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CE-6



Estimated reading time — 4 minutes

I remember it as clear as if it was yesterday, although it’s been several years. Back then we were all so naive, believing ourselves to be alone in the universe. Some even went as far as to say we were at the peaceful center of it. But that day, everything changed.

I awoke that morning to find the world just as I’d left it the day before. The sky was gray and softly weeping, a less-than-gentle breeze swayed the trees and plants, bending some to their limits but not quite breaking them. Despite the day starting as it always had, there was an uneasiness that I couldn’t shake.

Now, I know that most who know me would tell you that I’m slightly more paranoid than others my age but that time was different. The air was slightly heavier than usual, the food and drink I had for breakfast left a bitter after taste in my mouth and even the moods of the ones I called family seemed unnaturally low. It was as if the whole world, or at least the part that I lived in, could feel it coming.

The heavy, suffocating atmosphere in my home threatened to drag me to the depths that my family had already been acquainted to, so I’d opted to go outside. I figured a brisk walk would help me clear my mind and possibly help with the restlessness in my chest.

I was fortunate to have been born in a privileged family. Our home was rather large and the area behind it (which some might call a garden but I liked to call our forest) was my standard refuge when I wanted to escape from the house. This was where I went.

In the heart of our silent and tranquil forest there was a small clearing; a perfect circle that I requested to be made specifically for me. None of my other family members ever came into our forest, so my parents didn’t argue much about it.

So there I was, at my special, quiet place in the heart of our forest, when a faint rumbling touched my ears. I turned, thinking that perhaps an animal had made it into the confines of our land, but the forest was as deadly silent as it had always been.

The rumbling, still barely intelligible, sounded again and I finally noticed that it came from the thick deck of gray clouds high above my head. Not once in my lifetime had we had a storm. Not even my parents had lived long enough to have experienced that kind of weather.

Part of me was afraid, but the larger part of me was curious, so I sat there as I stared at the sky. When the first streak of bright light flashed across the sky, from horizon to horizon, I stared in awe. It wasn’t until the low rumble from before erupted in a cacophony of what can only be described as roaring that the fear took over. The roar crashed down from the sky and trembled me to my very core.

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That was when I ran. I ran as fast as I could, being careful not to trip over or slam into any obstacles. High above me I could see lights flashing back and forth. The entire sky lighting up as if the star that our planet circled around was shining through the gray clouds.

I saw them descend. Strange metal objects coated in fire broke through the gray canvas of the sky and in the distance I could hear them crashing into the ground. When I finally reached the border of our forest, a gigantic metal contraption had nestled itself in a clear area of our garden. Its coating of fire had already dissipated but it still smoldered as if it had been touched by the fires of my darkest nightmares.

The metal contraption opened on one side and I remember ‘it’ walking out. It was the first of ‘them’ that I had ever seen in my life and it would surely not be the last. Its eyes with pupils of a size I’d never seen before were oddly positioned on what could only have been its head. There were patches of a string-like material on the top-most part of its head and thin strips of this string lining the upper part of its eyes. Below the eyes was a part I still don’t know the name of, but it had a pair of holes, similar to our ears. And its ears were strangely protruding from the side of its head. The only thing about its head that seemed normal was its mouth; assuming the opening at the bottom of the face was its mouth. Its front legs had worm-like appendages on the ends and it only used its hind legs to stand and walk.

The first of them walked to my family, who had moved themselves outside out of curiosity, and began producing horrific sounds. Its tones varied from low to high and the coarseness of it nearly made my ears bleed. I could see my family grab the sides of their heads and scream in agony.

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The ‘things’ seemed shocked or startled and their front legs grabbed something from their backs, pointing whatever it was at my family. As I stood there, half hidden behind the vegetation of our forest, I watched my family slowly go up in flames. Their terrified screeching filled what was left of my ears and saturated me with numbness. The numbness saved my life because it clenched my lungs and stopped me from screaming. It didn’t last for very long but at the time it had felt like an eternity of torture.

That was my first encounter with them. This vicious, bipedal species has long since taken over our world and even today their ships still rain from the sky. They build their square homes of wood, stone and metal and they eat our plants and our animals. This cruel and unforgivable species that has killed so many of my kin.

I will not rest until all of these ‘humans’ are dead.

Credit To – Ouroboros

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35 thoughts on “CE-6”

  1. I’m sorry.. Was this whole pasta not about an insect species? I never got alien from it. Just the twist that we’re perceived as alien to these bugs and destroy the planet, ecoterrorism and such. That would also explain them having never seen a storm.. Because their life spans are so short. Anyway. I enjoyed this. Even if I was totally wrong. 8/10.

    1. After a quick Google search, I feel like you’re insinuating that I based this Pasta on that story. Could you elaborate a little? Are they really that similar? I suppose I’ll have to read Sentry for myself to compare the two.

  2. Although I rather enjoyed this pasta, there was a huge flaw. Since this is a habitable world, it has to be at least 20 light years away from Earth. The fact that it’s occupied by sentient species means that it’s probably over 500 light years away. Since the trip itself would take 500 years if we had developed technology that would allow us to travel at the speed of light, I assume that this is the most important project that the Human Race had ever commenced. We’d have no interest in this planet’s resources, since we could easily get that from asteroids and other planetary bodies. We wouldn’t be going there simply to colonize, since if we can travel at the speed of light, we’d easily have colonized other planets. The only real incentive we’d have is to research these creatures who are apparently intelligent, or to help them with our technology that would probably be God-like to them. This research mission would, at a minimum, take 10,000 years if Relativity is not violated. We wouldn’t spend 10,000 years sending back pictures of dead aliens. There’s absolutely no reason for us to kill these aliens. We’d be a race of Supermen to them: we’d have no reason to fear them, and since their attacks wouldn’t hurt us, we wouldn’t attack them. Aside from this complaint, I have a rather minor one. It’s extremely unlikely that any part of a human body is something they’ve seen before, since life on this planet evolved in a completely different way. They shouldn’t even be able to recognize eyes or ears. Even if they could, however, all visible parts of our bodies would be obscured by our space suits. The only thing they’d be able to tell is that we had a head, hands, and legs. Either way, these are criticisms common to almost all science fiction, so it’s not just you. Overall 8/10, since the descriptions were nice.

    1. You make good points. When I wrote the story I didn’t really consider it in such detail. I’m working on a possible sequel that I originally planned to submit during the Sep/Oct submission period but because I’m trying to fix as many of the inaccuracies in this one, it’s proving to be quite the challenge.
      That said, I love me a good writing challenge, so I’ll take your words to heart and pay more attention in the future.
      Thank you :)

  3. Classic misdirection pasta, cleverly turning the tables on the theme of an alien invasion and benefitting from a mercifully short length. However, on the flip side, its length comes at the cost of its depth, as we have no time to sympathize with this alien’s toils nor care about the fact its family was murdered – expecting us to care about a character who can’t even disclose their name is a fool’s gamble.

    Also, while this pasta was in the position to explore in depth the evils of humanity from a unique perspective with allusions to European colonialism, it never quite ventured into any interesting terrain. Quite simply, it was a quick exposition, quick conflict, and nonexistent resolution, benefitting only from its end twist that most of us saw coming a mile away- due to a clumsy description of the ‘aliens’ and strange footnotes on the planet’s meteorology.

    These shortcomings are mainly due to its length- while short and an enjoyable read, I found the pasta in the clutches of an identity crisis. The entire pasta seemed geared towards its end twist, which is a characteristic of micropasta, while the tragic story it was trying to tell deserved a lengthier term; this pasta is stuck in an awkward middle, as if a mere shell of what could’ve been something great that was too afraid to hatch.

    While enjoyable, this pasta suffers from untapped potential. On a side note, a sequel going more in depth into the aliens’ plight and humanity’s evil might be something great, if you put in the time.

    1. Thank you for the helpful advice. :)

      Several others made that same observation (about the lack of depth, which is a notorious issue of mine in terms of short stories).

      I might look into a sequel, which I will carefully construct, and I’ll pay extra attention to that particular detail.

      If I may ask a question: what are your thoughts on how I described the environment? Was it clear enough or did I get too nitpicky and add too many (unnecessary) details?

      1. If anything, you added details slightly too mundane without ever venturing into what I would call “alien.” Specifically, you implied the planet had a perpetually gray sky, flora complete with forests (but never described in detail), and an apparent lack of weather (since I would guess the planet had a relatively even axil-tilt, unlike our own). Other than that, the alien society itself had similar family structures and similar emotions (love, distress, rage).

        All in all, the tidbit details you did add failed to pique any interest that this was an “alien” world. While you had to keep it vague to preserve the end twist, again, it came at the cost of doing anything interesting with this pasta. I do hope you do a sequel, describing not only what this alien world was like, but what it became following the humans’ apparent genocide.

  4. I really liked this one. At first I thought it was going to be the usual aliens killing the human race type of story but the ending took me by surprise.

  5. I’m not sure what it was, but I just couldn’t get interested in this story until the final moments, and even then it was a party-popper finale instead of fireworks.

    It just feels like a lot of extra exposition and explanation that didn’t add anything to the atmosphere of the story. You could have said things in one or two sentence that you dragged out into two or three paragraphs.

    Some of the details seemed kind of clunky, too. I get that the protagonist has to describe a human like he’s never seen one before, but all the uncertainty of “is that a head? is that an ear?” didn’t make the speaker more inhuman, just less intelligible. It isn’t a scientific evaluation, the speaker probably isn’t second guessing it’s descriptions as it’s looking at things for the first time.

  6. This CreepyPasta is OK. At least you didn’t jump into the plot of aliens attacking straight away I personally didn’t find it scary, stories with Alien related plots don’t faze me but it wasn’t a bad story like I said.

  7. Daniel Lopez-Hollingworth

    Nice story, it was very original and I liked it. Hopefully, one day, we will be out among the stars committing mass genocide and destroying entire civilizations for the advancement of our own, highly superior species. I can only dream :]

    The ending was a bit predictable, though. Especially when I saw the line “The entire sky lighting up as if the star that our planet circled around was shining through the gray clouds.”

    I was like “Why didn’t he just say ‘The Sun’?” and then I was instantly like “Oh, no shit, because they aren’t human.”

    Anyway, I really liked it so 9/10

  8. Prof. Emelius Brown

    The piece is succinctly written, yet predictable even at mid-read. One expects a twist at the end from the get-go, and phrases like “the star” (in lieu of “sun”) and “String-like material” are dead giveaways, in light of such expectation.
    Plus – why would astronauts incinerate alien life forms upon first contact, especially when not provoked? seems irrational and thus, hinders the reliability of the plot.

    1. Because really, that’s what humans do. We shoot first and ask questions later, make ourselves the victims when we’re really the monsters, or in this case, aliens.

      1. Actually, that’s not what we do. Any extra-terrestrial life we find would be extremely valuable to us, and I see no reason why we would travel hundreds of light years to find a planet inhabited by a sentient species, and promptly destroy the living inhabitants. It’s an enormous waste of time and money. Resources can be harvested from much closer, and probably desolate planets. Colonies can also be set up on nearby planets. The only incentive we’d have to go to this planet would be either to research or to help. This applies not only to us, but to any alien species with this level of technology. Also, if we’ve advanced our tech far enough to actually be able to cross the galaxy, there’s no reason we should even be afraid of these creatures, since our tech would make us nearly indestructible. They’d probably flee in terror, but we’d have no reason to attack.

  9. A quite slick realization pasta, though one with seemingly limited ambitions. I liked how this piece handled its reveals; there’s foreshadowing in every nook, but even then the plot managed to hoard the beans long enough.

    With hindsight, the little alien details spring out: the ever-gray sky, the ‘paranoid for my age’, even the slightly clunky parlance (overdone at times) hint at the reveal. There was just enough to fuel speculation, but not enough to be predictable; better still, the foreshadowing paints a picture of the alien world.

    The reveal itself was handled well: it managed to twist humans into something different, but it also slightly implied the protagonist’s features.

    The pasta went out of its way to humanize the protagonist; they evidently have similar thought processes: families, solitude, rich-poor divides- things we deal with everyday. There was a certain simple flair in couching the alien protagonist with mundane issues such as a mild listlessness and paranoia.

    This works in favor of the plot because it made the humans all the more monstrous; torching an unassuming family, subjugating a normally peaceful species seemingly without regard for shared sapience- essentially killing other humans. It’s clear who the true aliens are.

    Critically, though this piece set the stage, I felt it didn’t do much besides. The shock of realization would’ve been harsher if the characters had done other mundane things, which could’ve been revealed as alien. More interesting parallels could’ve been drawn – what of their culture? Their food? – had the protagonist did something unique to its own species.

    This could’ve been done for the other side of the hill: the humans could’ve been shown to misunderstand the species’ gestures. Something as simple as a smile (i.e. baring your teeth) could’ve been interpreted as a threat, leading to hostilities. I felt the ending could’ve expanded on the colonization. In a way, the piece felt too mundane.

    Overall, this was a solid realization pasta, though it could’ve used some more expansion. 7.9/10

    1. Thank you. :)
      Some of the positive points you mentioned were accidental but since you’ve identified them I can learn from this.
      As for the critical part, you’re completely right. Those are some great ideas and they never even came to mind while I was writing this.
      I’ll pay more attention the next time I write something and I’ll make sure it’s at its maximum potential before submitting.

      Thank you again. :)

      1. Nothing’s accidental in literature!

        I agree with Len. The setting definitely needs expansion, though I’d personally prefer a new pasta rather than a sequel. Maybe you could do a POV switch with a human? It’d certainly be interesting to see hostile first contact from both sides of the hill.

      2. After I finished this, I went back and reread the part describing the ‘alien’ getting off the ship. The protagonist only recognizes the human’s mouth as being similar to its own. This made me picture the family as being a group of monkeys, especially since it refers to arms as ‘front legs’ and that the back legs are ‘only’ used for walking.
        Then I pictured the family getting destroyed and honestly it made me really sad. Like borderline depressed. Because this is just like what people do to near-sentient beings in real life.
        I don’t know that it’s creepy per se, but it’s beautifully written and I’m glad I read it, despite the sad factor. It really resonated with me. I don’t normally do this (I’ll admit I’m a harsh critic at times), but you’ve earned it. 10/10. I think you have a future in writing.

        1. This was a great pasta! My only complaint was that I thought the end felt a bit rushed and weak. Good job though!

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