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Debut



Estimated reading time — 7 minutes

I.

Well, I’ve finished my education and learned everything there is to learn about singing, and despite the difficulties, I’ve found myself at the heart of Music City and struggling to get my material out there. I haven’t been able to meet with any labels and I’m barely surviving on gig money. I have an audition at a new place that’s opening down by Broadway Street. It’s a Vegas style night club, very yuppie. I can sing, but I also have to dance with the other girls. My first song will be “Moulin Rouge.” They were impressed with my audition, and they may pay me for some choreography ideas. Maybe I can get some hours there. Regardless, times are hard for everyone right now. Any day that people hear me sing is a good day. My voice is lucky, and I’m so excited for the future that I simply had to start writing my feelings down in something other than song form.

II.

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I learned to bartend and made some good tips this evening. I also sang with the band, and even though everyone there was drunk, I think they really liked me. The more I sing, the more I feel like I was put here on this earth to make people happy with the sound of my voice. I’m not trying to be conceited. I am forged through the sweat of my brow to make beautiful sound. I also make a pretty good vodka martini.

III.

My boss, Bobby, thinks he’s Brett Michaels. He keeps going on and on about how he’s going to make me a star and how much money Alleycats is going to make with me singing at the helm. People applauded after the girls worked through my dance today. I told Bobby that he should tie cat collars with rhinestones around our necks and buy us hair extensions to attract more clientele. He went for it. I’m excited. I’ve never been able to afford hair extensions before. The last song I sang before I went home this evening was amazing. I saw a table of drunks in the front row who appeared as if they were crying. That’s the best feedback I could possibly ask for.

IV.

Some of my teachers came by today because it was my day off. They’re quiet, mostly, but they expect what I promised them four years ago. I always thought I’d be able to get my education and disappear without going through with it, but they’ve found me. They want results, and I only have a month. Even though they paid my way and coddled me through learning the art of vocal performance, I don’t think a piece of paper on the wall is worth this. It doesn’t matter. I can’t back out now, and I’m destined for the big time.

V.

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Bobby is interested in more than helping me promote my career. I was flirting with a local blues singer in the lounge tonight after singing, and he flipped his shit. Said that I couldn’t afford to have a boyfriend in this business and the only person I’d be hooking up with was him if I wanted to keep my job. I noticed that The Better Business Bureau is right across the street when I left today. I’ll keep that in mind if he gets out of hand.

VI.

More teachers came to see me, except they came to the bar itself. I would have been ashamed, except they didn’t talk to anyone, so no one knew that they were there for me. They wore the black robes in a night club in the middle of the city, so they obviously care little for outward appearances. They focused on me so intently when I was singing that I got scared. I did well, but they’re giving me the message, loud and clear. I have to fulfill my part of the bargain or I’ll lose my voice. If I lose my voice, I have no future. I’m scared.

VII.

I had an audition with a major record label on Music Row today. Bobby was pissed that I called out of work, and apparently the regular alcoholics were requesting that I sing a song before they left. One was so adamant that he was arrested for disorderly conduct. I tried to push it out of my mind and focus on the music. They said I had a beautiful natural voice and that with some “commercial influence,” I could be a star. I’m excited. This is bigger than my graduation or my future wedding day. I’ll never forget this day. Even if I tried, the teachers won’t LET me forget. They have to remind me that I’m only here because of them.

VIII.

Bobby threw me a party tonight to celebrate my big break. He drank too much and so did I. I drove him home and he tried to kiss me. He smelled like bourbon and cigarettes and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I screamed, and before I realized that he’d stopped trying to grope me, he was screaming WITH me. His eyes were glossy, like a windshield that needs a defroster on max. He had this sort of grimace, like he was in pain, but couldn’t do anything about it but stare at me and scream and scream. I forced myself to shut my mouth, to stop making any noise, and he collapsed in to the passenger floorboard. I got scared and left him there. I’m hoping he’ll remember it as an awful hangover and nothing else. If not, there’s always the Better Business Bureau. I can’t afford to have some stalker ruining my chances of a Grammy.

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IX.

They’re here permanently until I deliver on what I promised. They remind me why my voice sounds so sweet, and how they can change it in to a terrible force at any time. They asked me if I liked what happened to Bobby. They asked me if I want that to happen to everyone else I sing for. There’s nothing I can do to stop this, but as soon as I get it over with, they’ll leave me alone forever. They just want their payoff.

Someone stopped me on the street today on the way to my car. He really scared me when he said that he knew who was in my apartment with me. He was a relatively big guy, and he looked dangerous, like one of those UFC fighters or a bouncer or something. He told me to get it done and be done with it — that the consequences of going back on them were worse than taking one person’s life. He said he’d been swindled by them before, too, and it was the only way to end this. I hope not. I don’t think I can bring myself to kill someone, even at the cost of my own gift.

X.

I almost went through with it tonight, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Everyone in front of the stage looked like they were having fun, enjoying the company of their friends and boyfriends and girlfriends. They came to hear me. I couldn’t betray them. I’ll be forced to, soon, and I might lose it all. It doesn’t matter. I refuse to kill anyone because they want to listen to my voice.

XI.

Tonight was the worst night of my life. They’ve been staying in my room, standing over me as I sleep, hissing in my ear. Deliver. Deliver. Deliver. They held me down before I went to work and replaced the rhinestone Alleycat uniform collar with some kind of choker. It has one red stone on it, and it glows when I sing. It felt good. I wondered if I had their approval until I got on stage. I started singing, and they all started screaming. Jake, the bartender. My friend Jill. The entire drunken audience. I couldn’t stop the sound once I started. My voice soared high, strong, powerful, through the door, out on to Broadway. It brought more and more people in. I saw throngs of people walking through the door, their faces contorted with pain, but it’s like they were forced to stand there and listen. I don’t know any other way to write this, but I knew they were in the worst pain of their lives. My voice was causing it. All of them screamed until their voices were raw and they had gristled sandpaper in their throats.

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When I hit my highest note, the entire room was a maelstrom of suffering. People’s heads burst open like overfilled balloons. Their skin peeled off in layers and heaped on the line-dancing floor like party streamers. The ones who still had faces died with a smile on their face, as if death were a blissful escape. I drove home naked. There was too much blood on my clothes. Bobby was out of town, but he comes back tomorrow, and he already knows. He’s too stupid to realize what happened the other night, and thinks someone fired an assault rifle in the middle of the club. Je’s naive. I’ll never be able to go back to work again. All I have now is this record deal. I was lucky that the police didn’t stop me for questioning. The story is on the local news as “the Music Row Massacre.”

XII.

They took off the collar when I got home and they’re sitting behind me, watching me write this. They know I have to find their sacrifice to have any hope of recording with the label tomorrow. They said what happened at Alleycats is my fault. They expect me to get up and go right now, or the choker goes back on. They’ve turned my own voice against me.

I have to use it as a weapon, one last time. I also have to convince Bobby that I want to be with him. The thought makes me want to throw up.

XIII.

I didn’t have to report Bobby to the Better Business Bureau. He left me a voicemail as they carried him off, and I know he was only able to speak because they let him. They have a cruel side to them that is unrivaled by any human being. They paid me one last visit, of course. They polished his skull like a fine piece of jewelry and delivered it to me in a box. They said as long as it stayed in the same room with me that I’d sing beautifully. They want to remind me that I killed someone to make it big. I wish I could take all of this back, but I wouldn’t, if given the choice.

Tomorrow, I record my first album, and nothing will stop my big debut.

CREDIT: D.A. Wilcox 

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Copyright Statement: Unless explicitly stated, all stories published on Creepypasta.com are the property of (and under copyright to) their respective authors, and may not be narrated or performed under any circumstance.

106 thoughts on “Debut”

  1. O.O That’s some creeeepy pasta stuff there. Dang this girl was selfish. If all she wanted in the end was to do all this just to make it big, and would never change what she had done, then I hate her to the bone.

  2. Awful pasta. The main character is so conceited and self-involved, the reader doesn’t feel any sympathy for her at all.

  3. Just like all his other pastas, I hated this. No particular reason, I just thought it was a piece of shit. At least it wasn’t terribly long, like his others.

  4. I am a couple years too late for this one, but I thought it was damn good aside from the minor flaws some editing could take care of. Then again, many people have trouble editing enough. Hopefully I will see more from the same author but more recent and compare it to this. Time capsule!

  5. CHEESE. FOR EVERYONE. well. cheese for no one. that’s still a celebration for people who don’t like cheese right?

  6. It was all right, pretty cliche though. I definitely like how it starts off like a normal story and the creepiness builds, but for some reason in these kind of stories I just think a tragic ending works better. Like other people have said, I think a much cooler ending would have involved her having to record instead with the deadly voice.
    Maybe the \"teachers,\" if they wanted to kill people so badly for no reason, should have let her become extremely popular. That way they could have turned her into a serious weapon. Hell, she\’s already selfish (which I actually like; the major flaw makes her a more interesting character to me). Let them use that and really make her the new bad guy, or the harbinger of the apocalypse! Would have been beautiful.
    In other words, this had a lot of potential but didn\’t go nearly as far as I hoped it would. I give it a 2/5.
    Also, please stop throwing fits when people criticize you. Not to be rude, but most of them are being constructive and you getting pissy over it instead of taking the advice definitely won\’t help you improve your writing. You\’ll just wind up stuck infinitely in this loop of mediocrity until you try a little harder or take someone\’s advice.

  7. It was all right, pretty cliche though. I definitely like how it starts off like a normal story and the creepiness builds, but for some reason in these kind of stories I just think a tragic ending works better. Like other people have said, I think a much cooler ending would have involved her having to record instead with the deadly voice.
    Maybe the “teachers,” if they wanted to kill people so badly for no reason, should have let her become extremely popular. That way they could have turned her into a serious weapon. Hell, she’s already selfish (which I actually like; the major flaw makes her a more interesting character to me). Let them use that and really make her the new bad guy, or the harbinger of the apocalypse! Would have been beautiful.
    In other words, this had a lot of potential but didn’t go nearly as far as I hoped it would. I give it a 2/5.
    Also, please stop throwing fits when people criticize you. Not to be rude, but most of them are being constructive and you getting pissy over it instead of taking the advice definitely won’t help you improve your writing. You’ll just wind up stuck infinitely in this loop of mediocrity until you try a little harder or take someone’s advice.

  8. I liked it, but it really does seem as I pour through the entire creepypasta archive that commenters here are stupid.

    I was drawn into the story and found it interesting although I feel that there was too much ambiguity concerning the teachers, unless I missed something. I liked the gradual progression of the story, but I felt like the finale wasn’t as clear or as creative as I was expecting. She had to kill someone as the payoff? But she already did? A whole room of people.

  9. This was serious shit. The characters are unrealistic, a singing girl is NOT scary no matter how hard you try to make it, the consistency was shit, and My Immortal had better rape scenes. Yucky pasta 1/10

  10. The plot was shit. The characters were shit. The theme was shit. The consistency was shit. The whole story was shit.

  11. This has got to be the WORST pasta I have read. The string of “BUT WHO WAS –” shit was better than this. Please do not make more of this useless shit, ever. I could write better pasta in less then 2 hours, nub.

    ~Drake Lionheart

  12. Violent Harvest has now lost any justification to act like the arrogant wanker he is on this site, because at least up until now he could claim to be, behind Josef K, the writer of the most consistently decent (I say decent, not fantastic) stories on this site. This, however, was a pile of wank, so VH please keep that in mind next time you slag off someone else’s story.

  13. I believe I allready have been informed about this topic
    at job 2 days ago by a colleague, but at that moment
    it didn’t caugh my attention.

  14. I liked this, it was pretty good. It didn’t truly keep me reading, but still, it was good. There were a few mistakes that have been pointed out already, but still, I’d give it a 6/10.

  15. I Can Haz Cthulthu?

    LOL Bobby is such a cliche. It’s like I’ve seen so many Bobbys in so many poorly written stories inside and outside of the webs that looking upon him only makes me sad and tired.

    Speaking of cliche, the main character doesn’t ring any truer than Bobby does. All the characterization she has is that “My voice makes people happy, teehee” nonsense, which isn’t enough. I’ve seen THAT one in way too many animes for it to be effective anymore. Why is it that all your stories seem to rely too much on other peoples ideas?
    Not to mention the fact that she’s just really stupid. She couldn’t just take the choker off? She drove home in the nekkers? Because that wouldn’t have gotten her pulled over, no sirree bob.

    The cursed singer definitely isn’t original and neither is the “Oh, you want? Well, we’ll give it to you but there’s a price see? Cause we’re evil demons. Just so you know.” bit. Now, that’s not to say that I don’t appreciate certain themes or tropes (because I do) but there’s a difference between two books about alien invasion, both well written and well thought out with varying ideas and takes on the form, and two books about alien invasion, one written well with varying ideas and the other aping so heavily off of crap we’ve already read that it’s sort of like reading a bunch of books all pasted together.

    In conclusion…

    This isn’t a story. It reads like a rough draft you didn’t bother to look over before posting, like everything you’ve written, full of stuff that I’m really tired of seeing even from writers that I adore. You’re never going to improve because you don’t take criticism, although you give plenty of it. If you really wanted to improve instead of having your ego stroked by various netizens, learn to take the criticism like a man, turn off your interwebs and write something original for a change.

  16. It was good..but it did have it’s fall backs. Maybe a little to long? ….You did get me with the choker :D i wish i had a choker of mass destroying powers of doom :’D

    This pasta come with its own theme song

  17. I thought it was good. Although, I think peeple here are more interested in how much the story makes them want to piss their pants rather how how intriguing the plot was. My vote is a 6/10

  18. Interesting story, with decent-to-good writing, but not creepy.

    Lol’d at people complaining about “ZOMG RAPE”

  19. First I thought the protagonist was a man… Then, a woman…

    Then I realized it was Lady GaGa.

    This will be an interesting Behind The Music.

  20. like many people already said, this had some incongruencies, but apart from this, it was really good. i like the idea behind this, a girl with a killer girl.

  21. wow is this site full of pseudo intellect wanna be critics?

    You guys are all so awesome criticizing the tiniest of flaws.

    Thank God we have such successful writers/critics that bother to visit this site and dispense their sage wisdom, oh wait no… no your not tee hee

  22. This is bordering on rape fantasy. She drove home naked? What the hell was the point of that? If she drove home naked, that meant that she took her clothes off and walked to her car, lest she get blood all over the seats. If she took them off in the car, she’d probably get more of that accursed blood on herself.

    And what was with the collars and the attempted rape? What was the point of that? And why was the rape thing turned around to make the victim look like a horrible killer? Rape is never the victim’s fault.

    I swear, whoever wrote this needs to be on a sex offender registry.

  23. “flirting with a local blues singer in the lounge tonight after singing”

    “Said that I couldn’t afford to have a boyfriend”

    is he gay

  24. What would happen if they came back and then she had to record an album with the Blehfdeiufhbiuz; voice that makes everyone die? :S. GAH! This Pasta made My head hurt with boredom, and my eyes bleed. The only reason I continued to read was to see if it got any better. My hope was not fufilled. :( sigh, huse waste of my time.

  25. Haha, Shadow, I actually completely forgot about the Metallica concert pasta I wrote…. but you’re right, these two are extremely similar. I think the only difference is that the main character in that story had a gift for listening to music, while this girl is gifted at singing and creating music. Either way, the plot line is similar, although the formats are different. I forgot all about that story. =/

  26. I was rather fond of it. Is this somehow linked to the pasta that had the guy driving home from a Metallica concert? I forgot the name of that one, but this one really brings it to mind.

  27. I don’t know what the people who say this isn’t well-written are on about. I thought it was very good, however I still find it lacking a certain something. “Oomph”, if you will. This can probably be retooled into something just a bit sharper.

    Not a bad pasta by any means, though.

  28. Pretty good pasta,but i lost tension on the “and so did I” part.
    Remembered me too much of “Never Gonna Give you Up”
    I got rickrolled by pasta

  29. 2/10. Too long, boring, extremely weak and vague central plot, not at all creepy or scary or even slightly amusing. Absolutely awful. The two points were merely for good writing. Who decided to publish this?

  30. personally, I thought it was great. I love the ones that start out relatively normal and then suck you in with paranormal stuff.

  31. Cool story. I like how you put the protagonist from another story in here for a quick cameo. Will definitely be awaiting for what you write in the future.

  32. no, i think tortuga is right, violent harvest… in the very first section there are contradictory lines about the audition (though i didn’t notice at all until i read the comment itself)

    “I have an audition at a new place that’s opening down by Broadway Street. It’s a Vegas style night club ……….. will be “Moulin Rouge.” They were impressed with my audition”

    overall it wasn’t a terrible pasta; but it’s not very memorable either.

  33. can’t believe someone else has read the umbrella academy! :D Maybe the writer of this story read the umbrella academy too. >_>

  34. @ anon: It reminded me of The Umbrella Academy too.

    Although some things weren’t really orginal I enjoyed reading it.

  35. Excellent! Often I get too caught up in reading the forums that I forget to check the main site to see what made it through. Glad to see this story here, it certainly deserved it.

    Well done as usual, VH

  36. I got so bored reading this. I agree with Poupou- I really wanted to like it, but… mnrgh. If it were faster paced, it’d be much better.

  37. This reminds me of part of a comic book that I read. This young violinist tried out for an orchestra, and they ended up changing the young violinist into a killing machine. whoever heard her play the violin died instantly.

    So, sad to say, but it’s been done.

  38. I’m pretty sure I just watched an episode of the Devil May Cry anime today that had pretty much this same plot as the backstory.

  39. I don’t know if some of youu guys are adults, but what Bobbie diud was SEXUAL HARASSMENT and ATTEMPTED RAPE! That is definitely no matter for the BBB, which actually only handles arbitration between individuals and businesses, such as a company not giving you all your money. The other ordeal was a CRIMINAL MATTER for the police! What he did was ATTEMPTED RAPE! That’s serious.

  40. Interesting idea, I guess, but your writing doesn’t ever really do it for me. Nothing against you, it’s just personal preference.

  41. I liked the ditzy selfishness of the central character.Maybe if that was more emphasised in the writing the rather cliched “Faustian” stuff wouldn’t be so obvious. No’ so bad tho’ hen.

  42. The story is loosely connected to the others, but Felt and Cut are succeeded by two other separate pieces before this one. This one is independent if you want it to be, and the small paragraph alluding to the bouncer guy is mostly a gimmick because I was bored. He is the protagonist of “Takedown.” Both sequels to Cut can be found here:

    Draft: https://creepypasta.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5904

    Takedown: https://creepypasta.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=5904

    I don’t feel that this is the best thing I’ve ever written, but I based it off my girlfriend. She works at a club in downtown Nashville called Alleykatz and I think her boss is a pig, so I wrote a pasta about it. You can’t be expected to please everyone…. but thanks for reading.

  43. It’s unfortunate, but I believe that the heyday of creepypasta has come to a close. Has anyone read an original creepypasta that was at all creepy anytime recently? The stories used to be barely a paragraph long and were really good. Nowadays, not so much…

  44. I wanted to like this pasta, but in the end it fell flat. It’s like the author took English as a second language. Also, it’s not spooky. Also, it killed my mom.

  45. …is this another connection to the black robed gambling people? if so is very weak, felt was great, cut wasnt bad, this is the murderous mermaid. sorry violent harvest but i expected more from you. 1/5

  46. I’ve reported my boss to the BBB before because he redirected the credit card batch from his business account to his personal account and my payroll check bounced.

  47. lengthy and procrastinate piece of writing. Its a creepypasta, you want yo draw your readers in with suspense, nobody cares about the singing career of some chick, even if it is for build-up.

  48. I had a hard time taking this one serioiusly because I kept picturing the main character as Amy Adams and the “teachers” as the nuns who raised Toki in Metalocalypse.

  49. Tortuga:

    Auditioning for a bar and auditioning for a record label are two different things. The only inconsistencies were in your comprehension of what I wrote. In your brain.

    1. You shouldn’t be mean to people who read your stories and take the time to make a comment. Unless the comment is also rude.

  50. 1) Bret Michaels only has one “t”

    2) The BBB does not handle employee complaints, only consumer complaints. You would probably want to change it to the Employee Standards Administration.

  51. I liked how it had some sorta closure, though I know a lot don’t like closed-ended pastas. It was good enough for me to read to the end, so don’t feel bad regardless of whatever others say. ;)

  52. Raw pasta. 4/10 There were inconsistencies in the entries. The speaker says she has an audition, but then two sentences later she says that they liked her audition. Very inconsistent.

  53. not really scary but its an ok pasta, just a btw this reminds me of the little mermaid sorry to tell you.

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