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Chiasma



Estimated reading time — 4 minutes

It wasn’t until I broke down in front of my sister that it occurred to me to use the word ‘haunted’. When I tried to explain what was happening to me, finally articulating the weeks of dread and utter dislocation, I found that no other word would come. Haunted. There’s still a part of me that scoffs and glowers at this, to use the language of folklore; it seems to compress what I’d experienced into a simple banality, a prisoner of language.

I paid cash upfront for the house in West Toluca Lake. Something about the 1930’s Spanish architecture tucked behind the grove of weeping willows triggered a strong association with my childhood ideal of what it meant to be famous and successful in Los Angeles. It was far more than I needed, and I struggled to fill the extra rooms with bedroom sets and elaborate smoking lounges; more out of an obligation to keep up appearances when guests were over than to satisfy myself. I was happy there, for a short while.

My friends stop visiting a few months after I moved in. Increasingly elaborate excuses were spun, and I soon stopped asking. It only occurs to me now that I was doing the same, finding every reason to stay in the house.

There was such a gentle descent into the insanity of it all, that I hardly felt it happening. The unusually stormy winter hit me hard, and long hours in front of the sun lamp seemed to do little to halt my growing feeling of melancholy and nameless unease. I started sleeping later and I abandoned even the pretense of writing, spending long hours in silence on the back porch, listening to the dry rasping of the dead leaves in the cold breeze.

It was the middle of the night when I first saw him. After a long time of lying motionless in the dark, I slowly pulled myself out of bed from an Ambien fog at the sharp urging of my bladder, and shuffled towards the bathroom.

He was in the hall, standing perfectly still, his back to me. His head was cocked slightly to one side as if he was listening, but he showed no signs of seeing me. My heart leapt and my body locked as I tried to comprehend this intrusion. He was walking away from me now, the soft tread of his feet on the carpet the only sound that punctuated the stillness. Less than three seconds had passed from the moment I saw him, to when he turned a corner and was gone.

When I wrenched control from my frozen limbs, I found the house empty, and the doors still locked. Sleep came slowly that night as I tried to convince myself that what I had seen was a product of my medicated and half asleep mind.

He returned the next night, as I lay in bed. I awoke to the sound of the door opening and my eyes snapped open to complete darkness. There was the soft shuffling of feet, and then with a sickening feeling deep in my core, the sound of bed springs softly creaking, as if he had sat at the foot of the bed. Fear held me in place like a vice. There was a sound from far away, a dusty crackling breath of wind.

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My mouth went dry and I croaked a small involuntary rasp as I struggled to extricate myself from the sheets that suddenly clung to me. In that naked moment of helpless animal terror, he vanished, leaving a palpable hole in the darkness.

After that night, I was never alone in that house. At the corner of my eyes I saw slow plodding movement, the lumbering gait of a shadow that evaporated as soon as I turned. Rarely at first, but increasingly, I would see him in full view; walking slowly from room to room, sitting motionless on the patio, standing solemnly and silently in odd corners of the house. He would be gone only moments after I registered his presence, simply ceasing to exist, taking with him the tiny muffled sounds of his movements.

I could not describe him now if I tried. He was not vague or indistinct, but utterly unremarkable in every appearance. I can no longer even recall the image of him, only the idea of it all. Beyond the sight, there was an indescribable quality around him, a lingering fog of unease and dread that slowly suffused the house and clouded my mind.

My friends and my family all swear that during the darkest weeks they called me often, increasingly sick with worry. I remember none of it, just the constant crashing waves of dread and shock that weathered away at my reason.

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The moment of clarity came on a clear February night. In a near daze, I stumbled towards the sleep, not wanting to stay awake, not wanting to wake up again in this house. I turned out the light, sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed when the miasma of his presence enveloped me.

He was behind me in the dark.

I pressed my eyes tightly together, and exhaled a slow wheeze, trying to calm my racing heart.

The bed behind me bucked with sudden movement and a raspy cough of air, and I leapt away, flinging the light switch upward. The bed, once immaculately made was in shambles, the sheets strewn on the floor.

Something deep inside me seemed to slowly bend and snap, and I grasped at a fragment of epiphany that slipped through my fingers away into the gloom.

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I felt suddenly and sharply awake and lucid, like I hadn’t in months. I held onto my momentary courage close as I approached the front door; stepping over the threshold for the first time in weeks brought a faint wave of dizziness, and then I was in the car trying not to look back. As I pulled the car into the street, I turned to the house, the last time I saw it, its lights ablaze in mimicry of life. He was at the window, his hands clasped at his side, a momentary silhouette that vanished with only the soft sway of the curtains.

I was at a motel within an hour and at my sister’s Studio City apartment the next morning. My throat was raw from not speaking for so many days and I croaked out the story to her, embarrassed at the absurdity of the way it all, but swaddled in a profound relief.

Despite the usefulness of it to describe the events, the word ‘haunted’ soon turns sour in my mouth. It never occurred to me to call the intruder a ‘ghost’. This was… something else. Something I can’t explain with the clubs and spears of language. The phantom impression of a right word, the perfect word, seems always at the tip of my tongue, but it never comes. It wasn’t the intruder. It was the house. There’s something wrong with the house itself.

The house is… broken.

Credited to entropyblues!

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65 thoughts on “Chiasma”

  1. I kept telline myself while reading that the intruder was indeed the narrator himself, still I don’t get how he didn’t realize that.
    Anyway, “broken” just doesn’t work. As soon as I read it I went “Ah, then fix it” :-|

  2. Whenever I hear the name ‘Toluca’ I immediately think of Silent Hill, which made this pasta extra creepy!

    Always love your stories, good length, great caliber.

  3. This story is fantastic. I didn’t see the twist until it was explained, but after reading it and knowing the narrator and ghost are the same, I’m extremely impressed. This is the best creepypasta I’ve read, even with a few slightly awkward sentences.

  4. West Toluca Lake, eh? Silent Hill reference perhaps? And I really liked it. Like you said, subtle but not too subtle. Very good pasta. 9/10, would eat again.

  5. I’m not sure if anyone else got this feeling, but I definitely got a sense of deja-vu out of the story even before I read that he was haunting himself. I guess that’s kinda what the character was referring to when he said the house was broken.
    And for everyone else who doesn’t know (like I didn’t) chiasma is greek for crossing.

  6. I’m not sure if anyone else got this feeling, but I definitely got a sense of deja-vu out of the story even before I read that he was haunting himself. I guess that’s kinda what the character was referring to when he said the house was broken.
    And for everyone else who doesn’t know (like I didn’t) chiasma is greek for crossing.

  7. HA HA HA THREE YEARS LATE TO COMMENT ON THIS but if the author’s still around and tracking comments on his stories, coming from a fellow writer, I definitely picked up that the presence was the narrator. I don’t know exactly how many hints were dropped, but the porch and the end of the bed were major “OHH SNAP” moments. Just subtle enough, I think, to make it stand on its own, but work even better if you pick up on the true intent.

  8. Is it bad this this became all the more creepy for me since I pictured the man to look like the Tall Man from the 3rd Trilby game? Seeing him still scares me.

  9. I completely agree with Scythemantis. I liked how it wasn’t a ghost or something that we’re so used to.

    This pasta was so well written – the fear, tension, suspense to what’s going to happen next; it’s all there. I do agree a little more plot would have been a nice touch but how it is now is great too.

    And… i have to ask…

    WAS HE HOT?

  10. i wouldn’t have guessed that the “ghost” and the narrator is the same person if the writer hadn’t said it in the comments…man, i kept reading the story over and over just to look if there more clues as to the identity of the “ghost” aside from the scene stated by the writer…

  11. I could swear I’d read this before, presented as a true account of an actual ghost story. Am I hallucinating or can someone else back me up?

  12. :D Such deliciousness!
    My god, that was good!

    “Something deep inside me seemed to slowly bend and snap, and I grasped at a fragment of epiphany that slipped through my fingers away into the gloom.”

    That was such a… oh my god that was a well-written piece.
    :D Thanks.

  13. You know, I didn’t think much of this story when I first read it but I flipped the fuck out reading the author’s comment just now. Holy shit self-haunting caught me off guard. This is brilliant.

  14. “Something deep inside me seemed to slowly bend and snap, and I grasped at a fragment of epiphany that slipped through my fingers away into the gloom.”

    so well written! I really enjoyed this. I felt sorry for the man, though, when she left.

    the first hallway description reminded me of a scene from The Strangers.

  15. When he said he sat at the edge of the bed I instantly thought that perhaps the man was him during the day or him on a different track in the fourth dimension. I suspect it has something to do with the soul.

  16. I really enjoyed this one, it was well written.

    I don’t really like the term haunted, it just reminds of a fair with the “oh-so-scary” Haunted house.

    It made me a little more paranoid as well.

    Congratulations, You have passed on my test…

  17. I freaking *LOVE* when a “haunting” isn’t actually a ghost, spirit, demon or anything else so…conventional. Something uniquely bizarre and boggling all its own.

    It’s a shame so many commentors miss the big secret of the “entity” even after the writer points it out in their own comment…

  18. entropy i think you did a really good job because i did get that feeling and thoughts that maybe its just himself like in an ambien stupor that he is so disconnected from himself that like he lost a bit of himself to the house. it wasn’t particularly creepy but it was a good story.

  19. I did like this pasta, and it’s spectacularly written. I’d love to read more by this person! And the last sentence- It’s great.

  20. I couldn’t help but think of Silent HIll the whole time I was reading this, since Toluca Lake is the name of the lake that Silent Hill is built next to.

    But now that I think about it . . .this is kind of reminiscent of Silent Hill in it’s own right. The concept of a particular space just being . . . broken. Wrong.

    It fits.

  21. @ miss betterdone,jsut like any other woman,still waiting for climax :P(sex joke)

    anyways

    BUT WHO WAS GUY WALKING DOWN THE SIDEWALK WHILST LISTENING TO HIS IPOD NANO AND EATING A SLICE OF PIZZA IN MIDDLE EASTERN JAPAN IN THE YEAR 2012!?! aslain that one to me pleez

  22. I like the way the narrator is haunting himself. Well, I think that was what was going on. It took me a second to realize it, and after that the conclusion was a lot more satisfying to me.

    So, good job creepypasta writer. You done good.

  23. Great pasta!!
    I liked it a lot.

    The ending was sort of a letdown, though.
    I didn’t like that “the house was broken”.

    I wanted it to be creepy ghost man who follows you everywhere and keep you in the house.

    Oh well, I still liked it :)

  24. toluca lake is the name of the lake in silent hill i think and the place where you send your videos for funniest home videos

  25. mhmm @ FCF.
    this personally scared the heck out of me, because my best friend has a ghost girl that sits at the foot of the bed opposite her own.
    eek!
    but well done, i rather enjoyed this.

  26. mhmm @ FCF.
    personally this scared the heck out of me, because my best friend has a ghost girl in her room that sits at the foot of the bed opposite her own.
    eek!
    i rather enjoyed this!
    mad kudos =]

  27. This had a good use of words, but didn’t really go anywhere. I got no sense of progress in the story, no real climax to all of it.

  28. A rare piece of quality. Usually the longer pieces drag but this pasta was truly delicious. I’m glad the writer never directly defined the horror, it adds nicely to the creepiness. Please continue OP, we need more quality like this.

  29. Another buildup with no real climax. I really, really liked it though, until the end. I’m not really sure what kind of climax I keep waiting for, but in the end, when the narrator gets away, it just leaves me feeling empty inside.

    Like, I’m broken, lol.

    Also, it’s really going to piss me off if Mr. Welldone pretends to be THIS guy, too.

  30. Thanks again, all.
    So, this particular piece was sort of a test of how subtle is too subtle. Did everyone, or anyone, get that the “Intruder” is also the Narrator?

    There’s really only a couple of clues, but the big one is that the scene on the edge of the bed is repeated twice with him in both positions. Also, the title is a clue.

  31. The person formerly known as 'Noneya'

    I agree with number three, its like something at the tip of your tounge, only in your head.

    This one was patricularily well written. I liked it and I hope whoever wrote it keeps writing.
    <3

  32. It reminds me of something, but I don’t know what. Although the writing was a little awkward in places, it was still pretty good.

    But what?! WHO WAS MAN?

  33. i particularily enjoyed this pasta,not too spooky,but keeps you on the edge fo your seat,THREE THUMBS UP
    i aologize ahead of time but iveo nly ever doen this once,and it ididnt work

    BUT WHO WAS HOUSE?????? teeheeheeeee

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