Do Try
Found the shit on my porch one night… Fucking ding-dong ditch or whatever. A little baggie with two blue capsules. And a stupid note with two words… “Do try”
I figured it was some shitty prank from my “experimental” friends from down the street. We’ve tried nearly every reasonable drug there is, trying to get the most psychadelic trips, maintain the best highs..
DMT, E, Acid, some experimental shit this dude sold me for wayy too much. Shit fucked me up… I tripped I was dust floating down from the ceiling. Lasted like eight hours. Fucked… me… up…
Anyway, the pills had like an orange 17 on them… Looked them up online, and couldn’t find anything.
I threw it on my dresser and crashed for the night.
I called all my friends the next afternoon. They all “claimed” they had nothing to do with it. “Wasn’t them”. I figured one of them would fess up eventually…
Over the next week, I pretty much forgot about it. None of my friends said anything, so either they forgot, or it really wasn’t them. I didn’t feel like mentioning it, we had some concentrated Salvia, so we lit that up.
The next day, curiousity killed me, I picked up the bag. Glanced at the note again… “Do it”… I swore it said “Do try” but I was high when I picked it up, so I dont know. But it entrigued me even more. I examined the pill. I reasoned with myself. I just couldn’t take it, it could be anything, but I was so curious. What if it was THE best high, the MOST psychadelic trip. I talked myself out of it. I set it down again, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing out…
The next few days were hell… I had a fever, and I felt like literal shit. Probably strep. I slept most of the day, but I awoke from the sound of my own heartbeat. My thoughts went instantly to the pill… I picked it up. It was practically calling my name. What the fuck did I have to lose. If I die, I die. I felt like dying anyway. For all I know, it could be some fucking antibiotics. I hoped for the latter. I looked at it one last time.
I downed it.
I remember “waking up”. The world was in negative. I was strapped to a chair, and these dark pulsating lights were eating away at my vision. I had no Idea what was going on, but I wasn’t scared. I was used to fucked up trips, but this was different. I felt empty. Time was moving backwards. Light was inverted. These dark lamps pulsing energy through my brain. A bass tone vibrating my body. I couldn’t close my eyes… I needed these “lights”. They were blackening the world. My world. The world where I resided and wasted time in the light. I finally understood. I was in the dark.
I started seeing the figures after what seemed like an eternity. Black masses of energy crawling towards me from every angle. I was seeing them in strobe. As the dark flashed, they crept closer and closer. I recognized them as friend. They were to free me from the light. Take me away from this white hell we all know so well. I wanted to go to them, but I made no attempt. I focused on the strobe. I needed them to move faster. To rid me of luminescence. Once and for all.
The strobe frequency slowed. Time started to speed up. The figures were stationary. The light was coming.
My cornea’s burned as the trip wore off. My emptyness enveloped me. The stobe was near out.. The figures no longer visible. I finally closed my eyes. Such a pale dark compared to true darkness.
When I opened them, I was in my bed. I shut them back immediately. I hated light. I hated our world. I wanted nothing more than to return to the chair. I couldn’t live here anymore. I couldn’t open my eyes. I reasoned with myself for hours to get up, to open my eyes. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. I didn’t. I prayed for darkness. It meant nothing. I was in the white. The only way I knew to return to the black was the pill. I had one left, but I had to open my eyes.
My luminous mind was telling me it was just a trip. Don’t go back. Forget the abyss and return to normal life. The darkness was in favor. I didn’t want to go back, I needed it. It was the realization the world needed. But I didn’t care about the world. Only the dark.
Night came. I finally opened my eyes. Not to let the light in, but to get the pill. The last pill. As far as I knew, it was the last pill on earth. My want for darkness convinced me I only needed one. The figures would take me this time. I would forsake the light for the wondrous dark. I cared not what was in the dark. As long as it was unlit.
My body was weak. My eyes so adjusted to our world’s pathetic darkness, I felt as though I was looking at the sun. I needed the eclipse. I grabbed the bag. And without hesitation, swallowed the capsule. I would be home soon. I closed my eyes.
I “awoke”
I was back. Again in the chair. The dark was so comforting. Time moving the way I remembered. My frail body energized by the tones. The strobe showing me truths. The darkness was truth. I waited for the figures. I was confident they would take me this time.
Finally they limped into view. I praised them. Every strobe showed promise that I would soon forget light. Their movements were choppy and slow. But promising.
I urged them closer. Watching intently between strobes for their presence. They were getting close. I could feel them. Their pulses heavy on my chest. Our hearts beating in unison with the strobes. They were here.
The saviours were had arrived. They circled me. Crippled creatures that would transform my world. They opened my eyes to the dark, and closed them to the light. They held out their hands as the strobe slowed to a near stop. Everything was speeding up. I thought they took me. I closed my eyes.
When I opened them, I was in complete darkness. Beautiful, astonishing darkness. Every direction, an endless abyss void of light. This was what I had prayed for. Where I belonged. I never had to see light again. To open my eyes to anything but black was impossible. I loved it.
I got up to walk around my uncontaminated world. The dark Eden.
I stumbled over something. Something in the void? I felt around. This overewhelming darkness contained something familiar.
My old world.
–
Credited to Pill.
FUCKING FIRST
Sucks.
That’s all.
Just to clear the end up—-it just made him go blind?
So he went insane, and now he’s blind. Meh.
I imagine this would be a lot creepier to people who get high all the time.
I also tried to go through and connect everything that was in quotations, but didn’t get anything.
What?
So he goes insane, then goes blind. Meh.
I imagine it would be a lot creepier to those who get high all the time.
Also, I don’t find anything that the quoted words could have amounted to.
THEN WHO WAS CHAIR???
I thought it was pretty chill.
Awesome. I loved it. Some grammatical errors here and there, but hey, we’re all getting used to it on CP. The ending was just lovely. I know someone who has tried quite a number of substances. Maybe I could try to get them to read this?
If he saw them…how did he go blind?
What about it made it permanent the second time?
How do you not fucking notice that you’re blind as opposed to…whatever else may have been implied?
Drivel.
Basically, what he wanted so much, he got.
But it just so happened that being blind isn’t the best…
Fuckin’ sucks.
I think the beings took his eyes. Reminds me of the song Harvester of Eyes by Blue Oyster cult.
I’m pretty sure blind people still have a grasp of light(I heard a blind man once talking about it, that what he perceived light, but didn’t form images)… unless they took out his eyes, and not just his vision.
Anywho, not good. I gotta go back into the archives and comment on some older ones, there are some who deserve a word. But this one here, it just doesn’t hit me well.
BTW: “The saviours were had arrived”. I think there’s a verb too much here…
THEN WHO WAS TRIPPIN RAVE DRUGGIE?
Seriously, this didn’t creep me out at all. 2/10
When I found out he went blind-took some time- I like it more. Many errors in grammar and spelling though. T-T
liked*
OH THE HYPOCRISY
I think this needs a couple re-reads to smooth out some grammatical errors and such. I also think the vocal tone is very flat, sort of just getting the words out with no emotion to them?
god im usually fine with grammar errors but this one really kept me from getting into it. it degenerated more and more from legitimate creepy writing into metaphorical drivel to the point where i didn’t know nor care what it was trying to describe by the end, it was just the ravings of some dumb emo kid.
“The saviours were had arrived.”
NO.
This fails.
Wow, I completely misinterpreted it. I thought he had actually stumbled over THE WORLD.
Nobody should even comment if all they can say is “sucks.” If your opinion is negative you should explain it in a minimum of six sentences or can go fuck yourself.
not creepy at all but still a delicious pasta
would order again
Oh, the irony.
I thought it was good. Other than cleaning up some grammar, 7/10.
THEN WHO WAS GRABBIN PEELZ???
So dark forces take their time to bring this guy these pills? Only to make him blind?
Jeez, the forces of darkness, have really lowered their standards.
I write better creepy past than this by shoving a pen up my rectum and wiggling my ass above a big sheet of paper.
Not really into this one. I imagine because the scariness is greatly reduced by a protagonist willing to take random pills from his front porch.
Not too creepy, but a decent writing style…held my interest at least.
I could have sworn the 2nd time he read the note, it said “Do it faggot”. That’s all the encouragement 99% of people here would need to do anything. So this should hit pretty close to home for you fucktards.
“Do Try” is like the coolest name ever.
Story was weak, though. I dunno’, maybe if I was a druggy, I’d appreciate it better.
*shruuuuuuuugs*
I get high all the time and I like to trip, so this was good for me. Not written SUPER well or anything, and the ending is kinda bland, but still, the description of the bass tone and the vibrations and strobes, etc…. pretty nice. Good mind-image food, Mr. Pill.
man… this is hella deep
Emo pasta? Really? And this might be the most predictable pasta I’ve read. I predicted every single paragraph, lol. 5/10
yeaaaaah emo story
i like the theory the he went blind, but my immediate thought was that he went back into his mothers womb, especially as he mentioned how comforting it was and how he didnt want to leave. that seems more creepy to me.
I have an overly high opinion of myself
try making your sentences longer, use less periods. it really makes the narrative stutter
The shift in voice was pretty radical – at the outset the speaker uses crude language, is a raving druggie, and then the shift in voice results in the speaker becoming magically articulate. I understand that using the drug affected his psyche, but it seemed too much for me. That, and it was so flat throughout thar I just couldn’t focus. Better luck next time.
Perfect grammar still couldn’t fix this crap.
A better ending would have been if he woke up from the second pill and was stuck in the light with no more pills.
I didn’t really mind the errors. It were had good story
I think this one definitely has potential, but needs a serious re-write. The story isn’t bad; but the grammar is atrocious and at times I can’t tell if it’s the light or the dark that is appealing to the speaker.
I thought this one was really well written.
I loved it. I totally thought he was getting pulled into a void or something.
Turns out he went blind. I love it.
not my favorite story, not very scary…
we need some people to post a good ritual pasta, I’ve already read them all.
Apparently the grammar check never happen.
Insane triptopill that makes you go blind. Kaaaaay.
I don’t really understand the creepiness of this one. I mean it’s just he finds some pills, eats them (which is UNBELIEVABLEY stupid) and finds these creepy critters waiting for him. I like the thought that one of the posters said about returnning to his mother’s womb. Not so much that it makes it creepier but I like to think that it makes more sense. Otherwise, even if you are insane, wouldn’t you be AFRAID of the dark? y friends’s friend works with crazy people, and they tell him of the monsters lurking in the shadows, and scream when he tries to turn out the light. So why would he embrace it if he truly IS
*sorry, as I was saying, truly IS insane. If someone could enlighten me, that would be great. P.S, Violent Harvest, Mashum, stop the computer fights already!!
I GREATLY appreciate all of your comments and feedback!
I’d like to adress some of them.
First off, I feel really stupid for not spell/grammar checking this.
Secondly, this is literally my first writing of any kind (outside of dumb school stuff), and i’m definitely no where close to emo.
I’m just an 18 year old NOOB writer with hopeful potential.
Thank you all
Reasonably well written, not creepy.
Some peoples stealing his eyes?
Sort of, creepy, in it’s own way. I liked it. It’s gay until you start to understand it, though. It also sounds a little like a way to tell kids not to do drugs.
Wait, what?
Pill how about you explain the story you son of a gun.
It’d be a lot better if most of the sentences hadn’t been started with ‘I.’
Not fond of the concept or ending, but if it had a more natural flow then I probably would have been alright with it.
Yes please enlighten us Pill, you know, before we rampage into your house, tie you up, and torture you until you tell us. Lol, La Muerta Blanca was the first Pasta I read.
I go back now, and think of the good old days when Pastas weren’t sooo, hmmmmm, the equivelent to food poisoning bascily.
I kind of liked it.
The ending was meh. I thought he was gonna go to a new dark world with freaky creatures and get his head ripped off.
Instead, he went blind.
*Sigh* v.v
The whole thing was pretty ironic.
Then who was blind druggie?
Pills here!
Nicely done, but I myself would’ve written it differently.
Maybe the people/”saviours” would try to steal his eyes to get back to the normal/bright world.
Anywhore, I’m rambling.
Good story.
And leave him alone, he’s already apoligized for his grammatical errors.
Horribly written. Seriously. I stopped reading halfway down because of the grade-school sentence structure and all the typos. 1/5
You know, the one got off a good start. You managed to portray why someone would want to take pills from someone unknown. You even did a very good job with the tempting darkness and the “unknown/freaky” beings.
But why… why did it have to end like this? Splat.
they took yo eyes boy
The story seemed like a monstrous monolith of emo-drivel rambling on about yearning for darkness and talking about “OH, THE DARKNESS IS SO EVIL IT CALLS TO ME” rather than somehow glorifying it.
This work makes excessive use of the passive voice, I find it irritating. Sentence fragments are used in this story. Far too often. And the tone seems flat.
The ending was predictable, but executed more proficiently than expected. That is the only reason I am placing this above mediocre, high-school-grade writing.
wasn’t just you, Krepta. I was confused till I read the comments. I’d like a sequel to this.
the title made me think “alice in wonderland” ?
the story was okay though, i liked it. but i so didnt get the ending for a while…
THEN WHO WAS BLIND JUNKIE.
Was not expecting that ending.
Good pasta.
So…he went blind? :O
I didn`t relate to it because not a druggie but I thought it was cool
I’m guessing he tore his own eyes out during a trip?
*Intrigued
*Psychedelic
*Curiosity
Too many I’s, too many sentences with no meaning. Interesting idea, not quite creepy, besides the fact that the character was stupid enough to take two blue pills that were left on his doorstep.
Too many swears at the beginning, as if you’re trying to sound bad-ass, and the plot sucked. Definitely fell apart when he took the pills. Hell, it fell apart on the second ‘shit’. I’m sorry, Pill, I hate bashing people’s creativity, but next time try writing in your own style, it seems forced.
All in all, kudos to a fellow writer.
ghey
I think this is more dessert pasta thank main entrai. It is good for thinking about when your done. I would give this 8.5 out of 10 because of lack of good grammer. By the way, I think I know what happened. The creatures left him the pills so they could take his eyes and go to the real world aka not being blind. If this was true though, he should have found another thing like that and ill make a demonstration of what i mean. “I realized that somehow, who ever left me those pills did it to take my eyes and replaced it with thiers. (My horrible plot lol) So I went along the wall and found more pills and had a sticky note on it. I knew what i had to do,
Kinda creepy, but.. what was the point of the thing? As someone who doesn’t do drugs, why am I worried that a small baggie might end up on MY doorstep? I mean, hell, I could go blind for any number of reasons, and this guy wanted to be blind (even if it was an effect of the drugs) so why was that presented as the horrific bit of the story?
What did those shapes have to gain by your protagonist being blind? Did they eat his eyes? Somehow gain power from his sight?
Everyone else has harped on the spelling/grammar.
Underdone pasta. I think this could have been much better, if being blind wasn’t the ending.
2/10
All the “randomly placed” quotation marks were “getting” on my “nerves.” Punctuation is there to aid in the experience, not to distract and inhibit the reader.
THEN WHO WAS 17?
So, the first pill makes him want to be blind. And the second pill makes him blind. Interesting I guess.
eh. this pasta tastes bland. the plot really killed it.
if i only read the last 3 paragraphs, i’d think it was interesting…
ah, i really tried to like it!
I like the idea of his going blind… but I also like my initial interpretation — like Krepta, I initially got the idea that he stumbled on the world itself, not on things that still exist from his old world. That the pills and creatures had somehow taken him to what lies outside of our reality… and… it was dark.
Started out as a stoner story until he started talking about how he didn’t care if he died. Then it turned into some faggy goth shit. Yeah, you’re so super cool, you take pills that randomly show up on your porch, you’re such a rebel dude. You faggots do comprehend that a horror story is supposed to horrify the reader right? You’re making a story horrible in the wrong kind of way.
I actually liked it a lot, didn’t really even notice the grammatical errors.
this might have something to do with that fact that I’m something of a pill popper.
^-^
At first I stopped reading after “Found the shit on my porch one night… Fucking ding-dong ditch or whatever.” xD
But then I decided to give it a go, and I don’t regret it. Nice payoff, really. 7/10
I know this has been said many times, but this story could have been a lot better. It also left a lot of questions unanswered. All in all, the story had promise, but was wounded by leaving out important (yet sometimes small) details and not being thoroughly checked for grammar mistakes. Pills, next time you write something, please have someone read through it to catch your grammatical errors and make sure it makes sense.
He thought he didi do but he didi don’t…
This story was not clear enough, the prolonged and annoying short sentences were overdone and made it boring and typical of short stories.
This had potential…good idea, poor execution.
The ending was the most annoying…grrr….
DAMN! Those are some GOOD drugs! Two made him go fucking blind!
“I felt like literal shit”
Literal shit as in the Twilight Saga or misuse of the word literal?
It felt like a PSA telling me not to take pills I find on my porch.
I’m never getting high again.
That is all.
When you go blind its white, not black. This is why blind people wear sunglasses. Must have been some crazy shit to make him see black. BUT THEN WHO WAS “EXPERIMENTAL FRIEND”?
The person of which the story rotates around is a bit self-centered?
Aaaanyway, delicious pasta is delicious. None of the overrated “OHHH LOOK THIS GUY IS YOU, THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IN 56 MINUTES IF YOU DON’T CUT OFF YOUR RIGHT ARM AND THROW IT IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN AT 7:06 AM” shit.
I must say, though, way too many I’s, a couple of grammatical errors- But in my opinion this doesn’t really retract from the story. I say this as a convicted grammar nazi in a rather good mood.
All in all this was a very good pasta that I liked, and I give it 8/10.
the gramatical fault are a bit frustrating, but it still a very good history, it could be adaped one time on tv or on in a tv serie or a movie
This sucks. Fuck you for wasting my time. I hope you go blind for real.
Excellent pasta.
Apparently the writing tip you need is scribbling your stories in pictographs because no one can understand subtlety.
As a psychonaut, this pasta freaks me out.
at first i thought he died
…and this is why you don’t do drugs. LOL xD
at least not random ones that suddenly appear on your porch.
This also reminded me of Alice in Wonderland in its twisted little way.
also..
“The saviours were had arrived.”??
Dude. you only needed “had” lol
but overall, i liked the story minus the grammar issues and the overusing of swears. i give it a 8/10.
i don’t even..
Hate to admit that I didn’t understand the ending until reading some comments, after figuring out he was blind the story had a whole new level of creepy-ness. I also understand why some people would not find this bone chilling at all, but for someone who had done all of the above listed drugs…Well lets just say I wont be taking any strange drugs left on my doorstep anytime soon.
damn that sucks for him. dude went blind.
..as a junkie, i find this to be amazing.
not creepy. amazing.
…Who takes strange drugs that simply just show up on their doorstep?
I feel like if you\’re stupid enough to do that you deserve everything that happens to you afterwards.
So it looks like only 1 other person here got it…
He gouged his eyes out during the trip. The black figures were his fingers against his eyes.
He didn’t just “go blind” at the end.
Retards.
Thematic problem: ‘the shit’ ‘ditched’ on the porch is, in the very same narrative, the device of the narrator’s perceived epiphany.
Hah, I dunno. It seemed to me like he had been catapulted into outer space – the darkness made sense, and him suddenly recognizing the ‘old world’ fit. Just my two cents.
Hah, I dunno. It seemed to me like he had been catapulted into outer space – the darkness made sense, and him suddenly recognizing the \’old world\’ fit. Just my two cents.
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.
started out with potential, but this was just dumb. sorry. 2/10
Wait what just happened. Did he die or go blind?
“I felt like literal shit.”
Sounds a bit corny