Scary Paranormal Stories & Short Horror Microfiction

Creepypasta

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Rating: 3.3/10 (613 votes cast)

(This is an old poem that kids used to sing, during the middle ages. Its source is still unknown today.)

If you see a great tall man,
don’t worry, he is a friend.
Don’t ask him what is his name,
for he will be your friend.

If you have other good friends,
don’t worry, they wont matter.
You are all that is greater,
not them he shall befriend.

You see him teeter on land,
he never drinks from daddy’s juice.
You see him all to great joyce,
he is so really grand.

Don’t ask about the hat,
that sits on his bald head.
He wont ever tell yath,
why it is as soft as lead.

You see him at the star shine.
You wont at the sky light.
Always you see at night,
but mostly at the moon shine.

You ask him what his name,
he doesn’t say a yelp.
He ask you for a kind help.
After that, you will get same.

He ask you a small favor.
Kill your mom and so your dad,
but must give me favor.
Never tell about your lad.

If you peace your familly,
you will hear what you waited.
Through his mouth you will rally
words long asked and awaited.

He will now say this soon :
My name is really Grame
and I am fame.
You know, I am the Moon.

He will say he needs you,
for he is not so done.
You need to stop none,
he is not finished with you.

 

Credit To: Poodleinacan

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Rating: 3.3/10 (613 votes cast)
Grame, 3.3 out of 10 based on 613 ratings
  • Rook

    Ah, the pleasure I feel in reading this poem. It is satisfying to learn that my master’s servants can become so feared as to be ingrained in a nursery rhyme. But Grame isn’t as tall as you think, just very thin.

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    • Poodleinacan

      It’s not a nursery rhyme… That’s why I never specified it.

      …But I don’t get your last part…
      I never said Grame is thin… Just tall… It’s not Slenderman… Far from that.

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      Rating: -9 (from 11 votes)
      • Ran

        The one person here who embraced your concept and wanted to build onto it, and you alienated them. Congratulations. :P

        And this is the problem with not including imagery. I’m all for keeping things mysterious, but if you’re going to leave details out, you can’t complain when the readers make up their own.

        Also, your English is not quite as good as you think it is. It’s understandable, but a little awkward at times. You might want to just try having somebody who natively speaks it read your work before you submit it from now on.

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        • Poodleinacan

          “alienated”?
          I just didn’t understoodthe sudden subject “change” to making an imagery (which made the character seem awefully like the Slenderman) about being “very thing”… “Squeletal”would have been a better word than “thin”.

          Yea, I’m trying to proof-read (I have 3 other pastas, which there’s one that I know needs major refinement,and my lastest one which also needs refinement).

          But yea, my style really is on the mysterious side, without saying “it”,”the monster” and not having anything to define, but the minimum. The imaginationof the reader can interprete the rest… Even if they don’t like it, because they want to know how the subject look like in details.

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          Rating: -7 (from 7 votes)
        • Tymann

          That’s just it. You don’t have much imagery in the first place. People don’t know if he/she/it is skinny, fat, hideous, or anything. It could fly for all we know.

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          Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • Freaky Fred

    ok, poodleinacan,
    Stop trying to refute people’s arguments. They have legitimate problems with the pasta. Some of them are just internet trolls making fun of you, some are giving constructive criticism.
    Stop trying to tell them all that they’re wrong and you’re right, rather you should just listen to them and do better next time.
    I gave this 1/10 pumpkins because I thought it was terrible. I’m starting to wish I could take away more because the author is being such an ass in the comments.
    Stop.

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    Rating: +22 (from 24 votes)
    • Poodleinacan

      Wow, you’re a real dick, you know that.

      I’m am only being a gentleman to those that are being gentleman in their comments.

      I “refute”, to explain things.

      You should have just gave me more than 1 pumpkin, if you acknowledged the presence of trolls.

      Look, I can “constructive criticism” too, you know… And I just critiqued you.

      By the way, I don’t see you writing pastas… Why do you put down my explainations, when you don’t even seem to have written any pastas!
      … And if you do, I think I’ll just rate your pasta 1 pumpkin, because you are trying to clarify things in the comments. I’ll insult you, for that.

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      Rating: -25 (from 27 votes)
      • Freaky Fred

        I should give you a better score, because there are Internet trolls?
        I’m not following why. I gave it a 1 because I hate poem/song pastas, and this one was especially bad.
        There’s a big difference between “clarifying” and “getting super defensive”
        Take “But with more imagery would made the kysterious man not mysterious, and put some generic bloody murder gore scene.
        Plus, it would have it made the poem unnessecary longer, and people would have been like “Arg! Too long! I can’t understand! This sucks! I can’t understand it! This sucks!”
        Yes… Seeing how people are reacting towards hard to understand things… People would hae hated it more.”

        That’s not an explanation, that’s just insulting your audience in order to have THEM be wrong and YOUR POEM be perfect.
        It’s not. They’re not. They also aren’t “ten-year-olds who only want gore”
        Stop insulting them. Stop insulting me.

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        Rating: +19 (from 19 votes)
      • Freaky Fred

        And lol @the threat to 1 star my theoretical pasta because of your personal grudges. Seriously?

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        Rating: +10 (from 12 votes)
        • Poodleinacan

          If you don’t like poems, then don’t rate.

          I could say “Meh, I hate theoretical things. Low score for that pasta, it is!”

          And I never said that my poem was the absolute perfection.

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          Rating: -13 (from 15 votes)
        • The Killer Known As Jeff

          Dude…take a fucking chill pill and stop freaking out on everyone. Jesus fuck.

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          Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
        • leV-lee

          He doesn’t know what a theoretical pasta is. Many ha’s.

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  • DFUG

    This was so bad a black hole would just spit it out instead of sucking it in.

    Where’s the relevance to the era mentioned?
    Where’s the poetic structure?
    Certain sentences don’t even make sense, despite looking from all angles the intention within.
    This just reads more like a hastily translated children’s bedtime poems from English to Crapglish.

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    Rating: +14 (from 14 votes)
    • Poodleinacan

      And from where do you get your peom basis?

      And what are the sentences you don’t understand?
      Because they all make sense to me.

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      Rating: -17 (from 17 votes)
      • Poodleinacan

        God fucking iPod touch!
        Giving me typos, and it’s a pain looking for errors in the comments…

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        Rating: -8 (from 8 votes)
  • Rose

    I’ll be honest…this is the comments section and that’s what this is for. Honest criticism.

    It showed promise and potential, I would say. The problems have pretty much all been stated. The imagery people are asking for do not simply call for blood and guts. In poems, people want to feel things: fear, relation, sadness, anything. I recommend that yiu look into this again later. The rhyming DOES seem very choppy, but if that’s how you do it, more power to you. Just be prepared for more criticisms.

    But honestly, I think my biggest problem is your attitude. Your audience is why you’re writing and submitting. If they don’t like it, that’s not their problem- it’s yours. Calling your audience dicks and the like is unacceptable to me. If you’re going to continue to write and submit, I suggest you get a little more used to criticism.

    Now, I ask you: what insult do you have for me when I’m just trying to help you for the future?

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    • Poodleinacan

      Why would I call you names?
      I only called one person a dick, and that was because he was being egoistic.

      You, on the other hand, like some other people who commented on my pasta, made a reasonable critique.
      You didn’t write things that are useless to me, for if I want to rework my pasta.
      Yea, some of the rhymes in the begining aren’t perfect, and the rhymes in my pasta are simple rhymes… But between english and french words, there are a lot of differences…
      If I use this (made up by me) :
      “La lune se couche dans la sombre horizon,
      Sans laissant voir l’ombre de sa trahison.”
      In english, if I translate it (litteral translation/adaptation by me, not Google translate), it goes like so :
      “The moon sets in the dark horizon,
      Showing glimps of a shadow of it’s treason”

      So, yea, since I don’t know less common english words, I have to make some up in my and see if they exist (like for the word “grame”). And since I find that most english words are shorter than their french counterparts, it’s pretty limitating for me…

      The imagery… Well, I did thought of putting some more description, but I realised that it would just have made the poeme chopier…
      And for the actual imagery, I couldn’t find much to include.

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      • Freaky Fred

        Egoistic? I didn’t reference myself or my own writing ability at all. Do you even know what egoistic means? Me saying, “you’re an ass” is, while possibly mean, not egotistical at all.
        And I personally consider “Stop being an ass” NOT to be useless advice at all. Learn from it.

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        • Poodleinacan

          I said that you were being egoistic, because you acknowledged the trolls, but still decided to one-star, because you hate poem/songpastas.

          Yes, that’s why I said that.

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          Rating: -12 (from 14 votes)
        • Grammar Nazi

          Is ‘egoistic’ even a word? :P I always thought it was ‘egotistic’?

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          Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
        • http://www.creepypasta.com derpbutt

          Both are correct.

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        • Grammar Nazi

          Hurr, I see.

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        • rose

          I think he gave it a 1 because he didn’t like your poem more than because he doesnt like poems in general.

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          Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  • the grim sleeper

    cool

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  • Hannah

    “He will now say this soon :
    My name is really Grame
    and I am fame.
    You know, I am the Moon”
    I’m sorry, but that made me laugh my ass off.
    It makes no sense at all. I love this.

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    Rating: +13 (from 13 votes)
    • Poodleinacan

      Yea, that made smile a bit, when I made it, also.

      And “Grame” really is it’s name… And also his description.

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    • Johnny C.

      I think he’s trying to describe Lady Gaga.

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  • Nikita

    You might be better off if you stop trying to defend this against commentators. For all I know, you might be an incredible poet and you just had a bad one. Everyone does. But trying to defend it just makes you look like a dick… Accept that this is a bit crappy. On CreepyPasta, what you think of your work doesn’t make a difference, it’s all about what the others think.
    Just try again.
    -Nikki

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    Rating: +11 (from 11 votes)
    • Poodleinacan

      It may not be the best on Creepy Pasta, and not the best I have written (that’s my second pasta. My first didn’t post, my third is waiting for the submission to resume), but it was good enought to not be on Crappy Pasta.

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      Rating: -9 (from 9 votes)
      • Nikita

        Stop being defensive. I can’t say more.
        You’re not making yourself popular.
        This Pasta is bad.
        Nothing you can do about it.
        Nothing I can do about it.
        Just accept it.
        It’s so much easier.

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        Rating: +11 (from 11 votes)
        • Poodleinacan

          I was gona say something,but I wont… Because if I did, you would just go rampage.

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          Rating: -10 (from 12 votes)
        • Nikita

          Oh lord I’m just giving a little advice… not angry. But now I’m lol-ing.

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          Rating: +10 (from 10 votes)
  • anonymous

    The only thing more obnoxious than the preventable mistakes in this pasta is your attitude to your critiques. How about, instead of disagreeing with people and getting butt-hurt, you accept that there are problems in your poem (as are common in all poems) and learn from it?
    Your response to someone who suggested you go into more depth in your imagery was, “why? So it could be more boring and long?” … If you think of ‘imagery and depth’ as being ‘boring and lengthy’, you should apply for a Crappypasta admin position.

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    Rating: +11 (from 11 votes)
    • Poodleinacan

      But when people talk about “imagery”, they should specify what parts of the poem they are thinking about.
      In my poem, I tried to keep the lines with a similar number of syllables.
      And with what I wrote “Why? So it could be more boring and long?”, I didn’t include an apostrophy… That means it’s a question that needed an answer, but it was also a statement of an opinion. And I also thought about “imagery” like “descriptions”, imagery isn’t really descriptions…

      And the depth… Well, I was running out of ideas, that would work in rhymes…

      And hey, people should be happy I’m present, at least.
      I don’t just see the low rating and ditch mu pasta like if nothing happened.

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      • Nikita

        STAHP

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        Rating: +16 (from 18 votes)
    • Nikita

      And Anonymous- thank you! That’s exactly what I was saying!

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      Rating: +6 (from 8 votes)
  • Nikita

    STOP

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  • stuff

    I think its slenderman

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    • Poodleinacan

      You’re a mile away from the real answer… I might make a pasta that clarifies my character, in a near future… But it’s not Slenderman.

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      Rating: -7 (from 9 votes)
  • Craver

    I’ve never seen someone so defensive of their shitty pasta. I believe you have replied to nine tenths of the comments with something stupid to say. You’re embarrassing yourself. You look like a total jackass

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    • Poodleinacan

      At least, I’m active.

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      • Johnny C.

        That’s not a very good argument there, bud.

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        Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • Anonymous

    Dear Poodleinacan,
    Why must you be so pretentious when responding to the comments?
    Instead of trying to snap at the people who ACTUALLY tell you what was wrong with your poem, take their criticism to mind and improve!
    You’re just being closed-minded by disagreeing with them.
    Everyone has different ideas of a good story, but hey, you should’ve at least been ready for some criticism when you submitted it (and you probably were).
    Defending your pasta is understandable, but you could’ve done it with a different approach. And no, I’m not saying you should apologize if your pasta was crappy.
    ANYWAYS, this was long. But it was the truth.

    Note: This comment seems a little pretentious, which is a bit ironic, but oh well. Happy New Year, everyone!

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    • Poodleinacan

      Did you read every comments?
      If you notice, a lot of them are a big “fuck you” that doesn’t give me any help what-so-ever.

      A good helping comment would be “I didn’t like [that part], try adding/removing/modifying [that part], because [explaination].”
      That, right there, is an exemple of a more complete helping comment. Just saying “that wasn’t very good” isn’t helping.

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      Rating: -10 (from 12 votes)
      • The Killer Known As Jeff

        Y’know, some people did that exact thing. But what did you do? You fucking snapped at them. And you wonder why people have been giving you shit.

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        Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
    • Poodleinacan

      … But some comments were helpful.

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      Rating: -8 (from 8 votes)
  • lollipop_gestapo

    but….what? Nooo….I can’t even….I’ve lost the ability to can.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
    • Poodleinacan

      I did it! I can now control the mind of the others!
      My plan has worked!

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      Rating: -8 (from 10 votes)
  • Anonymous

    well he’s certainly no ODB

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • http://yoyo.ca PANDASZZZZZ

    awesome

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    Rating: -2 (from 2 votes)
  • Anonymous

    Yo, I heard there was a poem about Slenderman and I came running asap. Not the best Slenderman thing I read. I give it 3/10 Slendies.

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    Rating: +8 (from 12 votes)
  • Tymann

    Honestly, I must say that I do not like this poem. I also do not like your attitude. Half of these comments gave constructive criticism, while you are responding to them as if they were trolls. You are being very rude.

    I think you could have used more imagery. All we know is he’s tall wears a hat that’s “soft as lead”. Is he fat? Does he have purple eyes? Does he poop glitter? We don’t know. It would make this poem much better if you used more imagery.

    Also, don’t bother responding to my comment like you have everyone else, because I can bet that all you’ll say is “Meh, my poem is great, it’s perfect, you troll!” Well we all have news for you: It’s not. Deal with it. Writers are never perfect, nor are all their stories/poems are good.

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    Rating: +5 (from 7 votes)
  • Spaff

    I don’t understand… He’s tall, bald and wears a hat… What does he actually do apart from asking you to kill your parents? What if I refuse? Is he some paranormal entity or a guy with alopecia and gigantism with a penchant for getting kids to kill people? The poem, as you call it, doesn’t rhyme and makes little sense due to you using a structure intended for another language in an English poem. Gonna go out on a limb and risk a 4/10 because I can see you had some good intentions and ideas, but the execution and detail was poor.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  • http://creepypasta.com tytiger10

    1\10. I was going give it a 4 star. But then I looked in the comments. And you don’t deserve 4 stars being an asshole. Calling people who are trying to help you dicks.

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    Rating: +11 (from 11 votes)
  • Is this a Slenderman poem?!

    hello poodleinacan, I’d like to say that you tried your best and what came out was typical of what you would get from your first time writing a pasta.. but you obviously don’t think it’s that bad… so I’m going to tell you something that has helped me immensely through out life “those who are critics of others before themselves…. WILL BURN IN THE PITS OF HELL FOR ETERNITY!!” at least… I think that’s how it goes.

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  • grame

    seems legit

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    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  • grame

    seems legit..

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    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  • grames grandmother

    thats my girl

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    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  • grames mom

    THATS MY BOY!!!

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  • http://Youtube Indoom

    The thing im getting from this author. Is that he has not a FUCKING clue what he is talking about, He references that old english would not be able to be read. saying it uses a runic alphabet, And latin letters. Seriously dude? what the fuck is wrong with you? Im not going to be nice, I can BARELY tell if your a troll or not, Or maybe you should have paid more attention in “French class” You sir need to fact check your entire life.

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    • Johnny C.

      *you’re

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      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)

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