct place if it has one of three marking near the entrance. It’ll either have a) a red door with a gold eye painted on it b) A small wooden plank with an eagle on it with a golden eye painted onto said eagle or c) a welcome mat with the eagle mentioned above painted on it. The eagle means nothing, but the eye is supposed to signify a calm mind. When you’ve found the place, merely enter the shop. There is no special knock, password, or any other fancy shenanigans. It was pretty nice actually, considering the fancy antics that you have to do with most of the other rituals.

Upon entering the shop, you’ll notice the faint smell of aroma. There will be no music playing, though you may hear other costumers in the shop. It you do hear other costumers, leave the shop and come back the next day. You’ll approach the counter and ring the bell. An intimidating black man will come out of the black room and ask you what you want. You’ll tell him that you want three distinct kinds of incense in a commanding voice and lay a five-dollar bill on the table. You must specifically ask for “Satya Sai Baba Nag Champa Agarbatti”, “Satya Super Hit”, and “Sri Sai Flora”. He’ll go into the back room and retrieve the incense. When he returns, he’ll take your five dollar bill and ask if that’d be all for you. You’ll tell him no and slap another five dollars on the table. You’ll then ask for an incense box to go along with your incense. He’ll go into the back room once again and retrieve a normal wooden incense box, which will be about two feet long, and have holes cut into the top. There may be a pattern near the bottom of the box, but that is unimportant. Inspect the box. If it is in perfect condition, place it back on the table and ask for another one, but take your five-dollar bill back and slap a ten down. He’ll take your ten and take the box back into the back room. He’ll come back out with another box. This box will have a broken hinge, but will still open and close. You are to tell the man that this box is perfect, collect your things, and leave immediately. There have been records that the man will give you the broken box first and you’d end up saving $5, but it didn’t for me, just fork over the other five and don’t complain (I’m serious…DON’T COMPLAIN).

You may fix the hinge if you want, but it won’t be important. What you’ll then do is drive back home and set your incense up in a dark quiet place. You are to burn one stick of incense from whichever box you chose, but it must only be ONE. Not one from each, ONE. What this does is calm you down for the next step. When the ONE incense stick is done burning, (I’m stressing the ONE rule because those that have burned two or more did not complete the ritual correctly and were out their 10-15 bucks) you are to inspect the box. On the side of the box there will be a small sliver of wood that swings out, revealing a secret compartment of the box. There will be an extra packet of incense sticks in that compartment. These sticks will be black and have a red handle, you are to burn one of these next. Don’t worry about having to burn two; one will get the job done. While you are burning one of these incense sticks, you’ll notice that the smell is anything but appetizing. It smells like rotting meat to me. You are to close your eyes and bear through the smell. When the stick is done burning, which might take 5 minutes, you are to open your eyes. You’ll find yourself back in the shop, but in the back room. The man will meet you here sitting in whatever chair, or position, you were sitting in. He’ll show you one of two things. The first is a small glass of liquid. This liquid is an elixir that allows your mind to never feel stress again. Your judgment will never be clouded, you will never be angry, and you will always feel kindness coming from everyone. Your fight or flight sense will still be present, but it will be quicker. You will feel calm and blissful for as long as you live. The other will be a small book. This book will hold the secrets to everything. It will have the answers to why humans are here, the afterlife and every other controversy will be immediately revealed to you upon reading the contents of the book. You will literally know everything. After picking the item you want, you are to close your eyes again and wait ten seconds. You will open your eyes again in your living space with the faint smell of incense lingering in the atmosphere, but whichever item you chose will still be in your hand.

Here’s the catch.

If you chose the elixir: Everything you encounter will feel like it’s lasting twice as long as before. Your mind will not feel anger, but it will feel boredom. Your hour and a half classes will feel like 3. 60 minutes will now take 2 hours. The upside, as mentioned above, will always be that you have inner peace, but activities that you find boringly unbearable will feel like they last forever. It’s somewhat contradicting, if you think about it, but it will only be those activities that you find boring. Anything you find painful or even enjoyable will feel like ecstasy. One thing you should remember, however, is that the normal rules of physics still apply. So while the flame may feel like a massage in your mind, you’ll still end up with 2nd or third degree burns if left unattended.

If you chose the book: You’ll know EVERYTHING, but will forever be unable to tell anyone. Anyone else will see the book as nothing more than a blank template and you’ll find yourself unable to speak if you try verbally telling anyone of the books content. You’ll know who killed Kennedy, but you alone. You’ll know if we really landed on the moon, but will be unable to type it out on your computer. You’ll know if your best friends girlfriend really cheated on him and whether or not she really did contract Herpes in the process or not, but will be at a loss of words when the conversation comes up…

I chose the book, if it’s any consolation. It’s intriguing to know all of these facts. I know which religion to pick, how to live my life and even who killed Kennedy. It sucks that I can’t tell you though. You’d shit brix if I told you, but whenever I try, my fingers burn at the touch of the keys. I should know; I’ve tried it twice within the last 10 minutes. I can’t even give you subtle hints. I know why, but telling you THAT would also reveal secrets of the book. And that girlfriend reference came from a true story. My best friend won’t even talk to me since I froze when he asked me about his girlfriend. When I tried to tell him, my throat ran dry and I had to run for water, but my throat just dried right back up again when I tried to tell him the truth again. I lied to him and said no…but then he found out the truth and thinks that I was the one that cheated with her. I tell him otherwise, but he doesn’t believe me… I’m thinking I should’ve chosen the elixir.


Credited to lolol.

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