Altera militiae in anti christe

July 5, 2012 at 12:00 AM
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Ever since I was young, I’ve been having this recurring nightmare. In it, I’m standing in a dark room, in the middle of a large circle with the symbol of an upside down star in it. A pentagram. The symbol of the devil. I look around confused, as I have no idea how I got there and realize all I wear is my boxers.

I see candles, skulls, but most of all, I see several people standing around me. All of them wear a hooded robe that covers their face.

As the dream continues they all lift their arms, and mutter various incantations which I don’t understand.

At the end of the dream, the tallest hooded figure, who I guess is their leader, walks toward me. Immobolized by fear, I watch as he comes closer. Closer. Closer. Until he is but a few inches from my body.

I hesitate as he pulls out a rather large ceremonial knife. Just when I think he’s about to stab me, he merely pricks his index finger with the tip of the knife, and proceeds to draw another pentagram on my chest with his blood.

And just as I am about to wake up, he whispers in a cold, raspy voice “Altera militiae in anti christe.” To this day, I have never found out the meaning of the dream.

Because of this nightmare, I’ve been sent to a counselor numerous times, and have even been sent to my local priest, but nothing has been concluded as to what is causing it. All I can do is try to ignore it.

A couple of weeks have passed since I had the dream last. I start to think, “Maybe it’s finally stopped.” Until today.

I was browsing Youtube for scary videos. I searched for just about anything. Ghosts, aliens, cryptids. Anything that could give me a good scare.

I had gotten to a point when I was just clicking on videos in the sidebar. When I saw one that nearly stopped my heart. It was titled, “Altera militiae in anti christe.”

I recognized the title instantly. How could I not? I began to contemplate if I should watch it or not. I pondered this for a good ten minutes before I had finally come to the conclusion to watch it. And as I waited for the video to load, a thought popped into my head. I quickly denied the thought and proceeded to watch the video.

Within the first second, I recognized it. The thought that I just denied could ever happen or would ever happen, happened. The video was an exact recreation of my dream.

I watched in horror as saw my dream unfold once again. Everything was there. The candles, the skulls, the hooded figures, and even me. I kept watching until I had finally gotten to the part that’s haunted me all these years.

I watch, once again, as the tallest hooded figure approaches me, stabs his finger, draws a pentagram on my chest, and whispers those dreaded words, “Altera militiae in anti christe.” His voice was exactly the same as in my dream. It gave me chills.

But as I thought the video would end, it continued as the tall man retreated to his previous position. He then grabs a book off an altar and begins to recite an incantation out of it. As he reads, I see myself slowly collapsing until I am on my knees and grasping my chest.

I am horrified as I watch myself scream with antagonizing pain. Just when I’m about to close the video and back away from my computer, I see it. I see the most horrifying thing I have ever seen in my life. I watch my spasmodic body turn lifeless as a demonlike figure bursts out of my chest. And just like that, the video ends.

I sit there, frozen. So that’s how my dream ends, or is supposed to end. My mind is struck with fear. I pull my trashcan in close as I vomit into it. I sit, staring at my computer screen, trying to make sense out of a million things. I’m not sure how much time passed before I moved. Minutes? Hours? I’m not sure.

But there was only one thing I made sure I did imediately. I pulled up a translation website and chose to convert Latin into English. I hesitated as I slowly typed in “Altera militiae in anti christe.” I couldn’t believe the words came up on my screen. My eyes almost burst out of their sockets when I saw that the most accurate translation it could give was: “The next host for the anti-christ.”

Credit To: Brady

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Handbook for the Study of the Unknown

June 21, 2012 at 12:00 AM
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Handbook for the Study of the Unknown, By Professor V. I. Hayworth

Chapter One – Beginning Precautions

There is an eternal problem that plagues those of us drawn to the study of the darkness. It is our innate humanity. For to the creatures of the darkness, human is synonymous with prey.  For the average citizen this is no trouble, because of a defense mechanism which has stood us in good stead over the thousands of years, and no doubt it is the reason that
humans exist anymore at all.  It is our ability to block from our consciousness all those things which are out of the ordinary. For all of these supernatural threats are far from ordinary, and to a one, they can only sense what senses them first. It is awareness which tempts and attracts them like the motion of a mouse’s tail attracts a cat.

These facts make the study of these creatures all the more perilous for those of us who take up the cause. Due to the rarity of humans who notice them, much less seek them out, we glow to them like beacons in the night.  While there is no way to block the light of our awareness, there is a way to disguise our human natures and thus be able to continue our studies in relative safety.

Before you begin your learning in earnest, it is vital that you perform this ritual to keep yourself safe on your journeys. It will also grant you certain powers which you will find invaluable as you continue forward.

First, you must summon one of them.  It is imperative that you select something small and weak, so that it does not overwhelm you. I recommend minor shades if there are no children in your household, as they are simple to control and summon, requiring only a small creature such as a mouse to distract them from attacking you. However, if a child is
present in the home they will ignore all other living beings and attack them exclusively. For this reason, despite the relatively higher risk they pose, full shades are preferable in such households. It will require a sacrifice of your blood to keep them from attacking, but it is well worth it. I have included the summoning rites for both at the end of the main ritual. Simply use the one appropriate to your situation.

Before you summon your shade, you will need to take a bath containing the following:

One cup of sea salt, preferably Dead Sea salt if you can get it.

Three drops oil of myrrh

One spoonful dragons blood powder (actually a resin product)

One handful of leaves or needles from the tree most common in the place you were born, preferably red gathered from around your childhood home.

Soak in this for at least a half hour, then towel off with a clean, new towel and put on clean new black clothing that has never been worn before, even to try it on.  Go to a place where you will not be disturbed, and make precautions such as locking doors and closing windows to preclude intrusion or escape.

Take a stick of white chalk and inscribe on the floor a circle large enough for you to lay down in with your arms and legs stretched out. Draw within this first circle the summoning sigils for the shade you decided apon. Scribe another circle around this, about six inches larger, and fill it with various protective runes, and another circle around this, which should be large enough for you to stand comfortably in. This you should leave blank.  Douse all light save for a single candle placed  on a shelf or table to the north of your circles. Place the blood or mouse at the southernmost part of the inner circle.  Also be sure to place a broom in the circle.

Stand in the outermost ring of your circle. At no point during the summoning part of this ritual should you leave this ring. You should especially not cross the protective ring till you are sure you wish to complete the ritual. At this point you should proceed with summoning your shade. Once it manifests and is preoccupied with the mouse or blood, observe it for a bit, it’s motions and attributes.

You must decide now weather or not you wish to continue. If you do, step across the protective ring into the center with the shade. If you do not, step out and turn on the lights, banishing he shade. Beware, however, if you shoes to back out now, for this shade now knows you, and is likely to lurk in the shadows of your home and will pose a danger if you are unwary.

If you have decided to continue, stand at the north point of your circle, between the shade and the candle, to cast your shadow over the shade.  Chant the following:

“Umbra, phasma, ater, animus, phasmatis, atra, atrum, univorsus! “

Continue to chant it repeatedly. Notice that the shade and your shadow are now starting to combine, the delineation between them softening, the shapes shifting. At this point the shade may begin to struggle. Pay no heed and keep going. If it breaks away now, it will devour you.  Keep chanting until it struggles no more and your shadow has settled back into its normal shape, though it will seem darker now.  You will feel a desire now to go finish eating the mouse or drinking the blood. Do so, as it will further cement the bonding.

You will find that you can no longer cross the protective symbols. Use the broom to sweep enough of them away to open the circle, and go blow out the candle. The darkness will no longer keep you from seeing.

From now on the creatures of the shadow will see you, but they will not notice your humanity. You will be able to see in the darkness, but the light will burn your eyes if you do not protect them. You will be able to go unnoticed in crowds, especially at night.

However, there are a few cautions. If you summoned a minor shade, you should avoid prolonged time spent in the company of children, lest the hunger of your phantasmal partner overwhelm you. If you summoned a full shade, it is advisable to avoid blood when in polite company, because you will have an overwhelming desire to drink it.  In either case, the only food that will tempt your appetite anymore will be meat; raw, and fresh, preferably still living. I have found keeping mice and rats to be a satisfactory method of keeping myself sated, and highly recommend the same.


To summon a minor shade:

You will need: 1 mouse in a small cage.

Draw lines radiating from the center of the inner circle, thirteen in all, alternating between capping them with a circle and an arrow head till you get to the last one, which should point to the mouse. This you should cap with a box and place the mouse cage within it.

Pick up the candle and put your hand between it and the inner circle, casting a shadow on the floor in the middle of the summoning sigils. Walk clockwise three times around the circle, attempting to keep the shadow in about the same spot. Chant the following as you circle:

aliquantulus umbra adesdum

You should see as you circle, a small shape coming out of your cast shadow. Complete the full three circles, then stop and hold absolutely still till the creature has fully emerges and flows up the line to the mouse. Continue the ritual as outlined above.

To summon a full shade:

You will need: 1 empty bowl, 1 knife sharp enough to cut you.

Draw a rough shape of a human being on the floor within the inner circle. Mark the head with a circle, the hands with triangles, the feet with rectangles, and the center with a nine pointed starburst. Place the empty bowl within the circle at the head.

Pick up the candle in your left  hand , standing with your right hand towards the circle.This should cast your shadow on the floor in the middle of the summoning sigils. Walk clockwise three times around the circle, beginning and ending before the bowl. Chant the following repeatedly as you walk:

grandis umbra adesdum

You should see as you circle, a large shape coming out of your cast shadow. Complete the full three circles, then stop and hold absolutely still till the creature has fully emerges and flows up the line to the empty bowl. It will then rise till it stands as tall as you.  Do not speak to it. If it speaks, do not respond. Look deeply into the spot where it’s eyes glow red, and cut your hand, holding it into the circle just enough for the blood to drip into the bowl. Once the creature bends to drink, proceed with the ritual as outlined above.

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Failed Rituals

December 4, 2010 at 4:31 PM
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I really wish I had left that fucking light switch alone. Who would have thought the flick of a switch could mean the difference between life and death. Actually everyone’s thought that. That’s why I turned it on. Stupid little rituals that we take from childhood. The light will chase the monsters away, the blanket over your head will save you from the boogie man. And you just get more of these rituals as you get older. As long as you lock the doors and turn on the home security system, you can rest your head happily in your cozy little fortified home. No killers or psychos, monsters or boogie men.

But it doesn’t work. None of it. We always slip up some how. The one time you forget to lock that door. That’s when they get you. I would have been sound asleep if I hadn’t been woken by the loud slam as the front door blew open. I stumbled out of bed and down the hall to see it swinging back and forth. I moved quickly down the hall to secure it. A moment of panic swelled inside of me. My home felt like a crime scene. It wasn’t my safe little sanctum anymore.

Despite the overwhelming feeling of intrusion, there was no sign of disruption. Just the door. Just my careless mistake. I couldn’t comprehend it at first. It had to be a burgler or some psycho. I looked around the rest of the house. Checking every cupboard, every crevice. Nothing. I felt stupid but relieved. I just wanted to get back to bed, to forget this whole embarrassment. I flung myself back down on my bed, closed my eyes for just a second. I sat back up. There was no way I’d fall asleep unless I double-checked that I locked the door this time. I mean I was sure I had done it this time but I felt this was justified paranoia.

I got to the door and twisted the handle roughly about a dozen times, each time feeling the resistance of the lock. I smiled. Safe. I turned on my heels to go back to bed. But it was just a glimpse, a flicker of something in my peripheral vision that sent me swinging back into a panic. A shadow from the kitchen. I rushed in only to be confronted by my normal kitchen, bathed in moonlight. I sighed, questioned my sanity and decided that this, the longest night of my life must end. I went towards the bedroom once more. Another odd shadow crossed my path. As a shiver travelled down my spine, my tired mind braced apathetic denial and decided that it was probably the neighbours cat passing by the moonlit window.

I sat wide awake in my bed. Trying to lull myself to sleep. Counting in my head until I might eventually nod off. But everytime I closed my eyes that feeling of intrusion was still there. The hands of something unseen looming above my head. Every creak and every shadow filled my mind with the dread of my childhood. Those nights after being tucked in by my parents. Those same fearful thoughts of lurking terror. But it was nothing… right? More creaks. More movement in the shadows. I turned and pushed my face into the pillow. I felt something brush passed my foot which stuck awkwardly out from under my blanket.

I jolted upright, looking deeply into the darkness. Swirling shadows. The monsters. The boogie men. I felt around sheepishly for my phone. The dull light of the screen could put me at ease. Nothing on the nightstand and when my fingers roamed around the edge of the bed, instinctively I retracted them for fear of the unknown. I was alone but in the shadows I saw them, the monsters. Inky abominable beasts.

It was the only thing I thought could help me. I lunged from the bed directly at the switch. My palm slammed down on it and the room erupted into light. My eyes burned momentarily and I glanced round the room. Empty. Safe. Just paranoia. I shook my head and hit the switch once more. Climbing into bed in the pitch black. No shadows without my nightvision. But now I hear them. I can’t see them now. I don’t know what they want but I know I can’t leave. The rituals have failed. They’re on the other side of this blanket and all I can do now is hope that they’re gone in the morning.

Credited to Chris Stewart

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The Mirror Box

September 8, 2010 at 7:39 PM
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Though written about in fiction occasionally, the mirror box is quite an old invention. Being inside of one can be enlightening or traumatizing for the witness who bears its burden. The procedure is simple, though finding and preparing the materials required might take some time.

The materials to construct the box are:
-Six square metal sheets, slightly taller than the witness. The length should never exceed the height of a witness with raised hands. One of them should be larger than the rest by at least the thickness of the sheets themselves. The material should preferably be made of graphite or lead alloy for the most prominent effect.

-Five nearly perfect, aligned mirrors, sealed upon the metal plates. Each of the 5 will form the sides and bottom of the inner box. One larger mirror should be attached to the large metal plate, which will be used for the top.

-A simple light source of pure white or bright yellow. The light source should emit in almost all directions. Candles can be used, but carbon dioxide and monoxide poisoning is a problem. The light source should not be planted upon the mirrors or receive any outside energy. Construction techniques are left up to the witness.

-Two or three alarm clocks. An extra alarm clock of any kind is also needed. Watches are alright, but not suggested due to the small type face and hands.

-Wear simple clothing.

-Do not bring any other objects. Witnesses have often crowded the box, causing it to become either useless or highly dangerous. This includes jewelery, food, weapons, or religious materials such as beads and crucifixes.

-An assistant is required to help the witness in and out of the box and get help in case of emergencies. The assistant should be trusting and as strong willed as the witness.

-Two ladders

-Several Blankets, water, medical remedies, and a first aid kit.

When the box is complete and ready to use, prepare the alarm clocks to ring around ten minutes after the witness’ planned entrance. Depending on the material used for the box itself, the time of day will not matter, but a night during a new moon is suggested. Despite intuition, sound does not play a large role in the event. The witness should use a small unattached ladder to enter the box. The top should already be placed upon the box, with an opening large enough for the witness to enter. Once inside, the witness should be handed the light source and the clocks (one should be kept with the assistant). The outside assistant should ask sincerely whether the witness is alright. Once confirmation is given, the top should be moved to seal the box. The witness may turn on the light source once the box is sealed. At any point should the witness ask to leave the box (if soundproof, tapping should be used), ONLY the top should be opened. The witness may do it themselves, since the top of the box should be easily reachable. Once ten minutes are up, ALWAYS remove the top, regardless of what the witness says. Some witnesses may plead to stay inside the box, even suggesting great danger should it be opened. The assistant should never trust those pleas. Suffocation is only one of many concerns should the witness stay too long in the box. Once the top has been slid opened, place the second ladder in the box to allow the witness to leave. If the witness has any serious wounds, or discoloration, call for medical help.

Should you happen to meet a witness, never trust what they say about their experience, and never ask them for the time or where the antumbra meets.

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Unholy Hour

July 24, 2010 at 3:41 PM
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Perhaps you have heard the legend of the supposed “holy hour” that occurs on certain days of the year: Christmas, Easter, Good Friday, November 1, and the first of both February and August, each day between 7 and 8 am (not including Daylight Savings Time, mind you, because it is a human invention and supernatural entities do not observe it). When you were a kid, this was the hour in which you probably opened Christmas presents and started tearing apart your Easter basket after dragging your parents out of bed, and much to your parents’ chagrin refused to eat anything but leftover Halloween candy from the day before for breakfast; however, more than likely you had never gone into a darkened room in preparation for this ritual. However, perhaps you’ve heard others speak of it.

Go into a room with a mirror, preferably one without windows, between 7 and 8 am on any one of the dates listed above. You do not have to perform this ritual alone; if you have any friends, you may in fact want them to come in with you to help you perform specific tasks outlined that are difficult to do in the dark. (Important: The only light in this ritual must come from either a candle or a lighter – some tiny, flickering flame. Save for this light, you must be in total darkness – otherwise there is a strong possibility that you won’t see anything, hence the suggestion that you perform this in a room without windows. However, it all depends on your own sensitivity to the paranormal; when my friend performed this ritual last November 1, we had to shut all the doors in the hallway first because the light from the doorcrack kept distracting him.) Make sure that you perform this ritual in comfortable clothing – you want to avoid any unnecessary

Once inside this room, close the door and light your candles and/or your lighter. This/these flame(s) must remain lit until the end of the ritual, although I know of people who have chickened out and blown the flames out which instantly ends it and generally leaves them wallowing in their own cowardice for days on end afterwards. You may have your friend(s) hold or light the candles or lighter if desired, as long as the flame is reflected in the mirror. Now begin chanting some Christian prayer – any one will do, even the “Sinner’s Prayer” on the back of those Chick Tracts, as long as it mentions God, Jesus, or the Holy Ghost at least once – as you stare into the mirror. It must be the same prayer and, again, the number of times you need to chant this prayer varies depending on your own sensitivty to the paranormal, but generally twenty times is more than enough. (My friend chose Our Father, and he needed to chant it fifteen or sixteen times.)

When you have chanted for long enough, one of your flames will flare and then change color. (Ours turned red, but I’ve heard of flames turning blue, white, and even green and lavender before.) A few seconds later, an image will appear in the mirror of the archangel Michael – he looks a lot like the usual images of Christian angels, only he has this really nasty burn mark on the left side of his face. Also, he has really deep-set eyes.

Bow to Michael; again, it is important to make sure you don’t accidentally put out your flame(s) unless you wish to end the ritual. After you bow to him, Michael will ask you if you are entirely certain that you want to perform this ritual. I can’t really describe the voice, but it’s not the sort of voice you’d expect an archangel to have: it’s kind of scratchy and overall not very pleasant to listen to, and he has a faint accent of indeterminable origin.

After you answer yes, Michael will explain the conditions of the ritual: he will ask you seven questions, and if you answer at least four of them right, he will either allow or a conversation with a deceased loved one or give a living one immortality; however, if you answer three or fewer of them correctly, he will slit your throat and you will die right then and there. (I’ll admit that I actually do not remember any of the seven riddles from when my friend did this, but I do remember that they were rather arcane – i.e., not the type of riddles you would find in a riddle book – and he seemed to be fully aware of this. Also, if I remember correctly, each one consisted of seven words.) My friend never did well at riddles, so you can imagine that he didn’t get any right, which seemed to amuse the hell out of Michael, as by the end of the ritual he had this big, terrifying Joker-like smile on his face.

After you are finished answering the riddles (you only get one try at each, but he lets you think), Michael gives you the score. Again, if you answer three or fewer right, he smites you. While he smites you, he says something in the angel language – Enochian, I believe it’s called – and you’re left writhing on the floor in agony. My friend was screaming his head off when the ritual was over, and he started speaking in tongues; it was horrible and I’m currently in therapy for this. Really fucking horrifying.

But I digress. Anyway, the candles all went out, and the lighter he had me hold died at the exact same time. I left the room feeling dizzy, and passed out on my bed in my own vomit. Strange thing is I woke up eight hours later and went into the bathroom I performed the ritual in, and found no trace of my dead friend in there. Strange, I live alone and all my doors and windows were locked, there was no sign of anyone having broken into my apartment, the landlady was on vacation, and no matter how hard I looked in the bathroom I could not find a single trace of my friend’s blood anywhere.

A few days later, I got a call from his roommate, asking about my friend. According to his roommate, my friend disappeared on Halloween night and hadn’t been seen at all since. He had called all around, asking my friend’s parents, siblings, aunt, uncle, people like the guy at the convenient store where my friend bought his cigarettes, and even his old teachers from grade school if they knew anything about his whereabouts, only to get a resounding “no.” He decided to call me because apparently I was the only person out of the people both he and my friend knew that he hadn’t called yet. So I told him exactly what happened, down to my friend’s body mysteriously disappearing. He didn’t believe me, and reported me to the police, but, when the police came to investigate, they did not find any trace of my friend either, not even his DNA. It’s almost like he never came over my house and instead chose to fall off the face of the earth and leave his friends

On a side note, I’ve heard that someone in fact, by some miracle, did get all of the riddles right, and they wished for the immortality of whoever. However, the next day their loved one was not alive. They, much like my friend, were mysteriously spirited away, only this time on the wall of their room there was a message in some mysterious language, written in blood. Perhaps only God and the archangel Michael know what has become of the two of them.

Credited to M. Collins.

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Survival Guide

May 28, 2010 at 2:29 PM
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We’ve all been there. You have just gone to a certain place, at a certain time on a certain date, done a special thing and the thing you suspected would happen has just fucking happened, not to mention the fact that you’ve just seen whatever the fuck it is that lives in your mirror, been told in detail how you’re going to die, and the highly demonic and invincible thing you summoned is heading towards you.
Also, your family are all dead, your friends are all missing and you’re being framed by someone with access to your bedroom. What the fuck do you do now, sweet protagonist?

Well, you’ve come to the right place to find out: These are the simple rules one must follow in order to firstly, not become the victim of creepypasta and furthermore, to come out kicking if the worst does happen. With the help of this guide you too can be the catatonic, traumatised wreck as opposed to the guy currently being worn as a coat by some dude who roams a lot. Just keep these simple rules in mind…

1. Mirrors and darkness don’t mix.
2. Actually mirrors are a general “NO”, in creepypasta world, there is nothing more sinister.
3. There is zero chance of survival if you look the thing that no one else can see or answer it’s question incorrectly.
4. If you are alone at night in a creepy mental institution,take some time to consider what the fuck are you doing there, then, if it is appropriate to do so, leave.
5. Avoid going to places where everyone else who went there never came back or died inexplicably.
6. If someone stops your vehicle at night and asks to come with you, it would probably be in your best interests to politely decline.
7. Killing is the last method of survival, use it sparingly but without fear.
8. WHO WAS PHONE is always a good thing to ponder. Also who the hell answers a phone while kissing a dead persons sexy daughter. A douche is who.
9. Get a simple .38 revolver. Load it with 2 silver bullets. If you really feel there is no chance to come alive out of a situation, take one shot at whatever’s threatening you. If this doesn’t work, you still have the last shot to become an hero with.
10. Area 51 is simply too well guarded to let you get in. Or to let any alien out.
11. When going to a hotel, try to steer clear of unauthorized areas. If you couldn’t resist but you saw a red thing, take some time to consider the price range and hotel standard on your next visit. Have you ever stayed at a haunted Hilton?
12. When booking your hotel stay, Trip Advisor can be an invaluable tool in deeming whether your choice is the scene of a multiple murder/full of dead people/built at the mouth of hell. Local newspapers can also be helpful.
13. Invoking demons, speaking weird languages and performing rituals of any kind is considered dangerous. Refrain from doing that, especially around Abandoned Warehouses, Churches, Psychiatric Institutions, Forests and your house in front of a mirror at night.
14. When going to a new area, environmental understanding is a key to survival. Ask around for cursed places, legends, dangers and other details. Listen to the local peoples’ advice, and don’t be afraid to ask if you’re unsure of which attacks/disappearances are paranormal and which aren’t.
15. Always have a Bible next to your bed. Provides average reading material, proof of beliefs and a really heavy object to throw at enemies.
16. Don’t count on Holy Water. Get a sturdy vial of Sulfuric Acid and let a priest Consecrate it.
17. Japanese priests cleanse rooms by waving katana swords around. Their ritual is 100% effective on corporeal forms.
18. If you find 666 messages on your phone, mailbox, email, etc consider changing the said service provider. Also don’t bother listening /reading the messages. It’s spam. Extra dimensional, possibly, but spam nevertheless.
19. Old pharmaceutical companies cant help you. Unless you specifically need “Blood Of The Innocent”, ”Snake Oil”, and “Radioactive Syrup”. Which is never.
20. If you need to sign it in blood, you do not need to sign it. All mainstream governing bodies will accept contracts signed in ink, bear this in mind if offered deals that seem too good to be true.
21. Lighthouses are dangerous. Avoid them at all costs. If you work at a Lighthouse consider a career in Insurance Sales, or Veterinary Care.
22. There is simply no reason to listen to music that causes suicidal tendencies, or to watch films that have had strange/disastrous consequences..
23. If you like to plan ahead and have some money, buy your auntie and uncle a house in Bel-Air. Nothing can harm you there no matter how scared your mother is.
24. Secret secluded untouched places in old buildings are left untouched for a reason. Pioneers never say “die” but in fact they do have an unusually high mortality rate.
25. Before you start swimming in the ice-cold waters of a murky lake at the center of a dark forest at midnight, ask yourself, do you really want to travel to an ancient and terrifying city? If the answer is “no,” then stay at home instead, and watch whatever quality programming is available on Cinemax.
26. On your 33rd birthday try celebrating in a well lit house with the company of others.
27. Refrain from using the One True Name for anything, there is probably a reason people gave it a nick.
28. Watching TV static for long periods may be hazardous to your health, try satelite TV to combat this problem.
29. Get a cat. Those furry little hairballs seem to perceive unnatural phenomena better than us, and if desperate, simply throw it at whatever is about to get you.
30. Cemeteries are bad places, especially in foggy conditions and on halloween.
31. Try not to close your eyes, ever. If you must, do so only briefly.
32. If you hear chanting, run until you are out of earshot.
33. If you are too old to play with dolls, you do not need to be anywhere near one of the creepy little fuckers.
34. Legends can offer valuable insight of where not to go camping with friends.
35. When babysitting, ascertain the family’s tastes and preferences, to avoid being killed by poorly selected statues.
36. Even if you are certain that running will not save you, it is always best to try.

Follow these simple rules and little (or massive) harm may befall you. Either way, the important thing is to make sure your tale is told, copied, and pasted repeatedly.

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