Children On The Bus
It was past ten in the evening. I thought I was the only passenger on the bus, but I heard children’s voices from behind. The children were apparently talking about a ghost story.
Child A: “…. and if you turn around, the ghost will snatch you away and carry you to the afterworld!”
I recognized the voice. I often saw these children on the same bus after work. They went to a cram school.
Child B: “Then that’s easy. All you have to do is make sure you don’t turn around.”
Child A: “Yes, but I heard you can’t help but turn around. The ghost would try all sorts of tricks on you to get you turn around.”
It was nearly the bus stop where these two usually got off, but it looked like they didn’t notice it. I thought I should warn them because I didn’t want them to go home late. So I turned around and said, “you are getting off here aren’t you?”
Child A: “See, I told you so.”
Source: Saya In Underworld
Posted in Beings & Entities
July 29th, 2008 at 4:32 am
i know the ending is implied.. but this one needs a bit of closure.
July 29th, 2008 at 4:34 am
I have to disagree, I think it would ruin it if it went on any longer :/
July 29th, 2008 at 4:39 am
i suppose you have a point, considering the source (i just checked it out for the first time) and makes sense. adds realism to it and a strong sense of wonder.
July 29th, 2008 at 4:54 am
My reaction:
“… oh. Haha, lol.”
But I could see it was coming when Child B mentions ghost tricks.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:07 am
I lol’d at this one.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:47 am
As soon as I read “and if you turn around, the ghost will…” I knew.
A for effort, although no brix.
Sorry OP.
July 29th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Damn kids….
July 29th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I couldn’t take this seriously.
The Child A/B shit was just too… ugly. Why the fuck would you write Child A/B when you could say something like “one child said… the other child… they said…”
It just took away from the story and seemed pretty weak.
July 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Haha. I actually didn’t see this coming. It’s stll a creepy idea though. Mad kudos from me. ^^
July 29th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
I do have to say I lol’d a bit but I did see it coming, tho it is original
July 29th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
big sheep, ive read your writing on the forum… youre not one to talk, just saying
July 29th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
http://www.creepypasta.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=35 case in point
July 29th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
ironic
July 29th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
It’s cute, saw it coming but it’s good.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:29 am
This one always reminds me of a collection of creepy stories. The videos that were on YouTube got deleted, but the in-between things that led into the stories were of this bus driving around in the middle of the night, and a creepy old lady talked to the driver and the passengers.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I’d love for someone to rip me apart.
I love criticism.
July 30th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I laughed at this one.
I thought it was cute.
July 30th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
I liked it… Or, I liked the idea.
Either way, its pretty good.
August 1st, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I figured out the ending with the kid’s first line, I mean “two kids were talking behind me saying that sometimes ghosts talk behind you”. Kind of obvious.
I agree, the Kid A, Kid B thing works well for something academic, but for a short story it just kind of ruins it.
August 5th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
The formatting is crap, but the idea behind this one amuses me.
August 10th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I knew that guy was gonna turn around when he said “Then I noticed. . .”
Then I was like “Whatever lame”
August 11th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
That was clever of the kids XD Evil, but clever
August 20th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
the wheels on the bus go round and round round and round round and round the wheels on the bus go round and round until your killed by ghostsssssssssss! TA-DA!
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:08 pm
A clever trick, I ought to try this one.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
this made me lol
-shakes fists at kids-
i hate kids ><
August 26th, 2008 at 9:12 am
The last line seems unnecessary to me. Hell, it’d probably a lot better if it ended with
“So I turned around and…”
September 1st, 2008 at 1:37 am
Jesus, BUT WHO WAS BUS?
September 8th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Like it, simple yet interesting. Well done.
September 8th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
ok what the crap the bus is a freaken thing not human can’t feel the bus was the bus
September 21st, 2008 at 6:15 pm
I liked this one. Clever ^^
October 1st, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I LOL’ed