It’s dark.
When you don’t know where you are or how you’ve come to be there, even the simplest things can be supremely frightening.
So it was that when Walter awoke, his consciousness confused and hazy, the thing that he fixated on was the darkness. A darkness so thick and oppressive that it could’ve been a blanket – perhaps it was, for all that the disoriented boy knew. A quick rustle around his immediate area made it clear that no, he was not bound or covered by anything in particular – it was just… dark.
He’d been awake for a few minutes, and his eyes hadn’t yet adjusted, as they normally would. In the back of his mind, Walter rationalized that this must mean that wherever he was had a true and complete absence of light – there was nothing for his eyes to adjust to, so waiting around in the hopes that he’d suddenly be able to see where he was going was a rather pointless endeavour.
He rose to his feet unsteadily, and reached out to grasp at – what? A wall? Anything, anything that might’ve been there to help him launch off of the ground. Nothing met his fingertips, and after an embarassing moment of swaying, Walter tentatively took a few steps forward. He didn’t run into anything, so he continued walking, slowly, and with one hand out to his front, and one to his side – just in case.
Hours passed as he walked. Or at least, he assumed that they did – total darkness, with no exposure to the grounding reference of the sun or moon, made it a bit difficult to figure out exactly how long he’d been in this… place. But Walter knew that logically, if he only kept walking, he would eventually end up… somewhere. Even if it was a dead end, at least it would be reassuring to have found something concrete in this strange place.
Eventually, he is tired. He must have been walking all day – or night? Well, whichever; either way it’s been a long time. He plops down on the ground, falling a bit too quickly, and yelps a bit at the impact. It’s then that he realizes that he hadn’t tried to speak or call out at all until now – this was the first noise he’d made. How silly of him – what if there was someone else around, someone else lost in the darkness that could help him? Cautiously, Walter tests out his voice, calls out and asks, “Hello?” He is surprised by two things – first, that his voice was already so rusty and throaty from just one day of solitude, and secondly, and more importantly, that the sound of his voice does not carry at all. It’s instantly swallowed up by the same damned darkness that’s been surrounding him since he first woke. This realization sends a chill down his spine, and he tries to distract himself by talking himself into an attempt at sleep. After some hours spent laying there, in the too-quiet darkness, he finally succumbs to a deep, dreamless sleep.
Waking up in the black is just as disorienting the second time; and that’s not all the stays the same on Walter’s second day in the… well, wherever he is. He walks just as long as he did the day before, only stopping when his body can go no further. He shouts a few times, but eventually gives it up as his voice is instantly absorbed and he decides that his energy should be saved for his journey, rather than needless yelling.
This goes on for awhile.
Days cycle into months; months into years. Or so Walter thinks. He doesn’t really know, after all. In fact, he’s made the decision to delude himself into believing that his perception of time is so messed up that it’s really only been a few days – he tells himself this to quiet the sick feeling deep in his stomach that grows stronger with every step.
Finally, he gives up. He stops walking and sits, then collapses backward onto the floor, staring up at what should be a sky or ceiling but in reality is just more darkness.
Eventually, his breathing stops, and the quiet, dark world he found himself in is truly silent once again, without even the sound of Walter’s heartbeat for the blackness to absorb.
And that is the end of Walter’s story.
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he went blind and deaf simple
The darkness stole all 6 of his senses…he’s only in the darkness hopelessly hoping…just hoping to get out of the darkness…nowhere to go but only the darkness…no light to light up his way to the world…just a world full of darkness and silence.
The build-up was nice but the ending kinda didn’t make sense.
This is interesting. Very engaging, I would like to know more though, like how he got there, where ‘there’ even is, and if there was anything else there besides Walter and the darkness. Although, that could be the point. We are so used to stories starting with a introduction, before climbing to an ending that wraps everything up. But the true, realistic, essence of someone’s decent into defeat such as this has no start or ending. We are introduced into the middle of the story, without rhyme or reason, and then it ends in an anti-climatic way without explanation, just as real life does. I think this is a very good take on the way Creepypastas are written, not to everyone’s taste of course, but effective nonetheless.
I’m loling at the fact that you guys are saying he would’ve died in a week from dehydration/starvation, yet the author clearly stated he was only there for 2 days. Spend less time complaining about “crappypasta” if you didn’t read it to begin with.
LOL I don’t get it either
Actually the amount of time wasn’t clearly stated. Maybe you should read it again.
After a few days of walking around and not getting anywhere. Wouldn’t you just…. give up?
Would you still try or just give up and die? :3 I think trying would be better…if it were me I’d just stay there….waiting until I’ve been found…dead or alive.
too bad he didn’t reach into his pocket or something to find a flashlight and he shines it and finds some man-eating monster and THEN it’s the end of Walter’s story.
I didn’t even want to read if it doesn’t catch my attention on the first paragraph well it sucks and I’m 14
The trend that under-16 readers have of randomly shoehorning their age into unrelated comments will never cease to amuse me. It’s just so bizarre.
He doesn’t even work it into the sentence. it’s just tacked on at the end.
Perhaps this pasta is about the decent into depression? Great pasta, nontheless. As Mr. Welldone said, this describes darkness perfectly.
He would’ve starved to death before a year was up.
Well written. Includes great grammar and descriptions. Poor concept. Not creepy or interesting at all.
I extend my thanks to you dear author, very well done.
Bravo.
He just sort of woke up, wandered around, and died. There was no real conflict, there was no explanation or rationalization, and there was very little attempt at resolution. Beyond that, there wasn’t enough information to make the character sympathetic, only… Well, pathetic. You didn’t get to know him at all. The concept was good, but the execution was horrible.
3/10 – Send it back to the chef and tell him to finish cooking it next time.
Or you know add anything to it instead of just sending out plain noodles.
If this story contained all the aforementioned \"suggestions\", I would find this to be a very overcooked ball of bird poop.
If this story contained all the aforementioned “suggestions”, I would find this to be a very overcooked ball of bird poop.
I think its funny how everybody on this website thinks they are a writing critic. LIKE YOU COULD DO BETTER. lmfao. You\’re here to read scary stories, if you dont like it move on the the next one. Not all stories have to have a huge ending. Just, wow.
Imagine an alternative where he inexplicably survives weeks, months, years, forced to wander through darkness for eternity. No doubt one’s spirit and sanity would be lost to the void.
Interesting story anyhow. It does seem like it could all be within his mind, perhaps that of a comatose patient, struggling for consciousness before succumbing to the end of life support.
Nothing happens. 1/10 for potential that goes totally unrealized.
Maybe Walter is trapped in this website. When he wakes he remembers nothing, as though he’d just come into being just as the story started. He is trapped in blackness: this site is just a black background, blackness surrounds the words (the words being Walter moving around). When the story ends, darkness completely envelopes Walter again, swallowing him up; just like the blackness of the website background dominates after the type-written words end.
He was walking on a really big treadmill in a black room.
@ all the “I really hoped something would happen. Crappy pasta”
Just imagine being in Walter’s shoes. Then you know what was the horrifying in this (imho) fantastic disturbing past.
Yummy!
Walter forgot the most important rule.
Fear the Darkness
-Nex
Sounds like a coma.
Kind of.
Also, I am an idiot. Goodnight.
Sucks to be Walter, I guess.
But yeah, kind of sucky. Some guy just wakes up in the middle of a void and wanders around until he dies? For YEARS? Hate to quote Homestar Runner, but:
“When you fall down a bottomless pit, you die of starvation.”
Same applies here. He would’ve died within a week due to dehydration.
Worst pasta ive ever tasted. ever. Even the pots and pans heron has a point, and thats to be funny, which it succeeds at. “DAY OF ALL THE BLOOD” doesnt have a plot, but it has a point. This has no plot, no point, no usefulness what so ever. Not entertained, a waste of my time. Try again.
Walter is the man in black.
Anyone else notice the Dark Tower reference?
There was no real essence to your pasta, if “essence” is the correct term i’m searching for to describe what i felt.
Overall, it was a very nicely written pasta. You even gave the unknown little boy a name. But too many unanswered questions are left such as: how did he get there? where is there? etc.
I know that a mysterious pasta is supposed to stay mysterious but when there are too many questions unanswered with no real plot or story direction it leaves an unsatisfied reader and takes away from the overall feel of the story.
The last line should be completely annihilated.
A better ending would have been
Then Walter remembers his last memory before the darkness. He remembers tripping into the street and sees a semi-truck approaching much too fast to stop in time.
The tense change would at least be less jarring if it were moved to an obvious transition in the story, such as right when he wakes up the second time, or in the line: “This goes on for a while.” (It bugged me, too. Sorry.)
Actually, while I was reading I got this image of a mouse on a wheel.
Amazingly written, though something interesting might have happened. Or at least an explanation as to how he got there.
should have played the psycological tension a bit more as thats all this really had going for it. describe how his isolation makes him feel and how it builds over time. as for time why was hunger not addressed? if he was there for any extended length of time hunger should have been an issue as he had not eaten anything. If the point was that he was in an unearthly place, as it seemed to be the case, his lack of hunger might have been good to hint at that.
Maybe the darkness was supposed to be death? The afterlife, maybe?
BUT WHO WAS VOID SPACE??
I agree with your mom… dude walks around in darkness and dies. Would have been nice if there were some way out or he did something to get there. You know, something to be “creeped-out” by.
good pasta- BAD ENDING
um, wat just happened exactly?
He walked around in darkness then died.
WTF?
But. He didn’t die from anything scary.
He just died of.
Old age?
does he eat ?
drink ?
wts.
GAY
Ehh.
It was a bit too redundant for my taste.
Nothing really happened, and I wondered how he didn’t die of starvation after years of walking…
There’s a kid in my class named Walter. I kept picturing him. Made is slightly comical, and a bit less creepy.. Nonetheless, delicious pasta.
OHHH what a good pasta!!!!! The author created such a vivid and juicy picture. Poor Walter…
Odd that he requires no bodily things like the usage of a toilet that would not be there or the consumption of sustenance not provided to him. Also interesting is that he did not go mad, but rather more rational.
Some things he could have done if he were completely lucid, however: dig, jump, or harm himself.
Blind guy on a treadmill, nothing scary here folks.
II WOULD’ve liked this if it went into detail about him taking a poop
Well, nothing really happend and how could he live for months without eating or drinking?
I liked it – even whenteh tense shift from past to present, I still liked it.
However – maybe the author could pick one?
No matter how i look at it, it doesn’t appeal to me. I never knew darkness could be so boring.
@Bricks
Maybe the narrator was Jesus.
i personally feel that it was, while very well written, very anticlimactic. I was left very disapointed. It is better then a “jumpcut” ending though
This was extrodinarily well-written, and although I was a bit dissapointed that there wasn’t a deeply shocking/disturbing conclusion like most pastas have, it has a certain…lonely beauty, I guess. Really, really nice. <3 I’m glad I read it.
I meant he not her…
I have to say I think it sounds like her is in a coma….
Wonderful until the end. It was quite the anti-climax when he just died, with no explanation as to how he got there or whatever.
bricks will not be shat in a near future… and yet this pasta was quite good but it would be better if it was writen in first person…
Aww):
Unicorns – You’re right, that is was not creepy.
Couldn’t have been more than a few days. He’d have died of starvation/dehydration before a MONTH or anything like that.
That’s wasn’t creepy.
This was excellent.
this was starting off well…
but then nothing happened!
he just died… and that’s it?!
he could have used the darkness idea to really create a frightening, atmospheric story (the protagonist only being able to use his ears)
but instead it just ended in a really pointless, depressing way
The build-up was AWESOME. Unfortunatly the ending didn’t deilver. It was a good pasta ’til I got to the bottom of the bowl…
But there isn’t just nothing.
He’s got something to walk on, something to plop down on, something to sleep on.
It might just be the floor/ground,
But its at least something, not nothing.
I like this one, though it seems more lonely than scary to me, especially the ending.
COX!
Synopsis: It was dark. He was confused. He died. The End.
And who was floor?
The idea of waking up in that situation would be terrifying, and the unending darkness crushing in would seem horribly claustrophobic. It was a scary concept, but I would have prefered the heart-pounding terror of some creature watching, waiting, and hunting. I was expecting him to be discovered by some sort of other-worldly terror with claws and sharp, pointy fangs.
At the very least, I would have liked to know why he ended up there, though as for the “if he died, how would we know?” complaints just annoy me. That’s not the point of the story, how you know. But that’s just me.
The fact that nothing “happens” is the SCARIEST part, guys. This is a perfect horror story.
i liked it, and how it makes the reader feel alone and hopeless.
i’m hungry.
I’ll give it props on an interesting concept. Being abandoned in an absolute darkness with nothing or no one anywhere around would be chilling.
But as far as storytelling purposes I feel it fell short on the inevitable thoughts and worries that would pass through any person’s mind when thrown into such a situation. “How did I get here? What was the last thing I was doing before I got here? What happened to my family/friends/loved ones?”
And also hunger. He’d not have died of simple exhaustion before unbearable thirst/hunger set in.
Maybe he was in purgatory
I has a sad now. Absolutely terrifying and depressing. Excellent pasta.
Can’t honestly way in on whether it was a good concept or not, because the change of tense half way through bugged me. I mean, it is in past tense up until Walter gets tired, then suddenly it is present tense.
Then of course it abruptly ends, never quite justifying in any way how Walter managed to be consumed in darkness. He doesn’t even seem to be losing his mind, which I would assume would be a quite frequent occurrence when one wakes up in pitch darkness with no escape.
It was a good concept I suppose, but it just didn’t suck me into the story the way I was hoping it would.
It’d be cool if they could use a different kind of…writing.
I really really liked it. The buildup is fantastic. You feel the claustrophobia, the comfusion, the dread and dispair that must have afflicted this poor man, trapped in the darkness with no way out, no light at the end of the tunnel, not even a malevolent moster, a dangerous creature, a horror of the unknown to let him rest , have a concrete end. Nothing. Just darkness.
Brilliant.
I approve.
Reminds me of The Voice, yet somewhat creepier but not quite as sad.
I’ll agree, though, that another ending would have made it much better.
How did he walk around in the darkness for years without food or water?
Exactly my first thought.
Well, after “…What. WHY? Bah, nevermind…”
-_-
Yeah, the bottom of that House is pretty fucking dark.
@ Bricks
If it were in first person, you wouldn’t know the very ending because he died before it.
I get it. The darkness surrounding him seemed unending and mysterious, and the end of the story is trying to do that too. Didn’t do it well though.
Very different. Very nice.
Beautifully written, though the tense change was hard to stomach.
i’d so fap everyday if i was that darkness
aw that was sad. It was a good story but I just wish it had a twisted ending
I thought it was creepy. I have fears of abandonment so I would hate to have this happen to me. I also have a flashlight on my keychain though.
I agree with Reptillian Liar. Think about it, put yourself in Walter’s shoes. Waking up, no one/nothing around, complete darkness, practically no sound. That would scare me shitless. You all can think what you want, but I liked it. True, it could have had a better ending, but, seriously, if you woke and were in that position, would it freak you out?
I.. like it, I love it actually.
It’s intriguing. There’s absolutely no plot, no point, no beginning.. no end. It’s wonderful.
5/5
@ UNDEAD – that’s what I thought too.
Maybe he was in a coma and so he was trapped in his own mind searching for something someway to wake up
Aw man i was hoping for something too happen!
o_o So…that’s it? He just dies? Nothing out in the darkness to get him? Wow. It’s decently written… but the ending…sucked.
@ Bricks – Perhaps the darkness itself is the narrator?
Random tense change was annoying.
other than that it was all right.
Hello.
This is art. I am surprised one among you captured the essence of the Dark so magnificently.
I am impressed.
Rest assured, there are things in the Dark, but the great many of them are content to watch the slow descent into oblivion that awaits most who dare tread the lightless unknown.
Horrid ending. I like it though, well written and tragic.
Not bad, but boy, what a shitty ending.
@Bricks: Well, maybe there IS something there.
Though better written than most, still crappypasta. Nothing happened. It failed to creep me out. And the writer changed the tense from past to present in the middle.
Who cares what happened? The creepyness is never knowing. Not only do you wake up alone, you wake up in utter darkness. So he’s pretty much NOWHERE. I love the dark and even being alone, but for eternity. Just put yourselves in Walter’s shoes…scary… 5 stars.
nothing happened. That’s dissapointing, considering how big the build up was. I got kind of confused though, if there is nothing there, then how does the third person know what he said or did? This would have worked better in first person.
Very lonely, and a bit sad, when you think about it, but that’s prob the point…
A little confusing, but decent.
THEN WHO WAS DARK NOTHINGNESS?
Seriously,though. Well-written,I suppose. But nothing fucking happens.
BUT WHO WAS DARKNESS?
It had a real good build-up but lack of a good ending sucked IMO.
WHO WAS BLACKNESS!?