We’ve all experienced it, right? That sudden feeling like someone is looking you. A chill runs up your spine, and you are convinced that you have to find the source of the sensation. You look around and see someone just randomly staring at you. At gives you even more of a spook, but, after a few seconds of awkwardness, it subsides. You and the person go your separate ways, never to see one another ever again.
Or are you?
Why is it that we get that sensation when we make eye contact with another human being? I will tell you why. Its because they aren’t human beings. Not. At. All.
They look just like us, talk like us, act like us. But there is something strange about these creatures that mock us. They are each destined to certain people in their lives, they know not of who they are or what they look like. Just ordinary people, like you and I. When they find one of those people, the two of them make eye contact. At that moment, they are linked to you by a mortal bond. That is, if you die, the human, then they die.
Well that’s not so bad, now is it? I mean, if I was linked to someone by those means, I would personally try and protect the person. Wouldn’t you?
Remember that chill? That eerie feeling of ice shooting up your spine and back down again. That is your memories and your future, both of which are being copied at that moment and stored into their minds. Yet again, so what? Now they know all of your personal secrets. Its not like they will do anything, save for steal your money or something. But no one ever does that, really they don’t.
Imagine this. Say you met someone the other day, a random person. Who’s to say that’s not the next Hitler? If I was to be endowed with all of the mindset of that person…I wouldn’t care if I died, as long as I took them with me.
Then again…maybe its not so bad. Sure, it’s rare, but there are defiantly good people out there, they are just hard to find. And, if I was to see an extreme goodness in someone’s heart, I would want to protect them. For my life, yes, but for theirs as well. Like a guardian angel, right?
Just…remember one thing. If anything, remember what I am about to tell you, because if you are like me, it will change the way you think about your life and the way you live. It may even save you from being struck down by one of THEM.
Humanity is inherently evil.
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try again i believes in you i believes…
that’s me and my mother right there. Im playing and she starts looking at me.
chills go up & down my spine.
I meet her & make eye contact.
She snatches me my life, my pc from me.
Humans indeed are evil.
Not creepy. The whole “you’d think so, but you’d be wrong” cliche has been done so many times. You clearly have writing ability, just need to be more creative next time.
Have an ice day.
wtf
Hi.
I wrote this 6 years ago.
I was an angsty teen.
I wanna revisit this concept someday.
Thanks for the input.
Hi.
I wrote this 6 years ago.
I was an angsty teen.
I wanna revisit this concept someday.
Thanks for the input.
Hi.
I wrote this 6 years ago.
I was an angsty teen.
I wanna revisit this concept someday.
Thanks for the input.
I didn’t understand the concept well, but I liked it, I guess. Try writing something else, like about a boy/girl that got murdered in the attic of a house. See where it goes from there. Good Luck!
-Jamie The Killer, Daughter of Jeff the Killer
not sure if anyone has already mentioned this but i need to.. the “Or are you” after the first paragraph makes zero sense.
Sorry but this is downright stupid. Not the concept itself, but trying to make creepy the fact that some being might be linked to me so that if I die it dies too, or better trying to make me think that it is somehow bad for me, when it is, at worst, totally irrelevant.
I, like probably the majority of people our there, am not a saint, however, neither I am such an evil person that my existance might be worth the life of someone else: i.e. no one in his right mind would give up his life just to remove me from the living.
The only bottom line that would have made this thing scary would have been “these beings are suicidal”.
BUT WHO WAS PHONE?
The concept is really interesting. I love when creepypasta comments on those mundane little moments people encounter through their lives. Where this creepypasta falls apart is the third to last paragraph. The flow is broken by repetitive sentence types, and the way the last two paragraphs start with the template of “___…”. I probably would have not used an allusion to Hitler, either. I’m not saying Hitler is a good person, I’m just saying that I’d keep contemporary allusions out of a creepypasta that can be so universally told. The change of tone in those last 3 paragraphs really threw me off. It went from a plot that was mysterious, eerie, and intriguing to one that had an awkwardly executed allusion and more of a wary tone, as if a distressed person was stuttering out warnings to me. Retain the eerie tone of the first portion of this creepypasta by sounding clear and affirmative in your implications that this person staring back at me may be evil in nature. Use the last few paragraphs to prove to me that humankind is inherently evil. I also noticed that you transitioned from positivity to negativity, then back to positivity/uncertainty about such a situation. Try to gradually state the positives (you’re protecting a good being! they’re protecting you! yay!) then uncertainy (But… Be careful) then finally transitioning into negativity (Humankind is inherently evil).
I would read this again and recommend this to others once those last few paragraphs were tweaked.
No. Pasta was poorly written. So poor that I couldn’t be sure if I were eating this pasta or a tuna sandwitch. I give it a -7/10
All I understood of that was “Eye Contact”, “Hitler” and “Death”.
I don’t get that feeling, I have no eyes. You now owe me $20 for wasting my time, I’ll be over to collect the money sometime next week. Not Monday though. I have a job Interview at K-Mart that day.
uterly disapointed
Why is it that we get that sensation when we make eye contact with another human being? I will tell you why. It’s because we have autism. All of us.
That inherent evil is strongest while one hides behind anonymity, hence the batshit insanity all throughout the internet.
I lol’d at the Hitler part.
author.
i enjoyed the story. great concept. especially that bit about hitler. concept was a little confusing though. what i mean by that is if one of you dies, does the other? not quite explained to my satisfaction. congrats on posting pasta though. you got stones.
Fuck it, that was the last bad pasta for me, time to become bulimic. Excuse me for a mo-…….ah, ok much better. Oh look a tooth…
BAD PASTA IS BAD! Cut it OUT!
so… im one of them cause i do that all the time its hilarious
The only thing inherent to humanity is deliciousness.
Humanity IS inherentely evil.
Fear the Darkness
-Nex
@The Author: If indeed you are the author, then i’m not wasting my time typing this :D
1. Your story had a very good concept basis to write on. You even started off on the right foot. Just be careful to focus on writing a fictional story made seem-real instead of turning it into a philosophical piece.
2. Which leads me to 2. The philosophical nature of the pasta was what put me off. It had too many questions. Too many what “ifs”. Some of the questions were very thought provoking (which was good) but try not to word it into a question. Try stating it as a fact instead to give your story that added realism feel. I actually really liked the concept of sacrificing yourself in order to get rid of that evil “super-power” person (eg. Hitler). That went well with me.
3. Good pastas are hard to write, that’s true. It’ll help if you get someone to help you edit or just even go over the writing with you (to start off). With more practice and time, you’ll soon be good at it. The encouraging/positive side of it all is that you’ve gotten over one of the hardest parts: finding a good idea.
Eurgh. I don’t much care for humanity, but they’re not innately evil, just innately SELFISH.
OI YOI YOI!!
I only got it after reading one of the comments.
If they knew my secrets, they’d want to commit suicide and kill me with them! :D Good thing I’m not another Hitler.
Too bad I feel watched a lot more than this pasta would think.
But with this pasta… I dunno. I liked it, I really did, I just wish that it was written slightly better.
That’s right, humanity is inherantly evil. Because good and evil are basic laws of the universe that an entire species can lean to one side of.
Hey, AuthorPerson! The way I figure it’d be better if you went in the direction of PodPeople. That is, don’t have them be linked to the person in a “If you die, they die too” way. Straight up memorytheft, followed by them murdering you, then altering their form to match. Alter it so that every time you get that chill sensation, it’s because you’re looking at one of THEM. End on a note of “How many strangers have given you this sensation? Family members? Lovers?”
Throwing Hitler in there is just Godwinizing your story for no damn reason.
Also, as I’ve been reading these comments way too fucking long…
BUT THEN WHO WAS HITLER?!
A great subject to write a story about but the direction, where the hell did it go.
I noticed it gets a bit awkward if you and who you’re talking to look straight in eachother’s eyes. I have to flick away every few seconds :)
but… THEN WHO WAS HUMANITY?
WE WILL DO IT LIVE
Funny, I make it a point to make eye contact with as many strangers as possible.
Sometimes it does feel like seeing into their soul, seeing all of them.
Freaks the shit out of people though.
WHO WAS SOMEONE?
This one, I was a bit looking forward to. Eye contact was a decent subject, but like the others here, I feel that the author poured the story out poorly.
THEN WHO WAS EYE?
This one was so horribly written it was almost unreadable. Great concept but more work could be done on it.
im not sure why but this one creeps me out. what if they’re watching me right now as im reading this. do they know i know?
What a mundane ending.
Ow. My poor, poor brain.
I think I gave myself a nosebleed trying to understand this pasta.
The concept is good, as mentioned before, though.
DUN DUN DUUUUUN!
It was a bit vauge about what those creatures are. Are they aliens? Deamoins? Transdimensional beings? Miniature giant space hamsters?
I agree with everyone else who’s said ‘good concept, poor execution.’ I might actually take a whack at rewriting it. xD
First off: Thank you for at least reading my Pasta. really, i do thank you for that.
Secondarily: Instead of saying how horrible it was, or how you couldn’t understand it, i would greatly appriciate it if you could consider giving me some constructive criticism.
Third: This was my first ever attempt at writing a creepy story. i didn’t expect it to be perfect, nor for this many bad reviews.
Fourth: if you do decided to re-write it (i noticed someone suggested that), please leave a comment here. i’d like to see someone do that.
Fifth: ‘Lolwut’….thank you for catching that….
Sixth: Try writing a pasta for yourself. its not easy.
it wasn’t THAT bad. it kinda makes you think how far a person would go to protect humanity from someone evil. then again, it should probably be re-written.
*cricket cricket*
But, I am blind… :(
I liked the idea, at least…
You know it’s bad when Mr. Welldone leaves a mean comment. Lol.
The only thing I can say is that this needs to be shortened into maybe a paragraph since it rambles on WAY too much, and the last line should be removed, since as the “OH SHIT!” punch line it should be a hard fact, not a debatable opinion.
It was a good concept, but I agree with most of the other commenters, it was poorly done ><
Also, seeing as it’s me who does most of the staring in my life, technically I am one of THEM
This was bloody terrible. It was weak, poorly executed, and far from creepy.
1 cookie to whoever can rewrite this.
But, they can just join the Dark Side and get cookies.
Have an ice day.
Well, I really did like the idea, I think it had a lot of potential. And if someone were to take it upon themselves to rewrite it with decent grammar, spelling and punctuation, it would be truly good.
As it was, I enjoyed the, I suppose the right word for it is storyline…I just wanted to cry at the massacring of English in it.
Still, awesome concept, and quite eery.
What is a “defiantly good” person? ;)
A person who’s so good, it defies the authorities of goodness.
Have an ice day.
ye i agree with you all
concept was pretty eerie but it was badly executed left a lot of holes and it wasn’t too well written.
what if I’M the thing that’s not human, when someone looks at me, what if they’re the human ones and i’m not?
this story also seemed to be going no where, a proper conclusion please mr./ms. submitter.
thanks
I agree with most of you; I liked the concept, which is why I posted it, but the delivery isn’t perfect. If the submitter feels like trying out a rewrite, I’m down to change it for him – if not, stays like this.
SO sorry, asdf. I hope you see a doctor about the issue with your eyes.
Oh, and I accidentally hit “spam” on one of the comments on this post that wasn’t spam – if it was you, please resubmit. I didn’t mean to do that =(
uggghhhhaszfcfdkfm my eyes are bleeding please delete this. Wasn’t even intrigued at all by the idea. Maybe there was something I missed in the shit writing.
i agree with ze comment leaver. poorly written, but the concept is pretty good. not too creeped out, though.
Hello.
This is a world where nigh infinite sources of information and communication are at the fingertips of the most common of individuals, yet still are we subjected to such poor grammar and prose.
Pathetic.
Wow , i’m with Ruessell… this shit sucked and I waisted 30 seconds of my life reading it… very poorly written, and it was sooooo boring.. I make eye contact with so many people does that meen if i fall off a cliff all 500 of them die at that second? no.. dumbass… stupid idea
I agree.
Things got complicated in the end. The explanation went ‘shotgun’ – talking about a lot of incoherent things and not hitting the target at all.
It had a good start though.
Sadly, I didn’t like this one :X
It started out pretty well, and i was expecting an eerie explanation for a common occurrence, but…
As soon as it got to the doppleganger type connection, it died, especially considering how often this happens to me. It means that I have roughly a dozen of those “one, special person”s running around, contemplating whether or not they should commit indirect suicide by killing me.
The ending was also pretty flat. I didn’t walk away from it with anything
It seems to me that the author started out with a god concept but didn’t flesh it out enough.
I’m critiquing this as a story because it’s really not creepy enough to give me the urge to make a running jump into my bad and hide under the covers. I read these stories before bed time you know, and that helps me sleep better.
…sadly, in most of those cases, I’m being to irrationally paranoid to leave a comment ._.
yeah… not so great
grammar was hideous
nice idea
it would have been nicer if the supposedly ‘spooky’ idea had been better
as in,’The only way other ‘others’ can survive without their human is by killing the human of another.
You know those other times you get the feeling you’re being watched? And you make eye contact with someone who is not your other? Yeah, well that’s another ‘other’.’
Does that even make sense? it did in my mind…
This one just sounded boring and complicated at the same time. It hurt my tiny brain. :(
what a terribly written pasta. im actually vomiting as i type this
The Hitler bit is beaten to death. Eye contact is a great subject to write on though. Some say it’s a gateway to their soul, and is great for trying to detect liars. The base interest is there but the piece is inane and meaningless.
Cool concept, poorly executed.
I’d punch the completely subjective author of this pasta in the nads and go about my fuckin’ business.
Good idea. Poorly written but nice idea.