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The Candlewent



Estimated reading time — 3 minutes

Author’s Note: This story was inspired, along with my fears of creepy old houses, by a very nice person by the name of ShadowScribe who posted a prompt in the prompt section, containing a creature that they thought might be cool (and frankly, YES! It is) called the Candle walker. I want to give a quick shout-out to them for giving such an awesome comment.
Thank you!

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The walls were laid bare, revealing moss, other lichens and molds that had been festering under them for untold generations, exposed to the dark interior of the house.

It had been abandoned for 25 years, the beams eroding, the stairs falling into ruin, and all but the old stone fireplace being constantly besieged by time.

I stepped carefully and gingerly into the hallway.

Breathing… Down my neck…

I whirled swiftly, looking with terrified glances behind me.

A dank, shadowed room stretched behind me. The light of my pathetic flashlight barely served to penetrate the strangling dark. The dim forms of chair, at a time long gone, plush, comfortable, homely, but now foreboding, rotted, and empty were only just mistakable for the objects they were.

And then… there, just at the corner of the room, where the light could not, DID not reach, there was a glow…

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Small…but…perhaps something…

I pivoted on my heels, my breath coming in ragged gasps, sweat continuing to seep out of my forehead and into my shirt. I was caught between a rock and a hard place, forced with choosing between the room, the room with the light of source unknown, or the hallway.

The hallway that seemed to stretch into the black, dankness forever.

I gathered what bare wits where available to me, and, with pent-up breath, and strained mind, took a step into the room.

The chairs and items became somewhat more visible, though with the rot and the mold, this only served to make the Empty House seem more…

lived in.

Each step was a dark guessing game, in which a wrong move would certainly mean death. There were holes, rotted away through the floor, which were big enough to had swallowed me whole.

The bare minimum of moonlight seemed to battle its way through the window, and the surviving strands perished in the stagnant air as soon as they were touched.

The light grew slowly closer.

Step by step, feet by feet, I had made my way closer to the light. I stood there, staring at it with an intensity known only to a scholar when presented with a new finding. It captured me. It shouldn’t be here. It has no right to be.

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Out of the dark, a creak.

Something was coming.

I rushed back to the door, my footsteps pounding away on the empty, ancient floorboards. I stole a risked glance back towards the light.

It was gone.

Down the hallway I went, down, down, down… till I wasn’t even sure that I was in the same house anymore… it was a world that looped, strange, and menacing. The same wall tiles, over, and over, and over… the same knots in the wood of the floor, the same carpet, same and same again, till I thought in my mind that it would never end.

Behind me, I looked, that dreadful direction in which no one dare look.

A shadow of a thought passed through my terror-filled mind. A thought to run, to flee, to hide somewhere safe.

For This was the Thing in the Dark.

Its eyes were of hollow sockets, its hands were alight with flame, candle-wax dripping down the lengths of its arms.

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And its mouth. Its mouth was the most horrible thing of all.

It was carved, shaped to be identical to a human’s, except on waxy skin, contorted in a way that broke the heart and shocked the mind, weakened the soul and twisted strength. It was aimed at me with a silent howl…

And I screamed.

Suddenly, with what I knew, I was outside.

I lay belly first on the grass… the soft grass… the soft, beautiful, fantastic grass!

I wanted to giggle and holler, I was so happy to be out of there, out of that terrible place. But all I could do was cry, for, a part of me, no matter how small, knew that something, everything was wrong…

Suddenly, I was back inside the house. The same one. I turned around.

And it was smiling.

Credit To – ShadowScribe for an awesome prompt, and Sammy Graceson for writing it, and crediting himself.

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22 thoughts on “The Candlewent”

  1. I’m sorry, but I think this pasta has a lot of problems. First and foremost, I’ll say that your writing style is very captivating – you have a nice vocabulary and a great sense of imagery. However, be very careful not to overdo it – not every sentence needs to be saturated with adjectives and big words. Just cut back on the need to describe every teensy detail and you’re already on your way.

    Secondly, I don’t know if you proofread this or not (but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, anyway). There are some minor grammatical errors spread throughout… and here’s where you have to be VERY careful, because even the slightest trip-up can completely destroy continuity when it comes to grammar. For example; you wrote, “Empty House” in the middle of the sentence. Why is that capitalized? Is the house itself an entity? Is that its name? It’s very confusing to the reader.

    Another thing… because of all of that heavy, dripping imagery you lay in almost every sentence, you tend to overuse your commas. There are many different types of grammatical devices you can use to indicate a pause instead of JUST commas. For example:

    -use a colon (:) preceeding a list of things
    [The room was suffocating in many ways: dark, dank, and dreary.]

    -use a semi colon (;) for two sentences that can be used independently, but you’d like to ‘connect’ together
    [The room was suffocating in many ways; it was profusely dark, dank and dreary.]

    -or just use dashes to interject a side thought/point/observation
    [The room was suffocating – not only was it dark, dank, and dreary – but it was heavy with silence as well.]

    I hope this helps a bit. I also think the monster could use a lot of tweaking – is the wax dripping down it’s arms necessary to its fright-factor? It makes me think of a horror-version of Disney’s Lumiere. But that is just my own opinion. I think it would be scarier without the overly-obvious ‘candle’ qualities.

  2. Umm???? Where’s the plot? I loved the imagery you used, but there was no core plot other than wandering in an abandoned house with a candle person. Honestly, I think you should add more to it. I’m very unfulfilled by this story. It’s more of a campfire story than a Creepypasta. Other than the lack of a major plot, and no real explanation for why you were there, it was good.

  3. Just little old me

    I find myself wanting more. Why was he in the house? What is the point of the house? He could have been in his own home and the effect would have been the same essentially. As for being outside and then back inside…. Was he teleported back in or did his mind snap from sheer terror and he thought briefly he was outside only to find he is actually not but still there in the hallway. I feel this could use another part and if you made one I would definitely read it because I am left with many questions that I want answered.

  4. This story seems to be a fragment of a bigger story, if anything. The concept and wording was fantastic but it was missing plot (and we all know what happens when you have no plot *cough* Cloverfield *cough*)

  5. First off, the writing is fantastic! Mr. Graceson your writing style is beautiful and a elegant. It even reminded me a bit of Lovecraft. However, the rest of the story is not very good. The structure of the story is odd with you be to fond of the enter key. Why is he in the house? What is he doing? Why is the house so old and torn apart? The cnadlewent is also just kinda there while it’s interesting and new(Thank that it wasn’t just another slenderman) it didn’t stand out very much.

    I say you have the great start to a story and have a great future as a writer, but this is much too short and forgettable. 5/10

  6. You'll never know

    Good, except what was he doing in that old house anyways? The teleportation part was ok, I guess, but maybe a bit of transition. Overall, 6.5/10

  7. Great title (almost like an earworm).

    The rest, alas, was far too fragmented, making it barely readable. Almost all the ellipses need to be removed (I ellipses as much as the next guy, but you went overboard, swam to the bottom of the ocean, and dug through the center of the earth). You also used the passive voice to excess (on the bright side, I now know what it feels like to be a slushpile editor). And, finally, the monster was B-movie quality, at best. Try a little mystery: the horror the reader imagines is more terrifying than the horror you can describe (which is true for any writer).

  8. It was great and full of details but you lost me at the light. Was it supposed to be the figure’s lit fingers on the other side of the room?
    Also there was really no climax, it’s just the narrator being chased down a hallway. And how did he come across grass, but then be put back in the middle of the hallway? Did the figure just grab him and take him back?
    Overall 4/10

  9. It might be good if the wording was different and it was a bit longer, because it tries to be creepy so much it ends up not being scary. It has potential, but it’s just trying too hard.

  10. It’s always good to see new monsters. This one could have been developed a bit more, but so far, I’m on board. The concept certainly has promise.

    As for the story, it was a bit sparse, but the emotion was very well delivered. So for general critique, a little more flesh in the story and a little more development on the monster. But still, good story overall.

  11. Good concept upon the monster and all but it seemed as if this was slightly underdeveloped. I was wondering throught the whole story how you got to the house. Its not simply enough to have a creature and expect ot to be scary, its about the atmosphere and tension that comes with setting Up a plot.

  12. The writing, although beautiful, because a little “too much”.

    And the ending, I feel could of been extended instead of a cliche “evil smile” thing.

  13. Just A Critique

    At first, you caught me with your vocabulary and descriptiveness. Lack of development really killed your pasta though man. 1) why was he in the house 2) I don’t really get an evil vibe from your monster 3) teleportation scene made no sense…. I feel like you have a good foundation, but if you can lean away from writing to impress your AP teacher, to writing to impress us internet peeps, it would do you a world of good.

    1. Creepypasta Reader

      I don’t think there was any teleporting near the end. What I think is that the Thing In The Dark was playing with the character, making them think they were safe by messing with his/her head.

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