Admin Update 7/24/2013

July 24, 2013 at 7:14 AM

First off: this post is ONLY related to those of you who were still waiting on a response from the April/May submission period. If you only recently submitted during the July open period, none of this applies to you and you do not need to do anything. I hope that is clear enough.

As of this morning, everyone who is currently in the crappypasta queue (just shy of one thousand of you!) has been sent the following form letter:

This is just a quick note letting you know that your pasta has been, as per your selections during the submission process, slated for posting on
Due to the high volume of pastas in the crappypasta queue, it may take a few weeks for your pasta to show up on the site. When it’s uploaded, I will send you another email with a direct link to your pasta.
If you have already rewritten your pasta and wish to have your rewrite considered instead, please follow the instructions outlined here:

If you are having second thoughts about allowing your rejected pasta to be published on crappypasta, simply reply to this email telling me that you no longer wish for your pasta to be put up for critique.
Do NOT reply to this with new submissions, pasta edits, or random questions already detailed in the FAQ/recent announcements/submission page. Doing so will result in a ban.
Thank you for your submission and understanding!

If you submitted in the April/May open period and still have not received any response, please ensure that the following points are all true:

  • You checked “YES” on the option. If you did not, as per the FAQ, you should not be expecting a response if you were rejected.
  • You checked your spam folder. I’ve had reports of my emails being caught in more stringent spam filters.
  • You searched the main site and for your pasta, just in case it was already processed and posted and you simply missed the email.
  • You entered your email address correctly/the email address that you submitted with is still functioning. About 2 out of every 5 submissions has either an incomplete email address (or just a random handle/screenname) in the email field or an email that, when replied to, results in a “Failed Delivery” message being bounced back to me. If you just entered “GaryxThexKiller” or “Sonic.exe” as your email address, I’m not sure how you expected me to be able to reply. Same goes for full or deactivated email accounts. That is not an issue that I can fix for you.
  • You did not receive the “queued for” email message quoted above. I sent out the last two hundred or so of those this morning, so please check to see if you got yours before continuing.

If you can honestly say “yes, this applies to me” to all of the above and you have not received ANY communication at all, then you may feel free to resubmit your pasta, as it most likely got glitched into nonexistence by our sometimes irritable submission form.

Just to reiterate, for those of you who received the above form letter (as I’ve already received some responses that imply clarification is necessary):

  • You may reply to it and tell me you no longer wish you have your rejected pasta on – no explanation necessary. I won’t be mad, though in the future I do recommend making sure that you read terms – especially optional ones – before you accept them. Not just for my sake, but because reading what you’re agreeing to is simply an overall smart move.
  • Other FAQ guidelines and the no-tolerance rule are still applicable. This means that if you reply asking for special treatment or break any of the submission rules, your submission will be deleted and I won’t bother replying. If you push it (abusive or overly hostile language, spamming me with rule-breaking requests, etc) you can also expect to be blacklisted from submitting.
  • If you have rewritten and resubmitted your pasta and don’t want your old, rejected version being put up on crappypasta, reply and say so. I’ll delete the rejected version and look at your rewrite with fresh eyes when it comes up in the queue.

That’s all! I’m sorry for the long wait – the sheer number of submissions, home renovation that took FAR longer than originally described, and a rash of stormy weather knocking out my internet access on multiple occasions all converged to make this take as long as possible. I really appreciate your patience and understanding.

Admin Update 6/29/2013 – Next Submission Period & Special Circumstances

June 29, 2013 at 6:03 AM

If you are waiting on a reply for a submission or are planning on submitting come July 1, please read this. JUMP TO THE BOTTOM TO SEE UPDATES.

As some of you have already surmised by what I’ve said over on Crappypasta and my limited activity in the various comments sections recently, I’ve been busy and haven’t been able to give the site as much attention as usual. That said, I’m still on here every day moderating comments and getting pastas scheduled, so on that front you guys won’t notice any difference.

For those of you who are worried, yes, submissions will still reopen on July 1. HOWEVER, I have to make a special request for those of you who submitted during the last period but have not yet received a response: PLEASE HOLD OFF ON RESUBMITTING YOUR PASTA UNTIL I AM ENTIRELY FINISHED WITH THE QUEUE.

Basically, I am still not done with the batch of submissions from the last period. I’m hoping to be done within the first week or July – my tentative self-imposed deadline is July 8 – but I’ll be hoping to finish sooner. That’s why I’m asking that, if you submitted during the last open submission period and still have not received a response, DO NOT RESUBMIT THAT SAME PASTA. There’s a chance that I still haven’t gotten to the original submission – or simply haven’t gotten around to posting it on Crappypasta if that’s where it’s headed – and there’s absolutely no need for you to add multiple copies of a submission to the queue.

When I am done, I will make another announcement letting you guys know that I’ve finished and that it’s okay to send in your resubmits if you checked yes on crappypasta but still didn’t receive any response. Only then should you resubmit pastas if you still haven’t heard from me. 

Remember, if you checked NO on crappypasta, no response means that your pasta was not accepted and you DEFINITELY should not resubmit unless you’ve made rewrites. This is outlined in the FAQ. I’m tired of having the queue cluttered up by people ignoring this and sending resubmit after resubmit when they don’t make any changes and don’t check yes for crappypasta. Of course, I’m also tired of people getting placed on crappypasta and resubmitting the same rejected pasta over and over – I don’t always immediately catch this just because I read so many submissions that sometimes it’s hard to discern when I’m having deja vu because it’s a cliche or if it’s because I’ve actually read it before, but the readers over there are very good about noticing repeats. They’ll let me know and you’ll be banned. TL;DR – stop resubmitting if you haven’t actually rewritten. 

Of course, the exception to the “no resubmits until I’m done” rule is if you’ve entirely rewritten an old submission. In that case, please follow the rules outlined in the FAQ and I will delete your old submission and only read the new version. I’m not going to bother explaining that whole process again since you should have all read the FAQ before submitting… right?

Completely new pastas and rewrites of pastas that were already posted to Crappypasta are the only things you should be submitting from July 1 until I say otherwise.

I’m leaving comments closed on this announcement because I don’t want any of you to be tempted to ask me for individual pasta status reports. That is still not acceptable. If you ignore this and send a Contact Us request asking if I’ve read your pasta yet, expect your submission to be deleted as per the rules.

Thanks for your time and understanding.


Edit 7/1: The publishers of the plugin we use to handle submissions just happened to release an update for said plugin today. Unfortunately, the automatic upgrade function wasn’t cooperating for some unknown reason, so I had to wait until I was home to manually upgrade and look over what had changed before submissions could be opened. Most of you were very patient while I was dealing with this, so thank you.

Edit 7/16: All submissions from last period have been read and sorted. Unfortunately, a solid 80% – if not more – of submissions were either trolls, rejected/no on crappypasta, flat-out rejects due to bannable/offensive content, or are waiting their crappypasta posting. This has created a unique situation:

  • I am having to read ahead in order to simply get a pasta per day published on the main site, and this is my priority. I don’t even work on posting stuff to crappypasta until I’ve found a pasta decent enough to go on the main site. This means that if it takes me a few hours just to find a pasta to schedule for the next day, I won’t have time to deal with any crappypasta posting/emailing because I need to eat, sleep, etc. So newly posted pastas on the main site are actually from the July 2013 period already; the last submission period did not have enough decent pastas for me to schedule far enough ahead that I could take any time off from looking for new pastas to focus on getting the rejected pastas in order.
  • Crappypasta readers have also made it clear that they prefer I don’t do massive spams of posts, so that they have time to read and critique each pasta. This means that I can’t dump pastas every single day in huge quantities. Rather, I will keep up the normal pace of 15-20 every few days and simply email people ahead of time who have been queued to end up on crappypasta. Once this is done, I’ll give the go-ahead for people to resubmit *ONLY IF* they checked YES on Crappypasta but received no contact from me. Please remember to check your spam folder before you resubmit, though, as I have many reports of my emails ending up there due to overzealous filters. Also note that if you entered your email address incorrectly, there is no way for me to contact you. I cannot magically know what your actual email account is if you just type a username in the email field.
  • Remember (since this STILL seems to be confusing people): if you did NOT check yes on crappypasta and received no response, consider your pasta rejected and do not resubmit it unless you do significant rewrites/edits. If you entirely rewrote your pasta, FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS IN THE FAQ to submit your new version and have me delete the old version. If your pasta is entirely brand new, this post doesn’t relate to you in any fashion. At this point, the ONLY people who should be holding off on resubmitting are people who checked YES for Crappypasta, have not done any rewrites or edits, and have not yet received a response.

Admin Update 5/30/2013: New Comment Features & Tracking Favorite Posts

May 30, 2013 at 9:14 AM

After some recent suggestions, I’ve added some new features to the comments sections. I just wanted to make a quick post to let you guys know what exactly has been added and some details on how some of the functions work.

  • You may now preview your comment in real time as you’re writing it. This means that you can make sure your comment is formatted properly and that any html tags you’re trying to use are correct. Note that there’s also a spellcheck button (the green checkmark), which you are encouraged to use if you tend to struggle with that sort of thing. If you need a larger comment box, clicking the gray arrow icon next to the spell check button will open up an expanded comment input window.
This is how the comment preview looks and functions!

This is how the comment preview looks and functions!

  • If you’re replying to multiple comments (or one really long comment), you now have the option to use a quote function similar to a forum. This won’t be necessary for a lot of people since threaded replies can make it clear who you’re replying to, but it’s nice if you want to make your replies look a certain way. Here’s an example:
Answer: Yes, it is.

Answer: Yes, it is.

  • You may also edit your comments in a brief period (five minutes) after making them. So if you messed up and said something dumb and had instant comment regret, or you just made a typo, you have five minutes after hitting ‘submit’ to make edits. There’s even a helpful timer to let you know how much time you have left before you lose the ability to make edits!
To start editing your comment, hit the red "Edit" link below your comment. Also note the timer - it will count down in real time.

To start editing your comment, hit the red “Edit” link below your comment. Also note the timer – it will count down in real time.

When the edit link is clicked, this form will allow you to edit your comment.

When the edit link is clicked, this form will allow you to edit your comment.

  • If you really, really messed up and you just want your comment to be gone completely, you can request deletion. Once again, this only works for five minutes after you hit ‘submit’ on your comment. Hit the “Request Deletion” link and fill out the form that pops up, and I’ll handle it when I log in to the comment queue.
For when you instantly realize that you've made a horrible mistake.

For when you instantly realize that you’ve made a horrible mistake.

  • You may also now report comments. This is really only meant to be used in extreme cases – I tried to go through all the old comments with certain words and delete anything incredibly offensive, but it’s possible that I missed some. If you see anything that’s racist/sexist/homophobic, really sexually inappropriate, personally abusive, spam that somehow both the filter and myself missed, or revealing personal information of another user, feel free to report it and I’ll take a look at it. That said, please keep a few things in mind before going report-happy:
    • Each comment can only be reported ONCE. If I get a report and deem the comment okay, it cannot be reported again. This is to prevent people who are tempted to go on a troll report spree from wasting my time with dumb reports.
    • Do not report someone simply because you disagree with them, don’t like their username, or any other petty reasoning. If they hate Jeff the Killer and you’re his biggest fan, that’s not a reason to report them.
    • Racist, sexist, homophobic, etc slurs are not acceptable – please do report these. However, don’t waste time by reporting generic swear words. I don’t care if someone said “shit” or “fuck” so please don’t bother reporting comments for cussing.
    • If you ignore these and fill the report queue up with dumb reports, I might decide to ban YOU from commenting. This varies on how bad a mood I’m in and how many pointless reports you decided to send in, so please think before you start spamming that report button, okay?
This would have been a good comment to report if I hadn't already removed the spam link.

This would have been a good comment to report if I hadn’t already removed the spam link. Just say no to shilling your scraper sites, guys!

  • Lastly – and this isn’t a comment feature, but I’m not making a new post solely for its introduction – you may now keep track of your personal favorite posts. On each individual post page, there will be a link with a heart that says “Add this post to your favorites!” Clicking this link will add a cookie to your browser that tracks it on the View Your Favorite Pastas page. You may access this page at any time via the top menu bar. Note that clearing browser cookies will also clear your favorites, and if you have cookies disabled, this function will not work for you. You can remove a pasta from your favorites via your favorites page or the individual post – just click the “Remove” button. Also remember that the list will automatically add sticky/announcements to your favorites in an effort to get more people to actually read them, so don’t be surprised if you see them on the list without actually having added them! And since everyone loves random data: as people add posts to their favorites, the top ten favorited posts will be displayed on the sidebar.
I fully expect this post to be added to everyone's favorites.

I fully expect this post to be added to everyone’s favorites.

Disclaimer: This doesn't actually reflect my favorite pastas, as it would be a much longer list if it did!

Disclaimer: These aren’t the only two pastas that I like, of course.

That’s all the new stuff for today! I hope that helps you all to understand what all the new features are, and please enjoy using them. Now I’ll fade back into the submission-reading void…

Happy April Fool’s Day from Creepypasta!

April 1, 2013 at 1:16 PM

Since many of you seem to be confused: in my time zone, it is April 1st. This is known as April Fool’s Day in many countries around the world. As a number of you seem to find this a strange and new concept, here you go:

April Fools’ Day is celebrated in many countries on April 1 every year. Sometimes referred to as All Fools’ Day, April 1 is not a national holiday, but is widely recognized and celebrated as a day when people play practical jokes and hoaxes on each other.

The earliest recorded association between April 1 and foolishness is an ambiguous reference in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales (1392). Many writers suggest that the restoration of January 1 by Pope Gregory XIII as New Year’s Day of the Gregorian Calendar in the 16th century was responsible for the creation of the holiday, sometimes questioned for earlier references.

…All that is to say, yes, if the date somehow didn’t already tip you off, the floating creepypasta, numbers station playlist, and steady stream of parodypasta is our way of celebrating April Fool’s Day. Ex-admin Predhead helped me out with deciding what to do, so he gets a portion of the credit (or blame?) as well!

For those of you having heart attacks all over the comments, it’s okay. The floating stuff and autoplay will be gone once the day is over.

For the time being, if you really just cannot handle even one day of this, scroll all the way down and you’ll find the audio player. You can stop the numbers stations there (or listen to more of them if you find them appealing). The floatypasta effect ends after 20 seconds on any page, so you don’t have to wait too long for Jeff and his posse to leave you alone and let you read some pasta.

If you haven’t, yet, I suggest that you pay Crappypasta a visit as well. It’s looking particularly special today too, though it might take a moment to sneak up on you.

I hope that calms the anxieties of all of you either aren’t familiar with the holiday or just were unable to put two and two together, and for the rest of you – Happy April Fool’s Day!

New Submission Schedule as of 3/27/2013

March 27, 2013 at 11:05 AM

Here’s the current situation: due to certain circumstances, I am mostly reading submissions via a tablet right now. This makes it pretty easy to get through submissions, but getting them scheduled/pasted to crappypasta/replied to is definitely better suited to be done at a desktop. For the next few days, I’ll still be mostly using said tablet, so I’m focusing on just reading and sorting, reading and sorting – well, truthfully, there’s not much more to be done on that particular side of things.

In the next week, you should all expect to get responses if your pasta was approved or if it made it on to Crappypasta. Note that I am trying not to overload Crappypasta, so those of you who are ending up there may get your reply even later than everyone else. I don’t like to spam post on Crappypasta, since I like to give each author time to be on the front page and get advice and attention, and it’s easier for me to just send people replies once their pasta has already been uploaded. So for those of you who wondered if the 15-pasta per day thing was intentional: yes. I want to make sure the regulars over there have the chance to take a look at every pasta, thus hopefully encouraging more critiques and advice.

So that particular delay is explained, and I don’t foresee that anyone will still be waiting on their response by the time of the next open period. Speaking of which…

Here is the new submission open/closed schedule for the next few months!





Of course, this is tentative. If any huge emergencies or hacks or anything else – knock on wood – happen, the schedule may be altered. But you guys now have a general idea of when you can plan to submit and when you can plan to write, rewrite, edit, etcetera.

And yes, I am intentionally closing submissions around finals/exams time and when people need to be working on their summer homework that they probably put off all break. Concentrate on school/college during those times, guys! Consider this a special message from a certain teacher friend of mine =P

That’s all I’ve got to say for now. Derpbutt out.

UPDATE: ALL PRIOR SUBMISSIONS HAVE BEEN PROCESSED. If you have not received a reply and you know that you submitted during the previous open period,  you probably fell into one of the following categories:

1. My email ended up in your spam folder (very common, it seems)
2. You checked “no” on Crappypasta and your story was rejected
3. You messed up the submit form somehow (a lot of people sent me “pastas” that were just a few words for some reason or one word and lots of blank space)
4. You entered your email address incorrectly (also very common, and there’s no way for me to tell people they’ve done this as I don’t magically know people’s correct email accounts)
5. It simply didn’t make it for whatever reason (sometimes our firewall blocks submissions if it thinks they have suspicious/spammy phrasing or are an attempt to inject malicious code/exploits, sometimes people leave the submit page before the form submits, sometimes the site just plain brainfarts)
6. And lastly (but rarely), if your submission was an obvious troll (personal or racist attacks) or really offensive (see FAQ), it would just be deleted and the sender added to my block list.

Short Break: Derpbutt Needs Repairs – Updated 2/4

January 13, 2013 at 2:18 PM


I’m working on reading submissions and getting things scheduled. Expect to see new pastas on the main page starting on February 8th, and please do visit Crappypasta if you’re really starving for new pastas! I’ve been updating it for about a week now, and I’m sure the authors would appreciate some constructive criticism. Remember, the more we can improve the community’s overall skill level, the easier it will be for me to find new main-site pastas! Most of the holdup right now comes from the simple fact that I have to get through roughly 50+ unpostable submissions to find one acceptable submission. Please remember that I can only work with what I’m given, and I have no spider-sense that will allow me to bypass the slush and zero in on the good stuff. It’s my hope that if the community legitimately helps the Crappypasta authors, this ratio of crap:creep may become a bit better in the future.

Please pay particular attention to the Just Needs Polishing, Shows Promise and Undercooked Pasta categories, as they generally include the submissions that can benefit the most from a lot of feedback and suggestions.

As before, I’m putting the older updates below the “read more” to avoid causing confusion.