Ever since I was a young child, that automated recording that plays when you try to call someone, but can’t, has frightened me to the core. You know, the one that goes, “We’re sorry, but the number you have reached has been disconnected.” And it’s always preceded by that sound, those three tones, which just amplifies my paranoia. Any time I hear that message, I can feel my skin go pale, every hair on my body stand up, all while I’m paralyzed in fear. I don’t know why I react like that to a simply informative automated message. It just sets something off in my brain. But when it’s at night, nothing compares to that level, that degree of pure, unbridled horror. Surrounded in the black of night, accompanied only by that robotic, emotionless voice. There was nothing worse.
Or so I thought…
I’m a shy, withdrawn guy. I stay inside most of the day, usually by myself. I don’t tend to socialize. Not in public, that is. But behind that computer screen, I’m as social as can be. For quite sometime now, I’ve been thinking of changing that.
Me and my friend, Alan, had known each other since the third grade. We were basically inseperable. But there was a major difference between the two of us. Whereas I’m shy and withdrawn, he’s popular and outgoing. Always being invited to parties and scoring with the hottest girls. He’s always invited me to these parties, and I’ve always come up with some lame excuse not to go. But not tonight. Tonight is a Friday, and I know he’ll ask me to go, as per usual.
I waited, and waited, until finally, my cell phone rang. It was Alan, as expected. I went to hit the ‘Answer’ button, but hesitated. “Do I really want to do this?” I asked myself. I thought for a moment, and came to the conclusion that I did.
“Hey, Alan, what’s up?” I asked.
“What do you think is up, man? It’s party night! Are you in, for once?” he replied, rather enthusiastically.
I took a deep breath.
“You know what? Yeah, I’m in. Where at?”
“Holy shit, really? Alright, man! The party’s at 2736 Linwood, you know where that’s at?”
I vaguely remembered that street. I knew only that it was near my old elementary school.
“Sure, man, I’ll see you there.” I hung up the phone.
I threw on my hoody, and put on some worn-out Converses. Since I didn’t have a car, I’d be walking quite far. I grabbed my phone, put it in my pocket, and left for the party.
It was around nine ‘o clock when I left. Now, it’s ten thirty seven. No matter how much I tried to believe I wasn’t lost, it was to no avail. I knew I had to call Alan for a ride. I pulled out my phone, went to my contacts list, and called him. I put the phone to my ear as I paced up and down the sidewalk of a street I’d never been. But he didn’t answer. Instead, I was greeted with this:
“We’re sorry, the number you have reached has been disconnected.”
The moment I heard that, I stopped dead in my tracks. My eyes widened in fear. “No way…” I thought to myself. How could he be disconnected? We spoke just over an hour ago! I tried calling him again. Maybe it was just some weird glitch on my phone, I thought.
“We’re sorry, the number you have reached has been disconnected.”
I tighted the grip on my phone until my knuckles turned white. What the fuck is going on!? I decided I’d call 911. There’s no way they’d be disconnected, right?
“We’re sorry, the number you have reached has been disconnected.”
I froze in horror. I knew something was very wrong. At this point, I threw my phone on the ground as hard as I could, and stomped on it relentlessly. Something had to be wrong with the phone itself, I was sure of it. After the phone had been smashed to an unrecognizable mass of glass and plastic, I noticed a payphone down the street, visible only due to a dim, flickering street lamp that obviously hadn’t seen maintenance in years. I fished a quarter out of my pocket, and ran down to it, driven by fear and paranoia. I frantically jammed the quarter in, and dialed 911 once again.
“We’re sorry, the number you have reached has been disconnected.”
I dropped the phone, leaving it dangling by it’s metallic cord. There was something different, this time. That message, that emotionally detached voice. It didn’t come from the phone.
It was right behind me.
Credit To – Ryuzaki
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So wait… That meants, BEHIND HIM WAS PHONE???
BUT WHO WAS VOICE MESSAGE??
I liked this a lot, but some back story or reason for the fear of that message would have made it better. Wasn’t expecting the ending. Nice job overall
I think there’s definitely promise in the idea. Just today I was so startled by some tinny-sounding hold music and a hold message I couldn’t understand (in a foreign language I couldn’t make out, maybe Spanish, but the audio quality was so bad I couldn’t tell) that I immediately hung up, thinking I must have dialed the wrong number. It really did sound creepy.
However, it escalates waaaay too quickly. Calling 911 immediately after getting a phone disconnection message? I guess really intense fear of the message could cause the narrator to make panicked, hasty decisions, but it still seems really weird. Because an automated phone message is not something that normally would instill that much fear in a person, the readers are not on the same wavelength as the protagonist. They haven’t been given a reason to be — this easily could be a phone glitch or due to wonky service areas. I’d call another friend or my mom or anything else before resorting to 911. You don’t dial that for no reason. Then, _smashing_ the phone? Abandoning your attempts, maybe, but actually smashing it?
Torn about ending. I managed to imagine a pretty cool monster based on the ambiguity, but not everyone is going to get that effect. :P I think the end could potentially be okay if it were built up to more effectively, but it is really abrupt. Again, the reader needs a better reason to be scared of the message than, ahem, “WHO WAS VOICE?” out of nowhere. Plus, a lot more time is spent on the exposition than the actual meat of the story. Those first two paragraphs could stand to be cut down and streamlined. My overall advice is to take things slower with the important bits (the creepy bits), to work on the pacing and the sequence of events so you’re actually building up to the fact that the voice is coming from outside of the phone.
I’m not sure why everyone is saying the fear of the automated voice is irrational.. I, myself, am quite afraid of that sound. It’s hollow, and there’s just something off-putting about it. I like the story, because it gave me chills, and I could connect.
Well, I completely agree with those who say it’s irrational; there’s no legitimate reason to be scared of an automated voice. However, just because it is irrational, that doesn’t detract from the overall creepiness of it. Like, I have an irrational fear/extreme discomfort around insects. Again, completely irrational, but that doesn’t change how creepy/weird something is. Anyway, I’m glad you liked the story!
well first of all ,I really think this was a good creepypasta, I mean all these people that are saying that it was a funny story more than scary, I think that it was pretty scary if I do say so my self.
Hello, everybody. I have read over all of these comments, and have taken every single thing you guys and ghouls (Halloween pun) have said into consideration. In hindsight, I do agree that my CP was rather rushed, and there is certainly room for improvement. However, considering this was my first legitimate Creepypasta, I am more than satisfied with a 6.8. I’m heavily considering doing a rewrite, and I may post an old Creepypasta of mine, so stay tuned!
-Ryuzaki
This pasta had too much disappointment sauce.
Yummy, this is what a short pasta is all about! 8-10
The story is written decently, but…
The first part explaining how the narrator is freaked out by the automatic message is (no pun intended) disconnected from the rest. It’s an information we don’t need and that doesn’t add anything to the story, also because, when the message actually comes, he doesn’t seem to be particularly affected by it (if not for the fact that it comes unexpectedly).
The bottom line seems more silly then scary. First thought is there is someone behind him trying to call a phone hands-free and getting the same message (because, why would anyone or anything with bad intention say something that stupid?) Or, at worst, it looks like a prank.
Not to mention that the story is in first person, past tense, so definitely the narrator survived the experience, if he is telling it later on.
Good point… AGHH you just made me realize that this isn’t that scary. Kudos, CMT. Great observation.
So are you telling me that… HE WAS PHONE?
THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
I really liked this pasta. The story idea was original (Thank God the voice wasn’t JTK) and the tone of the story evoked the spine-tingling response. I do agree with the first 3 comments and with that in mind, a rewrite might be a wonderful idea.
All in all, the next time I can’t reach someone and I get that lady’s voice, I’ll be thinking of this pasta.
First of all, I agree that this idea is original, but there are a few problems with this story. Here are a couple. One, it is free to call 911 on a payphone. Two, where in New York would he find a payphone that only cost a quarter!! Last payphone I saw cost a dollar. The answer to “WHO WAS PAYPHONE”— His friend was following him around for an hour and a half, and, knowing his fear of the automated message, had been repeating it every time he made a phone call.
Dang it, I was going to say BUT WHO WAS VOICE….
So did you make it to the party ?
i would’ve been more scared if the automated voice asked you BUT WHO WAS PHONE?
i got more annoyed than scared, and all i could think about was that meme “that escalated quickly” which is sad because the idea was pretty original
It was well-written and played out until the end, which was rather… abrupt, if you don’t mind my saying. You could have done much more with this idea.
I realy did like this story. IT was original and it was better writtin than some but it needed more detail and it had a weird ending with no detail at all at what was behind you.
In a sense I agree with both of the first two comments: on the one hand there is something original (well the potential for it), on the other hand the portrayal of the main characters fear is rather silly (I wonder how he reacts to those automated storm warnings on tv!)
Really the problem is the story was reduced to, and I don’t want to be an asshole: BUT WHO WAS AUTOMATED MESSAGE.
Hahaha actually that storm warning thing does always scare me. I feel like they are about to announce some horrific global event…
Me too! I thought was the only one..
Omigawd! It scares me so bad! I thought I was just a paranoid psycho… x33
I get scared the crap out of when I don’t expect it
I wonder if there are just…silly topics to write about. While the implied death of someone you care about ( which is what I associate “disconnect” to) and the fact you can not reach them would be extremely scary, your story didn’t have that. You were just frightened of an automated voice. That’s almost irrational and makes for a silly story more than a scary one.
Ok….the idea is very original…and to ME this story had a great tone to it. I believe you could have spent a little more time thinking things through that’s all. Like something more coming from that automated msg that scared the character so. And just a pointless side note: if MY friend had a car and made me walk over an hour to the same place he was going….I’d totally ditch em… :)