Freak
The freak meandered through a group of the undead. It was nearing nightfall, and he began to head back home. His pack had plenty of food in it, and he shouldn’t have to leave his house again for another week or so. Unless one of the zombie bastards punched its way in again. He didn’t carry a gun anymore. He had figured out a while ago that they couldn’t see him. It wasn’t necessary for him to carry a gun, because if they did realize he was there he would be dead long before he could pull out any kind of weapon whatsoever.
He did have to carry a weapon, in the earlier days, back when he was normal. Back before he became a freak. The people back then would try to steal food from him, attack him in delirious, starving rages. He killed quite a few people, in self-defense, but managed to detach himself from emotions. If he hadn’t, he would be dead right now. Or insane. He was free of the burden of emotions now, and all he ever felt was contentment. He used to be afraid, he used to hate himself, but now there was no reason for either. He hated himself for not being normal. He used to be normal, but now he was just a freak, a freak in a sea of normalcy. He was only content, not feeling too strongly towards positive or negative emotions.
In the early days, the infected, the zombies, the monster, the ghouls, the beasts, were the minority. They were the freaks. They were the repulsive ones. Now it was him. He was the freak. He was one of the last of his kind. He was the last of his kind he had seen in some time now. When the virus first hit, it wasn’t that big of a deal, just a few hurriedly covered stories in the local news, stuff like that. It wasn’t close to home at all, it was in little jungle villages in Africa. But it spread quickly. This sickness was spread through the air. Coughs, sneezes, bodily contact. It all spread the disease. The symptoms were subtle. And by the time you died and returned, it was too late, far too late.
When they first started to attack, when he first became a freak, he was with a few more like him. Hunted. They all stowed themselves away in a child’s treehouse. They had pulled the ladder up behind them, but they knew where the freaks were. They always knew. They were sitting, waiting. There were seven freaks in the treehouse total. Cramped, moist, afraid. A few of them had guns, and were firing wildly at the remade below. The freaks with guns were panicked, didn’t know how to shoot, and didn’t know to shoot for the brain. They were out of ammo and they had only destroyed one.
The reanimated shuffling men couldn’t see. Their eyes were either closed, filmed over, or missing. They smelled, felt vibrations through the air, heard, or maybe some unknown new sense. Nobody knew. It didn’t matter. You were dead if you weren’t immune. If you were immune, they couldn’t sense you in whatever way it was they used. But if you touched them, they would feel you. They would feel your warmth. And they would take it away. One of the monsters in the treehouse wasn’t immune. The rest were. The one who wasn’t immune was showing symptoms already, and they all knew it. They planned to push him down sometimes soon, but he was too overactive right now.
They had watched as he shot up on heroin a few minutes ago. He was too violent and unpredictable now. His rifle was now firing dry. He kept pulling back the bolt and firing anyways. Crazy bastard. The plan was to push him down when the opportunity was there, distract the re-living enough for the rest of them to get away. They didn’t know how smart the undead were yet, though. About twenty minutes later, he had finally begun to crash. Three of them exchanged a glance, and shoved him down. He hit the ground with a sickening crunch, and the undead closest to him stood up, walked over, broke his neck, delivered a swift blow to his skull and left him there.
That was when the monsters realized how smart the undead were. Maybe not completely genius, but they knew. They had killed the addict, and destroyed his brain to make sure he wouldn’t come back. They needed the food, after all. They had heard two rifles firing at once, and knew from experience a man could only fire one at once. They knew there was at least one other up there, probably more. They were surrounding the tree, waiting. The survivors were at a loss. “I…I think I know what to do,” a small, fortyish balding man piped. He was still wearing a button-up shirt and khaki pants, but he had ditched his dress shoes long ago. They only slowed him down. Everybody turned to him as one.
“I think…since they can’t see us…since they can’t see us we could maybe go down and try to sneak through. A few of us will…won’t make it. But it’s a better chance then we would have.” They had all died but the freak. Now he was alone, and was glad. If he saw another survivor, he would probably kill it in disgust. And he had done it before. A few months ago, he had found one more survivor, dying of dehydration. He slit his throat. They couldn’t be spared to live. And now this. He had just mounted a crest, to see about twenty immune people hiking down the highway. He grimaced. The freak reached into his pocket.
Do not suffer a monster to live. He pulled forth a well-made pipe-bomb. He had made it over the course of a week. Why hurry when he had all the time in the world? He pulled a lighter out of the other pocket, and then stuffed the pipe bomb into his belt, covering it with his “Welcome to Margaritaville” shirt. He held the lighter in his left hand, hidden, then began to tromp down the hill, holding his hands high in a gesture of peace. They were all overjoyed to meet another like them. There was a child with them, but the rest were either middle-aged or in their early twenties. He awaited an opportunity to use his weapon, but none arose until later that night. And he didn’t even need the lighter. There was a fire in the middle of the camp, and they were all sleeping.
They had rigged up an alarm system consisting of soda cans on a string. They all slept soundly. He stepped outside the limits of the camp, and pitched the pipe bomb towards the fire. It detonated almost immediately. He ran from the blast of heat and smiled. He had stopped them from trying to overturn the world, how the world worked. They were re-organizing. That was not allowed. He had ended them all. He giggled, and headed back home.
–
Credited to Coby I.
first?
so, the guy wasnt a zombie, but he wanted the zombies to control the earth because he hated actual people?
awesome story.
So, guy hated the world before, loses his mind during zombie apocalypse, and now kills his own people because he’s a selfish nut?
LOLZ.
Also, dumb.
Oh fuck off. “First?” Why not just say “Shopped” as well and get the double whammy of tedious, cliched pointlessness over with. At least add something of even the tiniest amount of worth to your over-used and utterly unoriginal post.
Anyway, story has elements of “I am Legend” don’t you agree? Kind of feels like it needs a follow-up to sort out what ends up with this guy.
second?
Ehhh. Zombie apocalypse trope is so over and done that you didn’t even have to explain it to the reader. Generally that means it’s time for an overhaul. Not much emotional connection to any character, either.
Lame.
That sucked.
._.
I liked it.
Crazy bastard.
THEN WHO WAS PIPE BOMB?
Entertaining to say the most.
Writing was a little fragmented in places and I don’t feel like the character was developed enough to give the real impact at the end.
Mediocre pasta, would eat again if there really wasn’t anything else.
Bad. Made no sense.
God awful. I am a pretty open-minded pasta eater, but this had me face palming the whole time. I expected a “You are the demons” ending it was so horribly written.
-1/10
Meh, subpar pasta is subpar.
4/10.
What the fuck was this. I think the Margaritaville shirt was the worst part, but mostly the whole thing made me want to kill myself. Jimmy Buffett fans belong elsewhere than creepypasta.
coolio
Hmm……kinda interesting.
“They had heard two rifles firing at once, and knew from experience a man could only fire one at once.”
This is where I stopped. Are you serious? This is like saying “He a glowing burner on a stove, and knew from experience that touching it would burn him.”
Atrocious writing is atrocious.
How is this creepy? Why is this here? Who has zombie?
These are the questions I bring forth, I would be pleased to have them answered by OP.
terrible. sorry, but its true.
terrible. sorry, but its true.
For those of you overly concerned with how bad you find this story, please write your own. There’s a reason I didn’t update for almost two weeks, and it involves a LOT of shit pastas in my inbox lately.
SUPER FREAK SUPER FREAKY
The first few paragraphs drove me effing crazy. WE GET IT HE’S A FREAK. Repetition’s cool but seriously overused in this story.
Other than that, it was decent. Nothing crazy but entertaining enough.
This is so fucking awful.
THEN WHO WAS FREAK
No offence but that guys kinda a cun*
OK story, ending was shithouse.
I dont get it. How come all the other people died that were in the tree house. How did they die because I thought the monsters couldn’t see them. WTF that was crap.
That wasn’t too bad but it really lacked the build up scary stories should have. It was interesting, I definitely like reading into the mind of a crazy person. But yeah, lacking any form of climax.
But hey, keep writing.
Oh my God, that was one of the worst stories I’ve ever read.
The plot was so confusing, just like your writing style.
Please never write again.
I thought it was good, even though I wat’d a bit trying to find out the main characters motives.
7/10 – Nice attempt
This uh, pretty mediocre. Honestly if you’d developed the character a little more it could’ve been great, you would’ve been in his head and maybe understood, at least on some level, why he killed them all. As it stands he’s just like TEEHEE I AM SO EVIL AND SOCIOPATHIC for no reason whatsoever. The heroin addict dying had more of an emotional effect than that entire village of people because there was a reason behind it from a storytelling perspective: his death was supposed to have a purpose towards their survival and it failed, showing just how dire the situation was. Then that entire village dies at the end and it just comes off as you being edgy. You also could have explored the idea that the main character has become what he hates. I don’t know, there’s a lot of interesting ideas here that you could’ve played with that it just seems like you ignore. Next time flesh it out a little more and it’ll be better.
fukdishshit
screw you jonny!!!!
jonny seems pissed off.
It sounds like Left4Dead
OP here. I agree with almost all of the negative comments, but do appreciate the positive ones as well. I wrote this in a day, and proof read it only twice, so not much effort was put forth. In fact, it was a writing exercise more than anything. I wanted to see what you guys thought, and what’s a more unbiased, blatant, candid place to go for opinions than anon? I COMPLETELY rushed the ending as well. I write quite frequently, but barely ever type stuff up (because I don’t think it’s good enough) and barely put THAT stuff up because I don’t think it’s good enough. Either that or it’s really faggy. But I thank you all for the constructive criticism, the compliments, and the straight up FUK U UR STORY SUKD. And, Who Was Phone, just to prove -how- shitty most of the pastas you get are POST EVERY SINGLE PASTA YOUY GET FOR A WEEK WITHOUT EVEN READING IT.
3/10 that bored the hell out of me.
Yay zombies!! I was in a zombie mood today as well.
Other than zombies, mediocre. Zombie stories are like that Noughts and Crosses book. An excellent premise, but will probably never be written by someone who can actually, you know, write. Try putting more depth into your characters, it’ll eb much better to read.
Not too bad for a quick writing exercise. The main character needed to be fleshed out a lot more, and the “twist” in the story needed to be a little clearer, as it was sort of fuzzy and required a couple of reads to “get”. A little more back story would have been nice as well.
Also – and this is really a nitpicky thing due to the fact that I’m a medical student – but if you’re going to include a reference to drugs in your stories, know which drugs do what. Heroin is a depressant, not a stimulant, thus it doesn’t make people crazy or hyper. You were looking for something like methamphetamine (a stimulant) there.
Keep working on it. You DO have talent, it just needs some refining.
guys this is one of the best i have read!
10/10!!!1
You know what, I will write my own. This one sucks so bad that I feel like someone just cut open my skull, shit on my brain, then stapled my head shut.
I will write my own.
Actually i agree on that sentiment.
Phone, post every pasta you get for a week, at least people have a sub-standard to compare to then.
This was pretty decent. Borrowed heavily from I Am Legend, but it’s still miles better than most of the stuff that’s been put up lately.
Oh and Who Was Phone, I agree with discouraging people flat out bashing a story with no reason, but you don’t need to chew out people who are voicing a well-thought-out negative opinion on a story.
Boring pasta. There are no justifiable reasons for writing this. -10/10
No justifiable reasons for writing this? What the hell are you smoking? Why is there a reason to write anything?
On topic, I liked it. ‘Twas a good zombie story, and there are few of those these days.
I love zombies and all… But this was pretty suck-ass. ._.
2/10
No real personality for the character, no purpose for him wanting the zombies to run the place, no real explanation for the virus… Yeah, just didn’t work out.
I don’t see how anyone could find this scary. Isn’t that the point of creepypasta? This story is just irritating. And the Zombie apocalypse cliche really isn’t even very scary when it’s done well.
The ending made me literally facepalm. What a pathetically obvious attempt at being edgy. Actually, that pretty much sums up the entire pasta. :/
One good thing, though, is that this really makes me thankful for all of the tasty pastas that I’ve been able to get my hands on.
This blows. The wording is horrible. Just horrible. I kept getting confused as to whether or not he was a zombie.
This pasta has not satisfied my sexual desires; I didn’t even have a mildly intense orgasm throughout the whole thing. I believe a more original plot would have made this perfectly dildoriffic, as many pornos – sorry – pastas with a similar story have been written.
And the Margaritaville t-shirt? Really?
This pasta has some really great ideas. There is a lot of potential here and I would love to see it after some more development and thought are put into the story. Good mood setter though, I mean May is Zombie Awareness Month so if nothing else way to be on topic!
Yeah the ending was pretty terrible, and it was a little confusing. Wasn’t really that scary, just weird.
Sigh. Another zombie story? Bleh.
Wow. That was horrible.
Weak
seems like you turned out what could a back story for the crazy church guy from L4D’s Death toll campaign rather than a creepy pasta..
also ending was oblivious and bad
Haha, the ending was like “Let’s wrap this up RIGHT NOW and make this guy look like a douchebag”. I also wanted to see if I could write at all without intense character development, which I almost always go for. I am pretty outspoken about how FUCKING OBNOXIOUS endings that are all “lol so edgy” are. Going back and reading it I agree that it seemed like a really obvious attempt. Thanks again for all the feedback. Especially the med student guy.
tl;dr
Eh, pretty boring. Standard zombie story that doesn’t really do anything new or different. The basic plot of “survivor is crazy bastard who seeks to kill other survivors during zombie apocalypse” has actually been done, much better, in another creepypasta (The title escapes me, unfortunately).
Zombies have been done to death and you should avoid writing a zombie story unless you have another angle to hold it up
Wait, I just remembered the name of the pasta: It was “Before” by Joseph K
Good plot, horrible story, horrible writing.
“Before” is actually tied in to a series of zombie pastas by Josef K, and all of them are extremely good. I don’t mean to flame the writer of this pasta, but he should look to those at:
thejosefkstories.blogspot.com
I think there’s three of them total, all told through a different main character’s perspective. I enjoyed them all equally. Cheers,
VH
I AM A LEGEND TOO
This was a good idea that just never left the station. Like, here is how I would some this up. So the freaky freaks were freaks, and freakily the freaks had to ZOMBIES use their guns freakily and die like freaks so this freak ZOMBIES could kill more freaks.
I read this and afterwords i felt like I was in a daze. The few questions that kept running through my mind were, “What? WHAT? Why?? What the…?”
And then I facepalmed.
This story is hard to follow, has an improper side-effect of a drug (as said by Med Student: Heroin is a depressant), has little to no storyline or plot, and has character decisions that make little to no sense, and you have to read really hard just to find a trace of sense in there.
Seriously.
I don’t want to read into the story anymore than reading what’s written. After I’ve read a Apocalypse pasta I don’t want to find myself asking, “Why did this and that and the other thing happen?” because the answers should have been in the story.
–Char Mander
Scary-ish. But not the best.
“And by the time you died and returned, it was too late, far too late.”
aahahahahahahahahahaha
Jesus this is awful.
Stopped reading after 2 paragraphs because I felt like I was reading I Am Legend.
That was terrible. Really. The writing was nearly unbearable, especially towards the middle. It was a good idea, had a few good lines and a good plot I guess, but whoever wrote it is a terrible writer.
that was just…. horrible…
What is this I don’t even
This was poorly written; the wording is bad, the plot was lack-luster and this was just a boring experience in all. At least I know what to read next time I want to fall asleep.
How many good ideas are wrecked by incompetency?
The Freak, eh? More like the douche. Seriously.
wow, this was kinda terrible. I got confused with some of your wordings
Trashcan man, much?
You wrote a bad story and you should feel bad!
SUPER FREAK! SUPER FREAK! HE’S SUPER FREAKY!
Ugh. No, thank you. I meant to post this before, but just… no. I first got the idea he might be an altered zombie, or something else unusual, which might have led to an interesting story. But he’s just a bog-standard murderous psycho. Not creepy, not effective. Some of the build-up was good, at least.
First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first firstFirst first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first firstFirst first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first firstFirst first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first First first first first
I like it. The ending was fabulous.
okay…this is too much like Zombieland…and that movie sucked.
Idea interesting, execution seriously lacking.
so this is about the joker right
super-meh. idea could have been better in other hands.
The writing is awful, but the twist on an otherwise tired concept had/has potential.
I really didn’t want it to end.
We know nothing about the main character except he’s a freak, zombies are overused, there was no build and no delivery. 3/10
\"What the fuck was this. I think the Margaritaville shirt was the worst part, but mostly the whole thing made me want to kill myself. Jimmy Buffett fans belong elsewhere than creepypasta.\" -Violet Harvest said it the best.
Interesting… Made me think of Salad FIngers.
Zombies-infected
Monsters-humans
Freak-immune to infected
FREAK WAS ZOMBIE LOVER?
I posted a comment on some stupid cliched pasta earlier about how all zombie pastas are the same.
This one is not. I’m not entirely sure I understand it, but it’s very original and very good. 9/10.
… Crappy remake of “I am Legend” with alternate ending. And no, I’m not talking about the crap movie they made, I’m talking about the graphic novel. Anyway, it’s crap. CRAP, I tell you.
… Crappy remake of \"I am Legend\" with alternate ending. And no, I\’m not talking about the crap movie they made, I\’m talking about the graphic novel. Anyway, it\’s crap. CRAP, I tell you.